Pinkie Pie, Princess of Shipping
"And then...she nervously throws her hooves around him in a loving hug." I said to myself as I worked on typing yet another chapter for one of my stories.
"Alrighty...let's check that one with Pinkie, should update it when I can." I checked on the story I created involving her and that's when I noticed the picture starting to move and even blink.
"What the..."
"You're damn right you should!"
"AHHH" I backed away in my chair but only succeeded in falling over and rolling to the wall with my ass pointing to the ceiling. She squeezed through the computer screen with a pop and picked me up and stood my on my feet.
"What the..."
"I'm Pinkie! But you already know that! I'm here to show you how you REALLY write a great story. Especially the one with Fleetfoot and the human!"
"How...what the shit? Were you...IN the computer?" I pointed to her like she was a demon.
"Technically no. I used it as a trans-universal portal. I'm from another universe? Or is it plane, or dimension? I keep getting the three mixed up. I think you actually had an idea that was pretty close to the truth on that one with Vinyl!"
Don't run. She'll probably catch you. Don't scream. She'll probably enjoy it. I thought to myself as I considered diving out the window and making a break for it.
"How did you..."
"Hard to explain, though the idea is pretty neat. Heck in another universe there's some guy writing about us as you were about to write about another story that involved him writing about us having this very conversation and THEN that guy is doing the same and THEN." I tried to tune out what she was saying in the hopes of preventing a brain aneurysm, sadly I could still hear it. "Oh and not to mention after that there's a guy writing this very part but he had to stop and look up how to spell aneurysm!"
"Kill me now..."
"Sorry, that's mostly the Pinkamenas in dark alternate universes. Long story short, everything's fucked there." she said, the smile never fading from her lips. This couldn't be happening, hell I wrote a story in which Pinkie came through the computer, sometimes I wondered if we're all like just some cosmic story that we're living as it's being typed. By now Pinkie was already searching through my computer, seeing what else she could find.
"Wow. That is a LOT of porn, like enough to last till the end of time. Actually, not compared to what I've seen, I think this would count as a little less than average. Still, you need a girlfriend dude, at least you have decent taste it seems."
My mind went blank as she opened the folder and began to comment on the various pictures inside. Mercifully it only lasted a few minutes until she closed it and looked on my account where I had been working on my stories.
"You can let this soak in later, right now I have a story to rescue!" she said, striking a confident pose, standing up with a hoof in the air as I stood behind her.
"And yes I have a nice ass, thanks for noticing. You do too!" She laughed as she did a little wiggle. I was becoming increasingly uncertain as to whether I had been heavily drugged or I had a psychological disorder.
"Anyway, where were you going with this?"
Fuck it, might as well play along with the madness.
"I was uh...well they were going to go on a date later in the story, I was thinking maybe a place in Canterlot when they visit? Once they get to Canterlot they'd meet Vinyl, Octavia and the guy from the other story."
"Ooh, we should do a part where the night before they go see 'em they rent a motel room and have some fuuuun!" She emphasized the last part suggestively.
"Okay, fine. I'll get something to eat and perhaps schedule mental screening and you type up what you think would work and we'll discuss it."
"Okie Dokie Lokie!"
I left and seriously debated if I should return or just live a life on the run from now on. I walked into my kitchen and made myself a sandwich and took my time eating as I called the doctor to schedule an appointment this weekend. I succeeded in getting one for this Saturday, three days from now. I finished the last bits of the sandwich before returning to my room. As I entered Pinkie finished typing and with a flourish said "Ta-Da!"
"Done already?"
"Yep! Check it out!" She gestured me over and what I saw I almost couldn't comprehend. I leave for literally like ten minutes and when I come back she had almost ten thousand words written. As I began to read my jaw dropped. Most of it was pure, unfiltered romance or porn, based on your definition of the two. Even stranger was the fact that it was written with a breath-taking poetic beauty and creative genius. Despite what it actually was it was still by far the single most beautiful thing I had seen in my entire life, and it was basically a porno.
"Sweet mother of god..." I gasped.
"Yeah, I was a little short on time so I just threw together a really quick one, is it good enough?" She said, peeking over my shoulder.
"And you know, just a heads up, in another universe there could be a writer thinking about shipping US! Any thoughts on that one?" She winked at me and looked back to the computer. I have never in my life been religious but for a moment I silently prayed that a god or someone in the sky was aiming a sniper rifle at me.
"I just wanted to do a nice, sweet relationship with them for now. Something heartwarming. But this...I mean holy shit that's just beyond incredible! I almost cried from how wonderfully written it was alone! You've gotta teach me!" She chuckled and laid back in the seat before putting a hoof around my neck and pulling a bottle of whiskey literally out of her mane.
"Patience young padawan, patience..." she smiled knowingly and clicked submit. Ten minutes later it was approved and the guy that approved it sent a personalized response telling me it was like a life changing experience and he begged for more to the story. After it approved within thirty minutes it was featured and within another three hours it had over two thousand likes and just as many comments. There was not a single dislike and there were dozens of people offering to pay me to continue it, some numbers reached the hundreds just for a short chapter. Pinkie watched with a calm smile as the numbers continued to soar, leaving me awe-inspired.
"Y-You're like a god at this..."
"Well hey, being over five-hundred years old and possessing the ability to walk between different universes and realities teaches you a few things here and there."
"Teach me the way, master."
"Good, simply watch and listen to me and you'll do great."
"I'll try."
"No, do. Or do not. There is no try." She said calmly in a wise voice.
"Wait, did you just?"
"Yes I did."
"Okay...so where do we start?"
"I'm going to write another story, please get me a drink..."
"Dylan."
"Right, now go fetch me a drink slave!" she shouted, followed by an evil laugh. "And when you get back I'll show you how it's done." With that, Pinkie began to type up her next glorious masterpiece, thousands already eagerly anticipating whatever she wrote.
Author's Note
Yes, this was a story about me writing about another author that actually writes stories on fimfiction, and though I didn't initially intend it it's probably a safe bet that I'm going to ship two people in the stories by the time it's over. Ship it like FedEx! Sorry but I must! So shut up and let me play cupid.
