Author's Note

Many thanks to the incomparable CarcinoGeneticist for editing this silly thing across a multiyear hiatus.

1. The Simple Plan

The cottage looked cozy, even from the outside. It was a little two-floor affair with cool blue siding and a clean white door. Most of the windows were propped open to let in the cool air of the fine summer evening, evidenced by the gently waving leaves of the maple tree in the front yard. To most ponies, the only interesting thing about it would be the name on the mailbox: Sparkle, just like Equestria’s most recent additions to the royal family. It was the faint lamplight coming from the living room window, however, that caught Twilight Velvet’s eye as she strolled up along the empty street.

That took longer than I’d expected, she mused. She’d made a detour from her usual route today on the way home from the university; ordinarily she was home well before Night Light. Velvet checked the grocery bag again, but the clear glass bottle was still there, filled with fizzy white wine. She readjusted her hold on the bag with her magic, lifting it over her shoulder.

There was a skip in her step as she crossed the neatly-trimmed lawn. She’d been waiting for this day for a very long time, and now that it was here she wanted to celebrate. Nothing too fancy—she and Night Light were both a little past the age where they could go out partying till three on a weeknight and not regret it the next morning—but dinner and a drink with her husband were plenty enough.

As she came to the door, Velvet set the bag with the wine on the doorstep and began digging in the satchel for her house keys. Her hoof brushed against the envelope inside the bag, and she felt another urge to start dancing on the spot with glee. Yes, yes, yes! She was still having trouble believing it, quite frankly. She’d been an adjunct professor for so long she was starting to consider leaving for a different university. The only thing stopping her was the location—here, at least, she had been close to her daughter all through her schooling, and her son during his career in the Royal Guard. Not to mention that if she moved, Night Light would’ve had to find a different job as well.

But all that was irrelevant now. The huge smile she’d been wearing all day got a little wider as she found the key at last. Her horn glowed, and the key leaped from the satchel and into the door lock.

The door swung open before she could turn it, revealing a dark blue stallion with an expression that was both pleased and mildly relieved. “Velvet, there you are! I heard you coming through the window.” He reached down and picked up the bag with his mouth. “Oud buyin grofferieff, huh?” he mumbled around it, stepping back to let her inside. “I waff tarding to ged worried.”

Velvet gave a guilty shrug, but her grin remained irrepressible. She shut the door, and the two of them made their way into the kitchen. Velvet rubbed her hooves together, still jittery with excitement. “Honey, I’ve—I’ve got big news.”

Night Light raised an eyebrow and set the bag down on the countertop. He leaned back against the counter with a wry smile. “Uh-oh. The last two times you said that, we had to go crib shopping.”

Velvet burst out laughing. Night Light’s face grew a little worried. “Wait, are you serious? I thought you were still on the pill—”

“I am, I am,” she said, waving a reassuring hoof, still giggling. “Sorry, honey, I didn’t mean… oh, you should see your face. No, the news isn’t quite that big, but it’s pretty exciting nonetheless.” She pulled out the letter and laid it on the kitchen table.

Night opened the envelope and unfolded the letter within. “‘To Professor Twilight Velvet Sparkle, on behalf of the board of…’ blah, blah, legalese…” His eyes grew brighter and his grin bigger as he read with rising enthusiasm. “‘And so, due to your long history of academic and administrative excellence…” he paused, and glanced up at her. “Wait, Velvet, is this what I think it is?”

She nodded, her hooves pressed to her mouth. Night’s eyes flicked back down to the letter. “‘… history of academic and administrative excellence, we are pleased to offer you a position as a Senior Professor of Arcane Studies!” he read, practically shouted the last words. He dropped the letter and sprang up from the table. “Honey, you did it!”

“I know!” Velvet squealed, pressing her hooves to her cheeks. “It took twenty years, but I’ve finally got tenure!”

Night picked her up in a hug and spun her around, no easy feat for two quadrupeds. He looked as exhilarated as Velvet felt. “Was it that last paper your group did? That ‘Prismatic Luminescence in Arcane Manipulation’ one?”

