All That Sparkles

Twilight Velvet sighed, and stretched out on the bed in her guest room. She was still residing in Canterlot Palace, much to Celestia’s chagrin, and to Velvet’s minor annoyance as well. For all of her cocky, straightforward actions regarding her love life and her divorce, Velvet wasn’t exactly the best at picking out divorce lawyers.

“So, let me get this straight,” Velvet said, looking up at the stallion who stood next to the bed, sweating in his dress suit and pressed tie. “Night Light didn’t win the house in the divorce.”

“Y-aah-uhh...” the lawyer said, levitating a crumpled resumé from his shirt pocket and moping down his brow. “We-ell, yes...”

“And...” Twilight Velvet paused for emphasis, staring deep into where the lawyer once had a soul with a grim, steely gaze. “I didn’t win the house, either. Correct?”

The lawyer coughed, and bit his lip, looking around in a mixture of surreptitiousness and pure, unadulterated terror. “Well, n-not exactly, no...”

“So neither of us one the house in the divorce, do I have you clear?”

The lawyer swallowed hard, and then nodded cautiously.

Velvet sighed yet again. “Then who gets the house?”

“Well, that’s uh... that’s still being worked out by o-our lawyers.” The lawyer flinched, as though he expected to be hit in the face by a phone book, which happens more often than you think. In fact, lawyers are the second most-oft recipients of phone book-to-face relations, right below politicians and above veterinarians.

“YOU have lawyers?” Twilight Velvet cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, yes,” the lawyer explained. “U-usually when our firm loses a case, we get sued by our defendants, so we have to get unbiased lawyers to support us! And then when they lose our case, we sue them, and they have to make sure they have their own lawyers to sue the original defendants that sued us, thus producing a vicious cycle which keeps the legal system running.”

Twilight Velvet simply continued to stare at the lawyer.

“Please don’t hurt me,” the lawyer whimpered with a small squeak, eyes wide and terrified.

Velvet sighed. “Go on, get out of here, then.” When the lawyer didn’t move and simply stayed quaking in place, she raised her eyebrow again. “What are you waiting for? Get out of her before I shrink your precious pony penis! Don’t think I’ll do it? Have a little chat with the divorcee and you’ll see just how serious I am.”

The lawyer blanches and tucked his tail between his hind legs, scampering from the room. As he fled out of the doorway, Princess Celestia walked in, nodding towards him once before training her gaze on Twilight Velvet.

“Must you be such a callous bitch constantly?” she asked her, frowning. Coming off a bit ruder and more sharp than she’d have liked, Celestia blushed slightly, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.

“The lawyer was being utterly useless,” Velvet said with a shrug, unperturbed by the Princess’s outburst. “For all I know, they’re just trying to take the house for the government’s sake! Or to infest the walls with their lawyerspawn and to spin their lawyer webs in the basement, or whatever it is those legal types do.”

“I’ll see to it personally that your house remains out of the clutches of government possession and is returned to either you or Night Light,” Celestia said. “Look, Velvet... we need to discuss the affairs of your daughters. Both of them, but Twilight Sparkle in particular.”

Velvet rolled over on the bed, so that she was facing Celestia properly. “What is there to talk about? She’s back in Ponyville right now, as she requested after I woke her from her shock-coma. She’ll be fine; she’s a tough girl, my Twilight Sparkle.”

“Yes, that may be so, but that doesn’t take care of everything,” Princess Celestia said, frowning again. “As you know, after she was woken up by your, ah... skilled oral work—”

Twilight Velvet smiled at this.

“—she excused herself from her room and proceeded to go down to the royal kitchens and ingest twelve buckets of ice cream. She slept there, and left the next morning for Ponyville with nary a word to anypony! She’s obviously not alright, Velvet, and we need to have a heart to heart with her; a real discussion about everything that’s happened in the past week and a half.”

Velvet nodded slowly. “Well, yes, I suppose you’re right... but I do have a favor to ask of you.”

