Guest Chapter by Lord Destructor: Invaded By The Weird Bow Dancing Guy

“Aaaargh! Stop dancing!”

Twilight Sparkle’s scream echoed around the undead burg, loud enough to incite a microscopic tremor in the bell high above. Not enough to ring it, surely, but still enough that an observer standing under the bell’s dome would have heard a faint echo from the bell itself.

The bald, naked man twirling around the purple pony had no time to listen to distant, imaginary echoes or their closer and very loud causes; he was too consumed by the dance to care. His arms swung behind him with reckless abandon, the two bows clutched in his hands whooshing as they followed.

Twilight teleported away from him once more, turning back to see him standing where she’d left him, his arms still swinging back and forth while he stared at her with his vacant, sweaty gaze.

Twilight wiped the sweat from her own brow, mentally taking stock of her magic reserves. She only had five soul arrows left, the rest of her vast library of magic having been spent entirely in the lengthy and very useless battle. Everything she had thrown at this insane dancing man had had no effect; his complete lack of armor made him so nimble, so agile that he could easily avoid her every attack. She had only managed to land three hits during the whole fight, doing so little damage that the man was barely scratched. Judging from what little damage she had dealt, she would need to hit him with all five of the spells she had left to even stand a chance. And even then she would probably need to finish him with melee attacks.

Throughout the entire time, from the moment he had seen her invading his world to the current instant, he had been dancing. Tirelessly, incessantly, recklessly and unbelievably annoyingly, dancing. Not once had he retaliated to her aggression, despite the two weapons in his hands. Not once had he struck back at her, or even made a single indication that he would do anything else between the present moment and the final death of the universe.

He.

Just.

Danced.

Her anger boiling over, Twilight fired a soul arrow. The dancing man simply stared at it while it drew closer, dodging at the very last second before impact, so closely that Twilight saw the magic projectile pass between the man’s torso and his outstretched arm. He rolled, landing back on his feet, and resumed staring at Twilight. And then he resumed dancing.
“Aaaah! I hate you so much! Just let me kill you!”

The bald man’s only response was to step forward and begin running in circles around the unicorn, still swinging his arms.
Despite persistent rumors, pyromancy cannot be spontaneously generated from sheer anger, as Twilight would have surely exploded with enough fire to consume half of Lordran at that point.

She teleported to the roof of a nearby building, watching the dancing man turn around to face her from his position back on the ground. Soon after, he started running up the nearest stairway, visibly intent on catching up to her.
Twilight grit her teeth and concentrated, recalling the layout of the ruined town. Judging by his current speed and expected path, she could probably stab him in the back if she teleported…

There! The insanely satisfying sound of horn penetrating flesh reached Twilight’s ears at the same time as the sensation of a soft ribcage colliding with her head. With a cry, she flicked her horn upward, ripping a large gash in the dancing man’s back as he fell to the ground. To add insult to injury, his knees landed right on the edge of stone step, promising painful bruises in the immediate future.

“Ha!” gloated Twilight, savoring the sweet revenge while the man began pushing himself off the stairs. “Got you!”
The dancing man rolled away before he was even back on his feet, turning back to face Twilight once more. His eyes weren’t as vacant as they once were, a slight frown narrowing them. And he had stopped dancing.
“Are you finally going to take me seriously now?” Twilight asked. “I’m getting really tired of your stupid little dance! Let’s fight, you idiot!”

The man didn’t answer, pulling instead something out of his… pockets? He… materialized something out of his inventory, somehow.

It was a helmet.

Yes, Twilight thought, he’s gearing up! He’s finally going to stop dancing!

The man put the helmet on his head, still staring at Twilight through the slits.

The world stood still as Twilight waited for him to equip the rest of his armor, the man’s unending stare being his only reaction.

And then he started dancing again.

Rolling forward, he resumed spinning around twilight; this time interrupting his dance with occasional random rolls for good measure.
Twilight stood there, her eyes locked forward and her whole body trembling. One of her teeth cracked from the sheer force at which she was clenching her jaw, and before she knew it she had screamed at the top of her lungs while shooting her last soul arrows blindly around her. Of course, none of them touched the dancing man, and she wasted them all.
She collapsed to her hooves, clutching her head as she screamed at the dancing man to stop while he continued. She screamed for a few minutes, eventually running out of breath. While she panted in her despair, her gaze landed on a piece of broken railing up ahead.

Between the occasional passage of the man’s legs in her vision, she imagined the railing in times long past; how each stone had been carefully laid out, forming a simple wall; how that wall had prevented toddlers and toys alike from falling into the chasm on which the city had been built when it still housed life and love; and how now, thousands of years later, the wall was only a ruin, failing to guard anything from their demise at the cruel hands of gravity.

She knew what she had to do.
She rose to her hooves, her breathing calm once more and her mind free of the torment of the dancing man.
Just a few steps took her to the edge of the precipice, the breeze caressing her mane while the dancing man kept swishing his bows through the air behind her.

She closed her eyes and jumped forward.

YOU DIED

Author's Note

This one was by Lord Destrustor And I still haven't stopped chuckling. Be sure to check out their stories and thank 'm for this!