A Bunch of A-Holes

The rainbow-maned Pegasus led the five to a small cottage, not far from the exploded ship, maybe a six minute walk.  It seemed unharmed, and there were a lot of animals around.  Floating in the middle of the crowd was a butter-colored Pegasus with a candy pink mane.  Peter stared at it, half disgusted that such a combination was used, buy at the same time rather enjoying the way the pink framed the yellow rump.  He almost slammed his forehoof into his face again.  Really, now he was fantasizing about little horses.  Honestly.  Sure he had slept with like, twelve different species, but they were all at least roughly human shaped.  Then again, right now, he was kind of horse shaped.

The blue Pegasus said something to the yellow one, who turned around and stared at Groot for several long seconds before letting out a high-pitched wail and rocketing into the cottage so fast it left afterimages in his eyes.

He started forward, “Groot, c’mere.  We’ve got to show her that we don’t mean her any harm.”

Groot said nothing for a minute, but walked up to the door and settled onto his belly, legs tucked up as a flowerbed sprouted along his back and he calmly ripped several of them off, holding the makeshift bouquet in his sharp teeth.  At that point, Peter noticed the appalling lack of muzzle over the timberwolf’s snout,

“Groot?  Muzzle.”

The plant alien sighed, and the muzzle became visible again as chunks of sharp teeth and jaw fell off, leaving the flowers pinned to the front of the leather piece by what looked like a single tiny vine, “Grooooot.”

“Thank you,” Peter knocked on the door, “Miss, he has his muzzle on now.  You can come out.  I promise he won’t bite.”

The door opened slightly, and a pink mane crept out first, followed by a yellow head, “Hello.  I’m Fluttershy.  Ah…Is that a timberwolf?”

Peter patted the plant on the shoulder, “I don’t know.  Last night he was more, well, vertical shaped.  Now he’s like this.  And I’m starting to miss my hands.”

“Hands?  You mean Claws?”

Peter shook his head, “Hands.  Five fingers.  Good for grabbing things.”

“Oooh, are you a polymorphed monkey?”

“No.  But Rocket’s an uplifted, well he doesn’t like to think of himself as a member of the species that birthed him.  You know, Raccoons.”  He pointed at the named creature, the only member of the five to have not been forced into a new shape, “We were wondering if you could keep an eye on them for a couple of weeks while we try to get this whole thing figured out.  Also, if he pulls a gun out, leave him alone.  He won’t shoot anything that doesn’t actively threaten him.”

“What’s a gun?”

Hoofprint the first, meet hoofprint the second.  The red garbed Pegasus was starting o get a headache, “Look, just leave him alone, and he’ll leave you alone.”

“Ah, I don’t think I have enough fish to feed your timberwolf for more than a day.”

“That’s Ok.  He’ll just sit in the sun and eat himself.  He’s strictly self-cannibalizing.  Maybe give him a flower or two.  He won’t eat them but it’ll make him happy.”

The yellow mare stared at him, “What do you mean Cannibalizing?”

Groot smiled through his muzzle and made a show of nibbling through his paw, then swallowing it calmly, and almost immediately regenerating the missing parts.

Peter gestured with his hooves and wingtips, as if to say, ‘See.’

She shrugged back, “I see.  Well, I best be getting them settled in.  Have you already checked with Applejack about renting rooms in her house?”

The blue Pegasus landed next to her friend, “I’m taking them there next.  If there isn’t enough space, I’ll put Star-lord, here, up in my place.”

Peter smiled widely, hoping for a moment that there wasn’t enough rooms, and that Drax was smart enough to not offer to sleep on the floor.  He would take being booted from the brawny thug’s room if it meant shacking up with the only actual athlete out of the natives he had seen.  And with her flying in front of him constantly, and these horses tendency to not wear clothing, he could see exactly what he was expecting to bed soon.

“Huh.”

__

The home of Applejack was not at all what Peter expected.  It was a rustic looking farmhouse with a large red barn, set near a large field of trees that smelled strongly of apples.  Of course a farmstead would have spare rooms.  They always did in the holos he had seen.  Hopefully there were temporarily less rooms available than crew to fit in them.

Then the blue Pegasus waved over a large orange horse with its mane tied back in a pony-tail.  He laughed silently at that, but waited until the horse was closer to start saying something.  His words stopped in his throat as he realized that he would not be getting any tonight.  The two horses nuzzled in a way that made it very clear they were taken by each-other.

“Applejack, meet Gamora, Star-lord, and Drax.  They’re temporarily stuck in Ponyville, and need a place to stay.”

“Oh, of course,” the orange mare looked at the three of them, “Well, unfortunately, I only have one available room.  Remember, Babs came to visit.”

“Oh, right.  Well, I can only provide a room for Star-lord, since the others’ll just fall through the floor.”

“What about Rarity.  I’m sure she’d love to have another mare to talk designs to, especially with that fascinating outfit she’s wearing.”

Gamora looked at her uniform, all red leather and cords.  It was utilitarian, not fashionable.  And what was with these horse-creatures.  They seemed overly welcoming, even if it seemed that the blue one and the purple one were the only two who knew why they were there.  Not many races would accept mercenary nuts into their homes, especially ones on a Murder-hunt.  Those that did often didn’t survive.  Still, if she was going to be staying with this ‘Rarity’, she probably should get going.  The sun was starting to droop, “Hey, uh, Rainbow Dash?  If I’m going to be staying with Rarity, shouldn’t we get going, before the sun sets?”  Not that she was afraid of the dark.  She just knew what tended to hide in it, and being unable to hold her knives with hooves, she was at a disadvantage.

