Introduction,

"Our history does not determine our destiny."

                                                               Boris Cyrulnik (1937-).

   I wish life was a bit more simple, well I mean life as in the one we experience as individuals. The story- if you will, where we are the authors who dictates where our lives go. But of course who am I kidding? Life would be really dull if we could control it, but it's nice to think about.  Who doesn't want to live an easy life devoid of tragedy, failure and heartache etc etc?  Where you are the charming hero who everybody wants to know and be respected by and everything goes your way?  To live with a past and upbringing that you wouldn't be ashamed to look back at. Currently I know some people who are like that, the nobles of Canterlot, my former family.

But alas we are straying from my point, Life wasn't meant to be simple.

Once upon a time ago I wished that my life was  similar to this one guys, to have a painful event take place in your past that you can't move on from even if that is what Hinders you from connecting with people but still get the girl that you barely even knew for less than a year? I know Im over exaggerating but All I'm saying is why can't my life be that simple?

  I may never find an answer to that. shit where the hell are my manners I was so caught up in my rant of wishing for an easy life I forgot to introduce my self.

My name is Casper Lestride, I lived pretty fast in my 25 years of life if you ask me heh heh Uh I've experienced and accomplished a lot. But to be honest, especially to my self, most of those "accomplishments" are nothing to be proud of. Not even to the most acute degree, there were times where I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because of what I've done. Those are tales for another time but what I will tell you is this. At the very least I was man enough to accept what I've done instead of denying it and refusing to take personal responsibility for my actions instead of saying "I was just following orders" . Heh You should have seen Applejacks face when I told her that.  If you really think about it most people can't do that, take responsibility. because they don't want to blame themselves. That fear of being Vulnerable is what keeps us from doing what's right for ourselves. In some cases.

Here's an example: say some one who has had a hard upbringing full of heartache,hopelessness and suffering and got stabbed in the back by the very person he/she thought he/she could sincerely say "I love you" to. It's the fear of getting hurt again or being vulnerable that causes him/her to shut people out when they try to get close to him/her. Pushing people away when they should've pulled.

                       ..........and I should know.

Look I would be lying if I said I wished my life would have gone differently which makes me a total hypocrite because once upon a time I really did mean it, yes my life was horrible and difficult. No one....absolutely no one deserves to know how it feels to hold a dying girl in your arm's, barely a fucking pre-teen that might as well have been your little sister. That's how close we were. To hear her shallow raggedy exhales and inhales, bleeding to death by the bullet  you were ordered to discharge. To feel her blood on your wrists trickle down your hands......  Celestia I couldn't sleep for days after I washed her blood off and watching the crimson swirl down the sink, That's when I started losing it.

No one deserves to live knowing that for the rest of their life they took a life that had potential.

To make the sob story that is my life short, I've done a lot of horrible things, I've been hurt, used, manipulated, lied to, abandoned,tortured.  My past was just one big tragedy that I am, to this day, ashamed of and will probably suffer from till the day I die.

But of course if you look at me now I'm a completely different person,calm, cool, collected if not a bit quiet. Learning to live with myself wasn't an easy process but then again simply understanding that it's ok to not be ok and to not be enough was a challenge in itself.  I had to break down and eliminate a shit ton of social norms that were hammered into my head growing up in the griff empire. Being born the youngest child of 4 to a family that served a noble family within the empire didn't make it easy either, how could you think against the idea that you are born a servant and that is all you ever will be for the rest of your life when you are told it constantly.

  My best guess towards why I'm not an arrogant prick is because I wasn't put on top of a pedestal (metaphorically speaking of course) above other people and being brought up to believe that we were better than the common person just because I was born into a family just to mop their floors Oh yeah! Did you know I was  born and raised to mop floors for the rest of my life. That's actually my special talent that I was meant to do for the rest of my life...mop floors I shit you not. That's my cutie mark and even our family coat of arms under house Lestride,a mop and bucket believe it or not.

Yup....Let that sink in for a minute.

  my entire existence was meant to Carry on the family legacy of having the "privilege" of associating ourselves with House Lestride by sharing their last fucking name and cleaning up after them. There is more to this hierarchy that makes up the griff empire things that make my stomach churn to know it still happens and people just stand around and do nothing but be acquiescent but we don't need to go there.  What really surprised me was the fierce loyalty my family had to house Lestride even more is that in this day in age of technological innovation we are still governed as if we were still in the dark ages when Nightmare Moon was around.

Oh yeah just so we are clear I am NOT explaining my past (or at least some of it) to evoke a sense sympathy towards me. I have spoke the truth and nothing but what I've perceived as the truth regarding my past. I don't want sympathy from you or anyone, what I want from people is understanding. Despite my nature I am just as much as a person as everyone else with dreams, fears and insecurities and maybe a bit more  skeletons in my closet than others.

I know I left out some major caps like how I ended up In Equistria , my time operating under the Griff empire's agency of military intelligence (then quitting), being a griff, losing my wings. Family. Why I got disowned and exiled.

All will be explained, following a new chapter in my life (that's what I believe.) months after I moved to Ponyville from manehatten to escape the mafia after playing hero. It's hard to believe this new chapter in my life started at work.