The Secret Guard

“You will see the End of Days.” A deep voice whispered as they slept, hurtling through the air across Equestria. “And witness the dawning of a New Age.” Their eyes cleared and they found themselves not in the office with the crazed Princess Luna but lying against thin layer of soft dirt on top of hard stone, a vast starry sky above them. “You shall be able to choose; to be a Monarch or a Beggar.” The voice continued as they rose up and saw the vast wasteland of greyish dirt that surrounded them, it fell slowly off them as they stood heads craning to find the source of the voice. “To lose Everything or to become a God.” They felt a wave of hot breath on the backs of their necks and swung around to try and catch its source only to find nothing. “To stand With Us or Against Us.” They gazed upward towards the starry sky and found it blemished by a single object. “The Choice is yours…”

It was the Earth, tiny and clear against the black background of space. They were standing on the Moon.

Wait…

Where had the stars gone?

“Be mindful of the voices,” a new voice said to their right, which revealed itself to be a white earth pony mare, “they will whisper in your sleep.”

“Listen to the voices,” a second new voice interjected to their left, this time a black earth pony stallion, “they will whisper in your sleep.”

“You are with the chosen,” the earth pony mare shifted and changed before their eyes until she was a white feathered female griffon, “but not as equals.”

“You have been chosen,” the now black feathered male griffon interjected again, “against your will.”

“Beware She Who Speaks for the Sun,” the now white zebra mare with black stripes warned, “for she is corrupted.”

“Guide She Who Speaks for the Moon,” the now black zebra stallion with white stripes advised, “for she is a fool.”

“It’s not our place to intervene,” the once again white earth pony mare said, “but this is merely a dream.”

“We will guide you to the light,” the once again black earth pony stallion said, “but this is merely a dream.”

The opposing ponies bowed their heads as they found themselves slowly floating up off of the ground. They kicked their legs in the air trying to find the ground again only for a powerful force to surge through them forcing them to look up at the pitch blackness of space, head held back. They felt it start in their guts then work up their chests and necks only to erupt out of their screaming mouths.

They vomited stars, enough to refill the sky.

Back in the real world their landing on the coast of eastern Equestria, at 8:05 PM Eastern Equestrian Time, was far from gentle. Luna had made sure to throw them with more than enough force but hadn’t really bothered to work out the angle; she had left her abacus back at the castle after all. So when they did eventually slam into the ground in the forest outside of Sea Stable, about a mile or two from the town proper, they actually skipped right back up and flew into the air again. They managed to clear the tall pine trees when the protective magic bubble that Luna had encased them in burst apart with a loud POP!

The sound awoke The Secret Guard who after a moment of confusion gathered just what was happening and began to scream as they fell towards the ground with the exception of Gilda who just righted herself and flapped her wings until she was gently hovering in place. The others were not as lucky but they did manage to land inside of a tree, the fall from branch to branch and finally the ground while still very painful it was by no means fatal.

“Ooooo!” Gilda hissed as she watched them all strike the tree and then begin falling through the branches, clipping legs and occasionally faces when they didn’t land squarely on a branch. When they all landed in twisted heaps Gilda hovered down to gently land next to them and begin looking them over. “Any of you dweebs still alive?”

“Hhrghe!” They all groaned as one, limbs twitching in pain.

“Good enough for me, see ya!” She flapped her wings once again and took to the night skies.

“Wait!” Zecora called out as Gilda nearly fled. “Where are… you going?!” She asked as she rose to her hooves with gritted teeth at the pain.

“What, no rhyme?!” Gilda called down which sent Zecora frowning. “I ain’t hanging around here to for whatever that crazy princess was rambling about! I’m going home to drink and forget any of this even happened!”

“What about us?!” Zecora demanded, still not caring enough to rhyme.

“You ain’t dead; you can walk to Sea Whatever!” Gilda waved away as she looked to her left to where a red glow rested behind some hills. “See?! Sun’s already coming up; we must have been flying all night!”

