My life with death.

Chapter Four: Time to explain everything.

I woke up soon after I had drifted to sleep. Another night that will only be plagued with my nightmares. I’d rather just stay awake. I sit idly, and look out through the train window. Watching the dark, moonlit landscape passing by. I give a soft smile as I look up at the moon. It looks cold and distant. Especially compared to the ever loving sun. But I have felt the true warmth that the moon has. I’ve felt the love it can bring.

“Revenant?” I hear the oddly familiar voice of a mare ring out. It breaks me away from my dazed state of staring. “Is that really you?” I hear the mare call out again, and I turn to face her. I give her a look over before my eyes widen with shock.

“Melody?” I ask, and she gives a big smile with a nod. “By Celestia! It’s been so long.” I speak up, but then quiet down remembering that Roxy is sitting next to me asleep. It really is Melody though. She looks much older now. Her mane has been grown out, and her fur seems to have grayed slightly. She was my teacher back in elementary school. She was the teacher of the class where I got my cutie mark. In fact, she’s the reason why I have my cutie mark. That, and her dead brother.

“Revenant. I never thought I would see you after you graduated from my class. And then I heard you left town in the middle of high school. I guess that’s true. But why?” She has a caring tone in her voice, while she asks her questions.

“It’s a long story. The reason why I left town, is pretty much the same reason why I am returning now. I’d rather not talk about it though.”

I say, and turn away from her slightly. “It’s personal.”

“I understand. Well, it’s good to see you, it really is!” She says with her happy smile. Sweet Luna, it’s been too long since I last saw that smile. “So we don’t disturb your friend, why don’t you come join me in my car?” I give a nod, and slip out of my seat. Stretching out slowly, feeling my joints ache from the awkward position I had been in.

We step into the next car, which was equally as empty as the one we just left. We walk down the aisle a bit, before sitting in new seats.

“You know my friend back there?  That was Roxy. Not sure if you could tell.” Melody lets out a slight gasp.

“Really? I had heard that she turned slightly punkish, and ran away as well. . . Wait, did you two run away together?” I give a slow nod and she gets this look on her face. A sort of sly look, as if she knows exactly what’s going on. “Ohh. I see. You two ran away together. Because neither of your families could accept your relationship?”

I blush hard and shake my head furiously. “No no no! You’ve got it wrong we’re just really good friends! Best friends.”  I added as a forethought.  Melody laughs slightly.

“Sorry dear. I just call it as I see it.” She gives me a teasing wink, causing me to blush harder. “But, no. You two actually caused quite the stir when you left. The entire town talked about you two for months. And your father. Well, he went insane, to put it kindly.” I hold up my hoof, stopping her from talking any more, gaining my more serious attitude again.

“I know.” I bring my hoof back down, hearing it knock against the wood floor of the train. “My father. He’s the reason I left town. And now he’s the reason I’m coming back. I can’t say, in fact I won't say that I’m coming back on the best of terms. But, I have a job to do.” I give a serious glare to Melody. “And you should know better than others what my job would entail.”

She gasps, instantly catching on to the situation. “You mean he has a ghost?” I give a slow nod.

“Yes. A ghost. A typical haunting. . Something I could have easily ignored. But, I can’t. Tell me, what did you know of my mother?” She gives me a confused look, and shrugs.

“Your mother usually kept to herself. Much like your father. Bookworms those two, seriously.” She snorts slightly at the irony in her statement. “I do know that she was very kind. One of the kindest ponies I had ever met. She was kind to everypony. Always a smile on her face. I don’t think she had the capability to frown, or be unhappy. Her smile was very contagious. It would light up a room.” Melody smiles brightly as she thinks of my mother.

“She was also very talented with her magic.” Melody looks out into the night sky. “Whenever she performed, it was like watching the night sky form in front of you. I swear to Faust that her artistic visions could rival those of Luna!”

I smile gently. “You have the same eyes as her. You know?” I laugh a little and nod. “A very beautiful, almost regal, purple.” I smile.

“Yeah. That’s what I’ve heard.” I laugh out, and blush slightly.

