F*ckin' Parties and Sex Everywhere, What Did You Expect?

"Out of Tylenol again? Fuck!"

Rainbow sifted through her medicinal cabinet, sending bottles of all kinds to the floor. She had woken up with a hangover again, just as she had every day for the past three weeks since Twilight's birthday.

Rainbow Dash had ended up taking them all to Ponyville's own strip club for some "fun." The only two that actually ended up having "fun" were Twilight and Pinkie, though Rainbow honestly hadn't been surprised by that. She knew taking her friends and expecting them to like it was a long shot, but hey, it was worth a shot... right?

Was it worth it?

The question that had repeated itself since that night. The question that Rainbow didn't have an answer for. The reason for her uncertainty: Pinkie Pie, Ponyville's one and only party animal, though that definition had been greatly expanded since then.

After Rainbow had taken her there that night, she wanted to go there every night for some fun. At first, Rainbow loved it; she hadn't had anyone be able to keep up with her partying ability in years, and Pinkie had plenty of energy to go on. She could keep going when most others would wuss out, and could outdrink anyone she crossed paths with. She was undefeated in Ponyville, and a few outsiders had poured in from other parts of Equestria to challenge her, but they ended up just like every other challenger; extreme liver damage in the hospital, while Pinkie somehow remained completely functional in every aspect. It was great, and Rainbow felt like she was on top of the world, and she was sure Pinkie felt the same way. Everything was great.

Then shit changed.

While Rainbow knew Pinkie was already "different" in the amount of energy she had as a party animal, she had no idea just how truly powerful of a monster she had created.

After two weeks of partying, Rainbow had asked Pinkie for a day or two off from partying. Just relax for a little bit, and return back to the Pink Pony completely refreshed. Pinkie wanted no part of it, though; she was completely driven to continue partying with no breaks. With her friend refusing to stop, of course Dash didn't want to stop. She'd be lame, and if there's anything Rainbow Danger Dash isn't, it's lame. So, the pegasus sucked it up, and kept going.

The constant partying was just an ingredient to the mix, however. What kicked off the shitstorm was the piece of paper Pinkie receive in the mail 3 days later.

The tab from Berry Punch's deliveries, which now amounted to a little over 22,000 bits.

With the high of partying dulling their senses, Pinkie and Dash both continued to spend bits for their partying needs. Rainbow wasn't in anything serious, though. While she had elevated her expenses partying with Pinkie, it was still perfectly controllable with her saved up cache of bits and great income as the captain of the Weather Team of Ponyville.

Pinkie was not so fortunate, however. While Rainbow had experience as a partier and had already knew to be at least somewhat careful with money at parties, Pinkie didn't. She shelled out cash faster than Diamond Tiara in a candy store, paying for the starting shots, then putting everything else on a tab. The worst part was that the "everything else" was the binge-drinking alcohol, which she kept buying from Berry Punch, who was already overpriced to begin with. Drinking anywhere between 20-70 bottles of the stuff a night meant between 1,000 to almost 3,000 a night, something not affordable of a baker.

Pinkie had shown the paper to Rainbow Dash first, not wanting to worry the Cakes or the rest of her friends yet. Rainbow Dash was just as worried as she was, though, and just as clueless. RD had about 12,000 bits saved up in total, Pinkie about 7,000. A good amount combined, but not enough to satisfy the tab.

To finish off the shitstorm of trouble, Pinkie still wanted to party. She still wanted to keep going. Everytime Rainbow brought up the tab, Pinkie broke down emotionally in tears and made Dash feel terrible, but as soon as she got the chance she'd take another chance to live the high life.

As Rainbow finished drinking a cup, she began to search her house for any "guests." Finding none, she found her thoughts echoing the same question over and over.

Was it worth it?

"Pinkie, we need to talk," Rainbow Dash said, rather forcefully at her friend, who was laying on her front yard, wearing ALL the Mardigras beads, along with red shutter shades.

"Oh... hey Dashies..." Pinkie smiled, as shit faced as ever, up at what she presumed to be three Rainbow Dash's side by side.

"Christ....Dash faced hoofed herself, before helping the binged out pink mare to her feet.

"Hey, I'm gettin' better at this hungedover sheet...." Pinkie remarked, leaning from side to side, "I di'int fall down, this times."

"Pinkie Pie, really, we need to talk about your bill," The pegasus began saying to Pinkie.

"SSSsssssshhhhhh..." Pinkie hushed at Rainbow, "If you talk too loud, my ear holes'll get pissy and make my head hurt."

