TWILIGHT'S SHIPPING GOGGLES

Chapter 3: Ribbon Party

We made it back home well before dark and I was surprised to find Ink Well waiting at my door as we walked up. She looked relieved, but still a little anxious as we approached, and came up to me. “There you are. I was worried that you had been called away by the princess or something. The mayor wanted me to tell you that since you would be official Ponyville business, she was lending you her personal train car. Just be at the station by six-thirty tomorrow morning, and they'll have it connected for you.” She looked surprised as if just remembering something, and pulled out two slips of paper from the clipboard she always carried with her, holding it out for me. “Oh, before I forget, be sure to show this to the conductor when you get there. You won't be able to get on otherwise.”

As I took the tickets from her, I noticed that she looked... embarrassed? Disconcerted? Ugh, this new... thing was becoming a real pain. I guess I need to brush up on my pony reading skills. In any case, I doubted she was feeling this way because she almost missed me, or forgot to give me something; her reactions were too... personal. Realizing that I hadn't said anything and the silence was starting to make me look like a dork, I replied, “Thanks, Ink Well. This will be really helpful. Be sure to thank the mayor for me if I miss her before I leave, would you?”

An ever so slight blush came to her cheeks, especially visible due to her white coat, and she looked a little uncomfortable again. I hadn't noticed it before, but Ink Well is rather cute when she blushes like that. She backed away from me a little, apparently looking to excuse herself. “I- I will. Thanks again for all your help with this project, Miss Twilight. I- ah, if you'll pardon me, I need to go over to Miss App- Applejack's stand for some last minute shopping.”

She was gone before I could even acknowledge her request (well, statement, really, but you know what I mean). The mayor sure does like to keep her busy. Well, it's her prerogative, and Ink Well's choice to suffer her whims. Still, I don't think that mare gets paid nearly enough for the work she does. I turned to Spike to find him with his new toys (yes, I got him two merry feasts so he could have a second Power Pony figure, this one a Masked Matter Horn), and realized that perhaps I spoil him a bit too much. I shrugged, dismissing the notion. After all, I won't be able to do this forever. Someday, he was going to grow up, and I was dreading when he hit his teens; mostly because I remember my own awkward teen years, but also because a dragon's teen years last much, much, much longer than a pony's.

I let us in, and as he walked up the stairs, not taking his eyes off his toys, I called out to him, “Spike, I'm going to do some research in my lab. I may be working late, so don't bother waiting up for me. Make sure I'm not disturbed unless it's an emergency, alright?”

Without even bothering to turn and look at me, the little tyke continued his trek up the stairs. “Hear that, Radiance? It'll just be the two of us! Oh, I hope the mayor of Maretropolis can live without us for one night,” he said to the white, plastic figure as he disappeared around the corner.

I smiled at his playful innocence. For a moment, I was jealous of him, and wanted very much to return to those simpler days of my youth, but I shook it off. As enjoyable as those days were, I much prefer the respect and looks of pride I get from Cel- Princess Celestia. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

With a wry chuckle, I made my way down to the basement to prepare for my evening of surveillance. Making sure I locked the door, I walked down to the lab and pulled my book of experimental spells down from the little bookshelf standing next to my desk. I knew the spell I wanted, and even though it was untested, the theory behind it was sound, and it was a fairly simple spell. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to try it out.

I was extra careful in forming the unfamiliar spell matrix in my mind. I didn't want this to get out of control, after all. The pathways built, I gently poured a carefully measured amount of æther into the pathway, marveling at how it filled the matrix, setting it and the spell into motion. Closing my eyes, I saw through an invisible, flying, magical sensor. It didn't see into any other spectra than visible light, and it was no more keen than my own normal vision (in fact, clarity seemed to be a real problem right now, as things got blurry fairly quickly farther out), but it could go places I couldn't, unseen. I tested it out by floating around the room, and almost got sick at the motion. Obviously, I was going to have to take it slow until I got used to the motion.

Satisfied that this would work for now, I directed it to float out of the basement through an open window, and sent it on to Sugarcube Corner. I only had to wait for about ten minutes before Pinkie walked out, waving goodbye to the Cakes. She seemed to be sporting a new cupcake-patterned ribbon in her mane. It was only then that I realized the flaw in my “perfect” spell: I couldn't hear anything through it. Ah well, back to the drawing board.