“Not…” Blueblood muttered, his face still crushed in the dirt. “That’s not East, it’s North.”

“What’d he say?!” Gilda yelled down to Zecora.

“He… I’m getting tired of this back and forth, he said it was not East but North!” Zecora rhymed sitting down in the dirt her limbs tired and sore.

“Oh so now you rhyme!” Gilda yelled as she started to look around in all directions. “And how in the hell does he know that?! He getting a good look of the stars there in the dirt?!”

“Cutie Mark… Always know where I’m going.” Blueblood answered as he rose up off the ground and looked at the state his previously clean white coat was in. “Uh! All this dirt! I’m going to have to spend an entire evening grooming! And my mane!” He complained loudly as he looked at the twigs and leaves lodged inside.

“Someone… quiet Bluehorn…” Trixie managed to say as she cracked her eyes open. “The Broken… and Dying Trixie… would like quiet… before she ascends… to Showmare Heaven.”

“We agree.” Flam joined in where he and his brother lay their outfits dirty and hats crumbled and bent.

“But we want to go to Salespony Heaven.” Flim added waving a fore leg in the air. “We’re sure that the two are next to each other.”

“No!” Trixie argued as she struggled to her hooves and righted her cape and hat. “Showmare Heaven is a 1000 times better!”

“What are they arguing about?!” Gilda yelled down to them as Trixie and the Flim Flam Brothers argued whose professional heaven would be better.

“…You don’t want to know, but please just join us below!” Zecora pleaded as Gilda made no move to leave the night sky. “The Princess of the Night, warned us of things about with much fright!”

“The only thing I’m afraid of Princess Crazy, clearly Dash and whatever lameos she joined up with didn’t blast her hard enough.” Gilda responded name dropping the new Element of Loyalty Rainbow Dash who, like all the other inhabitants of Ponyville, Zecora had never had the pleasure of meeting. “Hey! Prince Prima Donna,” Blueblood actually looked up from picking twigs out of his mane, “think you can get your Aunt to lock up that… psycho… again?” Gilda started to trail off as her gaze left Zecora and Blueblood and began to drift upward, her face and body reeling back in terror. Turning around Zecora and Blueblood’s blood went cold as Trixie, Flim, and Flam continued arguing without any care in the world.

Standing amongst the trees surrounding them was a massive two legged creature, roughly 30 to 35 feet tall, much like a minotaur with its cloven feet and curved horns and large muscles. But where a minotaur had fingers this beast had claws that were as long as their bodies, where a minotaur had fur this beast appeared to be made of sharp black stone with searing fire emerging from the joints, and it had a face that seemed to be made entirely out of yellow fangs with no nose or eyes, just empty sockets where they should be. Impaled on the beast’s horns were the bodies of two earth pony stallions, their entrails strewn across the horns and its head like streamers.

“Ahhh, little ponies!” The beast spoke with a voice that twisted their insides, finally tearing Trixie and the Flim Flam Brothers away from their stupid debate. “And a Zebra and Griffon too!” It said pleased, its face cracking in some imitation of a smile. “Such rare delicacies, and do I smell… anima? It smells so fresh and… virginal.” It hissed as it took a massive step towards them, the giant cloven foot landing silently as leaves that brushed against the beast ignited instantly.

The Secret Guard began to retreat as one, legs shaking as the beast looked down at them or in Gilda’s case up. “And do I detect a hint of… Moon Magic? Ah!” The beast gasped in realization, its claws coming up to stroke a nonexistent beard, which just ended up with gouges in its stone face. “So She Who Speaks for the Moon has barely returned but has already taken new consorts? My She rebounds quickly!” It laughed, the sound like breaking glass, as The Secret Guard tried to process any of the information was being presented to them. The impaled corpses on the beast’s head made it a little hard to do so.

“I have not tasted the succulent flavor of Moon Magic in an Age! But instant gratification is for children.” The beast casually leaned against a tree and smiled wider, the leaves burning away and the bark blackening. “So, I’ll give you a head start. Nothing like a good hunt.” The Secret Guard continued to take a step away in terror. “1 Rakshasa, 2 Rakshasa…” The beast counted as The Secret Guard turned and bolted into the forest, no light to guide their path into the night.

