"Hello, my little nom-noms, Sparkler here... I don't feel much less mopey than last time, so I decided I would continue to play a game that always made me smile. 'Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky,' here we come." She played through the Hidden Land, totally stomped Dusknoir and his minions, and managed to survive Temporal Tower and reach the pinnacle. After she and her partner defeated Dialga, the viewers who hadn't played the game before started to wonder why she was crying almost as much as when Grovyle went to the future and when the song 'In the Hands of Fate' played. Just then, her character sprite started being enveloped in yellow lights, and eventually disappeared in a flash of light, leaving her partner devastated.
"Oh, Helix, I'm such a dumbass! How could I possibly forget about that? Geez... Anyway, it'll get better, so just wait." It did. After the credits rolled, the main character came back into existence, and there was a very touching reunion. And for the first time in what seemed like a millennium, Sparkler cried tears of joy. "I love that part. I wonder what the reunion would be like if we found- wait, I can't say this, damn it, it's spoilers for a special episode. Anyway, hope your life is going better than mine is, and I can't wait to see you next time. Bye!" A little piece of fanart about her using PewDiePie to smash a barrel popped up onscreen, along with the subscribe button. It's possible she hated them more than he did.
She was a bro, as stated in one of her videos, and she found his dislike of barrels relatable, as she had quite a few bad encounters with them in real life. Not that her fans knew that, because she was good at keeping secrets. They didn't know why she was so upset. I do. Her friend's girlfriend, Snowmint, was murdered.
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I paced among the snow globes, jars of gummy eyeballs, and Nutella that lined the shelves in my apartment. "Why did that stupid bitch have to go and shoot her mouth off? She knew I had a voodoo doll of her. Thanks to my weird hobbies, Thrackerzod the demon, my dad, anger issues, and an idiot ex-best friend who didn't think to shut up his girlfriend, there is now a dead body in the basement of the abandoned science center." I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry, so I did both. " Even though I lost my best friend, Snowmint was a bitch." I giggled. "Plus, my last words to her could make almost anyone laugh." I began to cringe as memories of that night flooded through my mind. "Shit, the police have probably found the body by now, and I think that forensics will find my magical aura on the somewhat comical murder weapon. I mean, the body isn't exactly hidden, and my aura is all over the thing."
I walked over to my couch, plopped down, and turned on the news. "Suspicions confirmed. Oh, and look! How nice of them to put my picture up on TV!" My phone started ringing, and I answered it, without bothering to look at the caller ID. "The fuck you want, bitch?" The voice on the other line sounded familiar somehow.
"That was rude. And Lexi, why is the news saying you killed somebody?" I laughed a bit.
"Oh, hi, Pewds." Think of a lie, think of a lie... "I don't know, maybe the police messed up." Even if I couldn't see him, I knew he bought it. "They've done it before. They accused you of robbin' a bank once, and it turned out to be some homeless unicorn from Baltimare. Shit happens."
"Well, you still sound a bit sad, so I'm coming over with a friend." I frowned.
"A friend? Like, Marzia, or..."
"You'll just have to see." I hate surprises. He knows it.
"This had better be good." A few hours later, my doorbell rang. When I answered it, I saw Pewds standing next to a very attractive male pegasus. "Hey, Pewds, who's the hottie?" The mystery stallion blushed, and mumbled something under his breath. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."
"Call me Cry." I swore to Helix I'd heard that voice somewhere. "You know, I think I've heard your accent somewhere before." I giggled a bit.
"Well, I've been told that I sound a bit like Cryaotic. And hilariously enough, I was about to say the same thing to you." Pewds cleared his throat. "Helix, where are my manners? I'm Alexandrite Elizabeth Iridescence." Cry looked shocked.
"That's a mouthful. Can I just call you Elly?" I considered it for a bit.
"Yeah, I like that. Anyway, this is my home," I said, leading them inside. Pewds had seen it before, so he wasn't too shocked, but Cry looked like a five year-old on Christmas day. "I guess you like Nutella." He nodded vigorously. "I'll let you take five jars."