“You never met her, did you?” Melody asks. The moment she does though, she lets out a gasp, holding her hoof to her mouth. “Oh! I’m sorry. That was an insensitive thing to ask.”

“No. It’s alright. And yeah, I never met my mother. She died after giving birth to me. They say it was even a miracle that I survived. She held on just long enough to be able to hold me in her hooves…” I let out a long sigh. “I’ve always heard stories about her though. About her kindness, and her magical talents. I had wished that I could be as good as her. In every way. But, I ended up being a problem child. I acted out, I always caused trouble. And, I was crap at magic. The complete opposite of her. The complete opposite of a perfect mare.”

“That’s not what she would want.” I look at Melody. “Your mother, as amazing as she was, was still far from perfect. We are all far from perfect. I don’t think the princesses themselves are even perfect. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know your mother that well. But, I did know this. She would never want anypony to compare themselves to her.  Especially not her daughter.” Melody smiles at me, and pulls me into a gentle hug.

“Oblivion would have wanted you to just be yourself. She wouldn’t want you to worry over every little detail on what you did wrong compared to her. She would want you to focus on who you are as yourself. Not who you are as some other pony. She would tell you to go out there, and face the world as you. Not as a copy or a clone.” I sniff lightly, and hug Melody back.

“Melody? I have one more question about my mother.” She pulls back from the hug, giving me a gentle look.

“What is it Revenant?” I look away for a moment. Taking in a deep breath.

“My mother. Did she really love my father?” Melody gives me a serious look.

“Yes. Your mother loved Ignis with every bit of her heart as she could. I’ve never seen two ponies more in love then those two. Why do you ask?” I give a nervous look to her.

“That means my father is in real danger.” I say in a grim tone. “In my experience, a pony that had felt true love, especially in their moment of death, would have no reason to stay in this world.” I look out the window of the train. “My mother died with the two ponies she loved the most. Her child in her arms, and her husband at her side.”

“What does that mean then? It isn’t a typical haunting?” Melody asks in a concerned tone.

“I’m hoping that it is. But that would mean my mother still has something that tethers her to this world. But, if my knowledge holds true, that means that this is no normal haunting. It means that it’s a malicious entity, taking the form of my mother to torment my father. And, if it’s been tormenting him since I left, then that means it’s going to be strong.” Melody slowly takes in that information.

“What can I do, then?” She asks firmly, and I look at her.

“No. Do not get involved. This is my business, I can handle it. But, you can help by making sure no pony gets close to my father’s house.

Try to stay as far away as you can though. I don’t want any innocent ponies getting hurt. And make sure your brother stays as far away as possible as well.” I slowly give out the orders, keeping my tone firm.

“Oh. My brother moved on. Ashen didn’t want to go, but I told him that he should. I didn’t want him to stay in this world if he didn’t have to. He would be much happier up there, waiting for me, then he would down here.” I smile at her.

“I’m proud. That’s a hard thing to do. To let go of someone you love so dearly again like that. But, I think you did the right thing.” We share another small smile.

“Oh, Revenant. I nearly forgot.” Melody perks up, and turns away, digging into a small bag that was sitting on the seat. “Not too long after you left, I was walking by, and your father was angered. Shouting about the package. He threw it, and it landed by me. I tried to give it back, but he yelled at me to mind my own business, and marched back inside. I always meant to give it back, but I’ve just been so busy.” She holds out the package to me, wanting me to take it.

It’s an average looking box that has a slight orange tint to it. It’s wrapped by two red ribbons, one going vertically across the box, the other horizontally. I could care less about my father’s problems. I already don’t care about the one he’s in now. This is just business.

I want to tell her to keep it, to just toss it. But, the box peaks my interest. During my childhood, I remember my father receiving several weird artifacts, or old books in the mail like the book I carry now, with the memory spell.

“Thanks.” I say with a soft smile, and take the package from her. “I’m glad you cared enough about that miserable old fool to deliver this back to him, one way or another.” She gives me a disappointed frown.