“I daresay you’re not in any position to be asking favors...” Celestia said with an apprehensive bite in her tone. “But if it’ll make getting you to talk to Twilight all that much easier, I’m willing to listen.”

“Well, as you know, my housing situation is rather... difficult right now,” Velvet said, her expression softening. “I’m going to need somewhere to stay, and honestly... I think that it’s most convenient for us all if I stay here in the palace.”

It was Princess Celestia’s turn to cock an eyebrow. “Oh really? And why, pray tell, do you think this is?”

“Well, you’re all here,” Velvet reasoned. “And all Twilight has to do is come over! And then we can have the talk with everypony, since Shining and Cadance are still staying here as well, and the whole matter can be resolved, easy as that.”

“Well, that’s a well reasoned argument,” Celestia said. “You can stay here until the issue with Twilight is resolved.”

“Hm, if I might,” Velvet said cautiously. “I’d like to... revise what I said, since I wasn’t especially clear. I’d like to make this a more permanent residence, if you’ll have me.”

There was a moment of silence that followed in which Celestia gave Velvet a skeptical glance, not sure if she was joking. When it was quite evident she was being serious, the Princess snorted. “Velvet, do you honestly think you’ve earned the right to live in the palace?”

Velvet pursed her lips. “Well, I know I haven’t been exactly the kindest of guests, and that this whole issue and involvement is partially my fault—”

Princess Celestia snorted again.

“—but you have to understand, Princess, I did it out of love! I love my daughter, and I love the child I’ve had with her, and I want to be able to make sure their best interests are dealt with. And that means that I have to have a place to stay to keep Twilight Glimmer happy and healthy, for starters.”

“We can arrange for you to find a place to live that is far away from Palace premises,” Celestia said, her tone so cold it froze a vase of flowers on the dresser next to her.

“Ah, but as I said, best interests,” Velvet said slyly. “I want Glimmer to be able to grow up with the Princesses, learning from only the best!”

“Flattery will get you nowhere here,” Celestia warned her.

Twilight Velvet nodded in comprehension. “And to be near a place where her father will visit often. It’s more convenient for you too!”

“I suppose...” Princess Celestia’s resolve was weakening. “Still, supposing the talk with Twilight ends up with you not quite in her ‘favor’.” Velvet’s eyes went slightly wider than usual. "That’d make things very difficult here. I can’t run the risk.”

“I can offer you advice as how to win her over,” Velvet said abruptly. Celestia froze.

“Velvet, I can only express my pure bafflement here,” Celestia said slowly after a time. “You claim you are in love with your daughter, yet you are so eager to sell her over to me?”

“Your previous comment struck true to me,” Velvet said, sighing sadly. “She may not—in fact, there is a great chance she will not—be willing to carry a relationship with me, especially not after how I’ve been acting and treating everypony. I want to start fresh, anew—and I want a chance to win her over properly, even if that means contending with you. After all she...” Velvet inhaled deeply. “She deserves to know who her suitors are, and the choice to pick between them.”

Princess Celestia sighed as well, and slowly walked over to the bed, giving Velvet a look that betrayed the kindness she was usually so prone to. “You spread the inherent love and patience I have for my subjects very thin, Twilight Velvet but... you’ve shown the maturity I have waited to see from you for all this time at long last.” She smiled softly at her. “I think that we can work something out for you here.”

Twilight Velvet returned the smile. “Thank you, Princess.”

“Be warned though, and do not take this as a sign of weakness,” Celestia cautioned. “Should you act like a jealous and vicious school filly again, my kindness will be quickly and gladly revoked.”

Twilight Velvet nodded. “I understand, Princess.”

“And don’t think I will be attempting to make any moves on Twilight before the talk,” Celestia said. “And I am going to hold you to the same honor.”

“Of course, Princess.”

Princess Celestia smiled once more, and turned her gaze behind her, where Twilight Glimmer was sleeping soundly in her crib.

“She really is a lovely little filly, you know...”