The End of a Square World.

Waking up that morning I took a deep deep breath in…  awwww it’s going to be a good day to day I can just feel it.  Jumping out of my bed I walked over to the chest that set beside me.  Most people chose to sleep in their armor but seeing as I’m not crippled with fear by mobs I like to take it off and keep it in the chest next to me.  Flinging open the lid I reach in and pull out the tools weapons and food I normally carry with me.

While most heroes had all iron armor I had all diamond.  In fact there’s nothing on me that is not diamond.  Most people find disgust and the fact I use diamond for shovels and even line my ceiling with the blocks.  But when you’re rich enough to do so why not?  In case you haven’t deduced by now I’m a very well-seasoned hero.  My wealth and my power grow by each passing day.  As to what makes me so rich I found a rather intelligent business strategy and that was to build. When I look outside my window all I can see is the massive city and building.  There not very many other heroes like myself who occupy the city.  No instead I am surrounded by villagers. Hundreds upon hundreds of villagers.  I offer them protection and they pump out iron golem.  A fair trade especially when I can sell their scrap iron for just about anything.  Of course all nearby heroes have no need for iron so I must a ship it out by railway.

To better describe the massiveness of my city… it extends from as high as the physical limitations of my world allows and extends down to the very bedrock that separates us from the nether.  As for the distance across it I would have to say it’s at least one by-ohm.  I say hello to the passing villagers as I walked in my city.  Though they all look the same and they insist they haven’t names I’m always friendly to the people who make me so rich.

Today I decided I’ll go visit my friend Pone Bitch 22.  That’s right his name is really that.  Our names usually involve numbers and words.  But his was even more trolling then mine was.  Oh yes I should probably tell you that my name is Troll Bridge. Oh yes.  I can’t tell you how many times someone has wanted to slap me in the face for that one...  Ho wait you’re probably wondering why some would take offense to my name.  I shall take the time to explain how our world works as it is very different than yours.  For most normal living creatures a mom and dad is required to come to be.  However all heroes of my world simply appear.  Now as to how this happens no one knows and its best not speculated.  Some asked if we are mobs since they’re the only ones that come to be just out of thin air.  But in fact where the opposite of mobs we are their lifelong enemies.  So of course not having a mother or father this means that one is to decide his own name.

I should probably also tell you that names are also a peculiar thing of heroes.  Villagers do not have names mobs do not have names and animals do not have names.  This is because for the most part every animal villager and mob of the same species looks the same.  The heroes however are very different from one another some are gentleman zombies, while others are the short enderman wearing overalls.  Unlike the name you cannot decide your skin it just seems to appear based on your personality…  O!   The short enderman wearing overalls is me.  That’s right the ruler of this massive city is permanently wearing overalls.

“What a lovely symbol for a monarchy”.  As I walked by the villagers shops and homes I asked how they’re doing and patted the head of the few small children and inspected a recently built iron golem deciding to let it live to make sure that no mobs harm the villagers.  But as the day dragged on I could bear no longer with a deep breath I said…  O blocks I’m bored.  I can burn no more time I hope Pone does not mind me coming early.  But then again he doesn’t know I’m coming at all.  So I suppose there’s no way for me to come early.  That’s what she said I quickly said to myself in my mind.  “Oh yes I went there.”

Leaving my mighty city made of various cobblestones smooth stones and wood behind me I ventured out to Pone’s tree home.  That’s right he lives in a tree.  In fact I’d helped plant most of it and provided quite a bit of the bone meal.  It was quite a sight to behold.  While my city was square, boring and straightforward.  His home was complicated and had many architectural details.  Archways, columns, and pillars’ Frivolous things that really put a nice touch onto the tree.  In fact seen it did fill me with some form of joy.

“O what adventures await me below this massive tree’s roots?”  Because my city extended to bedrock that meant there were no more mines left for me to explore.  If I ever wanted to have fun when having adventures I had to go somewhere that I didn’t already know like the back of my hand.  And this time that would be pone’s place.

I looked up at the tree.  I had to remember as to which bedroom pone was sleeping in.  He did have a favorite.  If you sleeping in today I could bet he was in that bed in in that room.  Finding my target I looked up the open window.  And said out loud now my friend you’re dabbling with pistons and glass will betray you.  Pulling out a snowball I threw it up to the window.  The first one merely splitting against the wall. Damn it I missed.  The second one however when straight through.  Only seconds after the snowball disappeared from my site I heard…  “That son of a bitch!”  Hey Pone you want to explore some abandoned mines today…  Pone then poked his head out the window.  You can never forget looking at pone.  You see his face holds a fear most common among all heroes.  Permanent frown in green skin.  He was a creeper.  A creeper that war a pair of heart underwear boxer shorts.  “Come on up he shouted to me.”