“Revenant. I know you didn’t leave on the best terms with your father. But, he is still your father. He still loves you, even if it is in his own twisted sort of way. Just like he loved your mother.” I shake my head slowly.

“No. You’re wrong” I say firmly, and glare at Melody. It’s not an angry glare, but it is firm. I need to get the point across. “He was my father. Not anymore. He lost the right to be called that the moment he signed his name in blood. The moment he signed that contract, he lost his life. He lost his mind. But his biggest loss was me, his daughter.”

Melody gives me a concerned look. “What are you talking about Revenant?” Her tone is nervous, and she starts to pry the answer from me. But I slowly shake my head.

“Nothing, I don’t want to talk any more. I need to sleep. I’m sorry.” I turn away, taking the package in my magical grasp, and start to walk back to my car.

“Revenant. I didn’t-I mean. I’m sorry, Revenant. Please, listen to me.” I stop, and let out a sigh, turning to look at her again.

“Please. Make it quick.” I say. I try to look angry, I try to sound angry. But, I just can’t force myself to be angry at her.

“Your father said something about that package. Before he threw it. It didn’t seem like it was important, or mattered. He said, well, shouted really— “ She keeps stuttering, and stalling her sentence.

“Melody. Just tell me what he said.” I say, and turn fully to face her, even taking a couple steps forward.

“‘This is no longer my problem.’ there were a few other ramblings here and there. But that’s what he said. I’m not sure if that will give you any clue on what’s in there. I thought you’d like to know.” I give a slow nod, and look at the package.

“No. Thank you. That might help.” I give her a smile, and hug her. We say our final goodbyes for now, and I head back to my seat.

The entire time I walk to my seat, my eyes are locked on the package. Should I open it? Should I take a peek at what’s inside? Or should I just toss it out the train window? I shake my head slowly at that last thought. “I must know first.”

I start to untie the first ribbon. It comes off easily, dropping to the floor. The second one comes off, and my eyes follow it as it slowly slides onto the ground. I move my gaze back to the top of the box.  It’s small, it can easily fit into both my hooves. And, the box isn’t that tall either.

I slowly pull the top off the box off, and I feel my breath hold itself in my throat. I peer into the box and look over what’s inside. “A watch?” I question, and pull out the item.

Not any old watch though. It was my father's pocket watch. Completely gold, save for the silver chain, and the intricate black lines that cover its surface. I never paid much attention to the watch, I never had any reason to. But, there was always something about it that made me look at it.

Though, it was always just quick glances at the times my father would take it out to peek at it. Or, sometimes I would spot it laying on his study desk whenever I would walk by the door. One time I had walked into his study, and it was laying there. I walked closer to it but my father came in and picked it up, before I could get a good look at it, and unceremoniously shoved it into his pocket.

Seeing it up close now, though, after all these years. It enrages me. I always thought it was some form of a family heirloom, or prized possession of his. But it can’t be anything of the sort. The markings on the watch, the black ones that cover its round surface. They match my cutie mark perfectly from each little swirl and curved line.

It’s just another part of the deal. Just like the client book. Upon its black, satiny surface, were thick silver lines that match the same design as before.

“‘This is no longer my problem.’ Is that what he said? Figures, just another thing he’s shoving into my hooves. Another thing that was ‘out of his control’, most likely.” I scoff slightly, and go to open the window. But, I stare out into the night sky. No, not the night sky.

I look into the lunar mane of the night princess herself. “Luna?” I whisper out in a surprised gasp. I open the window slowly, and she gives a soft smile.

“Hello dear.” She smiles wider. “How have your travels been?” I give a dumbfounded look at the princess.

“What are you doing here Luna?” She gives a small chuckle and slides into the train with ease. Her form shifts slightly as she does so. Her astral mane turning to a flat purple. Her wings folding, and disappearing against her back. Her horn shortening to a length close to mine. Her regal jewelry fade away. And her cutie mark shifts to just a full moon.

“Please Revenant. Call me by my incognito name.” She says in a little giggle, her normal royal tone sounding much more natural now, much younger. I release an exasperated breath having to remember her silly name she uses for this form.