"Dammit Pinkie..." RD muttered to herself. "Alright," She continued, in a softer tone, "I think I have a solution to your problem."

"..." Pinkie stared vacantly at Dash.

"Pinkie?" She waved her hoof in front of the earth mare. "Pinkie?!"

"... Your voice... is so damn obnoxious..." Pinkie began smiling from ear to ear at her comment. "Like... really Dashie, damn. You sound like a squeaker who smokes a pack of cigs a day." She began giggling.

"Enough of this shit," Rainbow Dash said, bluntly. She walked over to the side of Pinkie's house, grabbed the hose, and began water-logging her friend. After several minutes of drenching, Rainbow turned the water off and approached Pinkie.

"Feeling better?" Rainbow asked smugly, as Pinkie laid on the ground, clenching her head with her hooves.

"Owie, my head..." She complained as she got to her hooves.

"So listen, I think I've found a solution to your money wows," Rainbow informed.

"Yeah?" Pinkie asked, still rubbing her throbbing temples. "And what's that?"

"So you like the Pink Pony right?" Rainbow asked, double checking her facts.

"Yeah..." Pinkie said, "Listen Dashie, I need to get an ice pack or something, so whatever your plan is, I'm sure it'll work. I'm all for it, whatever." Pinkie turned and began staggering towards her front door.

"Great!" Rainbow cried. "You start working at the Pink Pony tomorrow night!"

"Wow Dashie, this outfit is really silly!"

"Pinkie, just... uh...." Dash trailed off, not sure what to say. Tonight was Pinkie's first night, and she was putting on her "performance uniform" for the first time. Right in front of Dash.

Pinkie was wearing a baker's outfit, of course, but it made her the sexiest goddamn baker that Dash had ever seen. The apron around her neck that covered her front was small and looked to be easy to rip off in a moment. The baker's hat was unnecessary, at least to Dash, but something did seem a little sexy about it.

The sexiest part of the outfit though, and admittedly the strangest, was the stockings. Rainbow Dash was pretty sure a baker didn't normally wear stockings, but obviously that wasn't the point. The stockings were striped, red and white, complimenting her pink fur in a way that Rainbow hadn't even thought of. They were extremely long, almost reaching up to her barrel, but that just seemed to add to the eroticism.

"Dashie, helllllo?" Pinkie called out, snapping Rainbow out of her trance. It took a second for Rainbow to respond as she tried to relax her wings, which had gone impossibly stiff.

"Uh... yeah, Pinkie. Look, I'm gonna go ahead and go. I'll see ya later, ok?" Dash said, trying to get out of there as fast as possible.

"Okie dokie lokie! See ya!" Pinkie replied, seemingly oblivious to Dash's growing wingboner. Dash left as soon as the words left her mouth, leaving the baker all to herself. That was, until a mint-colored pony walked into the room to join her in changing into an outfit of some kind.

"Hi, Lyra! I didn't know you worked here, too!" Pinkie greeted.

"Yeah, I do, me and Bonnie both." Lyra said while examining Pinkie's outfit. "Since when did you start working here?"

"Oh, tonight's my first night! Oh, this is gonna be so much fun! Or wait, is it going to be fun?" Pinkie said, her mood dropping drastically. "Oh no! What if it's not fun? What if I mess up?! What if..." Pinkie's rambling was cut off by Lyra's hoof to her mouth.

"Whoa, calm down, Pinkie. Everything's gonna be fine." Lyra put a hoof on her shoulder in reassurance. "There's just a couple things you'll have to learn to make it here. Maybe the other girls and I can teach you but, somethings you'll have to learn on your own." This just earned a slightly less concerned but more confused look from Pinkie.

"Things to learn? Like what?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, first off..." Lyra started, but was interrupted by the appearance of a familiar white earth pony with a nurse's hat on her head.

"Lyra, you got a high-roller! He's paying quite a bit for the time, so you might wanna hurry up!" Redheart said before leaving. Lyra got up to go see her client, but not before turning to Pinkie with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry Pinkie, but I gotta take this. I don't know how long this'll take, so I'll see you later." Lyra said her goodbyes before beginning to walk towards the door. Pinkie still had more questions, however.

"But wait, Lyra, what if I mess up something really bad, and..." Pinkie began to ramble again.

"Are you still on that? You'll be fine, Pinkie!" Lyra assured.

"But what if I..." Lyra just shook her head, and her horn began to glow. A nearby cabinet became enveloped in the same color as Lyra's horn, and opened revealing a small collection of different objects. Two of them began to glow as well, and floated towards Pinkie.

