Shared Feelings

I couldn’t sulk in my home all day. I had to get out, and at least do something; but I was in no state to be doing so anytime soon, or even in a state to see anypony else. Twilight wasn’t coming back. I just knew it. So what would I do? I picked the solution that always came to mind first. I’d go take a walk in the forest, not the Everfree, of course.

I always enjoyed walks. They were calming, relaxing, and got my mind off of anything. It was as if I was alone, but never truly alone. There were always plenty of animals around; and it was nice to hear them singing, and chatting.

“Goodbye, little ones,” I said with a soft smile as I opened the door, causing each and every animal to look up at me. “I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back soon… oh no, I want to go alone. Thank you, though.”

Fresh, slightly moist air filled my nose as I stepped outside. I sucked in deeply, getting scents of damp soil, wild flowers, and grass. Even in such a mood, those natural scents made me smile slightly. I tried my hardest to shrug off any thoughts of Twilight, the night before, or anything relating to those two things. It was very hard when my brain was filled with such things.

I looked down at watched as dewdrops hanging from the tips of grass, brushed onto my hooves, and dampened my fur. It felt rather nice. The water had grown slightly warm from the sun, but not so warm that it had evaporated. I scanned the land beneath me, watching as small bees and other insects buzzed from flower to flower, pollen thick around their legs.

The amount of flowers to be seen was astonishing. The colors ranged from bright, beautiful white to deep, elegant shades of purple. Their many unique, but wonderful scents were almost overwhelming. I couldn’t stop myself from sniffing the air every few seconds to soak up more. The heat of the sun was getting somewhat intense as it beamed down upon my back. Luckily, I was getting close to the forest’s edge.

As the land around me grew dark with the shadows of the large, thick canopy above, the air grew damper, and cooler. The smell of soil, rotting leaves, and bark was much more intense there. The many sounds of busy birds, rodents, and other critters filled my ears as they traveled through the bush, and trees. Some came out to greet me; while others, I only got a glimpse of as they hurried through the forest.

Even though I was trying my hardest to forget, thoughts about Twilight, of my friends, and of my mistake kept returning to my mind. I was sure I couldn’t bear being around her any longer; and that meant the girls too. If I was spending time with them, I was bound to see Twilight again at some point. What would my life be like away from them? I wasn’t going to try, but I had a feeling I’d slowly begin disassociating myself from them. I loved them, but everything was just so different after what I’d done, everything was so wrong. Even if I tried to pretend it never happened, my life would be a lie. That was just as rough.

I cringed as tears once again streamed down my face. I’d just have to accept my fate, living alone with my animals. I’d only head into town if I absolutely needed to. It’d be a very lonely life, but at least it sounded better than my other options. At least my life would be free of any awkward situations.

I sighed heavily, and slumped down by a tree, letting my back rest against its rough surface. I knew I couldn’t live like that. I needed my friends; and even though it didn’t seem like it at times, I knew they needed me too. I’d just need some time to adjust. Being out in the calm, peaceful forest was the perfect way to do so.

My body grew more and more relaxed as I rested. My senses dulled, and my back leaned more heavily against the tree. My lack of sleep was finally catching up to me. The world around me blurred. The length between my blinks grew longer, and longer until finally, they stayed shut. I was asleep.

***

“There you are,” a muffled voice echoed through my ears. I tried to ignore it, to pretend it wasn’t there so I could sleep. “When you weren’t at home, I had a feeling you’d be out here somewhere. I’m just glad I found you.”

I slowly blinked my eyes opened. Ignoring it wasn’t helping. Besides, it would be rude not to respond. Through my blurred vision, I saw a familiar shaded figure standing before me. I realized the voice was very familiar too. “Twilight?” I mumbled, rubbing my hooves against my tired eyes.

“Yes?” she asked in a calm, comforting tone.

“What are you doing here?”

“Um…well, I’m really sorry I left. What you said was just a little too much for me to handle. I needed some time to think about it. I did say we’d stick through this together, didn’t I?”

I nodded my head softly, blinking up into her warm eyes. “You don’t look so good,” she said as she took a seat beside me. “I didn’t mean to hurt you even more… I’ve just... never really done anything like this before.” She shook her head softly and wrapped a hoof around my waist. “I do love you, you know? I just don’t know if I love you as a friend, or something more.”

“Oh?” I asked, feeling my cheeks warming up as I gazed into her eyes. Her stare was soft as she looked back.

“I think the problem is that I escalated our relationship too quickly. If I would have known you were actually that into me; I don’t think I would’ve pushed having sex at all. I was just assuming I’d get off easy since we’re both close friends. I was thinking we were just going to have a fun night, and that’d be it…” she blushed deeply as she took a pause. “Well, maybe more than one fun night; but it was a really dumb decision. I was hoping that maybe we could start things over. We can start hanging out even more… and maybe try a date, a real date at some point? I’m not sure how soon, but I’ll think about it.”

“Um…” I mumbled shyly. I couldn’t believe she had turned things around so quickly. Or maybe she never had turned things around? Maybe that morning she just hadn’t built up enough courage to speak her true feelings, or accept that fact that she did like me. I was sure it was just as awkward for her.

“Look, it’s okay if you say no. I’ve screwed things up enough that I probably deserve it. I’ve just been thinking a lot about us after I left… and I just feel like maybe we do have some kind of connection. I’ve had so much fun with you the last couple of times we’ve been together.” She chuckled nervously as her blush deepened. “And I promise I don’t just mean what we did last night. I just feel so good around you; and maybe that means something. I just don’t know… this is all so confusing to me; but I at least want to give us a try.”

I shook my head. “No, I want this. I always have. I’m not going to say no now.”

“Good, because I really want us to have a chance… a real chance,” she said with a soft smile, her hoof tightening around me. I wrapped my hoof around her in response and sighed. “But for now we’re just friends, okay?” she said, her face growing red.

I nodded my head softly in response. “Of course. We’ll only take things further when you want to.”

“If I want to,” she said. “I just don’t want to get your hopes up again. It could happen, but it might not.” She shook her head softly and frowned. “No matter what though,” a slight, almost unnoticeable smile returned to her face, “we’ll always be friends, as close as we can get. I don’t want to ever lose you, Fluttershy. It might not end up being the same as what you’re looking for; but at least we’ll be together in a way.”

So that was it. It was a maybe, nothing more, nothing less. I still loved her more than anything in the entire world; but I guess I could deal with just being very close friends if worst came to worst. How long would that last though? I’m sure we wouldn’t be so close forever, especially if we couldn’t get any closer. It just didn’t work like that.

I never liked living in a world of chances, a world where nothing was ever set in stone. I tended to appreciate predictability. It was just comforting, safe, there was never any surprises. Life though, it was very unpredictable. Twilight had actually helped to show me that just letting it flow wasn’t such a bad thing at all. Because of her, I went to a dance concert, and actually had fun dancing. I had sex. Even if it was just once, she helped me realize that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I did have a lot of fun after all. If I had the chance to do it over, I’d still say yes.

Taking chances wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The decisions I made always had their good, and their bad. That was just life. I couldn’t fear the bad just because it might happen. That meant I was also rejecting the good. I was finally ready and willing to live life as it was meant to be. Twilight and I would give our relationship a chance; and if it didn’t work out, it just wasn’t meant to be. If it did, I’d be overjoyed.

“Um, Fluttershy?”

I quickly shook myself from my thoughts to see an almost concerned look on Twilight’s face. “That sounds like a wonderful plan, Twilight. I’m just glad to hear that you’ll always be here for me.” I smiled widely before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I really do hope that it works out though.”

“Maybe,” she mumbled, blushing deeply.