Roses And Thorns

I followed Blueblood around as he tacked up my flags. "Seriously, Blue, thanks. I'm crap with a hammer."

Blue Blood wheeled his body around, staring at the pliers in my hands. "Yes, yes...mares in distress and--"

"Gala." I stated, referencing a story Blueblood always told me. "...Grand...Galloping...Gala."

Blueblood glared at me, scanning my hands. "...Why do you even have those!?" He threw his hoof out, nearly stabbing himself on the pliers. "You don't work!"

I looked down at the needle-nose pliers and lifted them up, taking one grip in each hand. "Because it makes a funny sound." I stated, opening and closing the pliers with extreme speed. Soon enough the air was filled with an incessant tak tak tak tak. Blueblood merely continued to glare.

"...You have the mentality of a five-year old." He stated, turning back to hanging my flags. "No...four at most."

I stopped clapping the tool together and tossed it down. "Look...it's fun alright! Maybe that's why your single--"

"Stop reminding me!"

"Stop complaining about it!" I shot back, grabbing the base of his tail. "Seriously...try, I guarantee you'll find someone!"

Blueblood shook me off. "I did alright! A mare from Saddle Arabia!"

I let go of his tail, laughing gently. "That's great! Who is she?"

Blueblood took a few steps back, pulling at his weird tux thing. "...A...It's a political marraige.... I haven't even seen her yet, but I know what--"

"Blueblood...seriously...."

He stared at me, glaring at first but eventually settling into a frown. "...I know...."

I scratched my head with my pinkie nail. "Why didn't you ever try to get back with that white mare? The one from the gala?"

Blueblood scoffed, "Rarity? Last time I spoke with her she never wanted to see me again."

"And that was how long ago?" I asked, tugging on a freshly hung Aland flag. "Like three years?"

Blueblood lowered his head. "Three and a half."

"Blue, go talk to her. I mean, even if you just apologize it's worth something."

Blueblood pulled a hammer from his saddlebags and set it down. "I told myself I'd move on, and--"

"Well then move on. But Jesus Christ, you talked about this girl to me, like two years after it happened, something about her must bug you!"

"...I told you what happened...she insulted me, threw pie in my face...and...I got laughed at, went home, grumbled about it then...I just thought about why she did it. I wish I had been drunk then, it would have given me an excuse."

I put my hands on my hips. "Seriously? I mean, are you gonna bite the bullet or you juts gonna sit there like a sad sack?"

Blueblood growled angrily and started off towards the entry, leaving me behind in the spacious hall of my racist fort. "That brings up the question, is it better to take advice from a lunatic, or remain a sane sad sack. ...I'll think about it, see if she even remembers my name."

"All I'm saying is, it couldn't hurt. You're starting from zero, so you really can't go any lower." I flicked my nails off my palm. "My advice, tell her she's pretty. And treat her better than you treat yourself."

"I'm trying!" Blueblood yelped, stomping his hoof. "I'm here helping you! I'm trying to make a television show! I'm doing good things now!"

"Stop telling me and start telling the people you're trying to get at!" I shouted, reaching down and poking him in the tux. "Get--your dick--wet."

Blue just stood there, a sour expression on his face as he gingerly brushed off his fake shirt. "So what...just tell her I've decided to move on with my life, tell her about--"

"No, don't boast! Just bring it up casually, ask her what she's been doing, stop being so self important. Shit like that."

Blue stopped as he reached the front door. "You're insufferable, you know that right?"

"Yet you keep coming back." I laughed, "Seriously though Blueboy, good luck."

He nodded a few times. "And what about you? You seemed to have problems keeping someone in bed, what are you doing with that little stallion who was hanging around?"

I rubbed my hands together, "Cork? Well he went home...but he's literally the only one who actually apologized for being a huge anus. I don't know...it's probably just a crush, so...yeah I don't know." I rubbed my arms, my skin starting to pinken up from the contact. "...Damn I'm white...."

Blueblood scratched at the ground, "Well that's all fine, but you're pushing me to actually settle down...I feel like it's only fair I do the same."

I laughed loudly, "Ha, I'm not- I- not romantic...I mumbled, "I like to play dressup...have a little fun...but I'm not the...I don't date, besides...dinners are way too boring." I wrung my hands together. "I tried to actually date a griffon, he took me out for coffee and I ended up drawing on the napkins. Besides, I don't complain about it. You were the one that was bitching about getting turned down by a commoner."

"Yes...yes I did. Still don't like it, but I've been working on it since before you were here, since before humans were around. It's been a long time, and- I mean...I'm from Canterlot damn it, I'm not some hick that got dressed up, I have expectations to fit!"