"Here, just take this. It'll help relax you a bit for your first night. Just light the end of the roll with the lighter, and take a small breath of the fumes," Lyra explained, "It'll be a little strange at first, but it'll help, trust me. You aren't the first pony to be nervous here," A small smile grew on Lyra's face, "Just don't worry. I'm sure you'll do fine." With that, the unicorn left, leaving the earth pony alone in the dressing room.

Pinkie looked at the rolled up paper in her left hoof and the magical lighter in her right. Shrugging her shoulders as if to say "fuck it, what could go wrong?", she flicked the lighter's ignition switch until a small orange flame appeared. She lowered the end of the paper into the flame until the paper caught fire and a pleasant scent filled the air.

She raised the joint to her mouth, and took a huff.

"And I said, are you crazy?"

Pinkie was currently sitting in the lap of a stallion with half of her outfit off and a large kitchen knife that she continued to swing aimlessly in her drug-induced state. The stallion now really wished he had just gone with the nurse at this point.

"No, I think you're crazy! Watch where you swing that knife, dammit!" The stallion said while dodging a swing that came uncomfortably close to his neck. Pinkie simply giggled at the stallion's complaining, though not the normal Pinkie giggle. Instead, it was a small chuckle, most likely caused by the top grade marijuana coursing through her veins and somehow relaxing the energetic party pony.

"Silly, this isn't a knife. It's a..." the baker began, but suddenly seemed to fall asleep, leaving the stallion in a wonderful situation to handle. Luckily for the stallion, a certain musician happened to pass through the room and saw the knocked-out pony.

"Pinkie!" Lyra called out, running up to the seat and lifting up the mare in her magic. She lowered the pink pony to the floor to begin an examination. The stallion watched all this happen in front of him, and began to wonder whether he should run for it or knock her out as well.

"Yep, overload." Lyra concluded, the smell of weed filling her nostrils through Pinkie's mouth. "Really surprising though, I coulda' sworn she snorted two or three kilos of cocaine a day. Huh, guess ya learn something new every day." Lyra spoke out loud to no one in particular. The sounds of distancing hoof-steps met her ears, and she turned to find the stallion nowhere to be found.

"Hey, sir!" Lyra called out. No answer came back. She simply shrugged and picked up Pinkie in her magic again. "Eh, oh well. His loss."

With party pony in tow, Lyra began to head to the backroom to get the OD'd pony some relief, but not before a voice stopped her. A voice that could sound so sweet, but yet so bitter when the owner wanted it to. A voice that she fell in love with, but yet sometimes hated more than Tartarus itself.

"Lyra, why did I just walk into you and Pinkie, who's unconscious right now?" Bon-Bon seemed to growl at the unicorn, who was now stumbling over her words, trying to word an explanation. Nothing came, leaving her looking guiltier by the second. She finally just gave up and stopped making noise at all, leaving a single thought in her brain.

Fuck me.

The three of them calmly headed into the backroom, where no costumer would see. After several moments of dead silence, one mare glaring, the other tongue tied, Bon-Bon spoke once more, "Lyra, I'm going to give you to the count of three, to explain what the hell is going on." The cotton candy maned mare spoke clearly, not raising her voice. "One..."

"It's not what it looks like!" Lyra blurted out, almost immediately.

Bon-Bon raised one eyebrow, skeptically. "Then what, pray tell, is Pinkie Pie wearing?" She peered over the mint green mare at the less-than-scantily clad pink pony.

"Oh, uh, you see," Lyra began to explain, as beads of sweat rolled down her face, "P-Pinkie's working here now, and I just thought I'd help her, by-"

Bon-Bon gasped, cutting Lyra off. "By taking advantage of her?!" She proclaimed as she jumped to her perverse conclusion. "I bet you drugged her, too, didn't you; with your 'medicinal herbs'?!"

"What? No! You see... well... uh," Lyra began to think of an excuse, until she and Bon-Bon both noticed the half smoked joint sitting on the table, at the same time.

"Shit..." The mint unicorn muttered, under her breath. She quickly looked up at her partner, "Bonnie, listen, I-!"

"No," The cream mare interrupted. "I don't want to hear anymore excuses. The drinking I was fine with; the smoking was pushing it; but this, Lyra? What possessed you to do such a thing?"

"I was just trying to get Pinkie to relax and get comfortable..." Lyra tried once again to explain, until she realized how badly she worded it this time.

Bon-Bon looked a mixture of horrified and disgusted, but still managed to keep her proper appearance. She took a deep breath and, trying to speak calmly though her voice was shaky, she simply said, "We're going to have a long talk at home, later," And that was that. Bon-Bon left the room, leaving Lyra to clean up the mess she'd made out of Pinkie.

