My Apartment in Equestria

Lyra and I managed to get out before the guards arrived and I explained that I was dropping charges. They were confused at first, but I explained (made shit up) what happened and why.

Four days later at 8a.m, Applejack and I sat at the Ponyville Train Station waiting for our train. I packed a suit that Rarity made, a few books, a change of clothes, my laptop, things I'd need for my speech, Corvo's sword, and a Pip-Boy 3000. To entertain us, I read aloud from What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions.

I was explaining how an AK-47 creates enough thrust to push itself and a squirrel into the air when the train came into the station. I picked up my stuff and we got on. On the way, I checked my SPECIAL and Skills on the Pip-Boy.

Strength; 7

Perception; 6

Endurance; 4

Charisma; 8

Intelligence; 10

Agility; 5

Luck; 15

"Ah'll never understand your fascination with those gadgets." Applejack mumbled.

"Eh, you get used to them when you have them all your life. Besides, they're entertaining." I got out my laptop and loaded the complete video of 'That Guy Riffs' from That Guy with the Glasses, in an effort to hopefully get AJ into something I like. She didn't laugh at the first few minutes but I got a giggle out of her at 'That's not the only thing he'll be thumbing. Hahaha, if you got that then you're GAY!' and her laughter increased from their. After an uneventful, day long journey full of Nostalgia Critic reviews, we arrived at Canterlot and were escorted to a hotel by guards. While waiting for our room, I sat down at a rather plush chair beside AJ and began reading Flags of Our Fathers. You would find similar books on my bookshelf at home, books about history or science, some fantasy here or there.

"Good evening, sir." said a stallion that I hadn't seen with my eyes on the book. I looked up and saw a stallion in an old time suit and monocle.

"Evening." I said in response before going back to reading.

"Might I know your name?" he said, getting the message that I wasn't in the mood for talking.

"Ben Kerr. And you are?" I asked, trying to gather some semblance of interest.

"Fancypants. What is it that you are reading?" he asked, glad to have someone to talk to.

"Flags of Our Fathers. It's about the lives of the flag-raisers at the Battle of Iwo Jima. It's probably one of famous picture in human history. You have no idea what those words mean do you?" he shook his head " 'course not. Good to see all my time researching is going to waste in a world without my history."

"Perhaps not. I believe I may be able to piece together what's happening." I handed him the book, letting him levitate it to his face. After a few moments, his face went whiter than his coat already was. "Seems like an interesting read. Do you have any more books like this?"

I scoffed and said "Pah, I got books, movies, documentaries, video games, the whole sha-bang."

"I believe I may have an offer for you. I own a swiftly growing entertainment company and, if I see more of your work, I may consider hiring you as a content creator. What do you say, good sir?"

"Sure, just give me time to put together a portfolio." I assured.

"I shall check my schedule, and reserve two days for you. Here is my card." he levitated me a card and I pocketed it. A bell-boy motioned to AJ and I and we followed him to our room.

Next Day

9:28 am

Celestia went about introducing me, while AppleJack and I were backstage. I had my suit and laptop. If I shaved my head and had leather gloves, I could pass for Agent 47. I, understandably, was freaking out while Applejack tried to calm me down. "Look at me, sugarcube. Just look at me, and nopony else." She leaned forward and kissed me. We held for a few seconds and when we separated, she stated "Yur gonna do fine."

"And now, my loyal subjects, I present to you the only human in Equestria, Benjamin Donald Kerr." Celestia's words echoed from the stage and I began walking forward. We met as she went backstage, and I shook her hoof before continuing to the podium.

I laughed and said "Wow are you guys short." as a sort of ice breaker. Then I got down to business. I connected the laptop to a projector that I had left over from college. I opened the laptop and loaded the file before turning on the projector. It wired to life and began showing my screen against a white sheet.

"Hello, I'm Ben Kerr, your friendly neighborhood human. Let's begin with basics shall we; I'm a human, scientific name Homo Sapien translated from Latin, it means 'Wise Man'. We are the only sapient life form on the planet Earth which, as far as we know, is the only planet that can sustain life. I don't know this is a different universe, same planet or the same universe, different planet. We can't fly without a machine," a supersonic jet swooped by on screen, " and we can't use magic. Now, some of you may be wondering 'How can you even do simple things?!'. The answer to that question, my friends, is science.

Before we continue, imagine, will you? You are part of a crew entering human space, this is what you would likely see"

Youtube Video

Science has allowed us to break the sound barrier, multiple times, within the confines of a piece of metal curved just so that it creates lift. Science has lead to so many brilliant inventions that I can't imagine my life without science. The thing I'm showing this presentation on is a product of science. I mean, for Christ's sake, we landed on the Moon, the freaking Moon, in the Sixties!" There was a shocked gasp as Neil Armstrong's famous words echoed of the walls 'That's one small step for man, one giant leap for man kind.'

"However, science has also allowed us to create machine guns," a picture of WW1 soldiers in gas masks on a Maxim gun, "and a bomb that can, frankly, level a city." Thinking that real nuclear test footage would be too brutal, I instead substituted Civilization nukes.

"But, if we are being frank, my world is a mixed bag. For every Moon Landing, there is a Manhattan Project but even then, that brought tons of scientific advancements. For every Martin Luther King Junior or Mahatma Ghandi, there is an Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin. For every Cenk Uygur or Jon Stewart, there is a Rush Limbaugh or the entirety of FOX News, except Shepard Smith.

There are a lot of things that nobody can fix; in billions of years our sun will turn into a Red Dwarf and consume our planet, nothing can stop that. We will die, our cells can only divide so many times. But there is also things we can fix; corruption, global warming, republican politicians."

The speech continued like that until I reached the end. "Now, after all that depressing information, let's end on a happy note. I did not make this but... it makes me smile every time."

Youtube Video

"Also a quote by Robert A. Heinlein, 'I believe in my whole race. Yellow, white, black, red, brown --in the honesty, courage, intelligence, durability....and goodness.....of the overwhelming majority of my brothers and sisters everywhere on this planet. I am proud to be a human being. I believe that we have come this far by the skin of our teeth, that we always make it just by the skin of our teeth --but that we will always make it.... survive.... endure. I believe that this hairless embryo with the aching, oversize brain case and the opposable thumb, this animal barely up from the apes, will endure --will endure longer than his home planet, will spread out to the other planets, to the stars, and beyond, carrying with him his honesty, his insatiable curiosity, his unlimited courage --and his noble essential decency. This I believe with all my heart.' Thank you." I walked off stage.

Celestia smiled at me, "I believe that went well." I see my 15 Luck serves me well.