Shared Feelings

I slowly, and as gently as possible, pried Twilight’s hooves away from my back. My heart pounded every time her body shifted. Even the slightest of movements was enough to set me off. She didn’t wake up though. I’m sure the alcohol had put her in a very deep sleep.

I let out a soft sigh of relief as I finally freed myself fully from her grasp. Then came the next challenge: getting off the bed without making too much noise or movement, and making my way downstairs. I slowly rolled over onto my opposite side, and slid myself over to the edge of the bed. Luckily, my eyes had adjusted to the darkness; and the glow of the moon helped to light up the silent room.

I gently slid my back hooves over the edge of the bed. A slight clack tickled at my ears as they made contact with the floor. Then with one more push I was on all fours.

My hoofsteps seemed to echo through the room as I slowly made my way to the door. It was slightly ajar, but I still had to open it further for my body to fit through. I cringed as its hinges made a slight squeak. My body froze, and my heart pounded heavily. I turned my head, expecting to see Twilight staring at me with a half-asleep expression. She was still sound asleep, her position the exact same as when I’d left her.

I quickly slipped through the doorway just in case she somehow managed to wake up. If she didn’t see me, then hopefully, she’d forget. I sighed with relief as I realized that the steps didn’t even make a sound beneath my hooves. After what seemed like ages, I finally reached the main library floor. My escape route was directly before me, glowing in the moonlight.

The door latch clicked open right as I placed my hoof on the nob. Twilight hadn’t closed the door fully, or even locked it for that matter. My heart skipped a beat, realizing that Spike could have walked in on as at any minute. Luckily, he didn’t.

I gently closed the door behind me, making sure to lock it for her. I was free. Now, all that was left was waiting for tomorrow to come. I knew I wouldn’t get any sleep. I’d be much too worried about whether or not Twilight would remember.

Suddenly, a voice called out from behind me. I jumped with shock and my heart fluttered painfully. “Fluttershy! There you are! I missed you so much!” Suddenly a pair of pink hooves wrapped around my neck.

“Oh…um…h-hello Pinkie…” I mumbled, turning to see all the girls, and Spike staring at me.

“What are you doing at Twilight’s?”

“I’m sure she was just being, well, I’d say a gentlecolt…but;” Rarity said, giving me a wink, “You know how much Twilight drinks at parties after all.”

“Nah, come on, Rarity. I know what was really going down!” Rainbow chimed in with a smirk, patting Rarity on the shoulder.

“And, what exactly would that be, dear?”

I gulped, knowing exactly what Rainbow was going to say; and knowing it would be true. Her smirk widened before she spoke. “They were totally banging!” She burst out into laughter. “Imagine that, right? Twi and Fluttershy? Actually, sorta hot if you ask me.”

“Is this true?” Rarity asked, tilting her head towards me. I could feel my body freezing up, my face growing red, and sweat beading up on my forehead.

“Definitely,” Rainbow said with a smug nod as she gave me a rather slow wink.

“I…um…um…” I stuttered out, watching my hoof scrape against the ground.

“You and Twilight are, like, lovers or something?” Spike asked.

Dash shook her head and chuckled. “Not so sure about that one, Spike. I think we may have caught Fluttershy in the act of a one night stand.”

“A one night what now?” he mumbled.

“I-I-I-I….I have to go!” I blurted out, nearly tripping over my hooves as I turned, and bolted for home. I didn’t want to hear any more of it. Now, I definitely knew Twilight would know exactly what we did. If she didn’t remember herself, the others would tell her. What was I to do? Hiding in my home would at least give me a little more time. That’s what I’d do.

The night air brushed against my face, and ruffled my mane as I trotted home as quickly as I could. It was oddly silent now. The concert had ended; and the sounds of nocturnal critters returned. It was relaxing in a way. The sound of nature always was, after all. It at least helped to calm my nerves a little.

That calmness didn’t last for long. Tears began to stream down my face as I thought of my wonderful night with Twilight. It would be the only time we’d ever do anything like that. The closest I’d probably ever get to her again would be a hug. I loved her so much. Even if it was a never ending lie, I’d do anything to have more nights with her like that one. I knew it wasn’t going to happen though. The next day would just bring pain and awkwardness.

I was still sobbing as I reached my door, perhaps even more so because I was so close to the sanctuary of my own home. Angel was there, waiting for me. I could see much concern is his little face. He was a bit demanding at times, but it was good to know how much he cared for me. I was in no mood to talk though.

“I’m…I’m so sorry…Angel,” I said between sobs. “I just…don’t want…to talk…right now.” He huffed at first, but then accepted my need to be alone. As I rushed up to my room, he stayed downstairs.

I fell down face forward on my bed, and bit down hard upon my blanket, its fabric dampening with each and every sob. I wanted to stop crying, but I just couldn’t. Muffled screams of agony escaped my mouth, and burst out into the room. A night of pure ecstasy, of paradise and pleasure, had taken a horrible turn.

