TWILIGHT'S SHIPPING GOGGLES

Chapter 4: Princess Talk

The train ride itself was fairly uneventful, with Spike waking only once to have a proper breakfast. I pored through my book, trying harder to retain the knowledge it was imparting upon me than the first half dozen times I read it for recreation. While fascinating, psychology had also been one of those fields of study where the lack of hard absolutes annoyed me. If X didn't always equal X, but was subject to interpretation, then how could you really get anywhere? To me, it had always been more of a philosophy than a hard science, but who am I to try to redefine meanings?

We pulled into Canterlot, to find a pair of guards waiting to escort us to the palace. Unusual to be sure, but not exactly unheard of, when The Princess had some important business to discuss. I was going to see her first anyway, since neither of my parents would be home from work yet, but this development was curious. They walked up to me and saluted, which I returned with a nod. Not truly being within their chain of command (or even holding any military or true noble rank), I knew better than to salute, myself. Besides, I wore no “cover” as they referred to all headgear. The higher ranking of the two said, “Lady Twilight Sparkle, I bring you greetings from Princess Celestia, and a request for a moment of your time.”

I of course, recognized him (The Princess would never send a pony whom I didn't know) and replied, “It would be a pleasure, Lieutenant Clean Slate. If you would give me a moment to consult with the stationmaster, I need to discuss with him the disposition of the mayor's private car so it's well cared for, and ready for my departure in a few days.”

“If it pleases Milady,” Clean Slate said punctiliously, “Lance Corporal High Justice here will see to that.” He nodded to indicate the stallion next to him, whom I didn't recognize, and was staring straight ahead.

Whatever it was Princess Celestia wanted, it must have been fairly important if I didn't even have the time for that! Not wanting to waste anypony's time, I said, “Very well, Lieutenant. Lead on, and we'll leave the car in the corporal's capable hooves.”

He led Spike and I from the hustle and bustle of the crowded station and through the even more crowded streets where a carriage awaited. Stamped with the royal crest, nopony would dare stop or attack it, lest they incur the wrath of the Princesses. Bit by bit, my worry was mounting as I saw just how much Princess Celestia wanted to speak to me. I just hoped that this was not some world-shattering disaster, as I believe I had filled my quota on those for the year.

Spike bounced on the plush, velvet seat next to me, enjoying the novelty of the mode of transport. While the amenities of the much smaller carriage put those of the mayor's personal car to shame, worry plucked at the back of my mind, preventing me from enjoying as much as he was.

We arrived in front of the palace in what must have been record time for me, but I didn't even notice the passage of time. As soon as my hooves touched the ground, Spike and I were whisked away at a brisk pace to Princess Celestia's private courtyard garden. She was already there, of course, sipping tea with Princess Luna. Neither of them appeared too grim, so I let a little of the tension I was feeling fly free. As we approached, Clean Slate announced in a clear voice, "Lady Twilight Sparkle and Sir Spike, Your Highnesses.” He bowed low, then stepped away as we came forward.

“Thank you Lieutenant,” Princess Celestia said in her rich, contralto voice. I shivered a little as she said this. The way she always pronounced “lieutenant” as “leftenant” put me in a mind of older, more genteel times. Turning to me, she said, “Welcome back, my Faithful Student. A pleasure to see you again, as always. We were about to have lunch. Would you like something?” At the mere mention of offered food, my traitorous stomach (which had failed to be fed on the ride over in favor of finishing my book) let its opinion on the matter be heard, and everyone chuckled. “I'll take that as a yes.”

I took the offered seat next to her, and I grinned shyly up at her. “Thank you, Princess. Just a small fruit bowl and salad, please.”

Spike climbed into his chair (one with much higher legs so as to accommodate his shorter stature) and said, “Ooo! Can I get a gem salad, Twilight? The chef makes the best gem salads.”