“No thanks I’ll just wait for you to come on down…”  He then looked at me “still scarred about the inderman thing are you?  I’ll be right down.”  The enderman thing I should explain with a small flashback.

It was back when me and Pone were still noobs.  I was staying in pone’s house as mine was having a slight problem with creepers making it unsuitable to stay the night.  When I got there he greeted me with a friendly hello outside.  The world was a very dangerous place back then I had not asserted my dominance over the mobs and they enjoyed tormenting us.  Many simply blew up our homes or tried to kill us in our daily routines.  However two enderman knowing that they struck fear into the hearts of heroes everywhere even after their noob days’ hatched a rather disturbing plan for the two of us…

Walking in to pone’s home I was swiftly met with a sharp push to the middle of the room.  What the hell.  I said turning around to see what had caused my miss balance.  Two enderman both holding dirt blocks stood before me and my friend.  “Holy Shit he said!”  Quick troll don’t look at them.  We both quickly shielded our eyes the reason for this is never fully understood but the enderman can only attack you if you look at them.  I then heard to dirt blocks being placed peeking through the cracks of my fingers I saw that they blocked out the door.  These enderman must be old.  Most are not smart enough to actually use the blocks they moved tactically.  Though both of their voices were rather demonic in nature I could make out that one was a male and the other female.  “Now now we will not hurt you even if you do look at us.”  “Don’t believe them” Pone warned me.  “They just want to kill us all mobs just want to kill us.”  “Actually (the female interjected) all mobs want you to suffer not necessarily die and that’s what we’re going to do here today.”

Still we refuse to open up our eyes.  “Have to do things the hard way” the male said.  “Honey if you’d be so kind to take the short one of our own while all I take the creeper”.  “I’ll gladly” they discussed with one another.  I felt myself get knocked on to my back.  I then felt the female standing on top of me pinning me down.  Her hands then clasped around my arms and forced them away from my eyes.  Both of us could take it no longer.  Our eyes opened.  By the law of nature in our world they now have the right to kill us whenever they wanted to.  “Good now that that’s over… all we want you boys to do is go over there and sit.”

“That’s it?”  I could not help but ask worried.  “Well obviously we’re going to do something you’re not going to like especially the owner of that bed” the mail said pointing to the bed in the middle of the room.  This confused us so we sat down in the corner.  “Now please would you not break eye contact?  That’s all you have to do to survive the night.”  That seems easy enough I said not knowing what was about to happen.  Pone was more confused than ever.  “Troll what is so bad about the…  …  …”  His sentence was cut off only to be started by a new one.  “Notch’s Pick Acts!!!  There having sex in my bed!!!”

I will not go on as the memory of such creatures you know doing it is so disturbing I do not plan revisiting it more than once in a week and I’ve already had a nightmare about it last night.  Once the enderman had their fun and the son was beginning to rise they got up and left.  Well the male left. The woman who would not stop looking at me the whole time walked over and first had to touch me. “Rape I screamed.”  “O shot up you’re a cute little one of us wearing overalls.  Did you really think I’d leave without having as little taste?”  She then reach down enforcer mouth around mind this was not hard as you see their physiology was kind of confusing to me the way their heads can move off of their bodies for a short time...  I think what she was trying to do was a kiss it seemed more like a dental appointment judging by the suction and amount of foreign fluid.  But when it ended and she dropped me back to the floor I layed there in a catatonic state.

As she left I heard my creeper friends voice.  “So do you want to burn down my house and agree never to talk about this ever again.”  I mumbled something like to be loosely described as a yes it was hard because I had a lot of spit in my mouth.  The taste I shall never describe.

I end the flash back with as setting ablaze pone’s once sacred bed.

“You’re having a flashback aren’t you?”  I look forward to see my creeper friend now standing right in front of me.  “Yep…”  “So where is your mine?”  “Over there you ready?”  “Yeah I gathered all my supplies while you were down here having you’re little flashback.  Did you get to the part where she made out with you yet?”  He asked.  “Shut up let’s just go…”  “Yeah you got there.”