The blue Pegasus nodded, “Yeah.  AJ, show Drax to his room.  I’ll drop Gamora here off at Rarity’s, then get Star-lord settled in to my spare room.”

Drax nodded, and followed Applejack towards the house.

“This is a very nice home you have here.  I used to live in one very similar, with my family.”

Applejack placed a hoof on his side, comfortingly, “Don’t you worry.  Twilight already sent a letter about your situation.  We’ll get you home to your family before too long.”

He shook his head, “You don’t understand.  My family is dead.  My home was burned to the ground by Ronan the Accuser, under the orders of Thanos, Lord of Death.  I have nothing left but my friends.”

Applejack wrapped her hoof around his fore-limb, “And us, for as long as it takes to get you five back where you were before.”

Drax nodded, and followed her into the house, ducking through the doorway.  The ceiling was lower than he was used-to, the Milano having been redesigned to accommodate Groot, but he was able to stand mostly upright on all fours if he kept his head low.

As they reached the end of the hallway, Applejack opened a door that seemed like it might not be big enough, “Here’s your room for now, Drax.  Dinner is in fifteen minutes.  Don’t be late, or Macintosh might eat all’a the food.”

__

Rarity’s home made Gamora flinch.  It was a brilliant white, covered in glass and purple bits.  Inside, it looked like a fabric store combined with a paper-recycler.  Rarity herself was a white Unicorn with a purple mane and a very upper-class attitude that immediately put her on Gamora’s hit list.

The fact that her very first act was to grab Gamora’s collar, and act that would have gotten her killed if Gamora had been fully in tune with her new body, and squeal, didn’t help.  Gamora sighed and let the mare examine the vest and the pants.  After a few moments, she backed away, a look of horror on her face, “Is that…Leather?”

Gamora resisted the urge to throttle the Unicorn, “Yes.  Cut from the finest cattle of Xandar.”

Another horrified look, “But…You can’t just kill somepony for their skin!”

Gamora sat on her haunches, “We didn’t.”

“Oh…They died naturally then…”

“Huh?  No.  They were killed for meat.”

“Bah!  Bah!  Those were sentient creatures!”

Peter stepped forward and grabbed Gamora’s ear in his teeth, pulling her away from the white Unicorn, “G, perhaps I should handle this.  I’m not as blunt.”

He turned to Rarity and stepped up to her, “Sorry about that.  Gamora’s not good at explaining things.  The cattle we use for meat, and Leather, is specifically bred for the purpose.  They have no brains to speak of, and no intelligence.  They are literally just meat wrapped in leather.  Hell, most of them don’t even have bones.

“Bah.  Wha?  Oh.  Uh.  Let’s get you two into something else before you scare anypony else.”

Peter sighed, “I’m not giving up my coat.  And I sure as hell ain’t walking around naked.”

“Why not?  Everypony else saves clothing for special occasions.”

“I woke up in the morning.  That’s a pretty special thing for me.”

Gamora shrugged, “He’s right.  A few weeks ago we had a rather bad day where he almost didn’t wake up until nearly night, because he had been stabbed.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Rocket got mad at him while he was drunk, and stabbed him.”

Rarity merely stared for a minute, “Sweet Celestia!  Rainbow, you must bring him back over tomorrow.  I will take him with me to the spa.”

Peter backpedalled, “Gamora, have fun.  I’mma leave now,” he dragged the Pegasus out the door, “Ain’t happening.  Not gonna do it again.  Last time a chick talked me into going to a spa I left with more makeup than Liberace and a clown combined!  And my belly-button lint collection was missing!”

The mare laughed, “You can stare at mine for a while then.  C’mon!”  Her wings opened wide, spreading into a wide flare.  She flapped and took off, “Well, c’mon!  You know how to fly, right?”

Peter’s hoof pressed against his helmet, instinct temporarily overcoming the knowledge that maybe his helmet hadn’t reconfigured.  Fortunately, it had.  He tucked his wings tight to his sides, ignoring the confused look of the Pegasus, “Race ya!”

“I’m the fastest flier on Equestria.  I’ll win, especially if you don’t even open your wings.”  Peter leapt into the air on his jet boots.

“Bet me.  Which way?”

She pointed at a large cloud, stylized and with a rainbow colored waterfall, “See you there.”

His boots flared as he roared off towards the house.  Even if he wasn’t sure it would work, it felt good to fly.  He reached the house and flipped into a hover, balancing deftly on his rear-hooves as the Pegasus landed on the cloud beside him, “Hey, how long do those last?”

“Ah, bout ninety seconds at full burst,” the thrusters shut off, and he landed on the cloud, half expecting to fall through.  When he didn’t, he settled into it, “This is pretty nice.  And you live here?”

“Oh, yeah.  C’mon, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

He sighed, and followed her into the house.  The fact that she was together with the orange one made for a slight issue, but he was certain that at some point, if they were stuck here long enough, well, he could handle two…Maybe.  It would be easier with fingers, but whatever.