I sat on my porch, waiting for Blueblood and weathering the petty insults hurled at me from the occasional angry pony. It was rather dull, the insults boring and rather uninteresting. "Foreigner."

"Yeah, tell your momma to suck eggs." I shot back at a passing mare.

Another young stallion shook his head as he passed by, "Foreigner."

"Man, you must really like your virginity." I hissed, flipping him off.

"...Foreigner...." A soft voice whispered, "...Em...Marylin...."

I turned my head sharply. "...Cork...get the hell out of that bush...right now."

The bush that sat by my porch rustled slightly, a dull beige head poking out and staring at me. "...I can't.... Can I come in though? I'll use the back door!" He cracked a huge toothy grin. "I mean...if that's okay...I know you're probably pretty mad."

I stared at the bush. "Why should I--"

"Foreigner!" A passing colt shouted.

"He-hey, lick my ass!" I shot back, making an obscene gesture. "...This is stupid fun." I mumbled, giggling slightly at the ability to shoot back worse swears. "Anyways Bushman, why would I ever let you inside?"

Cork looked around, his red mane poking out of the bush. "Um...I can help...."

"With what?" I shot back, resting my china against my chin and staring at him. "What could you possibly do to help me?"

Cork puffed out his cheeks, blushing slightly. "...I would lick you."

"What!?" I snapped, leaning towards the bush.

"I could help you build things! I- I know carpentry!" He snapped, sinking back into the bush. "Please don't kick me...."

I cocked my head, "Kick you? I'm not going to kick you...yet." I jeered, keeping a straight face and putting the fear into the nevish stallion. "Now you're either gonna come out and talk to me like a person, or you're going to leave, either way you're getting out of my bush!" I stopped, snickering slightly. "Ha...bush."

Cork looked around nervously. "...Please don't make me go. I can't come out...everyone will call me a traitor and I'll never--"

I sneered, "Oh god forbid you get called a foreigner or shouted at, or spit at, or on. Now you have my terms!"

A passing stallion stopped to stare at me yelling at the bush. "...Psychotic."

I snapped towards the street, making a vulgar thrust. "Go blow yourself you horse faced weirdo!"

"Charming." A rich voice cut in, giving way to Blueblood and a strange man in a pilgrims' hat. "Em...how is Trottingham?"

I sat down on the porch again. "...Eh.... Stallions in a bushes, getting called a foreigner, death threats for hanging a foreign flag. Not that much different from Georgia."

The man in the hat let out a raspy laugh. "Heh...same laws, that's why I'm here."

Blueblood looked back at the man. "...Marylin, this is Franko...he's here about your protection problem."

The man smiled wide, his scratchy beard a deep grey stained mess. "Scatterguns, pistols, I got what you need."

I couldn't help but feel a little creeped out as the man pulled a small crate from his back. "Uh...maybe we do this inside, everyone already hates me for no reason...better we don't give them one."

"Wait!" Cork snapped, peeking out of the bushes. "Can I come?"

Blueblood stared wide eye'd at the bush. "Oh.... Here I thought you were making a joke about cunnilingus."

I shook my head, turning to Cork. "You can come hang out if you wipe your hooves and use the front door...and stop being a prick." I walked into the doorway, throwing the door itself open. "And Blueblood, please, I would never joke about cunnilingus. That's serious business." I held the door for everyone, the creepy man and Blueblood walking inside without issue. Cork slowly slithered from his bush, bolting up my steps and sneaking past me.

"Sorry sorry sorry." He hissed prowling past and hiding behind the door. "Close it...please?"

I scoffed and kicked the door shut. "You know, I want to believe you're not a dick, but you've hovering at about sixty percent dick status." I turned to the two Canterlot types. "Yo...you gonna spill it?"

Blueblood let out a long groan, "Do you mind if I look around? I really don't need to-- alright who is this!?" He thrust his hoof out at Cork. "You said everyone was horrid, but here stands a stallion, in your house, behind you!"

I craned my head around, watching Cork duck under the window. "Him? I don't know. But it's amazing how much the non dicks stick out compared to the dickheads." I put my fists on my hips. "Him? He's Cork, he's about sixty percent dick. Those folks out there, a solid ninety-nine percent dick."

Blueblood tightened up his glare. "Marylin...stop talking about penises."

"No! You talk about dicks more!" I shot back, pointing to the hall. "Now go on, I got hardware to get my hands on."

Blueblood groaned at my joke. "Mind like a child...."

"Bloody, learn to take a joke!" I shouted, walking up to the creepy man unloading weapons onto my floor. "Yo, sup?"

The man let out a raspy laugh. "Not much, heard about your problem, had your little friend contact me. Anyways, what are ya' lookin' for?"

I looked down at the well organized guns. "Hmm...Mossberg five-hundred?"

The man cocked his head. "Oh...uninspired, sturdy, cheap...." The man pulled out a small shotgun, "You know how to handle this?"

I chuckled softly. "I grew up with a bunch of rednecks, you give me a gun I'll know how to handle it!"

The man shrugged. "Five hundred, with one-hundred shells."

I turned to Cork as he wandered over and joined me at the impromptu market. "Hmm...that's a good deal. What do you think?"

Cork looked at the shotgun. "Uh...what is it?"

I chuckled softly. "Some call it a negotiator. Others call it the debt settler. But it's actually just a gun. Oooooo." I made spooky fingers at him, hovering over him. "No, uh.... It's so if anyone tries anything stupid I can defend myself. Have you never seen a gun?"