“Moon Beam. What are you doing here?” I ask again, this time more firm.

“What? Can I not visit an old friend of mine?” She laughs again passively.

“Fine. What do you want then?” Luna, or Moon Beam, drops her bubbly smile into a sour pout.

“I guess I’ll just skip the pleasantries then.” She lets out through a sigh. “I’m here because I felt you returning to this area.” She smiles softly again, and gaze out into her night sky. “That night you left the palace, I was worried you would return back to your home. The way you described it, I almost went straight to your father to show him the wrath of a princess! Instead, every night since I’ve kept vigilant over this area so I would know if two of my little ponies were heading home. Only a few hours ago, I felt two very familiar auras growing close.”

“Really Moon? Still watching us?” I give a soft smile, and she giggles.

“What can I say? You two were like children to me. At least, for a bit in my mind.” She lets out a soft sigh. “I know it’s only because of the promise I made to her. At first, I thought nothing of it, but you two really grew on me.” I give her a confused, and slightly angry, glare.

“What promise?” I ask firmly. “You told me that you just found us while you were travelling through the forest. What’s this promise?” She gives a small smile.

“I have to tell you the truth at some point. But, it’s not something I can tell you right now.” I give a more firm glare.

“Luna. Tell me now.” I nearly shout at her, and I hear Roxy stir a little. Luna just shakes her head with a sad look on her face. She stands up out of her seat, transforming into her original form as she does.

“I wish I could, Revenant. But, you need to hear the first part of this tale first. And, that’s something only your father can tell you. Also, keep that watch. It’s very important.” With that, she flashes away in a swirl of stars.

I let out a low, slightly angry growl. “Of course. I’m always out of the loop.” I hold up the watch, and go to throw it, but I feel a hoof on mine own.

“Revvy. Don’t do it. You heard her.” I let out a shocked gasp.

“How long have you been awake Roxy?” She shrugs.

“Long enough to know you shouldn’t do that. Give it here.” She takes the watch from me. “I think it’s safer in my hooves.” Her tone is teasing, and she sticks her tongue out at me. I let out a soft laugh, and turn away.

“Fine. But you better not lose it. Or drop it butter hooves.”

“Oh wow. Look.” She said to me pointing her hoof behind me. My attention is brought to the window once more.

The scenery is barely lit up by the now rising sun. And, close but still kind of far, is the entrance to Hollow Shade. A giant forest, with a cave like entrance made from the trees, where no light penetrates.

“There’s our home.” I hear Roxy mumble.

“No. That isn’t home anymore. Our home is with each other. Its cliché, but it’s true. That, that’s just our past. That’s all it is. So, there’s our past.”

“Revenant? Can you do me a big favor?” I look to Roxy with a soft smile on my face, and give her a nod.

“Please stop getting all sappy like that on me. It really kills my mood.” She laughs out and I reach over and punch her softly. We laugh a little, and look out the window, watching as the landscape turns to pitch black.

“Ominous.” I whisper to myself. “Wish we decided to use the train when we left, instead of walking. That was a really stupid idea. Almost killed is.”

Roxy nods. “Yeah. We still have at least an hour by train before we reach the town, right?” I give a nod.

“Gives me enough time to think of how to deal with my father.” She nods slowly. “Also, Roxy. Can you please do me a favor and-.” She cuts me off.

“No need to ask me twice. I’ll be dealing with my own problems. I’ll be nowhere near your place.” I smile and mouth a thank you to her.

The hour slowly passes by in silence, and we finally screech to a stop at the station. I let out a long sigh as I get off the train. I make sure I have everything packed away in my saddle bag, even the watch. Roxy checks on her own bag. “Ok. See you later.” I say, and Roxy gives me a small hug.

“Stay safe now. Ok?” I smile and give a nod. And walk off towards the edge of town.

After only a few minutes of walking down the familiar dirt road, I finally reach the place I used to call my house. After all these years, it still looks the same. Not a single change. He said he liked it the way it is, so there was no need to change anything. ‘Why fix what’s already perfect?’ He would always laugh.