We quickly made it too his mine and began the journey into the dark depths this is about the only fun I really had you see the terrified noobs you had just seen in my flashback are no longer around in fact many mobs are dead afraid of me.  It helps when you kill their leader the ender dragon.  Case in point the zombie standing right behind me is unwilling to charge.  Turning my head I glared at the zombie it quickly moved back into the shadows.  The bitch doesn’t fuck with me.

The exploration of the mines had its fun moments like finding a dungeon which put us into an epic battle. But eventually all fun comes to an end and it felt like we explored the entire thing.  Well it looks like there’s nothing left to do darn I thought this day was going to be fun.  But I haven’t felt scared or even mildly excited the whole time.  Sometimes it sucks being at the top.  I wish had never made that remark for when I turned around I saw something truly horrifying.  My friend stood their silent…

He made no noise and had no expression on his face he was not looking at me the ground by the air he just that there lifeless.  Dude what’s wrong with you.  I asked concerned.  Now even someone as awesome is me is scared shit less by this horrible noob campfire story come to life.  For as my friends lifeless body fell down in front of me I looked on in horror to behind instead the terror of all great heroes’ dreams.  Though only to be legend but now proven to be true.  HEROBRINE.

Faced with this mortal danger I did what any brave hero would do…

I ran down the nearest mind tunnel like a scared little pussy noob with no sword from a creeper.  In fact the high pitch squeak of my little girl voice as I ran down those tunnels probably broke glass in the entire biome.

End of chapter one.

My little pony minecraft fan fiction chapter 2 running for my fucking life

Oh my god he’s dead…  Oh my god he is so dead!  I ran faster and faster down the tunnel i never stopped or look back.  My friend was dead the realization that with each step dawned on me and different way.  I’d always known that the very nature of my world simply required a death of some gruesome fashion but I’d never before experienced it.  I’d slain many mobs. Skeletons zombies’ creepers spiders even the mighty inder dragon.  I’d never truly seen death though I caused it frequently.

Finally I broke down and fell to my knees.  Now I’m all for maintaining your masculinity but not right now .  I broke down and started to cry .Not to cry like a tiny tier trickle down my face.  I mean Bolling sobbing crying.  The part of the tavern I ran into while doing this was not yet filled with light from torches.  Acting on instinct and not really cognitive thought I plopped a torch down onto the ground.  Even in my emotional state I could still make out something ahead of me coming from the darkness.  It was a zombie no my mistake it was two zombies.  The first one attempted to attack me this was a mistake for it.  For in my emotional state I was just looking for a fight.

It charged for me but my hand quickly reached up.  Grabbing it by the head and slamming it against my own as hard as I could.  Even with a special enchanted helmet made of diamond that fucking hurt.  But I ignore the pain and swiftly began punching the zombie.  I assume the other one looking at its comrade being punched to death while being pinned on the ground quickly got the memo to get the fuck away from me as no encounter ever happened between me and it.  I assume this very day at it just walked off.

While hyperventilating from my fury I looked down at the bloody zombie lying dead before me.  Shirley I’ve out run it by now I set out loud to myself.  This theory was quickly proven wrong as when a turnaround behind me to see where I come from Herobrine stood there not winded at all.  His solace white eyes simply staring at me.  With a second burst of energy I quickly ran away from the offending ghost story come to life.  This time I swung my sword.  Using only his fist he stopped it just before it struck his face.  Damn…

Needless to say I am once again running the fuck away.  I ignore everything that past my vision blocks of iron.  Blocks of coal and even the mighty diamond didn’t matter to me.  All that mattered whisking the fuck away.  Finally I came across something from the past.  It stopped my ability to two run any further.  One I should probably stop until you exactly what bars my way at this point.  you see long long ago before my time entirely there were special heroes said to be as powerful as Notch himself.  See they did not need to merely move blocks to change the world they summoned blocks.

From what I know of these god heroes all of them disappeared and whatever temple sanctuary or home they lived in at the time of the disappearance became nothing more than a huge fucking whole.  These holes went straight through the bedrock and into the dark abyss.  No one can survive the abyss it’s strange darkness kills anything inside it is said not even the gods could survive through it.

I tried to find a way around the abyss however nothing could be found not to my left and not my right.  But turnaround I saw I had bigger problems.  Herobrine head once again caught up with me.  O shit.  I’m dead.  However something shun the corner of my eye the back of the abyss there’s a small cavern on the other side of it.  Time to do what inderman do best.  I threw an inder peril across the void.  O you may not know when inter Perl does.  The small item you get from killing an inderman.  It gives you the power to Teleport wherever you throw the little thing.  Oh yes and by the way I fucking mist.  I can’t believe it my lifeline the hope for survival in the fucking whole.