"For who?" I asked, slipping my hands into the sash that ran around my waist and kept my dress from flying up. "You do realize anyone who likes you when you act like that is going to be an equally huge dick...like...bigger than...bigger than Mr. Big Dick, and he had a big dick."

"Stop saying dick." Blue commanded, putting his hoof on my thigh. "Just...stop."

"I've got dick on the brain! like you've got white mare pussy on yours!" I shouted, overexaggerating. "No but I know how Rarity looks and...well, I'd tap it."

"You're a lascivious manic with a fetish for bright colors!" Blue shot back, leaning towards my chest, my being short and Blue's being a bit tall meant he was head height with my neck. "And you're pale!"

"You're a stuck up asshole that complains louder than a leaking anus!"

"You can't go past the second date without sticking a metal tube into somepony's urethra!"

"And you can't get to second base!"

Blueblood glared at me, our usually well meaning spats could sometimes get a little intense. "...You have a fetish for flags."

I locked up, glaring down with a cartoonishly large scowl. "...Get out."

Blueblood leaned towards me, a snotty smile on his face. "I can admit I've been a prick, but oh, insult my flag fetish and suddenly--"

I cut him off, reaching out and grabbing the tip of an East German flag. "This is not a fetish!"

Blueblood looked around the room, stopping to scan each of the flags that hung from every available wall. "This looks like a fetish."

"It's not a sex thing!" I shouted, "Blueblood you're being a dick, and not the fun, campy kind of dick!"

"Well I'm sorry!" He shouted back, "...I'm just sick of you talking about her! I know she's pretty, I know I was a dumb, I'm trying to unbecome that!"

"Fine...." I ducked down and started to hug Blue. "But unbecome isn't a word."

"Could you just agree with me for once?!" Blood yelped, trying to escape my hug.

"Could you be right once in a while!?"

"Could you--"

"Hug me bitch!" I shouted, quickly ending our spat with a soft hug. I pulled Blue's head over my shoulder, rocking for just a moment before letting go. "There...we good?"

Blood took a deep breath. "Fine, I'm fine...."

"Good, now start with something nice. Like, buy her something small as a peace offering. Ice cream...chocolates, something like that."

Blue tapped his hooves on the ground. "You know it's not as easy as talking to you...with you there's nothing at stake."

"I'm sure you could say something to make me legitimately mad at you."

Blue nodded, "Yes, but I'd have to actually try. With her...there's a decent chance I'm just going to stick my hoof in my mouth and have to walk out like an idiot!"

I put my hand on his golden head. "Look...don't wear a tux, wear something a little more casual, bring her a gift, say sorry, ask for a number then go. You'll either get another chance or you won't, and all that's at stake is a five dollar box- sorry...five bit, box of chocolates. Ten if you mean that apology." I laughed, the joke nearly going right over his head. "...Anyways, you sure you don't want to stay? It's late, Cork already went--"

A loud banging cut me off. "Hey!? Hello!? Come on I need some help here!" Cork's voice cried out, followed by another round of loud knocks. "Please!"

Blue cocked an eyebrow. "Didn't he go home two hours ago? Seems odd for him to just show up like this, no?"

I felt my lips tug into a small grimace. "Well he's yelling at the front door, so...I'm gonna guess it's important." I slowly walked around Blue, taking the door handle in hand and slowly pulling it open.

Cork was sitting on my porch, eyes bloodshot and tear stained, a small sack next to his flank. He slowly picked his head up, "...I got kicked out!" He blurted out, nearly leaping at me. "They saw me go inside, they told my damn parents and they kicked me out!" He yelped, lowering his entire body to the ground. "Please...I've got no where to go...."

I locked up, slowly turning my head to Blueblood. "...Hey so...sorry, but it looks like I won't have an extra bed...."

Blueblood nodded solemnly, "To be honest I'd rather not stay in this town longer than I have to." He stepped onto the threshold. "I'll let you know how it goes with Rarity...and...don't sound or dock or whatever you do to stallions...."

I glared at him. "Blueblood...."

He rolled his eyes, walking off into the night and leaving me alone with the softly sobbing stallion. Cork looked up at me, pleading with me. "Please...I won't call you a foreigner, I won't bug you, just please...I need someplace to stay before I can call somepony!"

I felt a bit guilty, and with a bit of sorrow I held the door open. "Sure...I've got an futon somewhere." I let the short stallion in, closing the door behind him and sealing my fate for the next few hours. But if it was eve a little bit my fault, I felt obligated to help. And I couldn't just like an adorably halfhearted racist to freeze in the fall wind, I wasn't heartless.