I walk up to the front door, and take a deep breath. I hold up my hoof, and give three solid knocks. I wait in silence, before i finally hear a voice, muffled by the door, respond.

“Who is it?” I hear my father’s voice call out. He sounds. . Normal. From what I had heard, he seemed to have been growing crazy.

“Fath—” I stop myself before I make my mistake. I take a deep breath and speak again. “Ignis? It’s me. Revenant.” I hear some silence, before he responds, opening the door wide open.

“Revenant!? Is that really you?” He asks and I can hear a surprised dryness in his voice. I give a nod. He smiles wide, and hugs me tightly. I frown, and push him away. “Oh Celestia, it’s really you. I’m so glad you are back. It’s been so long.”

“I wish I could say it’s good to see you too.” I say in an angry huff. “I’m just here to help you with your problem, then I’ll be leaving again.” He gives a small frown.

“Revenant? What’s up with you? And what problem?” I give him a confused glare, and step inside. Even the inside looks the exact same from how I remember it.

“I’m here because I have to be.” I say firmly. Giving him a solid glare. “Now where is it? Where’s the spirit?” He gives me a confused look now.

“What are you talking about Revenant? There is no spirit here.” He laughs out. I go to question him more, but a smell fills the room. A delicious smell of food.

“Darling. Dinner’s almost ready.” I hear a mare’s voice call out.

“Who’s that?” I ask in a whisper, and he laughs even harder.

“Who’s that? What’s gotten into you, Revenant? That’s your mother.” My mouth hangs open and the mare in question walks into the room.

Her long dark purple hair flows behind her, along with her matching tail. Her fur is of a similar grayish purple to mine.  She even has the same, sweet smile that every pony describes. The one I’ve seen in pictures as well.

“Oh! Welcome home Revenant!” She calls to me, and rushes over to hug me. Warmth. A motherly warmth. A warmth that is absent from any spirit. My mouth just hangs open as she holds me in her embrace.

This can’t be real. This isn’t real. But, she feels so. . . Alive. “Um. It’s good to be home.” I give a nervous little smile. I just need to play along for now. I just need to think of something that only my real mother would know. But, I didn’t even know my mother. I’ve only seen her pictures. Heard stories.

“Well, it’s good to have you back dear. I’ll go ahead and make up an extra plate for you.” She smiles and pulls away from me, walking back into the kitchen.

“Oh. Um. Thank you, mom.” The word is foreign to my tongue, never having anyone in my life to call mom.

“Take a seat! Let’s talk!” My father calls to me happily, dragging me to sit on the small couch in the living room. “How’s life been since you started traveling?”

“It’s been ok. A little weird sometimes.” I keep up my sheepish smile.

“I got to say, I was a little surprised when you decided to leave. It was your choice though. You had your cutie mark, sure. But I know you just wanted to find your place in the world. I’m just sad it wasn’t here at home.” He laughs out.

I give my own little, nervous laugh, and we continue to have some small talk while waiting for another plate to be finished by my ‘mother.’ Is this what it would’ve been like? Is this the life I could’ve had if things went the way I wanted them to?

A loving mother I never had. The caring father I used to know. And the cute little daughter. I sit there and think of this. Is it really that bad? Would it be so wrong of me to stay here if nothing’s wrong? I shake my head, coming to my senses.

No. Something is wrong. It’s affecting me already. Making me think those things. “Sorry that took so long Revenant dear. Now that your plate is ready, let’s all eat like a family again.” I give a small smile, and nod.

We make our way into the tiny dining room. We eat mostly in silence, a few bits of small talk here and there. Though, something here is bugging me. Not just the fact that my dead mother is sitting and eating across the table from me. Not the fact that my supposedly crazy father is acting normal. Not the fact that I’m playing along right now.

My ear keeps flicking to a sound. A ticking. Slow, but meticulous. Coming from my saddle bag which I set by the table. “Um. Do you hear that at all?” I ask out, my ear still flicking with each tick.

“Hear what?” The two ask in unison. I give a shrug.