"Thank you! You have a lot of snow globes. Do you collect them?" I walked over to one and picked it up, watching as he took exactly five Nutella containers.
"Yep! This one is one of my personal favorites," I said, holding out a snow globe with a ceramic dragon inside. "I got it in a store next to a chocolatier up North. I need some more of those chocolate covered peaches." My tongue lolled out. I caught Cry staring at my torso. "What are you staring at, you pervert?" I got the intended reaction, with him blushing and getting flustered.
"S-sorry. I was just wondering..." I gave him an unamused look, and gestured for him to continue. "How much do you eat?" Pewds laughed, making me remember he was there.
"She eats so much, I'm surprised she isn't obese!" I glared at him while Cry took his sweet time to process the information.
"Then why are her ribs showing?" I looked at them, and it turns out, he wasn't lying. I looked anorexic! "Let's go out to dinner, so I can see if you really eat as much as PewDiePie says." We went out to eat, with me in a disguise so I wouldn't be turned in. The food rocked, and I shoveled it in my mouth. Cry looked at me in amazement. "How is that even possible?" I shrugged. After dinner, we went shopping. Cry bought me a snow globe that I seemed to want, because I kept staring at the sentence 'Plays Amazing Grace.' We also went to a chocolatier, getting some chocolate covered peaches. After going to all kinds of random stores, I stopped in front of a bookstore.
"I know this store. My super awesome stepbrother's girlfriend, Chelsea, works here. She got me a bacon flavored lollipop once. Tasted better than it sounds." We walked inside, picking out some books for me to read. I chatted with Chelsea for a while at the check-out counter. When we got back to my apartment, I grabbed the books and held them to my chest, walking to my reading spot. "You know, you guys really didn't have to do this."
"Yes, we did. You needed some cheerin' up, and that's what you got," Cry said, placing my new snow globe on a shelf. He walked back over to me, using his wings to hide something behind his back. "I also got you this, when you weren't looking.." He held out a bag with a fresh soft pretzel in it. I cocked an eyebrow.
"My super secret surprise was a soft pretzel? I like them and all, but it isn't really secret worthy." I ripped a piece off, and something wrapped in generous amounts of cellophane fell out. "Oh?" I ate the piece I ripped off, then looked at the hidden package. "Did you really need this much cellophane?" Cry shrugged. I unwrapped the layers of plastic, eventually revealing a necklace. "That explains a lot." The necklace had a silver chain, with a little game controller charm at the bottom. It looked expensive.
"I saw all of your video games in that box, so I figured that you had to be a pretty hardcore gamer." I smiled, then hugged him tightly. He just sat there for a bit, but he did eventually hug me back. "I know that it wasn't you who killed that mare. This'll all blow over in a while." At his words, I started to silently cry, before jolting backwards, feeling insanely dizzy.
"Come on, not this again..." Both of the boys looked at me with worry, coming over to comfort me. I figure that I probably started to float, and that my eyes were glowing. That's what usually happened when I had a dimensional scream. Suddenly, the vision popped into my mind.
There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it," Cry said. A police officer stood there. After confirming that I lived here, the officer decided to take a look around. Unfortunately, she found what she was looking for. My Snowmint and Thrackerzod voodoo dolls.
"I've seen enough here. You're not exactly sane, so you always have the option of going to a mental hospital instead of prison. Does that sound nice?" I continued to shrivel into a corner as Pewds looked at me with a 'I should've known this was going to happen sooner or later' look, and Cry just looked shocked and betrayed.
"Hasta pronto*, Snowmint." Those were the last words I said before I blacked out.
I stared at the two worried boys, and I prayed to Helix that I could change the vision. I hope this plan will work...