Velvet hugged him back, nuzzling against his neck. “Partly. I think the other half of it is that the dean’s afraid for his government grants.” She grinned. “Our daughter would never compromise academic integrity with nepotism, but he doesn’t know that.”

“Well, Twilight does take after her mother,” said Night Light, leaning back and giving her a wink.

“So,” said Velvet, sliding her hooves off of Night Light’s shoulders, “I went out and got a bottle of champagne to mark the occasion.”

“Aha!” Night Light let her go, walking over to the counter. He pulled the bottle out of the plastic bag, sitting on his hind legs and bracing it with his forehooves. “You do the honors.”

Velvet squinted in anticipation, and popped the cork. A spray of fizzy wine came shooting out, and both of them jumped. The two shared a glance, and then broke out laughing.

Dinner was a simple but delicious meal of carrots, alfalfa, rose petals, and watercress. The champagne seemed to vanish from the bottle in prodigious volumes, fast enough that Velvet’s head was soon pleasantly warm and heavy. By the time dinner was over, she was sitting in Night Light’s lap, forelegs draped around his shoulders, and her head leaning on his. Velvet always got cuddly when intoxicated, but she didn’t have to worry about it with Night Light.

“Thanks, Nighty,” she said, giving him a squeeze. “For the evening, and for pushing me all these years to keep going with the university.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” said Night Light, tapping her chin. “You worked hard for this. You’ve earned it.”

“Yes,” said Velvet, giving him a kiss on the cheek, “but you’ve been a big help. A little encouragement goes a long way. I’d never have gotten that last paper ready in time for the yearly peer review cycle if not for you.”

“Hey, we’re married. It’s my job to nag you,” he teased.

Velvet snuggled her head down on his shoulder. “Mm. I think maybe we should go to bed, before I pass out on the couch. I forgot how tired wine makes me.”

Night Light helped her up the stairs and into their bedroom. Their bed, warm and inviting, welcomed Velvet as she nestled under the sheets. With an absent smile, she fluffed her pillow and lay down sideways on it, facing off the bed. She closed her eyes and pulled the covers up to her chin, sleepily content. Behind her, Night Light flicked off the lights with a flash of magic. As he slid into bed beside her, she pressed her back against him, smiling at the comforting warmth. He draped a hoof over her, leaning his head over her shoulder and giving her a kiss.

Then he gave her another, and another, and she felt his hoof trailing down her belly toward the space between her legs. Velvet smiled in the darkness. “Ooh, you’re going to get me all hot and bothered.”

“That’s the idea,” said Night Light with a grin in his voice. “After all, this is a big occasion.”

Velvet pushed her hindquarters back, brushing against the familiar firmness of Night’s growing erection. She let out a throaty purr as his hoof slid between her thighs, stroking her softest skin. His touch soon grew damp as her body began responding to the attention. Honestly, Velvet felt more sleepy than aroused, but she certainly wouldn’t mind a little fooling around before passing out.

Velvet rolled toward him onto her back, as Night Light propped himself up and over her. His length rested along her slit, held against it with gentle insistence. Velvet smiled and reached her hooves up to gave his flanks a rub. Though the room was dark and they were covered by sheets, she and Night Light had made love so many times that she knew exactly what he looked like right now: the trembling eagerness in his hips, held back until she was properly wet and prepared; the quick rise-and-fall of his chest as he grew more and more excited, before that first puff of relieved breath as he penetrated her; and that midnight-blue speckled shaft that had been inside her more times than she could count, lying along the glistening mound at the crook of her legs.

Night Light ground up against her entrance. Velvet’s lower lips were already flushed with warmth and slippery with arousal, and she could hear the faint wet noises as they rubbed skin on skin.

“Ready, honey?” Night Light drew back so that his tip teased the tender, sensitive base of her pussy, right outside the hole that she could feel pulsing with anticipation.

Velvet nodded, but then realized he couldn’t see her in the darkness and giggled. “I’m ready.” She wrapped her hooves around his back to pull him closer. “Come on, Nighty. Put that cock inside me.”