***

The night was one of the longest I’d ever experienced. I was exhausted by the time the sun began to peek over the hills, and shine down warmly upon my cottage. Even though the day was vibrant and alive, it was as if the night had never ended inside. After finishing my routine of feeding all of my little critters, I sat down upon the couch.

I was cold, freezing for that matter. It was just my nerves; but it felt very real. I wrapped myself in the warmest, and thickest blanket I could find; one that I tended to use on cold winter nights. I hadn’t even attempted to take a shower that morning. After all, I’d be inside the whole day anyways. My mane was a fright, my eyes were still wet with tears; and large bags hung beneath my eyes.

My body shook with a combination of nerves, and the chill they caused. The critters sat near me, my sorrow reflected in their faces. They were close, but not too close, knowing that I could burst into another fit of sobs at any moment. Even though I had told them I didn’t want any company; it was nice to be in their presence anyways.

I was expecting a knock on my door at any moment. Even the slightest of sounds made me cower with fear. I knew I couldn’t hide forever; and that doing so would most likely end up making things worse; but it was the only way I felt comfortable dealing with any problem. That’s the way I lived, cowering from everypony, and everything. It was terrible, but it was just the way it was. I tried to change; but there was no way I could. If I could just tell Twilight how I really felt, maybe things would be different.

It would be simple, muster up enough courage to head over to the library. Courage was very hard to come by though, especially after what had happened the previous night. I knew exactly how the day would pan out. I would tell myself over and over again that I’d muster up enough courage sooner or later. An hour or two later, I’d tell myself the same thing, and then again. No matter how hard I tried, I wouldn’t be making it to the library that day. I was already nervous enough that Twilight would come to me, and she did.

I gasped at a sudden knock on the door, a very quiet, almost unnoticeable knock. My ears were so attuned to even the slightest of noise though; that it seemed as loud as the music from the night before. I gulped, my body growing cold even in the warm embrace of my blanket. I knew I had to answer it; but I didn’t want to get up.

Struggling to unravel myself from the blankets, I finally stumbled onto my hooves, and trotted to the door. My heart began to pound as my hoof touched the cool handle. If it was Twilight, what would I say? I knew deep in my gut it was her.

My entire body trembled as the door slid open on its hinges. I turned my eyes to the floor so I wouldn’t see her face; but I knew it was her because of the lavender hooves my eyes had locked onto.

“Oh, um…T-Twilight…h-h-hello…” I managed to stutter out, sounding much more nervous than normal.

“Fluttershy,” she muttered awkwardly as I watched her hoof scrape at the ground. “I… well, I want to talk about last night. Can I, um, come in?”

I could feel my heart pounding more and more quickly; my body tensing even further. I couldn’t say no though. There was no point in closing the door on her. That would just make things even more awkward. Besides, I did want to tell her the truth after all. I was planning on heading to her; but she had come to me instead. It seemed to me that it would actually make things simpler, and even easier.

I nodded my head softly, never turning my eyes in her direction. “Thanks…” she said with a sigh. I got the feeling she was having just as rough of a time with this as I was. “Talk on the couch?”

I nodded my head again as a trembling, “meep!” escaped my mouth. I had planned on it being a “yes,” but of course that didn’t happen. I shuddered and headed for the couch. I knew the animals were watching both of our every moves. I tried my best to pretend they weren’t there.

Only looking at the floor, I managed to reach the couch, and gently take my seat. My heart fluttered with another rush of anxiety as I felt her weight sink the cushion beside me. What would she say? How would I respond? If I was already so nervous, how was I going to tell her what I wanted to say? My heart raced to the point which I thought I was going to pass out. Heavier, and heavier breaths escaped my mouth. I had plenty of air; but it was as if I barely had any.

“Anyways… about last night,” Twilight said quietly, almost in a whisper. “This is going to be really awkward, isn’t it?” she asked with a sigh. “Fluttershy, all of the girls already know. I know you’re trying to hide from it; but I think we’re just going to have to accept it. Everypony makes mistakes; and we both made one last night. Sometimes we just have to make those mistakes a part of us. They do make us better after all. We’re still friends, even after what we did. We can work through this together, okay?”

“I um…o-okay,” I muttered. I had to tell her what I needed to tell her. If I held back, she’d never know the truth. She must have thought I drank as much as she did. She thought I had made the same mistake. Well, I did make a mistake… but it was out of my own will. I knew she didn’t love me. She just wanted the sex. At least, drunk Twilight wanted it. By the way she was speaking, she seemed very ashamed of her actions.

“Good… now that does mean you’re going to have to come out of your house, okay? Like I said, we just have to accept what we did.”

I nodded my head hesitantly. “But um, um, Twilight…I-”

“I’m sorry, but we can’t have any “buts” either, okay? You’re going to have to face it, the sooner the better.”