By the beast’s feet a tear in the world appeared, a red gouge that grew and shuddered as 3 new beasts emerged screaming. They were much smaller than their master but still larger than the average pony, their pale flesh tight against large bones with grey spikes jutting out of their sides. “Bring them to the mill, no eating.” Their master commanded as the tear vanished and the beasts charged after their prey roaring in rage or excitement, like hounds after foxes.

“What the fuck! What the fuck! What the fuck!” Flim and Flam repeated one after the other as The Secret Guard stumbled and ran through the dark forest with the exception of Gilda who had a nice clear sky to flee in. They did not dare to look back both in fear of tripping over a shadowed tree root or rock and afraid that they’d see the beast chasing after them, taking those large silent steps it had used to sneak up on them in the first place. A trio of howls behind them however brought a new terror, the fear that something else in this accursed forest was after them.

“Where are we going?!” Trixie demanded to know as she untangled her cape and hat from a bush.

“No idea!” Blueblood answered as he nearly stumbled over a root. “As long as it’s away from here!”

“I thought you always knew where you were going?!” Zecora cried, her head snapping to the side as another trio of howls filled the air this time much closer.

“Which direction is which but not where the hell I am on Earth!” Blueblood fired back. “I can’t just magically find stuff by thinking about it and wandering off! If I did I’d use it find a road or something!”

“Hey there’s a road up ahead!” Gilda called down to them. “And I think I see a house a ways down it! There are no lights on though!” Blueblood growled in annoyance at the coincidence and The Secret Guard quickly bounded out of the tree line onto the dirt road cutting through the thick forest. “This way!” Gilda shouted down to them as she flew off, presumably towards the house. They ran for a few minutes, the howls following them, until they came upon the house on the side of the road.

It was a large two story home, the windows boarded shut but in no obvious state of disrepair. Storming up the steps of the front porch The Secret Guard began hammering on the front door, after naturally finding it locked, as Gilda circled overhead. “Just break the door down or smash a window or something!” She called down to them as she flew next to one of the second story windows and did just that, edging past the broken glass and leaving them outside.

“Or you could just unlock the door for us!” Trixie pointed out only to be met with silence. “Gloria!” Again only silence although it’s doubtful that getting her name right would have helped.

“Forget her we’re breaking down the door!” Flam spoke up, him and Flim lining up to break down the door as the others backed away.

“On three. One, Two, Three!” Flim counted down and on three the brothers charged forward only to slam into the door and stagger back the wood not even creaking. “Damn it!” Flim cursed as he glared at the door. “It must be barricaded! Let’s try for a back do-” He started to suggest only for Flam to collapse next to him in a coughing fit. “Flam!” Flim and Zecora rushed to the mustached Salespony’s side as Trixie and Blueblood nervously eyed the tree line when another howl filled the air, this one much closer. “What’s wrong with him?” Flim asked Zecora hoping that her knowledge in Herbalism could provide some information.

“I don’t know!” Zecora answered dashing his hopes. However with a great scream Flam shot up to his hooves.

“Get away from the door!” He ordered as he approached it. Before anypony or zebra could ask him what he was doing he pulled back his right foreleg and punched the door. It flew off of its hinges and skidding down the hallway inside along with the stacked furniture previously barricading it. “Inside, hurry!” Flam ordered as they stood there stunned and jaw dropped until another trio of howls sent them scrambling inside. Flam quickly and easily pushed the furniture back over the empty door frame, lifting and stacking furniture larger then he was with no effort.

“Soooo, how long have you had super strength?” Trixie asked as Flam restacked the barricade.

“Since I got back from the moon.” Flam answered flatly and the rest of The Secret Guard, minus Gilda of course, just shared a nervous glance with each other. “Just look around the house for things and you’ll know what I mean. I think you’ll have the dream.”