With no time to retool the spell, I opted to follow Pinkie as she walked down the street. She didn't appear to notice my sensor, but knowing her, I was taking no chances. I kept well above the ground and far enough away that even if she could see invisible, magical creations, she wouldn't think anything of a tiny thing so far away. Then again, this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about, so as an added precaution, I hid behind physical barriers whenever possible.

My caution seemed to pay off, as she never noticed me- er, that is, my sensor. Wow, this is starting to get confusing. In any case, I saw Rainbow meet up with her, and they stopped to chat. Couldn't Rainbow see I was in the middle of something? I would ask how she could be so inconsiderate, but- oh, wait. She doesn't know. I facehoofed, thankful that nopony was around to hear that. After a moment of chatting, the two of them walked off together down the road. Why are they still together? Why is Rainbow wearing that ridiculous blue ribbon with the Wonderbolts symbol embroidered on it in her mane? She never wears things like that. Isn't Pinkie going to Vinyl's special pa- oh.

So, she invited Rainbow, but specifically uninvited me. Dark, gloomy thoughts took hold of me, souring my mood, but I quickly shook them off as inconsequential. Pull yourself together, filly! This is no time to mope! Science awaits! With a new resolve, I followed them, ducking behind roofs, signs, lampposts, whatever I could find. To be honest, I did feel a little bad about shadowing my friends, but I reminded myself that I was simply gathering information as to why this party would allegedly not be for me. I had considered the possibility that they were planning some sort of surprise for me, but I discounted that as ludicrous. Why would they call it a party if that was the case? Granted, this is Pinkie we're talking about, and she has been known to throw after-after-after-after parties, but a party-planning-party?

Now that I really thought about it, that seemed all too likely. I suddenly felt really foolish going to all these lengths behind Pinkie's back, especially if it proved to be some sort of surprise for me. I followed them until they came to Vinyl's house and they knocked on the door. I was about to dismiss the spell, when the door opened and they were greeted by the DJ, and they did something very odd. The unicorn floated a stovepipe hat out to them, and Pinkie And Rainbow pulled the ribbons from their manes and placed them into the hat. Vinyl then let them in and was about to close the door when the mayor approached.

I thought for sure that she was going to warn her to keep the music down or some such, but instead, she reached into her mane and pulled out a pink and white ribbon from it, and placed it in Vinyl's hat! What was the significance of the action? All thoughts of stopping my surveillance fled from my mind as my curiosity slipped into high gear. I simply must know what was going on! I sent my sensor closer, but it had reached its limit and winked out of existence.

I opened my eyes, blinking at the sudden intrusion of light after they had been closed for so long. I was about to cast the spell again when a sudden wave of nausea washed over me, and I was violently sick in the trashcan next to my desk. Wiping away the bile, I vanished the mess away to the sink and ran the water so I could wash out my mouth. It was several minutes before I could stand the taste in my mouth again and considered my options. That I was going to investigate was of no doubt, the only question that remained was how. After careful consideration, I knew that I was in no shape to use an invisibility spell; it was far too draining on what resources I had left. That left a camouflage spell, or a SEP field. While the camouflage spell provided concealment almost equal to invisibility, it was almost as taxing to maintain as well, whereas a SEP field costs next to nothing in æther to maintain, depending instead on other's preconception of not seeing you there. Decision made, I cast the spell that had helped me avoid bullies so often in my youth with an ease that told of a familiarity usually associated with specialists. What can I say? I was very good at avoiding both conflict and social interaction when I was younger.

I walked out of the library, the darkening evening helping even more to make me unnoticeable. Few ponies were still about at this hour, most being at home, eating dinner. I quickly trotted over to Vinyl's home, which was actually a converted carriage garage. As I approached, I was surprised at what I was hearing; or rather, what I wasn't hearing. The expected loud, thumping beat of “house” music was conspicuous in its absence. What kind of party thrown by Vinyl Scratch, DJ extraordinaire didn't include some oonce oonce oonce?