Dimensional Screams are Never Wrong
The two stallions watched in confusion as I hurried into my room, and came out with my iPod, the Snowmint voodoo doll, and a box of matches. "Bonfire time!" I ran to the kitchen to grab stuff for s'mores, then ran to my fireplace. I set my iPod to play 'Cracknyan Extended,' threw a lit match into the fireplace, and tossed in the doll. The boys didn't have time to process who the doll was, so they could've just thought I didn't like the doll. We made s'mores, and took turns choosing songs for a few hours.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it," Cry said. A police officer stood there.
This had better work. After confirming that I lived here, the officer decided to take a look around. Unfortunately, she found what she was looking for. My Thrackerzod voodoo doll, and the burnt remains of the other one.
"I've seen enough here. You're not exactly sane, so you always have the option of going to a mental hospital instead of prison. Does that sound nice?" I continued to shrivel into a corner as Pewds looked at me with a 'I should've known this was going to happen sooner or later' look, and Cry just looked shocked and betrayed.
"Hasta pronto, Snowmint. Dimensional Screams are never wrong." Those were the last words I said before I blacked out.
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"Ugh... What happened...?" I woke up in the back of a car before I remembered how much trouble I was in. "Oh, shit, I got caught by the fuzz." The rear-view mirror told me that the police officer rolled her eyes. "Hey! Eyes on the road, dipshit! I'd like to get sent to the mental hospital in one piece, thank you very much." She growled, but did as she was told.
"Look, I don't really get you, ma'am. You slaughter someone in one of the most graphic ways possible, using a voodoo doll of all things, then set the corpse on fire using said voodoo doll. Then, when I find you, the stunningly bright and beautiful mare that committed the acts, and you look depressed. Paler, dirtier mane, and dead looking eyes, along with your starved physique. Why?" I just smirked. "The stallions you were with verified the large amounts of freshly junked empty food containers, so I'm just confused."
"Well, miss, that's just how my body works. I eat like crazy and keep the figure of a supermodel, and if I start eating like a normal mare, I lose weight. I actually have been depressed, because my best friend was dating the victim, even though she was a slutty bitch, and he hasn't looked past his resentment to remember my rage issues and chaotic powers. In a way, the murder was his fault. He should've shut her up..." The police officer looked mildly surprised, but quickly hid it.
"Wow, I guess that makes sense." Then my mouth decided to make a fool of me.
"I always thought she was an alien, and she was using mind-control on him." It failed miserably.
"Yes, Snowmint was actually an alien with mind control powers. Her kind are cruel and evil, so we were going to dispose of her. Of course, you beat us to it." I was about to ask a very strange conspiracy theory question when the officer answered it. "Yes, I am a member of the 'Mares In Black', known to many as the MIB." I internally fangirl-screamed.
"Cool! By the way, did the thing with your left foreleg happen on the job?" She nodded. "Okay, that's all the ques- wait!" She looked startled and confused. "I saw your wings while you were searching my place, and I see a horn on top of your head. Are you an Alicorn? And I don't mean the technical term." She nodded again. "Also, I noticed that you're a yellow-y orange, with a red and yellow wavy mane, and turquoise eyes. Are you Sunset Shimmer?" She looked very surprised at that, as if she didn't expect to be recognized.
"Y-yes. I came back to Equestria because I missed being a unicorn. However, no records said that I ever existed, so I just joined the MIB, and technically, I wasn't supposed to pick you up. However, my boss and his buddy give you two options. You can join the MIB, or you can join the group that I can't tell you anything about unless you choose it." MIB, a super awesome kick-ass group of alien police, or a random mystery group?
"I'll take mystery boss for five-hundred, please, Alex." Sunset looked giddy.
"Okay, before I tell you the details, answer me this: why are your eyes a pale green instead of pale blue, like in your photo?" I took out one of the gummy eyeballs, and chomped off a bite. "No eyes. Explains all the jars of gummy eyeballs." I made the famous 'You Don't Say' face, and we both started laughing. "To get back on topic, your new boss is Slenderstallion. Yay!"
"Wait... What?!"