Earlier that day

Twilight walked through Ponyville with Spike listing off her royal duties as his duty as her number one assistant. However, his engrossment in the list of duties prevented him from seeing the growing look of annoyance on the alicorn's face.

"... Then you have to sign off on some papers for your..." Spike stopped, reread the next few words, then giggled and continued, "your allowance from the Royal Treasury." Spike burst out laughing. "You have an allowance now, Twilight?! I guess becoming a princess has its perks, doesn't it?" Twilight was not so happy, however.

"Yes, ha ha, so funny, Spike. Now will you keep reading, already?" Twilight glared at Spike, wiping the smile off his face quickly.

"Geez, fine. Princess of Friendship maybe, but definitely not the Princess of Fun," Spike grumbled before reading aloud again, "Arrange a court for questions from any and all subjects. Prepare for travel to Canterlot in two days for diplomatic summit..." The pair arrived home, the dragon not even noticing. Before, he could walk into the door however, the door was surrounded by a purplish glow and opened, giving the young drake entrance.

"...Recheck barracks, making sure all guards are accounted for and any problems with living arrangements are resolved and accommodated for..." Spike droned on, a slight twitch flickering in Twilight's right eye, "...Prepare Ponyville for Nightmare Night in a week..." Finally, the alicorn snapped.

"WHAT NEXT, CELESTIA? WANT ME TO MAKE A NEW ASTRAL BODY IN THE SKY BY NEXT TUESDAY?" Twilight yelled at no one in particular in anger, causing Spike to drop the list on the ground in fear.

Celestia was enjoying her afternoon cup of tea with her sister when that familiar feeling hit her. She stopped drinking her tea for a moment before continuing to sip. However, her sister knew better.

"Sister, I thought you deactivated that ridiculous spell on thyself already," Luna chided, no small amount of disapproval in her words.

"Luna, we've already been over this. I need to know whenever somepony or something speaks my name in case of a threat against my kingdom's security," Celestia answered bluntly before raising her cup to another sip, but found no liquid left in the fine china.

"But how would..."Luna started, but gave up halfway through. She just shook her head in confusion and annoyance and left the gardens to head back to her observatory, leaving her sister with a victorious smile and empty teacups.

"Oh, foolish, foolish Luna, I..." She started to say, but then looked down at the tea set left behind. "Wait, Luna! It's your turn to clean up the..." She stopped calling out, her sister far too gone to hear her. She began picking up the many components of the tea set in her magic while swearing under her breath, "Tartarus damnit."

Twilight sighed before attempting damage control.

"Sorry Spike, just... I have a lot of new responsibilities as a princess, and I guess it's starting to get to me," Twilight tried to apologize.

"It's alright Twilight, just don't do it again. So... do you want me to continue reading the list, or just leave it for later?" Twilight thought for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of leaving the chores for later, but her overstressed mind won out.

"Later, Spike. Right now, I'm just going to go catch up on my studies of Equestrian Rulers from ancient to modern times," Twilight said glumly as she lifted a tome off of a nearby shelf in her magic and opened it to a page with a magical bookmark. Spike watched as the alicorn simply read the book with a bored expression for at least a minute before Twilight realized he was still there.

"Yes, Spike?" Twilight asked with annoyance.

"Twilight, is something wrong?" Spike asked.

"No. Why?" Twilight responded almost defensively.

"You haven't been acting like yourself lately. You've been really moody and weird for a while, and never seem to be happy. The last time I can even remember you with a smile was..." Spike pondered, "A couple of weeks ago when you got that new textbook from Celestia, I think. Something's gotta be bothering you."

Twilight tried to come up with a reasonable excuse as fast as should, but she finally just gave in to her assistant.

"Yeah, I know Spike. It's just that between my studies," Twilight rose her book in the air, "and these new duties I have as princess," The piece of parchment in Spike's hand levitated to join the textbook in mid-air, "I can't ever seem to find the time to do anything fun, not even hang out with my friends, even though I'm the Princess of Friendship in the first place!"

"Well, why don't you write a letter to Celestia, Twi? You know, tell her you wanna take a break from your studies for a while? Maybe you could even ask her to give you less stuff to do as Princess?" Spike suggested. Twilight just sighed.

"Believe me Spike, I've thought of it, but that wouldn't work." Twilight bluntly reflected before returning the levitating textbook to its original place in front of her and the list onto a nearby desk.

"Why wouldn't it work?" Spike asked.