Not wasting time with words, Night Light pushed forward, burying himself in her pussy. Velvet inhaled sharply. “Mmm.”

Pressing his whole body against hers, Night Light began thrusting repeatedly, his shaft sliding along the walls of her insides with all kinds of pleasurable friction. Velvet’s eyes fluttered closed, and she lay her head back to enjoy the rising heat under the covers.

Her head was still thick with the wine. She never had quite figured out whether alcohol improved or detracted from sex with Night. It made him a little bolder, and she secretly loved it when their lovemaking got a little aggressive, but it tended to put her out like a light.

And thinking of lights, she and Night Light really ought to send a letter to Twilight about the tenure news. After all, Twilight’s obsession with scientific rigor had started as admiration for her mother’s career.

It had been a while since they’d sent any letters to Shining and Cadence, too. Velvet was trying not to pester them about grandchildren, but she was starting to wonder when they planned to get on with it.

Though, part of her was glad they were waiting till they were good and ready. She and Night Light hadn’t quite planned on Shining himself, especially not when they were both such young newlyweds, but things had worked out thanks to the couple’s supportive parents. It was nice to know that her son had learned from his parents’ stumbles.

Then there was the fact that having grandchildren would be an unmistakable signal that she and Night Light were getting older. She’d managed to do a pretty good job convincing herself that thirty-six was still young, so far. Especially for a Senior Professorship at Canterlot Tech! she thought, a rush of pride joining the heady mixture of alcohol and the distant pleasure from her nether regions.

The university position was more than just a secure source of pay, it meant that now she could focus most of her efforts on research instead of hustling for tenure. More experiments, less letter-writing and backstabbing academic politics. She sighed happily.

“In or out?” asked Night Light, his voice strained.

Velvet blinked. “Sorry?”

“I can’t hold back much longer,” he said, still steadily thrusting. “So in or out?”

“Oh!” Velvet grabbed his flanks and pulled him tight against her pelvis, his cock as deep inside her as it could go. “In. Definitely in.”

Night Light gave her a deep kiss, and she tasted his tongue and the faint bite of the wine. “Thanks, honey.” He redoubled the thrusting of his hips.

Velvet grinned. Night Light loved dirty language in bed; it had long been her surefire way of bringing him to climax. “Hurry, honey. I want you to come in me.” She pulled him tightly against her, trapping his hips with her hooves, wanting to finish him off with words alone. “Come for me, Night Light. Coat me with that big, sticky load, I want to be filthy with it!”

He groaned, and his hips jerked under her hooves. Velvet felt the first flood of heat deep inside her as he came, quickly followed by a second. Her pussy was clenched so tightly around him that she could feel each pulse of his cum as it traveled up his shaft and burst out into her. Velvet relaxed, rubbing his flanks as he emptied himself into her. “That’s it, honey,” she whispered. “I love this.”

Night Light, still heaving for breath, propped himself up on his hooves so as not to smother her. “You’re amazing,” he said, brushing her cheek. “Love you, Velvet.”

“Love you too, Night.” Velvet smiled sleepily. She was a long way from her own orgasm, but the gentle heat suffusing her body was pleasant enough that, combined with the contact high from Night Light’s climax, she didn’t mind very much. “I’d better go clean up. Don’t want to wake up all messy tomorrow.”

“Wait a minute,” said Night Light, running a hoof down to her slightly-leaking pussy, “you haven’t finished yet, have you?”

“Well, no, but—” Velvet shrugged. “It’s fine, honey. You know me and alcohol; it’s like liquid sleeping pills. I’m just ready to turn in for the night.”

“Nonsense! This is your special day,” said Night Light, stroking the sticky, wet lips of her slit. “I wouldn’t feel right giving you a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am for the culmination of two decades of hard work. I want to treat you nice.”

“Oh, it’s fine, really,” she said, kissing him. “There’s always tomorrow.”

Night Light’s horn glowed briefly, and the lights flicked on. He pulled back off of her and sat up on the bed, a concerned expression on his face. “Velvet, you never used to let me go to sleep without giving you at least one orgasm. But lately… I mean, just now, you seemed sort of like you were zoning out. I like making love to you, not just your body.” His shoulders slumped. “You’re not bored with me, are you?”

