Fallout Equestria: Infinite

Mischief

There is a legend in the Equestrian Wasteland of a silent group of mysterious criminals. A gang of griffins that are only told about in campfire stories and myth. These griffins scour the wasteland, hunting down sleeping, defenseless ponies and ambush them in the dark of the night. Nopony ever dies from their attacks, but everypony has something precious is stolen from them. An item that none dare talk about.

This is the story of their most infamous theft, where the good and the wicked were brought together by fate…

“This is a perfect night for a thief…” Scar grinned, flying through the wasteland. Scar was a big griffin, the leader of his trio of legends. He maintained his power through his self-proclaimed strength and brilliance.

The lady flying with him purred, “A night for unsuspecting ponies to be ambushed by noble villains,” Emerald teased, spinning in flight.

“Speaking of ponies…” The final griffin pointed to smoke in the distance, a clue that a campfire had gone out. Blaze grinned, “I think we have our next targets.”

The griffins flew low as a single unit, not a word exchanged. They had a target, and were ready to pounce on the opportunity. As silent as the starry night, they carefully followed the smoke, leading to a small group of ponies, just as promised.

Scar pointed downward, the three of them landing near the camp. He began walking in, smiling to himself. No guards, nothing awake to stop them.

It was a small group, he realized. Two unicorns, a pegasus, a… zebra. And a Steel Ranger of all things.

“What an odd group…” He whispered silently. He went into his pocket, taking out a shiny necklace and putting it on. His two mates followed suit.

“IS IT WORKING!?” Blaze yelled, but none of the ponies woke.

Emerald sighed, “Of course they work, idiot. As long as we wear these, nobody else will hear us.”

“Good thing too, with that mouth of yours…” Scar chuckled, “Now let’s get to work.”

He approached his first victim, looking her over. A small, unassuming mare wearing a Pip-buck and stable suit.

He nodded to himself, “Stable pony, huh? Time for her to get a real lesson about the dangers out here,” He reached down slowly, putting a steady talon onto her side. Then he began to unzip her clothes.

These griffins weren’t interested in caps or weapons. Those were easily found and replaced in the wasteland, not worth their expertise. Instead, they proudly stole away the pants of the ponies as they wore them. Somewhere, there were people that thought ponies went around with pants despite clearly wearing armor. It was completely ridiculous, but there was something empowering about making that a reality. So the gang set out to fulfill this secret mission.

Taking the pants off a pony was not easy though. There were zippers and belts to take into account. They had to be removed carefully, as to not wake the pony. Tails were an exceptional problem, with tail loops on the pants to gently take off. Not to mention any shoes or socks had to be taken off first so they didn’t catch onto the other clothes. But he was well experienced with that. With the precision of a doctor, he began to slide the clothing off the mare’s legs.

He looked down at her flanks, noting the grey Stable shorts underneath. More than that, he was able to make out her cutie mark.

“A… Pip-Buck for a cutie mark?” He frowned, “That’s like having a cutie mark of a cutie mark! Is she trying to hammer it in she’s from a Stable! Listen little mare, I get it!”

“Why are you yelling at her?” Emerald asked, sliding the black pants off of a ruggedly handsome pegasus.

“It just seems dumb to me,” He sighed, looking over to her. “What’s his deal?”

“He’s got a Rainbow Dash mark,” Blaze called, “You think that makes him a cross dresser, or want to be rainbow-y, or what?”

“No, it just means he’s a Dashite,” Emerald sighed, “Why the hell is every pegasus in the wasteland a Dashite? Didn’t one come down here on their own free will? At this rate, there won’t be any pegasi up there.”

“Maybe there’s a Dash club up there,” Scar shrugged, “Think these ponies are druggies?”

“Definitely!” Blaze held up a skirt in one claw, a box of medical supplies in the other. “This mare had a lot of drugs on her! Just look at her cutie mark!”

Scar looked down on the mare. Between her silly white mane, and a singing bird on her rump, she definitely stood out. She was dressed in some fancy dress, which Blaze had cut in half to remove, leaving the top half on and her red panties exposed.