“Are you okay?” Flim asked concerned about the sudden change in his brother.

“No, I think… I think I have an idea what’s happening now. And it’s bad.” Flam answered with a waver in his voice. “But strangely I’ve, I’ve never felt this strong before! I feel like I could pull a train car!” He said with a wide smile.

“Well you did just punch a door down with a single swing.” Blueblood reminded as he looked up the stairs. “I’m going to go have a word with the griffon.”

“I to would like a word with our companion, before we… toss her into… a canyon.” Zecora struggled to come up with a rhyme as everypony stared at her.

“…That was terrible. Why would we throw her into a canyon?” Trixie asked as Blueblood ascended the stairs and the brothers wandered into the living room.

“You try coming up with good rhymes while being hunted by monsters and see how easy it is.” Zecora argued before she turned to follow Blueblood, leaving Trixie at the barricade as more howls filled the air.

Using his good sense of direction to deduce which room Gilda had flown into Blueblood threw to door open and stormed inside Zecora hot on his heels. “What in the deepest pits of fiery Tartarus is wrong with you?! You left out there with those monsters!” He demanded to know when he found Gilda standing next to the broken window staring silently at the bed. Hearing Zecora gasp he tore his eyes from the griffon and looked at the bed, finally noticing the awful stench in the room as well.

Lying in the filthy bed were four dead ponies, an earth pony mare, a unicorn stallion, and two earth pony fillies between them, all of various shades of brown and green. They had no obvious wounds on them but by the empty pill bottles on the nightstand they’re cause of death was clear. “We’re sorry.” Gilda said holding up a piece of paper and reading from it. “We saw the fires from Sea Stable yesterday and waited. Today when ponies came out of the forest at dawn, chased by the beasts we barred our door. We heard the screams all day as the beasts ate and defiled them and after that the monsters scratching outside our windows. We’re sorry.” Gilda repeated as she looked at the dead family. “They can’t have died to long ago; the sheets are still wet with shit and piss.”

“By the Mad Gods.” Zecora whispered as she carefully brought the sheet to cover the bodies, making sure to grab a clean section. “What is happening here?”

“Grandmother Luna said that something terrible was happening here.” Blueblood remembered. “I had hoped she was overreacting.” He confessed as he looked at the pictures on top of the dresser, a number of touching moments with family and friends. The mare it seemed was a construction worker and the stallion a local gua-

Eyes snapping open Blueblood rushed to the closet and flung the doors open and began to rummage through the clothes and belongings. “What are you doing?!” Zecora demanded to know at the disrespect to the freshly dead residents.

“The stallion was a guard he may hav-” Blueblood started to explain before he spotted what he was looking for tucked away in a corner. It was a standard issue sword given to guards in its sheathe. Reaching out with his magic Blueblood pulled it out of the closet and unsheathed it, looking over the blade.

“Well that should come in handy.” Gilda remarked still looking at the dead ponies. “You know how to use th-, are you okay?” She asked as Blueblood suddenly fell into a coughing fit and collapsed to the ground. Zecora moved to his side but backed away as he screamed and jumped to his hooves just like Flam. “What the hell is his problem?”

“The moon! I was on the moon!” Blueblood screamed grabbing the sword with his magic and holding to his body. Zecora and Gilda backed away from him as he calmed down looking at the sword and took deep breaths. “I’m sorry but Flam was right, this may be… much worse than we thought.”

“Considering I have no idea what the fuck is going on that ain’t sayin’ much.” Gilda responded. “And what about Flam?”

“He… has super strength now.” Zecora explained not having a more elegant way of putting it. “He punched the door off its hinges. So what about you?” Zecora asked Blueblood before Gilda could ask her what the hell she was talking about.

“There is a second blade.” Blueblood said indicating at the empty air a few inches off of the outward facing side of the sword. He swung the sword around and dramatically sliced a small mirror on the dresser into thirds, one half sized and the other two quarter sized. “It feels so sharp and like a part of me. Just like all those old fools who drone on and on say it should.”