I was going to throw another one but herobrine attack me and I was forced to draw my blade on him.  I fought hard with my diamond armor with full enchantment that he simply nonchalantly block my strikes with his bare fists And even the ones that did manage to make contact did no damage.  Eventually the tired out he knocked me to the ground.  Looking up I saw my would be executioner steering me down and be ready to in my life.  when all of a sudden surprise hit my face.

The pearl… It just hit something…  Just then I was sucked away from almost certain death.  I could see nothing but darkness and I felt the definite sensation of falling.  I fell for what seemed like days.  During this time my thoughts range from holy shit am about to die.  To O I wish my friend was still alive.  You know it’s weird when you’re falling for at least 2 to 3 days with no point of reference to even see if he were still falling it gives you a little bit of time to think.

Not about anything particularly important just about the usual stuff.  I took half of the time to grieve over my lost friend.  The other half a separated into two parts one was screaming my little head off.  And the other was checking my pockets for food to eat.  That’s right I eat while skydiving.  Hey you get hungry after a while.  As for when I needed to use the bathroom let’s never touch on that subject ever ever ever again.

Eventually sleep set in I was getting quite use to the falling feeling and finally started to relax.  Believe it or not I got a full 8 hours of sleep.  When my eyes opened again I was greeted with a very strange sight...  Land I could see hills trees lakes, mountains everything.  It was like I was flying through the sky.  But then remembered I’m not flying im falling.  Well time you do what iv have been doing quite well for the past few days.  Screen!

Fortunately for me the lake quickly grew bigger and bigger in my field of vision this told me that would be safe I would hit water.  Now when I say safe I mean in horrible Horrible pain.  You see the nature of my world makes everything a perfect square I have the perfect flat body front.  And I’m about to hit the water after falling for a few days.  I think you can do the math if you’ve ever done a belly flop at the pool.

Splat!

Fortunately for me the pain did not make me pass out.  It would suck to have drowned after surviving all of that.  But fortunately I managed to get to shore before doubling over in the intense pain my body was in.  Why do these things happen to me?  I asked rhetorically.

I rolled around on the ground for little bit.  I think you know exactly what that would look like if you’ve ever rolled a square object along the floor table or some other flat surface.  Then I was stopped by a strange sight.  I know now this is merely a rock but you must understand from the world I came from anything smaller then a one block unit of material simply did not exist with the exception of items.

I stared at the strange blob of material sitting upon the ground. what the FUCK …its… it’s not?  I reached out my hand and picked up the small rock.  How can it do that there’s no angles. Not a single one.  Now as a noob I took geometry and I knew that every angle other than the right angle was simply a figure of my imagination.  Everything in the world was made up of little tiny squares everything was right angles in straight lines no matter how much it seemed like they weren’t.  But this wasn’t I mean it was so smooth everything about it just pooled together in a way I cannot describe at the time.

Now I know to you this is just a rock I come from a world that’s primarily 8 bit and now in force to look upon something that is capable of a shape that simply does not exist.  So do give me time to understand something so insignificant as a little rock in front of my face.

Doubled over in pain still I could not move.  I tried several times.  But the fight to stay conscious proved to be the only battle I would win that day.  Well not entirely.  You see i did pass out after a few minutes…

When I did wake up it was night time a fear of mobs loomed heavily in my mind.  I’ve got to move I’ve got to get a shelter.  These thoughts were quickly crushed like my shattered ribs probably I never really knew how hurt I was.  In the end my efforts to move nearly of sprawl me outside my back’s I could relax.  Just forget it I thought to myself.  If a mob comes I’ll deal with it then.  I lay there all night by the lake.  I watch the Moon move through the sky it was round like the rock that a single block to be seen.

What’s happening to me? Am i going crazy I thought?  Now going crazy would not suck this bad.  I would describe my next stage of consciousness as sleeping with all your senses still intact with the exception of my eyes which were closed and did not seem to have the strength to open.  Lying there I heard various sounds of animals around me nothing I can identify though.  I listen to the relaxing sound of the water as fish splash through it and the sound of the Air whipping past my square head.