“Never mind. Must be my imagination.” But, it just keeps getting louder and louder. Finally I reach down into my saddle bag. I can feel the thing ticking now. It vibrates against my hoof when I grab it.

“What’s wrong Revenant?”  The one who is possibly my mother across the table asks.

“It’s nothing. It’s just—” My voice trails off. All is silent again. The moment after I picked up the watch, the ticking stopped.  I hold it out in front of me, and press the tiny button on the side, letting the lid flick open. Twelve O’clock. Not even close to the actual time.

“Is that my watch?” I hear my father ask, and I nod.

“Yeah… You gave it to me. As a parting gift.” I say with a smile. He gives a small nod, and gives a curious look, as if trying to remember the event that never happened.

“Ah. Yes. Now I remember.” He says after a second of contemplation. Now I know for a fact something is not right. The only parting gift he gave me when I left, was that journal. And his words that these things are no longer his problem. Out of his control.

“Revenant dear? Please stop glaring. It’s unbecoming of you.” I shake my head, removing the glare I didn’t know I had.

“Oh sorry.” She gives me a soft smile, and looks into my eyes with hers.

“It’s ok. Revenant. Keep trying. Soon you’ll be a lady like me.” She gives a soft smile, and places her hoof to her chest.

I give a tiny little smirk. “Oh? Is that so?” She gives me a confused look and nods.

“Yes. . . Don’t you want to be like me?” She asks in a confused tone. My father, sensing the tensions, gets up to take care of the empty plates.

“Why would you ever want me to be like you?” I ask, testing her. Keeping the smug little grin on my face as I do so.

“Well, because I’m your mother. I’m a perfect mare.” She gives a big smile and looks at me still with those jade eyes.

“Who are you?” I ask firmly, and coldly to the mare.

“I’m your mother.” She says gritting her teeth lightly.

“Don’t give me the act. I know you’re not my mother. I never met my mother. She died giving birth to me. I’ve been told that my mother was kind, and didn’t like others comparing themselves to her. You clearly want me to be like you.” She frowns, and gives me an angry look.

“Yes Revenant dear. Ponies do change though.” She speaks slowly, trying not to sound too angry at me.

“There’s another thing. I’ve also been told she was always smiling and happy. Her smile brightened rooms. She would never be angry.” I turn my smug grin into a glare. The mare goes to speak again, but I hold up my hoof. “Quit trying to argue. I know the truth.”

“The truth is sitting in front of you dear. I am your mother.”  I give a nod.

“Right. No you look like my mother. And, I got to say you look a lot like her. Almost exactly. But, you got something wrong. I guess you couldn’t tell since in these pictures her eyes are always closed. But, the color is wrong. My eye color is the same as my mothers. Yours are green.”

I take on the grin again as I watch the imposter stutter, and fumble her words now. “Fine. I guess you are smarter than we had anticipated.” She laughs out, and I watch as she lights up her horn. I watch as her form changes slightly.

Not much changes, though her mane and tail grow out longer, and her color shifts. The dark purples being replaced with dark greens, and the lighter purples being replaced with lighter greens. Her horn also grows longer.

“So tell me know. Who are you, and who else are you working with? You said ‘we.’” I ask as I stand up, firmly on the ground.

“My name is Invidia. And, I got to say, it was lovely being able to meet you Revenant. Too bad you can’t be more like me. And, do not worry yourself about who we are. You’ll find out soon enough. I’ll be taking my leave now. We will be meeting again, and next time it will not be so pleasant. . . Oh, and don’t worry, your father will be back to normal soon enough.”  She laughs out, a loud, evil sounding laugh. And in a flash of green, she’s gone. The smell of sulfur lingers in the air from her teleportation spell.

“Invidia.” I repeat her name. It sounds foreign, ancient. From a different time. I hear a groan from the kitchen. I walk in to find my father laying on the floor, rubbing his head. “Ignis.” I say to him, and he looks up to me. His eyes wide.

“Revenant. Is she gone?” I nod slowly. “Good. . . It looks like it’s time to explain everything.”