All That Sparkles

“Ohmygosh, it’s so great to have you here again, Twilight!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing up and down in her seat before the large crystal table in Twilight Sparkle’s swank new crystal tree in the center of Ponyville. “I missed you sooooo much!” She shoved her face back into the massive root beer float that she had been previously chugging.

“We all did,” Applejack said with a warm smile. “Glad to have ya back, Twi.”

The rest of the mane six all nodded their heads, mutting in agreement. Twilight smiled shakily back at all of them. She had gathered them all here, served them drinks, and told them to meet her at the planning table. She still wasn’t sure how she wa going to break the news to them, but she figured if they were at least somewhat buzzed, they’d be able to handle the news better. Of course, Pinkie wasn’t allowed anything alcoholic; the last time she’d gotten drunk, most of the colts in the town had lost their virginities, and while they certainly weren’t complaining, Twilight wasn't looking forward to listening to twenty angry mothers crying about how “that pink temptress tainted our sons.

“Yes, Twilight,” Rarity said, staking a delicate sip from her glass of wine. “It’s simply wonderful to have you back. How was Canterlot? And your new sister, was it?”

“Well, uh,” Twilight said, frowning slightly. “Something... rather unexpected happened.”

“Oh?” Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “Is everypony alright?”

“Yes...”

“Then what’s the issue?”

Twilight inhaled deeply. “Well, it’s... it’s a bit complicated, really.”

“Do your parents still want it?” Rainbow asked brashly. “‘cus sometimes, they realize it’s a huge mistake and they just want to ditch the little f—”

“Rainbow!” Rarity cried indignity. Turning to Twilight, she gave her a sympathetic frown. “Dear, I’m sorry for that.”

“It’s alright...” Twilight said slowly. “It’s just... I don’t want it. Is that bad?”

Everypony exchanged glances in an awkward silence for a few moments. “Well, um...” Fluttershy said quietly, breaking the silence like the bones of a small foal who had fallen off their scooter at high speeds. “Well...”

“I don’t get why you wouldn’t like ‘em,” Pinkie said, tapping her chin. “Foals are cute! And I was really excited when my little sisters were born! New ponies to help me move rocks! Maud always loved the rocks, but sometimes there were ones even too big for us to move, so new little sisters meant that we would be able to move even the BIGGEST rocks!” She paused and inhaled deeply, sucking in a luckless moth that had fluttered in through one of the windows, causing Fluttershy to squeak in horror. “Of course, when everything stopped being sad after I saw Rainbow’s rainbow, I was super-duper happy I had them for my parties! And we could play four player games instead of just two!” She stopped and smiled, the moth flying out of her ear in the pause she left.

“Pinkie, Ah think the new foal’s a mite young for Twilight to have the, err... same kinda relationship you have with your sisters,” Applejack pointed out while following the moth’s progress back towards the window with her eyes.

“Hm, true...” Pinkie said, furrowing her brow and scrunching her face up in the well know “thinker’s constipation” expression.

“Well, I had quite the opposite experience with my sister at first,” Rarity admitted, setting her wine glass down. “When Sweetie Belle was first born, I was going through... a ‘bratty’ stage, though at fourteen, I honestly should have grown out of it by then. It was a bit much for me to accept that I wasn’t going to be the sole child anymore, as I had grown quite used to it, but as she grew up, I took a likening to her rather quickly. Rarity paused to take another sip of wine. “Of course, Twilight, you’re far from bratty, and you are an adult and one of the most rational ponies I know, so perhaps our two situations are just as distant as Pinkie Pie’s is to yours.”

“Maybe you just feel like it’s an odd addition,” Applejack supplied, taking a long draft from a cold hard apple cider. “Your parents are what—in their mid forties? Shoot, if mah parents had been that old when Apple Bloom was born, I woulda been right confused myself.”

“Well no, it’s not that...” Twilight sighed. “Well, maybe a bit on my mother’s part. Look, girls, what I tell you next can’t leave this room, understand? I trust all of you with this, deeply.”

“Of course!” Rainbow Dash said. “You can trust us with anything!”

“My lips are zipped!” Pinkie Pie said, bringing her hoof to her mouth and inexplicably producing a zipper as she ran it over her mouth, sealing her lips just as she said she would. Several trickles of blood dripped from the now zipped lips, and everypony looked away in discomfort.

“Well...” Twilight said, dragging out the word. “Everypony makes mistakes, right?”

“Of course,” Rarity said, nodding. “We all know that, Twilight, and rest assured, we forgive you.”

“Yeah, we don’t even have to know what it is to do that,” Rainbow agreed. “We’ve all screwed up big time before, and you’ve always helped us out and forgave us, so we’ll do the same for you, no question!”

“Oh definitely,” Fluttershy said. “You’re our best friend, Twilight. We know you’re a good pony. One mistake isn’t going to define you.”