I peaked up at her through mane, making sure my eyes were mostly hidden. Her eyes were a painful red, and a saddened almost desperate frown lingered on her lips. Even in such a state, she was still beautiful.

“Twi-Twilight…I, it’s um, not that…”

“Then…what is it?” Her eyes stared directly into my own as she questioned me. It was as if she was gazing into my soul, my thoughts, looking for the answer. I was panicking, the urge to flee sinking into my stomach. I had to tell her though… but I just couldn’t get it out.

Her gentle hoof brushed my bangs away from my eyes, causing me to blush deeply. My eyes darted away from her own, but soon returned. Through the thin film of glaze, I could see warmth and comfort in her eyes. At least I knew that she truly did care about me. It was just as a friend, but that still meant a lot to me. “What is it? You can tell me,” she said in a soft tone.

“I…I wasn’t drunk last night,” I whispered. As my face grew red, my body began to shiver.

“I know,” she responded, giving a nod. My heart pounded heavily. Maybe she remembered much more about last night than she’d first let off. “And I feel horrible about what I did to you last night, absolutely horrible. I took advantage of you… of course you’d be too polite to say no.” Her frown deepened, and she ruffled a hoof through her mane. “I’m so sorry, Fluttershy,” she mumbled, her voice broken. Empathetic tears formed in my eyes as she began to weep.

Almost instinctually, I wrapped a hoof around her waist, and nuzzled myself into the fur on her chest. “No, Twilight… you’re an amazing friend. You never took advantage of me; and I know for a fact that you never would. You even asked me again if I wanted to….um, with you before we headed into the library. I…I said yes; and I meant it…”

“You… did?” Twilight asked in astonishment, her eyes growing wide. She turned away from my gaze as her cheeks grew pink. “Well…that makes me feel a little better, at least,” she said with an awkward chuckle. “I…uh, never knew you were into mares, Fluttershy.”

If my face could have grown any redder than it already was, it would have. I nodded my head softly. “Yeah… I guess I sort of always have been. I like stallions too, I guess… but only some.”

“Hmm, so you’re bisexual, but leaning towards the mare side?” she asked, a pep returning to her voice as curiosity overtook her. “I’m not really sure exactly what my feelings are. I mean, last night I was experimenting, of course; but I still have no clue what my sexual orientation really is. I think I’m bisexual too though.” She paused a moment, her blush deepening. “I’m… well, I’m really glad my first time ended up being with you. I’m glad it wasn’t with…you know, some random pony or anything. You’re a really close friend; and I feel comfortable with you.”

My heart pounded lovingly; and I had the sudden urge to move closer to her. I didn’t, of course. She was actually fine, even content with me being her first? “Anyways, I know my curiosity got the better of me; and it seems to be doing it again; but why exactly did you say yes last night?”

My loving heartbeats turned into harsh pounds of fear. “Oh… um… well, I guess… never mind…” I muttered, almost beneath my breath.

She wrapped a comforting hoof around my shoulders. “Come on, Fluttershy. It’s okay. It’ll be a secret between you and me.”

My body shook and shivered violently as I tried to push the words out. I knew exactly what I had to tell her; but once again, my nerves were preventing me. I couldn’t hold back though. I had to tell her now; or I never would.

“Twilight… I did it because I…um, I’m…I think I’m in love…with you.”

Her face grew a deep shade of red as I finished my sentence. Her body froze as still as a statue, all except her growing eyes. “Oh… I guess that explains a lot then; doesn’t it?”

I softly nodded my head. Her weakening hoof pulled awkwardly away from my shoulders. With a few simple adjustments, she then made a safe distance of space between us. The inevitable had come. Twilight had never felt the same way as I did of her; and now, I had most likely ruined our friendship from what I’d said. Things would just be much too awkward between us. I was beginning to think that saying nothing would have been a much better choice. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. With just a few key words, I would burst.

“Now, I really feel bad,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy… but I just, I really don’t think we’d be good as anything more than friends. I’m sorry I lead you on. It’s okay if you don’t forgive me. I really screwed up… when you said you loved me last night…” she paused, giving a loud gulp. “You meant it.”

“I did,” I whimpered, the tears flowing in full force.

“I am so sorry.” By the way Twilight spoke, I could tell she was in a lot of pain. I wasn’t sure if it was empathy, the fact that she had done something so horrible to her friend, or a combination of both. I could feel her hooves embracing me in a hug; but she quickly pulled away. “Look, Fluttershy…I really don’t know exactly how we can deal with this yet. I’m going to leave. I did say we were in this together though. We still will be… Just, I need time to think, okay?” I felt the cushions shift as she stepped up onto her hooves.

“Bye,” she whispered as she quickly made her way to the door. I shook my head in disgust. I had a feeling she wasn’t coming back. The door shut quietly; and sobs once again burst from my mouth.