“Alright then.” Gilda said. “I’m going to go down to the kitchen and see if I can’t magically bond to some alcohol.” And with that she pushed her way out of the room, Blueblood not even making a fuss when they brushed shoulders.

“…So what did you see?” Zecora asked quietly.

“You’ll know, we were all there, together, at the same time. It was confusing.” Blueblood answered as he too left the room after Gilda.

Zecora stood there for a moment before the trio of howls brought her back and she began her own search. She rummaged around the closet and came upon an old medical book in a box, the leather binding cracking and the pages falling out. When she flipped through the pages a force overcame her and in an instant she was dreaming the same dream that Flam and Blueblood had before returning nearly an instant later screaming.

Zecora felt the beat of blood through her veins and the beat of Equestria and Earth through it, a matching rhythm she had no way of knowing. Holding a foreleg up she bit into her leg to draw the blood and when it attempted to fall she stopped it, the sacred and profane essence floating in midair just as Princess Luna had done. “End of Days?” She whispered to herself hugging the old tome to her chest.

“So what exactly happened?” Flim asked his brother as they searched the living room, tossing books and other trinkets aside. Unless they looked valuable in which case they pocketed them of course.

“You’ll know, you were there. We all were.” Flam answered as he tilted an heavy bookcase to look under it with a single foreleg. “It was weird.”

“Nothing about this has been normal Flam. Should be able to swindle some bets at strong pony competitions now though!” He joked trying to bring his spirits up and hide his concern for his brother. Flam laughed in agreement as Flim opened a drawer and found a collection of art supplies, the kind mostly geared towards children, and a half painted mask made out of paper mache. Shoving the mask aside a force shout though him and he staggered back, the dream coursing through ending with a scream. “The dueling ponies!” He cried as Flam walked over to him.

“Or griffons or zebras. They kept changing remember?” Flam said as he helped his brother up. “How do you feel?”

“Numbers. Everything… everything has numbers.” Flim whispered feeling them push against his brain. “Some unchanging while other shift every instant. They meet and make… equations?” He rambled picking up the mask and throwing it on top of his head where his lost hat should have been. He picked up a pencil out of the drawer with regular magic and dropped it waiting with baited breath as he felt the numbers of gravity pull it down and the numbers of air resistance. When it struck the ground he felt the equation change to that of impact, a long stream of numbers invisible to him that he still knew was there.

Pushing and pulling the numbers he changed it so that pencil held its pose as though it were  impaled in the carpet at an awkward angle. “Is that your doing?” Flam asked idly watching the pencil defy gravity.

“It’s so hard, there’s so many numbers!” Flim said as he began to sweat until he gave up and the pencil collapsed to the ground as nature intended. “…Think I can use this with poker?” Flim asked catching his breath with a smile and Flam laughed.

“Surely there must be something in here to make The Great and Powerful Trixie even more Great and Powerful!” Trixie complained to herself as she poked around the kitchen, trying anything that could be considered a weapon. Knives? No, she nearly cut herself. Frying Pans? No, all she made was a racket. The sledgehammer by the back door? No, as she did was strain herself picking it up. At this point she may as well try the spice rack or the child’s doll lying on the table!

“What are you doing?” Gilda asked with a raised eyebrow finally emerging from the upstairs.

“Well well, Gloria.” Trixie said turning to her. “Have Bluehorn and Zanzibar finished questioning your abandonment of us already?” She asked with a sneer.

“…You know I’m not even gonna bother correcting all of that.” Gilda sighed as she started looking for some booze. “What’s with the hammer?” She asked looking at the sledgehammer by the back door.

“Trixie has no idea, perhaps the owners were going to renovate? This kitchen looks like it could use it.” She commented looking at the lime green counters and golden colored sink and faucet.

“They’re dead upstairs.” Gilda informed as she wandered over to the sledgehammer. Tentatively reaching out to it she wrapped her claws around the neck and base, heaving it up to her body. “Well if you’re go-” Gilda’s comment was cut off as the dream slammed into her. “Ah! The Voice!” She screamed as she cradled the hammer to her body taking deep breaths.