Moving quietly, I walked up to a window and peeked in, but found it to be a poor choice. Apparently, Vinyl had closed the curtains. Never one to let such minor things inconvenience me, I tried another, only to find too was blocked by a closed curtain. I was starting to get frustrated as I moved to the backyard and hit upon a bit of luck. One of the windows' curtains wasn't closed entirely, letting me peek into the bottom floor (apparently, the whole bottom floor was built like a studio or nightclub, leaving the upper floor as living space). Inside were many of the townsponies I knew, as well as a few out-of-towners all gathered in front of a small stage set up at the stairs, where Vinyl held up the stovepipe hat, demanding their attention. Aside from Pinkie and Rainbow, I recognized Mayor Mare standing next to Golden Harvest, and sharing on a cocktail with Berry Punch, while the gardener talked to Love Tap (whom I only recognized since her son was often hanging around the Cutie Mark Crusaders). There were many others, but Vinyl waved the hat around, catching my attention, and ending my mental roll call.

“Alright, everypony! Time to choose your partners! Remember that there's no backsies, so who you get is who you're with. You can't all have me, after all,” she said, eliciting a few chuckles from her audience. This was passing strange. I was perplexed, but she continued speaking. “So, for all you newbies, just a quick rundown of the rules. I was serious about the no backsies thing. No trading for the first half-hour. After that, feel free to ask anypony that catches your fancy. If your partner says to stop, then stop. That's pretty much all, other than the “no talking about what goes on here” thing, but then, you all already knew that. Now, without further ado, let the choosing begin!”

Her horn lit up and two ribbons floated up, one pink with thin blue stripes, the other orange plaid. Vinyl grinned slyly. “Looks like our first pair is to be our drinks supplier Apple Cider, and the ever popular Aloe!”

The two ponies came forward and took the ribbons and kissed before walking off into the crowd. The act got a lot of whistles and catcalls, and took me off guard. I didn't even know they were dating. Wait, didn't Apple Cider live in Fillydelphia? Do they have some sort of long distance relationship? Further speculation was halted as Vinyl pulled two more ribbons out, one white and blue striped, the other obviously the mayor's. “The next lucky couple appears to be Caboose and the mayor! Mare, you lucky devil, make sure you leave some of him for the rest of us!” she said with a wink as she hoofed over the ribbons.

My confusion at her statement was completely destroyed as I saw the mayor reach under the large stallion's barrel to fondle his sheath! I saw the tip of his... his penis poke out only to be gently stroked by the mayor's hoof. This went on for a few seconds before the mayor brought her hoof to her mouth, and licked the drippings she had collected there. Honestly, I had never seen anything so... erotic in my life. I mean, the broad shouldered stallion must have been half her age, yet there she was leading him off by his... whoa, how does she do that without hurting him?

Vinyl watched the two of them go off somewhere to do Light knows what, then chuckled and pulled out two more ribbons. Two more ponies paired off, with similar shows of affection, but by this time, I had remembered to put my goggles on. I could see that almost none of them were really interested in their partners as anything more than somepony with whom they could... copulate, not create anything long term. How could this be? How could anypony... mate with a random pony without consideration for the future? It was just so... irresponsible!

As the ponies paired off, I noticed that Vinyl's horn lit up, and a song I had never heard before began playing. While the beat was nice and would likely be fun to dance, the lyrics were appallingly suggestive. Where does one even find music like this?

Last to be pulled out of the hat was Pinkie's own ribbon, and Vinyl slyly smiled at her, saying something suggestive and lewd no doubt, but was covered up by the music playing. I was happy to note however, that they still seemed intensely interested in each other. Pinkie walked up almost casually and kissed Vinyl in a way that would curl my mane if somepony were to kiss me in a similar manner. Their moves were just so gentle and caring that I'm sure that anypony could tell what they meant to one another. It just confounded me that they would do this in so public a setting.

My view was blocked suddenly by a pony's face being pressed up against the window. I was so surprised, that I almost retreated into the shadows. It took me a moment to realize that the pony's face was Lotus from the spa Rarity frequents, because she was smashed up against the glass, distorting it. Whatever was happening to her, she was enjoying it, judging by her expression. Her eyes were unfocused and more than a little cross-eyed. Her tongue hung out to the side of a huge smile, and her breath was fogging up the glass pretty fierce. She was moving rhythmically, but something told me that she wasn't dancing.