“What? No!” Velvet sat up, not caring about the mess she’d be making. “Of course not, love! Don’t even say that; of course I’m not bored with you!”

“Then why—” he paused, looking confused and worried, “why don’t you seem to enjoy sex anymore?”

“I do, honey! It’s just…” Velvet felt horribly conflicted. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her husband, but it seemed clear she’d already done that by accident. “I just feel like… like we’re going through the motions. It’s not that we don’t enjoy sex anymore,” she said, giving him a pleading look, “I just think we’ve gotten a bit complacent. Our rutting’s in a bit of a rut. We need some… some variety.”

Night Light took this with admirable fortitude. Instead of looking wounded, he slowly nodded. “So… should we try some different positions?”

“I don’t think it’s that,” said Velvet, feeling both guilty and relieved to finally bring this out in the open. “It doesn’t matter who’s on top or how flexible we’re feeling, it just seems like we skip the foreplay and go straight for the fucking, every time. Like all that matters is the climax, and getting to it as quickly as possible.” She pressed her hooves together, worried that she sounded accusing. “And it’s not just you, I do the same thing. Last Tuesday, I came twice before you did, and I nearly fell asleep before helping you get off.”

Night Light took her hooves between his own, giving them a pat. “Well, you’re the most beautiful mare in Equestria,” he puffed his chest out in mock pride, “and I'm a complete stud. I mean, we still love each other, right? So what’s wrong?”

“The kids, I think,” said Velvet with a sigh. “We had at least one of them in the house for the better part of twenty years. We got really good at stealing time for a quickie whenever they were off at the library or whatever, but we forgot how to do anything else.” She sighed, putting a hoof to her head. “Oh, and now I’ve completely ruined the mood. I’m sorry, honey.”

Night Light hugged her. “No, I’m glad you told me, Velvet. I’d rather know when you’re not happy.”

She returned the hug. “I’m plenty happy, Night Light. I just think we’re not having the best sex we could. Look… why don’t we talk about this tomorrow, when we’re both sober?”

“I… okay,” he agreed, sliding over beside her. “Love you, Velvet.” He gave her a kiss, and then flicked off the lights and lay back down.

“Love you too, Nighty.” Velvet put her head back down on the pillow, so flustered that she barely even registered the fact that she was going to wake up with a mess in her lap the next morning. She put a hoof on her face, silently cursing herself. Oh, he’s going to feel so guilty! It’s not even his fault, Velvet, how could you?

Night put a hoof over her side and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Velvet sighed and relaxed. They’d figure it out. After all, they’d stayed together for almost twenty years; a little bedroom trouble wouldn’t keep them down for long. She closed her eyes and let the wine drag her off into unconsciousness.

* * *

The next evening, Night Light pushed his way into the house, drawing the magazine he’d spent the last twenty minutes acquiring out of his pocket with a twist of magic. The door shut behind him with a click, and he began taking off his tie and hat to hang on the coat rack. Before he made his way into the kitchen, he tucked the magazine under a foreleg, and took a deep breath to prepare himself for the coming conversation.

Velvet was waiting for him at the dining room table, the place where they held all their capital-T Talks. She had a cup of strong green tea, her typical nerve-calmer, clutched between her hooves, her shoulders drooping. She looked up as he entered, smiling nervously. “Hello, Night Light.”

“Hi.” Night Light sat down beside her, putting a hoof on the table and tapping it a few times, trying to find a way to bring up the thing he’d bought after work. Oh, damn, she looks miserable, he thought, faltering. Hopefully this will cheer her up.

“I’m sorry,” she began, “last night, I…”

“Last night, you told me we had a problem,” said Night Light, smiling brightly. “So being a practical pony, I thought a bit about how we might fix it. I stopped down by the adult store on the corner by my office after work and picked up this.” He placed the magazine on the table and pushed it in front of them both.

“Is that a—” Velvet turned pink, “a catalog of sex toys?”