“Damn it!” Trixie cursed. “Everybody is getting superpowers but Trixie!” Ignoring the showmare Gilda heaved the hammer up feeling the impossible weight to it amazed that she could carry it at all. Looking at the ugly green counters Gilda brought the hammer up and then down again with as much force as she could muster.

The counters, cabinets, oven, and, when the hammer finished obliterating everything else within a foot of its impact point, the floor exploded into thousands of tiny pieces. Flapping her wings so as to not fall through the new hole into the basement Gilda examined her new weapon and smiled. Flying past a glaring Trixie Gilda left the kitchen to join the others as they gathered in the living room.

Sitting her ass down at the table Trixie turned to look at the child’s doll seemingly waiting for her. Reaching out with her magic she grabbed the doll and brought it to her, a new series of howls quickening her choice. She stared at the button eyes and patchwork body until she felt the dream soar her up and she fell to the floor. “Damn it.” Trixie complained as she opened her eyes to look at her supposed weapon lying on the floor near the hole. Her mind swirled with unknown energies, she smelled smoke on her fur, a chill on her bones, and the crackle of electricity across her skin. “Hmm.” Trixie hummed as she extended a foreleg in front of her and it ignited, the flames not harming her in the slightest.

“I suppose you will do.” Trixie accepted as she picked up the doll and slung it on her back.

“You will see the End of Days.” Flam started as they stood gathered in the living room with their assorted weapons and trinkets.

“And witness the dawning of a New Age.” Blueblood continued as the howls got closer.

“You shall be able to choose; to be a Monarch or a Beggar.” Zecora repeated, the beasts running now audible in the distance.

“To lose Everything or to become a God.” Flim said as he looked out the window to see a trio of shadows racing down the road towards them.

“To stand With Us or Against Us.” Gilda muttered as she heaved her hammer onto her shoulder when the beasts reached the house and started banging on the windows.

“The Choice is yours…” Trixie finished.  “…Anybody have any idea what any of it means?”

“End of the World. Seems pretty obvious.” Blueblood snorted as the beasts started punching through the boards over the windows. “But what do we do? Do we fight or run?”

“Well Princess Crazy did send us here to fight it.” Gilda remarked. “But she did kidnap and force us to do this so fuck her.”

“I meant about them.” Blueblood clarified indicating to the beasts.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and the crack of thunder from outside and one of the beasts cried out in pain before collapsing outside. The two remaining beasts abandoned the windows and turned to face the new unseen threat. The Secret Guard rushed to the windows to see what was going on only for one of the beasts to crash through the wall and slam into the opposing wall in a broken unmoving heap. Peeking through the newly created hole they watched as the last beast beaten down by white unicorn mare with an electric blue mane and red sunglasses smiling widely. She drove a foreleg through the beasts skull and out the other side, her leg drenched in black blood, and then laughed as she pulled it out.

“Damn man if this is the best that Hell can throw at us this will be a breeze!” She said to her two companions, a minotaur carrying a giant hammer, and an earth pony stallion with a orangish coat and curly brown hair wearing a cowboy hat and poncho with a… rubber chicken on his back?

“That is because Equestria has never had an invasion from the Hell Dimension before my tiny friends!” The minotaur shouted as he heaved his hammer into a pose. “There are still many more horrors that need to be vanquished before we find the source of this darkness!”

“With what we’ve seen Hell doesn’t have much variety. Just fire, sharp black stone, and noxious gas. We just have to find out how to maneuver around them and they won’t be able to adapt to us.” The stallion commented in a very serious tone. “But what about them?” He asked turning to The Secret Guard.

“Oh I forgot about them. Hey assholes!” The mare called out to them waving a hoof. “You gonna cower in there all night or are you gonna come join us? We’re going to Hell!” She sang happily as though this a plus. “Not every day you get to do that!”