The curtain moved to the side a bit, revealing Berry Punch behind her, matching her rhythm, hooves holding the spa pony's hips tightly. An odd, black belt was around her hips, and going by her expression, I would have guessed that she was actually a stallion and mating with Lotus; certainly all evidence was pointing that way. I wondered for half a second if she actually secretly was a stallion, but I remembered that she is one hundred percent mare. No stallion could imitate her hip wiggle (honest, it was just something I noticed; I'm not interested in her like that).

Lotus seemed to be having a hard time keeping her front half level, even with her face planted against the window and grabbed the curtain for balance, but only ended up pulling it down, crying out in pleasure (at least I think it was in pleasure; I've never seen someone in pain look so happy about it). She fell down to the floor, the curtain falling over her, but with her rear end still up in the air. Berry seemed to be having her own trouble, as something long, pink and slick with some liquid covering it popped up from between the- Oh. My. Light.

The long, pink, and flexible cylinder was attached to the black strap around Berry's waist, and was shaped exactly like... a... a stallion's... well, you know! “Dog gone it, Lotus! You made me pop out! I know you like my little friend here, but you don't have to lose your marbles within the first fifteen seconds, you know,” she grumbled as she tried to fit the... you know, back in... oh my. That's not even where a stallion's supposed to go... I... I had to get out of there. This was too much to take in all at once. I needed time to thingie- think! I need time to think! Space to breed- breathe! Augh!

Heedless of potential discovery, I ran out of the yard on a blind trajectory, not even looking where I was going. I'm sure that I must have bumped into other ponies during my headlong flight, shattering the spell. I'm not sure how long I ran, but by the time I stopped (well, collapsed really), out of pure exhaustion, I looked around to find myself just outside of Applejack's orchard. I laid there just trying to catch my breath and not think about what I had just witnessed. After so many years, I had gotten pretty good about setting up distracting thought loops, and had managed to think about not thinking until my breathing resumed normal levels. I was almost scared out of my skin, when a voice in the dark said, “Twilight? Izzat you?”

Immediately, I was on my hooves and ready to bolt, when I saw Applejack leaning over her fence, one hoof pushing back her hat to get a better look in the gathering dark of night. With a hoof on my chest to calm my thundering heart, I gasped out, “Applejack? Is that you? What are you doing out this late?”

“Ah could ask y'all the same thing, but since yah asked first an' all, I'll tell yah I was settin' up some traps for vampire fruit bats. Now that y'all know that, what are yah doin' out here alone, at night?” she drawled.

I mentally facehoofed, wondering just what I was going to tell her. I couldn't reveal what had sent me running, but if I didn't say something soon, she would just suspect everything I said. Deciding to go with the honest approach that would reveal as little as possible, I replied, “Applejack, have you ever thought about...” I was unsure how to broach the subject, but I was committed, now.

“Thought about what, Sugarcube?”

Her prodding got me going again. “About having... you know... 'relations' with somepony for whom you felt nothing but physical attraction?” I even went so far as to make air quotes with my hooves as I said “relations” like it was something dirty.

She looked surprised at the topic, and looked away, blushing. My... “goggles” automatically slipped into place, and I could tell that there was definitely somepony for whom she felt a strong affection. Her eyes darted over to the town for a quick instant, but from this trajectory, it would be difficult to tell where exactly her eyes intended to go. She rubbed a hoof on the back of her head and said, “Um, Twi, Ah appreciate your feelin's and all, but y'all are more like a sister to me than-”

“Oh! Oh no, Applejack! I didn't meant you- I mean you're a great pony and all but I couldn't- You're like a sister to me, too! Er, I mean...” I just sorta trailed off in utter nervousness, but after a moment, we both burst out into giggles.

The tension released, Applejack asked, “What brings this up, Twi? Were yah thinkin' of maybe-”

“No!” I shouted. Immediately regretting it, and how guilty it made me look, I tried again in a gentler tone. “No. I was just wondering how a pony could do that sort of thing, you know? Let's say- just hypothetically, mind you- that I saw somepony offer another pony s- s- ssss-”

“Sex?” Applejack offered with a chuckle. I nodded, and she said, “It ain't a bad word, Sugarcube. It's the most natural thing in the world, matter o'fact. Ah must say, that Ah'm a bit surprised to find you of all ponies afraid of a word.”