Pinkie Pie simply nodded, a single tear of pain leaking from one of her large blue eyes.

“Well, alright...” Twilight said with a sigh. “I kind of... fucked my own mother and the new foal is mine, destroying both my parent’s marriage and my fragile sanity alike.”

Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped, the pegasus slumping back in her chair, staring blankly at Twilight. Pinkie Pie’s jaw did the same, although the zipper stopped it at first. The metal on her mouth soon began to warp and yield, and in a spray of saliva and blood, it fell open as well. Rarity, who was taking a sip of wine, spat it from her mouth, drenching Applejack’s face. Applejack glared at her, and Rarity gave her a sheepish grin, before they both turned to look at Twilight with matching expressions of mixed horror and disgust, although Applejack’s seemed somewhat... forced. Fluttershy simply fainted.

“That’s, uh...” Applejack said at last, much to Twilight’s gratitude. “That’s quite the doozy you’ve gotten yourself into, Twilight.”

“I...” Rarity began to say before closing her mouth and looking down at the table.

Rainbow Dash simply continued to stare and Twilight while Pinkie Pie covered her mouth in an attempt to cull the bleeding. “Twigflift, cnan I geft shom ban-ais?” Pinkie garbled. Twilight nodded to her, and the party pony sped off to the bathroom in a blur of pink and a small trail of blood.

“Applejack,” Twilight said, turning to her. “I know you’ll sympathize with me here. How’d you deal with it?”

Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

Twilight looked around at the rest of her friend. Fluttershy was beginning to come to, Rarity was blushing heavily and looking everywhere except at Twilight, and Rainbow Dash had yet to blink. Pinkie Pie was still in the bathroom, presumably getting a band-aid.

“Well, you know,” Twilight prompted. “With Apple Bloom.”

Applejack’s eyebrow cocked further.

“Applejack, come on, everypony already knows,” Twilight said.

“Already knows what, Twilight?” Applejack asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Well, that...” Twilight bit her lip. “That Apple Bloom is your kid you had with Big Macintosh.”

Applejack’s eyebrow dropped faster than a colt’s testicles after the first time they see a porno. Her brow was now furrowed, and her face was contorted in a scowl. “And what makes yah think that exactly, Twilight?”

“Well, I mean, she just looks like the two of you—” Twilight began before Applejack cut her off.

“No, you just think that because we’re farm ponies, we’re always inbreedin’ and whatnot!” Applejack said loudly, slamming her hoof on the table. “Twilight, I’m shocked! I thought you were better than this!”

Twilight leaned back in her chair, eyes wide. “Applejack, that—”

“Admit it!” Applejack yelled. “You’re just goin’ offa stereotypes!”

“I—” Applejack silenced Twilight with a single glare. Twilight bit her tongue, and then heaved a heavy sigh. “Well... maybe a little. But—”

“That’s enough, Twilight,” Applejack said. “I don’t get right angry at many things, but that’s one of the things Ah simply can’t stand for! And you, of all ponies!”

“I-I’m sorry,” Twilight whimpered, staring down at the table before her.

“You best be,” Applejack said. “Now, I don’t hatcha, sugarcube, but I know you’re better than this!”

“Is it true, though?” Twilight said, looking up at Applejack. Applejack frowned.

“Well, ‘course it is, but that’s beside the fact!” Applejack said hurriedly. Rarity made a nosie akin to a small puppy being stepped on, and Rainbow Dash turned her gawking gaze towards her. Fluttershy, who had just steadied herself in her chair, looked around.

“O-oh my, what did I miss?”

“Apple Bloom,” RainbowDash said in a voice mixed with equal disbelief and surreal excitement. “Is Applejack and Big Mac’s daughter.”

Fluttershy passed out again.

“I-I just...” Rarity stammered, looking back and for from Applejack to Twilight. “H-How could you even...”

“Rarity, Ah don’t think now’s the best time to question our motives,” Applejack said. “‘specially considering Twilight’s state of affairs right now.”

“I mean, it’s just so...” Rarity’s brain flipped through her index of unscrupulous adjectives. “Crude!”

“It’s simply a lifestyle choice, Rarity,” Applejack said.

“To my credit, I was manipulated into it and didn’t choose to fall into this!” Twilight voiced from across the table.

“Twilight, you’re in this boat now, don’t go jumpin’ out halfway, you’re gonna drown,” Applejack said, shooting her a pleading glance. Rarity moaned and clutched her head in her hooves.

There was a crash, and Pinkie Pie rolled into the room, completely entombed in toilet paper, gauze, and bandages. “Hehe, sorry Twilight, I had a little battle with the bathroom! I think I won, though...”

Twilight sighed, and slumped down in her chair. “Well, this went about exactly as well as I thought it would. Thanks for living up to my expectations.”

“You’re welcome!” Pinkie Pie said cheerily, completely oblivious.

Twilight groaned.