“There’s a bird here,” Blaze said sagely, “For being high. Meaning they must be druggies.”

“…Makes sense to me,” Scar shrugged. “Let’s check out the two others.”

Looking over the zebra, they found a problem.

“She doesn’t wear pants!” Emerald gasped, “T-this is the first pony-“

“Zebra.”

“-Zebra that actually went out naked! What do we do?!”

Scar put a talon to his face, stroking his chin. “Hmmm… Just put some underwear on her, so she knows we struck.”

Emerald nodded, carefully sliding up green shorts onto the unsuspecting zebra, “Just seems dumb to not wear armor anyway.”

Blaze was working on the Steel Ranger, and seemed to be struggling, “The armor isn’t coming off, guys!”

Scar flew over to him, “I told you, undo the fancy grey button things.”

“I am doing that…” Blaze pulled at them, “But they’re stuck. I can’t take them off!”

Scar blinked, “Can’t take off his clothes? Poor guy… I guess we’ll be doing him a favor.”

The two griffins moved into position, and began pulling against the big pony. With his weight in the armor, the two griffins were more dragging him across the camp.

“You idiots!” Emerald flew over with a screwdriver, “Just start taking the parts off, that’ll handle it,” She moved it down, trying to unscrew the plates.

“What the hell are you doing?” A deep, gruff voice finally said.

Scar blinked, “Um… B-Blaze? Did you say that?”

The Steel Ranger kicked the griffins off of him, standing up. “Griffins.”

“What’d you say, Steelhooves?” The little pony began to get up, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, go back to sleep!” Scar called out nervously, waving his arms. “Nothing is going on at all!”

The druggie unicorn began to wake up, “Littlepip, what- My dress!” She screamed.

“V-velvet?!” The little mare blushed, “U-um you’re in panties!” She squeaked, trying to cover herself up, “Where did my pants go?!”

The griffins began to try to hide the missing clothing behind their backs, slowly stepping back.

Soon the entire group was awake, looking decidedly grumpy.

The zebra practically ripped the shorts off, “Who’s joke was this?”

“These griffins, it seems,” The pegasus said, lowering his hat.

Emerald took off her amulet, “Um… That’s right! We’re the griffin pants thieves! Surrender to us, before we take all your clothes!”

The little mare glared, sitting in an awkward position to protect her modesty. “Give us our clothes back or else.”

The three griffins glanced at each other before making a quick decision.

“Flee!!”

The three griffins took to the air, trying to fly for dear life. They almost would have made it too… if not for the little mare’s magic trapping them.

“…We might be in trouble,” Scar swallowed.

“You are definitely in trouble,” The unicorn named Velvet kept her gaze on them as the small one brought them down to eye level, “You destroyed my dress.”

“Why would you even wear a dress in the wasteland, anyway?” Blaze frowned.

“We were attendin’ a show,” The Dashite explained, “Tryin’ to get a bit of downtime.”

Scar laughed awkwardly, “Well, we wouldn’t want to interrupt your vacation. So how about letting us out, and we’ll call it even?”

The pegasus moved up to them, grabbing back their clothes and passing it around, “Why were ya even taking these? Were ya cold or somethin’?”

“Or something, I’m sure,” The small stable pony growled, getting dressed.

“Look, filly,” Emerald looked to her, “We all have a purpose in life. We steal clothes, you do… whatever it is that pip-bucks mean. I mean, it isn’t like we actually hurt you guys! So live and let live, right?”

Velvet’s horn glowed in response, “You’re right, but we do need to teach you about taking what isn’t yours.”

She pressed her horn against each of them, pushing them gently to sleep.

* * *

They would be found the next morning, tied together and on the steps of Glascolt’s musical theater. They wouldn’t explain why they were tied together, or why their armor was missing on their legs. All they would say is that they had met a group of great skill, power, and weirdness. As they left the town, their tails between their legs, they swore vengeance against the group who humiliated them.

It wouldn’t be the last time they would meet.