Ashamed, but hurt, I replied, “I'm not afraid of it. I just... I'm not used to discussing a subject so intimate with others. I know that s- sss- sssex is natural and a good thing. Believe me, I had my mother and two princesses explain to me the facts of life; on separate occasions, of course, but believe me when I say that I know all about sssex's function and place in nature and society. I was just wondering how anypony could offer it so casually.” I breathed a sigh of relief once I had explained myself. It felt like a great weight had been lifted, once the words were out in the open like that.

The silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity, so I looked up to see what Applejack was doing. I was surprised to see her staring off into the night sky, a really odd expression on her face. I couldn't tell if she was angry, disappointed, happy, or just contemplative. The lack of light certainly wasn't helping matters any. After almost a further full minute of silence, she spoke up. “I can't speak for ever'pony, Twi, but if you combine the right ponies with the right situation, anythin' is possible. Sex... sex means somethin' different to ever'pony. To some, it's the ultimate expression of love; to others, just somethin' that feels good. Ah'm sure y'all could find a pony for everywhere in between, an' even a few things beyond that.” She doffed her hat, turning it around in her hooves by the brim; a nervous habit to cover an uncomfortable subject, to be sure. “How a pony feels 'bout sex is all tied up in what makes them who they are. Their experience, their upbringin', religion, it all shapes how they think about sex. 'Till y'all walk a kilotrot in a pony's shoes, judging their actions is just... well, it's just rude, if y'all pardon my sayin' so.”

Applejack's words hit me hard. Was I being judgmental? I hadn't thought I was, but then, I hadn't really thought much about it, period. I suppose that if you looked at it the right way, I was being judgmental, but I felt that I needed to explain myself to her. “Applejack, I wasn't trying to shame them into doing what I think is right or change the way they think; I'm just trying to understand why a pony would do that.” I leaned on the fence too, so that we were closer, and I could more easily see her face. “You may think me some sort of sheltered filly just come down from her ivory tower, and in a way, I suppose I am, but you need to understand that in my experience, there's only been two types of pairings, and those are arranged marriages, and the lucky few who were able to marry those they loved. I never even considered the possibility of just mating with somepony you don't love or to whom you aren't married. It's like asking a mole to understand the principles of aerodynamics; there's nothing to which the mole can correlate. I'm confused and curious, Applejack, not malicious.”

She patted my head gently, and in the back of my mind, I noted the way her powerful muscles rippled beneath her skin. Suddenly, I understood what Rarity meant when she talked about watching Big Mac from afar as he worked. There was certainly something enticing about- no! This is AJ we're talking about here! My most dependable and stalwart friend! Besides, there's somepony in whom she's already interested, and I refuse to stand in the way of that! Her voice pulled me from my ruminations as she said, “Aw, Sugarcube. I know you didn't mean anythin' by it, an' Ah didn't mean to imply it neither. Ah was just lettin' yah know that some folk'll take offense to questions parsed like that.”

“So you aren't mad or disappointed in me?” I asked, fearful of eliciting either emotion in her.

The farmpony pulled me in for a hug, patting me on the back. “'Course not, Twi!”

I sniffed a little, happy and secure in the comfort of her strong embrace. This close, I couldn't help but breathe in her scent, and there was definitely a strong tang of desire coming from her. I wondered at whom it was directed, since we had already established that we were off each other's list of potential mates. Maybe she was meeting somepony later on? I felt like I had already imposed on our friendship enough, but I couldn't resist getting in a little jab. “Either,” I said without preamble.

She pulled back enough to look me in the eye and ask, “Beg pardon?”

“You said, 'I didn't mean to imply it neither.' It should have been either,” I replied with a smile.

With a bark of laughter, she let me go and lightly punched my shoulder (I could tell I would have a bruise there tomorrow; I sometimes wondered if she even knew her own strength). “Alright, either y'all go do what yah need and let me get back to work, or neither of us'll be in fit shape come mornin'.”