"Because if I ask for a reduction in my duties Spike, she might think I'm not responsible enough to be a princess in the first place. I have to get used to all these new responsibilities and be able to fill my roles as a ruler for probably my whole life. I'm a princess now, and there's no going back now. If spending less time with my friends is a consequence, I'll just have to live with it." Twilight concluded. While Spike tried to figure out what to say, she opened her textbook and flipped back to her magical bookmark. A simple spell, and the bookmark was gone.

"Well Twi, I don't know what to tell you. I'm gonna go make dinner, though. Anything you want in particular?" Spike asked. The words didn't seem to register to the alicorn however, as she was already engrossed in her book. Spike spoke again, a little louder, "Twi? I..."

"No thanks, Spike. Whatever you make will be fine," Answered Twilight without her eyes leaving the page. Spike just sighed and headed for the kitchen to figure out what he could make tonight.

"Pinkie... Piiiiinkie..."

The pink pony slowly opened her eyes and in her immediate view was a mint green unicorn, with large, amber eyes. "Oh..." She giggled, "Hey Lyra."

"Oh thank Celestia!!" Lyra flopped onto her back, exasperated. "I thought you'd croaked 'r something."

"What happened?" Pinkie sat up and surveyed her surroundings. She was in the changing room at the Pink Pony.

"Well..." Lyra went on to explain Pinkie's passing out while on the job and, although it wasn't really her business, the tight spot she was in with her filly friend because of it.

"ooooooooh, I'm so sorry Lyra!" Pinkie, being the overly emotional mare she was, was nearly in tears. "This is all my fault!"

"I'm sure it'll be alright Pinkie, really," the green unicorn reassured.

"No nonononono!" Pinkie waved her hoof in Lyra's face, "I need to make this right... Riiiight after I finish with that stallion." Pinkie said, recalling her session with a tall, yellow stallion that was interrupted half way through. "Who was he? What was his name?" She grabbed Lyra by the shoulders and shook her, violently.

"Uhh..." Lyra thought, "Lucid Gaze I think." She pried herself away from Pinkie's iron grip.

"Lucid Gaze! Got it!" Pinkie shouted with a gleam of determination in her eye. With one swift movement, she shed the rest of her costume and was out the back door in a mere five seconds flat.

"Wait, Pinkie!" Lyra called. however, the party pony was already a block down the road. "... Thought you'd like to know where to find him..."

Shit... I've seen that look before. That Lucid is one poor bastard...

The neon lights of the red light district illuminated the entire road. As ~~Rainblow Hash~~ Rainbow Dash entered the Pink Pony, she was met by a very familiar face. "Apple Jack?"

The earth pony she was talking to flinched and turned around, a beet red complexion on her face. "Uhh..." She gulped, "Hey there... Rainbow Dash. Heh... fancy seein' you here."

"Yeah, I'm just here to check on Pinkie; she's working here now," RD explained, nonchalantly.

"Oh, uh... is that so?" AJ glanced around, beads of sweat trickling down her face.

"So what brings you here? I thought you'd had enough of this place." RD nudged AJ in the side, "Guess you couldn't resist, huh?"

"Uh yeah..." Luckily for AJ, she was saved my the arrival of a waitress, ready to serve her, like a five star restaurant. "Any ol' booth's fine," The farm pony told her. The two of them began walking down the rows until they came across an empty booth. "This's fine."

"Anything you need before you get started?" The waitress asked.

"Actually," AJ answered, "do you know if Braeburn's still working here?" She could feel how warm and red her face was getting.

"Actually yes, he is," The waitress smiled. "I can send him your way, immediately."

"Thank ya..." Apple Jack was then left alone for some time.

After what seemed like the most awkward eternity ever, a yellow stallion entered the booth, cleaning his face with a moist towel. Using his magic, he shut the blinds and hopped up onto the table. Because of said towel, he couldn't see who had called on him. "Alright, sexy, you rea.... dy..." He dropped the towel and saw his cousin, looking extremely red and biting her lower lip.

"Uh... Brae...." she said, her voice quivering, "we need to chat."

"Uh..." Braeburn hated where this was going, "... Alright, ah guess." He lowered himself into the booth.

The two of them sat, awkwardly, across from each other.

"Alright... uh... Brae..." AJ cleared her throat, "Ah... uh.. aw shit..." She had no way to dance around such a delicate subject. So she decided to be as straight forward as possible.

She took a deep breath and said, "Braeburn. Ah'm pregnant."

Author's Note

Edited by Pegasi Bob and Reasoningmage0.