This relaxed state was then interrupted by strange sound…  “Clop clop”… “Clop clop”…  What was that I thought to myself?  “Clop clop”… “Clop clop”…  it was as coming straight for me.  For a brief moment I thought of opening up my eyes but I felt so weak I decided  screw it.  I laid there and allow the sound and closer and closer to me not caring whether or not it was friend or foe.  “Clop clop”… “Clop clop”…  When the sound finally came to the point where whatever making it must have seen me I heard a very strange quiet voice.

Ho my goodness…  You pour thing…  Is it still alive?  I then felt something touch me.  O thank goodness it’s still breathing…  But look how covered in blood you are.  Don’t worry strange thing I’ll go get help.  With that I heard it run away at a furious speed. “Clop clop”… “Clop clop”…  “Clop clop”… “Clop clop”…  I wonder who that was?  I thought to myself.  After laying there for a few more minutes my thoughts turned to my fallen comrade.  How would I ever replace such a good friend?  His big tree house what the FUCK am I going to do with that thing.  I’d seen his will and the tree was left to me.  Maybe I’ll turn into a nice monument to my friend’s memory.

“Clop clop”… “Clop clop”…  The noise returned this time I could tell that it was accompanied.  I heard the frail voice once more…  See you guys.  Right there it is.  Flutter shy how did you find this thing?  It was just lying here twilight.  Well I reckon we’d better get some help that looks like quite a bit of blood.  Rainbowdash can you help me pick up this thing?  No problem apple jack.  I hope he’s OK you know what happened to him flutter shy?  No I don’t pinky pie all I know is that I found in here.  Well he certainly has quite a taste for armor I think that’s solid diamond…  Armor?...  You’re right rarity he is wearing armor and he has a soared to.  Spike send a letter to princess CelesteTia.  I’m not totally sure if he’ll be friendly when he wakes up.  Right away twilight.  Maybe when he wakes up he will be friendly and we can have all sorts of fun all even throw a party.  Pinky pie can we just please focus on dragging this feller to the hospital?

I then felt my body being moved around.  I’m not going to lie every time they touched me the pain was so unbearable it made me pass out.  I must’ve stayed out for at least a day or two because when I woke up all my strength had returned to me.  Looking around at my surroundings I noted that I was in a hospital.  I looked up at the trimmings on the wall and various other architectural decorations to the room there equally a smooth and strange as the first rock I encountered.  I wondered if the people like me would be is equally strange and in this regard I was indeed correct.

Looking at a full body mere hung on the side wall I found that my armor had mysteriously vanished from my body along with my sword.  They must have taken them.  I thought to myself.  Upon closer examination of the full body mere I found that when of my overalls top clamps was undone so I nonchalantly clipped it back.  Upon doing this I discovered that all of the injuries I must have sustained during my crazy trip and this place had all healed.  I’ve deftly been out for quite some time.

Oh yes you probably wondering how clothing works for our skins.  I did mention before that the skins are non-option.  The same goes for whenever clothing comes with the skin if you try to take it off eventually it reappear on you.  As to how this works no one knows in his best not speculated as is quite the nature of many things in my world.  Looking away from my reflection I saw that many of the furnishings of the room had been removed.  There were square clean spots and all the walls were the pictures had been taken off.  That’s weird I thought myself are they really that worried I won’t be friendly?  Oh well I guess I’m not that insulted.  Let’s see if there is anyone outside I can talk too.  I reach for their handling attempted to twist.  Locked… with the commotion from my attempting to open the door alluded to people outside…  Hey you awaken in their?  Quickly I thought of something smart ass to say.  No I’m sleepwalking.  Quickly alert twilight sparkle that the creature they found is now awake!

The guards seemed to not want to talk to me.  They merely told me to sit back down and wait for this twilight sparkle person to come in and talk to me.  I sat down for a little while looking again at my room’s decorations or lack thereof I should say.  Why did they take all of the pictures down?  It also seems that took some furniture way to.  Oh well I’m sure all the revealed to me as soon as this twilight sparkle gets here.  Let me think twilight sparkle…  I bet she likes to enchant things or something.  After all why else would you choose a name like that for yourself?

At long last I heard talking outside the door.  Think you. You don’t need to come with me I’ll just have a small talk with him.  Then the door slowly creaked open.  Hello there miss…  Miss…  Miss…  Missed uttering eventually faded just an east airing before me.  For standing in the doorway was not a hero or even a villager.  No instead what stood before me was a small purple four legged creature.  Hello my name is twilight sparkle it’s a pleasure to meet you.

End of chapter two.