The Element of Chaos

Fluttershy had many animals that she took care of. Some of them were small. Others were quite large. Some were quiet. And some were ridiculously loud. Now one would think that the large, loud animals would be the most obstinate and demanding of all her animal friends, when, in fact, the exact opposite was true. The animal that claimed most of Fluttershy’s time and attention was actually a small, white bunny named Angel.

“Now Angel, I know you want carrot cake, but you can’t frighten the hamsters at the animal shelter like that just because you want to leave early,” Fluttershy chided as she walked down the street towards Sugarcube Corner. The bunny she carried in her backpack merely rolled his eyes. “The poor dears were shaking when I got to them! I wanted them to get back in their cage, yes, but chasing them while wearing fake bloody fangs and hissing was not the proper way to go about it. Where did you even get those things anyway?” She sighed. “Oh, how I wish you could understand me!” In fact, Angel did understand her – every single word – he just didn’t care. He hated those hamsters, and he had really wanted his cake.

As she neared to the bakery, she heard indistinct, angry shouts from coming from inside. She hesitated to go in, scared that the shouts may be aimed at her if she did so, but Angel was having none of that. He popped out of the backpack and started pushing the frightened Fluttershy inside. The door made a light tinkling noise as they entered, but it was quickly drowned out by the sound of someone screaming in frustration coming from the kitchen. It sounded like Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy thought. Oh dear. She frowned. Strictly speaking, customers weren’t allowed behind the counter, but Fluttershy was worried. Pinkie did not get aggravated easily. She slipped into the kitchen quietly, hiding in the shadows and trying to seem as small as possible so she wouldn’t draw any attention. Just because she wanted to make sure Pinkie was okay, didn’t mean she wanted to get yelled at. She grimaced at the sight before her. Cupcake batter splattered every surface and a very horrid smell of burnt cupcake and spilled root beer permeated the room.

“Ugh! Why are these not coming out right?” Pinkie cried as she pulled out a third batch of soda flavored cupcakes that didn’t taste anything like soda or cupcakes but some sort of horrible, bitter substance that had no business being in a bakery and should take the first cab it could find and go someplace deep, dark, and void of all life.

“Because soda flavored cupcakes are a horrible idea!” Discord shouted. “I tried telling you that after the first batch, but would you listen to me? Noooo! ‘Let’s try again, Discord’ you said! ‘It’ll be fun!’ you said.”

Pinkie glared at him. “Well, if someone was actually helping me instead of standing around being all sulky, maybe I could bake them right! The cupcakes can sense your bad attitude.”

“Oh what a pile of – “

A small scream interrupted what Discord was going to say. The two very angry occupants of the rooms suddenly turned their glares towards Fluttershy, who immediately covered her mouth with her hand. “S-sorry,” she stammered as a very impatient Angel bunny tapped his foot. A red mark on her leg was beginning to show where he had pinched her. Was she going to let these weird humans fight all day? He needed his carrot cake!

“Hi Fluttershy!” Pinkie said, instantly cheering. “Why did you scream? Are you getting ready for a screaming party tonight? Can I come? I’m super duper good at screaming! Wanna hear?” She took a breath, and just as she was about to give the loudest scream in the history of screams, Discord shoved a cupcake into her mouth. Specifically, one of the abominable soda cupcakes of death on the counter. Pinkie’s eyes grew wide, and she hopped about frantically, spitting out the offending cupcake. “EEW! Ugh! Nasty, nasty, nasty!” She clawed at her tongue to get off every last crumb, and then gargled some water straight out of the tap.

“Oh my!” Fluttershy cried. “Are you alright Pinkie?”

Discord waved the question away. “Oh she’s fine,” he said. “These cupcakes are just a bit bitter ‘tis all!”  Pinkie raised an eyebrow at that as she spit the water she had gargled into the sink. ‘Just a bit bitter’, huh? She grinned evilly.

“Oh Dizzy!” she called.

“Yes, Pink-“ Discord began, turning to Pinkie just as a cupcake hit him square in the face. Pinkie giggled. “Alright.” Discord wiped the cupcake off his face. “This means war!” He grabbed an armful of cupcakes from the counter and started throwing them at the pink haired menace before him. She grinned as she jumped and dodged each one. “Whoops! Missed me!” she cried as she quickly danced out of the way. “Try again!” she winked. “Hey that one was close!” she said happily as a cupcake hit a cabinet just inches from her head.

Enraged, Discord began throwing the cupcakes at an inhuman speed. Pinkie giggled as she dodged each one. She was invincible! A cupcake dodging machine! No wait! A cupcake ninja! YES! No one could hi – a cupcake hit her in the face and she fell dramatically on the floor behind the counter as if shot with a bullet.