I laughed and said, “Alright. Goodnight, Applejack. I'll see you when Spike and I get back from Canterlot.” I waved goodbye to her and turned to trot back up the road towards home once more, my mind no less confused. I was baffled by the notion that a pony could do something so intimate so casually, but Applejack didn't seem to hold it in any sort of contempt. Maybe I should just file this away as something to ask Cady about? I'd never think to append such an act to her, but she is more knowledgeable about this, not to mention more experienced in the many facets of love. With a sigh, I put the issue on my mental list of things to put in the letter when I have a moment. Right now, I had to get some sleep so that I would be able to get to the train station in time tomorrow.

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Spike and I were on the platform by six o'clock the next morning. It's always been my policy to be early for all appointments when possible, just in case. Granted, it sometimes takes a toll on Spike, and more often than not, we end up just waiting out the clock, but I have been too often rewarded for my foresight with the appointment being bumped up, leaving myself with extra free time. This time, like the vast majority of the times, Spike and I were waiting for the train to arrive so that the car could be attached. At the very least, we had already sorted out our seating with the ticket master.

Spike had stayed up late, playing with his new toys, despite my warning that we were getting up early for our trip, so he was making a valiant attempt to stave off the Sandpony. I was helping in that respect by playing a version of a Neighponese word game called shiritori with him. I gave a word, and he had to come up with a word that began with the last letter in my word, as long as it didn't end with “N”. Then I would have to build off of his word, and we traded off until one of use used a word ending in “N”. Needless to say, it was trickier than it sounded, and there were other, minor rules (like using only nouns), but I was currently the winner at one to six.

My assistant looked up at the roof over the platform as he thought about his next reply. “Um... Annex?”

“Ooo... someone's in rare form today, Spike,” I replied. I let him have a moment of victory, before crushing his spirit. “Xenology.”

He grumbled and almost threw his cheese danish (we had stopped by Sugarcube Corner for a quick take-out breakfast) on the ground in frustration. “It's not fun playing this game with someone who reads the dictionary to relax.”

I gave him a quick nuzzle which he accepted before he realized what he was doing and tried to look nonchalant about it. “Sorry, Spike. I'm just trying to keep you awake until the train gets here. Once we're on board, you can take a nap. I just hope you'll do as I say next time and go to bed when I say.”

A loud whistle down the tracks alerted us to said train's imminent arrival. I looked up at the clock hanging from the rafters, noting the time. “Hmm... Ten minutes early. That bodes well for our trip,” I said happily. Once more, my habit had borne fruit.

The train pulled into the station, disgorging a few passengers, then uncoupled the engine so that the new car could be added. Spike and I went to the side so that we could see the action taking place on the spur. The team moved quickly and efficiently (I would have to remember to buy something nice for the crew as a thank you for their trouble), and it wasn't long before the train was whole once more and awaiting new passengers. With the car was added to the line, Spike and I boarded, and took in the opulence of the private car. While it was nothing compared to the Princess' private train (not just a single car for her!), it was certainly better than riding coach. The decorations certainly had a sort of rustic lavishness that you wouldn't find in most passenger cars.

Spike immediately took possession of the largest couch and stretched out as far as he could. I had to smile at him as I walked over to a wingback chair, laid my saddlebag down next to it and took out a psychology book, opening it to where I left off. Honestly, reading in these chairs always made me feel like I should be wearing a smoking jacket and holding a snifter of brandy in one hoof, but not only was it too early for libations, I really didn't care for brandy.

As I settled in for a good read, the train pulled out of the train station, and we were finally on our way to Canterlot, but I was distracted by the events of last night. I didn't see Pinkie Pie while I was at the bakery (she was far too busy in the kitchen), and to be truthful, I wasn't sure if I could face her after what I saw. It wasn't that I thought she had done something wrong, but I just don't think I'll ever be able to look at her or any of my friends the same way. Overnight, I had come to the realization that they had a sexual side to them. This was big. It was like discovering that my parents- Augh! Great. Just when I thought I had buried that memory forever. This is going to be another looonnng adjustment period.

Author's Note

You know something I've noticed? I tend to write very differently when I do it in first person. Longer paragraphs, asides everywhere, among other things. It really blurs the line between when I'm showing and when I'm telling. Maybe it's okay, since I'm telling it from a character's perspective (which in itself is another big change; no third person omniscience allowed!), but it's still something that concerns me.

On another note, I wanted to go more in depth with the sex, but didn't really see Twilight sticking around for the show. A pity.