Cork stared as I took the gun, "Um...no? What does it d--" I cut him off, giving it a quick rack, "...Okay...so, it's mean isn't it. Like it does something bad, right? That sound brings nothing good."

I chuckled softly. "No...it brings something amazing." I set the weapon down and started looking for my wallet. "Hold on...it's in one of my bags." I started rummaging through my flags and clothes, eventually finding my wallet. "Hey, you take bank cards or does this have to be a paper--"

The man let out a rough cough. "Card is fine...but.... That little weirdo right there was staring at your ass...." He pointed limply at Cork, "Figured you'd want to--"

"No I wasn't! ...What's an ass?" Cork asked, cocking his head.

I cocked an eyebrow. "...Plot? That's what you--"

"Oh! Oh...." He laughed nervously. "...Yeah...I was doing that.... Sorry."

I shook my head and made the transaction with the gunman. "For the record, the last two people I dated left me because I was, too rough." I was quickly given a brand new shotgun and a case of ammunition. "Leather and whips kinda thing, so...you don't want that." I chuckled, "I guarantee you...if you try something, the guard will be the last of your worries." I picked out a case and added it to my purchase. "Ever hear of sounding?"

Cork shook his head slowly. "No...."

"Yeah, you don't want to find out." I finished up and waved the gunman off. He lifted his hat and pulled his cases outside. "Bye! Thank you!" I waved him off, watching him nearly take out a pony who yelled the usual insult. "Oh...do it, do it, do it, please do it!" I whimpered, clutching the door and shaking my fist. "Do it...."

To my displeasure the man didn't punch anyone, and walked off peaceably. "Damn--"

"Em, what is--"

"Jesus!" I shouted, shooting bolt stiff and swinging around. "Blueblood!" I snapped, finding him standing next to me, "Hello!"

Blueblood cocked an eyebrow and lowered his hooves. "Dear Celestia...calm down. You're always so skittish."

I took a deep breath and steadied my heart. "I was...watching things."

Blueblood snickered softly. "You're like a foal caught with pornography!"

I finished slowing my heart and shook my head softly. "Blueblood, how was that date I set you up on?"

He stopped his laughing in a snap. "Ha...ha.... With the griffon? You're so funny, you know you're just so hilarious, albino."

I scoffed, "This from the Aryan horse."

Cork wandered between us. "Um...so do you hate each other?" He looked Blueblood over. "Are you dating...cause, you fight like a marri--"

"No no no!" I snapped, shaking my arms, "No.... We both work for- wait, Blueblood do you work for Pony Valle or do you just contract with them?"

Blueblood scratched his hoof on the floor. "I work for them off and on, more light moonlighting."

I shrugged. "No, me and Blueblood work for an animation company called Ponyvalle. I made him come out with me to get drinks and we kept talking." I leaned back, perching on my heels. "He always complained about being single. I thought he was hitting on me but--"

"But I'm not interested in a porcelain skinned nutcase."

"Screw you! Twilight Time is going to be a fucking hit and you know it!" I shot back, referencing a cartoon I was working on. "I will write you the best script, make you the best backgrounds, bitch I will make this happen!"

Blueblood looked unconvinced and shifted his gaze to Cork. "So really...who is this?"

I looked back at Cork, his green eyes darting around and settling on me. He gave me a wide smile. "This is Cork. Like I said, he's only half the ass hole everyone else in this town is. He actually apologized for being a prick."

Blueblood cocked an eyebrow. "So why's he in your house? Colt toy?"

"Pff, that nerdy little weirdo? He wouldn't last ten seconds with me," I put my hands on my hips and watched the nerd look around my flags. "No...he's like you I think. A friend."

Blueblood shrugged. "At any rate, did you need anymore help? You've got me out here, and I car reach a bit father than you."

"You wanna hang out, help me hang flags and assemble furniture that's fine. I mean, I'd appreciate it." I looked over to Cork. "Hey, how good are you with a screwdriver?" I watched as the earth pony wandered over. "...I have to imagine--"

"Wait...I thought you needed stuff built." Cork mumbled, scratching his head. "I was gonna ask what you wanted...."

I scratched my head. "Wait...you're actually a carpenter? With the hooves and--" Cork cut me off, nodding heartily. "Oh...that's pretty sweet."

Blueblood bopped my knee with a hoof. "Um...Em, did you not buy furniture?"

I stared at him, past him really. "...I brought a futon and my flags. Either way, you're gonna be better at hanging them than me."

Blueblood let out a tired grunt. "...Los Pegasus or Royal Hungary?" He asked, levitating a pair of flags from my bags, all still piled in the entry.

I smiled wide. "God I love that you know flags...it's so hot...."

Blueblood cocked an eyebrow. "So which one?"

I scoffed, "Both...trust me, there's room."

Cork stared at the flags hovering before me. "Um...you know it's really not nice to have a flag higher than Equestria--"

I pointed straight up. "Check, your fucking, privilege."

Cork craned his head up, looking up at the Royal Equestrian banner I had hanging from the roof. "Oh...."

"Bitch, I wouldn't be here if I didn't love this place, so don't you dare tell me I don't care about Equestria!" I snapped, bumping the side of his head with my hip. "Now if I get some wood and nails and stuff, can you make a bed frame?"

Cork continued to stare up at the banner, bopping his hoof off his forehead. "I can build what ever you want.... Just please, please don't tell anyone that I'm here."

I smiled at him. "Fine, but if you piss me off I'm gonna smack your taint with a paddle."

Cork lurched forward with a soft grunt. "...Why?"

I shrugged. "It gets me off...like you and bushes."

Author's Note

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