“HA! Take that you cur!” Discord shouted. “I beat Pinkie! I beat Pinkie!” He danced around happily. His victory was cut short, however, as Pinkie suddenly rose from the behind the counter, her arms full of cupcakes, and a manic, deranged grin plastered on her face. “How – where did all those cupcakes come from?” Discord asked, dumbfounded. He was certain he had used almost all of them earlier. Pinkie only replied with a cold, bone-chilling laugh. “Fiddlesticks,” Discord cursed as a cupcake flew at him at lightning speed.

It was at this point that Fluttershy found the courage to…run out of the kitchen as fast as possible. Huddling in a corner with her arms over her head wasn’t good enough anymore. Not when Pinkie looked like that. This is why customers aren’t allowed back here, she thought as she dashed out of the door, Angel fast on her heels. She would wait in the diner for Angel’s carrot cake, where it was safe….She hoped.

Mrs. Cake gazed worriedly at the floor as shouts and crashes sounded from the bakery below. She put her knitting down and looked at her husband who was sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper. “Dear,” she began hesitantly.  “Do you think we shoul-“

Mr. Cake shook his head, stopping her midsentence. “Not for a million dollars,” he said, glancing at the floor below him. The sound of Pinkie’s menacing laugh echoed up to them, and the Cakes shuddered.

“That poor, poor soul,” Mrs Cake said, thinking of the gray haired boy Pinkie had brought home with her and the fate he was inevitable facing at that moment. Mr. Cake nodded solemnly.

“He never had a chance,” he said.

Cupcakes flew through the air hitting everything in sight from cabinets, to counters, to hair, to clothes. Nothing was left untouched. Nothing that is, except for a large bag of sugar on top of the cabinet just above Discord’s head. The bag of sugar wasn’t sure why it had been spared the carnage while the rest of its sisters and brethren lay in broken heaps upon the cupcake splattered floor. It only knew that such luck couldn’t last long and it would soon be joining them in food heaven, if there even was such a place. It had never been a particularly spiritual ingredient, but it thought that this was as good a time as any to start. “Dear God,” it prayed. “If I die today, please don’t let me die in vain. Give me vengeance for the death of my comrades, and help me to fulfill one of my greatest dreams.”

Just as it finished its prayer, a stray cupcake hit its side knocking it precariously close to the edge. It sighed in relief. That was close! “HA! Missed me!” Discord shouted, bouncing up and down. Unfortunately, the resulting tremors were enough to knock the bag of sugar off of its perch and onto Discord’s head. The bag burst upon impact, spraying sugar everywhere. Discord swayed dizzily for a bit, and then slowly slunk onto the ground.

Pinkie gasped. “Dizzy!” she ran over to him and knelt down. “Are you okay?” She grabbed his shoulders and started shaking him as tears poured down her cheeks. “Speak to me Dizzy!”

Discord groaned. “Ssstop shaaking me Pinnnkie!”

“HE LIVES!” Pinkie cried. She jumped on top of him, hugging him tightly around the neck. “I thought you had died!”

Discord knew he should say something, but he was still disoriented from being hit on the head by a bag of sugar and couldn’t remember how to form words. It had nothing at all to do with the pink cupcake covered girl that was suddenly on top of him. Nope. Nothing at all. “Err…” he managed to say.

“But you’re not dead!” Pinkie continued, jumping off of him with a grin. “So everything is okay now!” She skipped away, humming to herself.

“Riiigght,” Discord mumbled, feeling strangely disappointed now that Pinkie was gone. Wait. Why was he disappointed? He sat up and rubbed his head. That bag of sugar must have hit him harder than he had thought.

“Dizzy! You’ll never believe this!” Pinkie said from her position by the counter. She turned towards him holding the bowl of infamous soda cupcake batter in her hands. She tasted it with her finger and grinned. “We did it!” Unbeknownst to them, a bag of sugar had just been granted its final wish.

“So you see? All it needed was a buttload of sugar!” Pinkie explained to a fascinated Fluttershy as they sat with Discord in a bright pink booth in the bakery. Angel, having just finished gorging himself on a much deserved carrot caupcake, lay sleepily in Fluttershy’s lap.

“But Pinkie, didn’t you just invent a new cupcake a few days ago for the fall formal?” Fluttershy replied. “Why didn’t you just use those for the Cakes? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

Pinkie thought for a moment. “Oh yeah.” She giggled. “I forgot!” Discord’s eye twitched.