“Yes it is.” Night Light tapped his hooves together, a little anxious. “I know we’ve never done anything like that before, but I thought maybe this would help us kill two birds with one stone: we get a little variety in the bedroom, and we’ll slow the pace down while we get used to these things.”

“I… well…” Velvet put an uncertain hoof on the magazine’s cover. Her eyes narrowed. “Well, why not?” She flipped it open and looked at the first page, and her cheeks immediately tinged pink. “Oh. I’ve, uh, never seen so many dildos before.”

“Erm… See any you like?” asked Night Light, feeling a bit awkward—though also a bit amused. Velvet was always cute when she was embarrassed.

“Well, um… This one looks interesting… The Pedigree, ‘based on six of the world’s most famous adult models, with multiple firmness and color options. Also see the vibrating option on page 23.’ It seems, um, well-made…”

Velvet’s right hoof rubbed her lower stomach almost absently, and Night Light grinned. If just looking at pictures is turning her on, this might actually work. “Want to buy it?”

“Well, no reason to settle for the first thing that catches our eye.” Velvet turned the page.

At the next catalog item, Night Light raised an eyebrow. “We’ve never done that before.”

“Uh, no,” said Velvet, wincing. “I’m vetoing anything with double penetration. If we’re going to do anal… at least start small.”

Oh? She hasn’t wanted to try that in a long while. Night Light stifled a snort at the memory. The last time the two had attempted it, Velvet had been so tense that he hadn’t even been able to get in, no matter how much lube they used. He made a mental note that she was willing to give it another shot.

Velvet turned the page. “Oh, boy, now we’re getting to the kinkier bits.”

“I’ve never really thought about doing any of this…” Night Light scratched his neck. “You?”

“I don’t know… maybe some hoofcuffs, that could be exciting; but all that leather looks awfully hot, and not in the fun way. I’m not even sure what half of this stuff is for. Besides…” She blushed, glancing over at him. “I don’t think either of us are really dom or sub material.”

Night Light nodded, making another note. “Fair enough. Whips aren’t my cup of tea.”

He reached down and turned the page, and both of them leaned back. “Oh, my,” said Velvet faintly.

Night Light blinked. “What in the world…?”

Velvet read the description aloud, her eyebrow rising. “The Fornicatron 3000: The Ultimate in Pleasure for Partners or Personal Use. Comes with built-in vibrator, magical construct generators with pre-programmed bondage blueprints, full internal and external body massage for both genders, mind-tickling arcane psychosomatic emitter, vibrating sleeve with randomizable interior texture and ridges, separation capability and full remote-linked control for long-distance couples, as well as a host of other features listed in the 240-page manual.

Due to Equestrian trade laws, this item cannot be shipped; all purchases must be made from within Griffrench territory (Item can be legally transported in personal belongings after purchase). Additional fees may apply when using the long-distance features.”

“It’s Griffrench. Of course.” Night Light tilted his head. “I can’t even tell which end goes where.”

Velvet wiped her lips. “This looks pretty incredible. I wonder if it comes in anything besides bright pink.” She glanced further down the two-page spread and said, “Ow, forget it. Twenty-three hundred bits and change.”

“Hmm.” Night Light rubbed his chin. “We could afford that if we scrimp a bit. That’s only a few months of not eating out on Fridays.”

“Well, it’s not just the price, we’d have to go all the way to Griffrance to get it!”

Night Light nodded, a plan already coming together in his mind. “We haven’t been on vacation for just ourselves in years. We’ll make a trip out of it!”

Velvet bit her lip, then shrugged. “Well, I guess that could work. I’m supposed to take a sabbatical this year, anyway.”

“And I’ve still got all three vacation weeks saved up for the year,” he said, rubbing his hooves together. “Hey, we can even go up to the Crystal Empire a few days before our flight to see Shining Armor and Cadence.”

“Okay,” said Velvet, with rising excitement. “Let’s do it!”

Night Light gave her a kiss, and together they raced off upstairs to find the travel listings. This would be just what they needed. A week or two of adventure, sight-seeing, and really great sex. It was the perfect plan, he thought proudly. What could go wrong?