I glowered at him, and he returned a sheepish grin. “A small one,” I conceded. “You're getting a little too... rotund to be splurging like this all the time, Spike.”

He patted his belly as he looked down on it. Surely, he could see it now that I pointed it out to him. Princess Luna nodded in agreement. “Indeed, young Spike. It would not do to overindulge in the good things in life. It breeds indolence.”

I know she meant it innocently, and there was absolutely no way she could have known what I saw last night, but her mention of breeding brought it all back to mind, as well as a blush to my cheeks. I just hoped both Princesses missed it. “Erm, yes.” Turning to Princess Celestia, I asked, “To what do we owe the pleasure of an escorted invitation, Princess?”

She gave me a sad little smile that went straight to my heart like an icicle. “Twilight, please. I thought I told you, just Celestia is fine when we're in private. We've known one another long enough to drop the formalities then, at least.”

“Aye- I mean, yes, Twilight. I too, must insist on no titles in informal gatherings such as these. It would wound me so, to think that we hath not earned at least that much friendship,” Pri- Luna added.

With a sheepish grin to them both, I replied, “My apologies, C- Celestia, Luna.” Though we had agreed to this what felt like ages ago, it still felt odd to me. “After using the titles in everyday conversations with other ponies, it's a hard habit to break. I'll do better to remember.”

Conversation halted as food was brought out to us, despite nopony asking what we wanted. A light salad was placed to one side, while on the other was a bowl of fruit sprinkled with sugared rose petals. Spike's bowl of gem salad was a bit larger than I would have preferred, but said nothing as it was more salad than gems. We ate in companionable silence, just enjoying the cool breeze bringing the scent of the flowers that permeated the cozy space. It was interesting to see that Luna still ate in the old manner, eschewing utensils in favor of just dipping her face into the bowl. Somehow, she still made it seem lady-like.

I looked over to P- Celestia and noted that she still ate as I had always known her to eat- with a fork held in her magic. It always amazed me with the amount of grace she could instil with such a simple and mundane act as eating. Truly, she is the epitome of poise and charm. If only I could have even a tenth- no, a hundredth of that, I would be a better pony, much more well liked, despite my many flaws. There was just so much to admire about her. Her composure in the face of adversity, her power, both magical and political, her beauty... Why was she looking at me like that? Wait, was I staring again? Ooh, roadapples.

“Are you feeling well, Twilight Sparkle?” Luna asked quietly.

I looked over to see that she was watching me with concern, while Spike just continued with his meal, and Celestia peered at me, not with concern, but with a little curiosity and... I shook my head. I shouldn't read things into that. That slight tint of pink on her cheeks had to have been from embarrassment. Yes, that's what it was. Surely nothing else. Returning my attention to Luna, I said, “Yes, I'm fine, Luna. Just thinking about a new project I'm starting.”

Her expression brightened, and she said, “Oh? It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with-”

“Why don't the three of us discuss it after lunch, Luna?” Celestia thankfully interrupted. “We wouldn't want to bore Spike with the details of Twilight's new sociology study.”

Wait, when did she learn of it? The only pony I discussed it with was... Cadance. I was going to give her an earful when I saw her again about respecting others' privacy. But in the meantime, damage control first. I definitely don't want Spike's impressionable young mind warped by the things I'm sure to encounter in pursuit of this study. “A splendid idea. Spike wanted to spend the bits that had been burning a hole in his pocket at the comic shops, so there will be no danger of that.” I knew that few things bored Spike like sociology (tax law and mathematics being the only ones that beat it out), so I latched onto the life preserver I had so graciously been thrown.

Spike's eyes widened, and he started shoveling his salad into his mouth as fast as he could chew. He was done in record time and hopped off his seat to run around to my side and looked up at me. “Is it okay, really?”

I produced his bag of allowance with a flash and lowered it to him, but did not let go when he took possession of it. “I want you to take Lieutenant Clean Slate with you, and if I found out you spent all this on gems and ate them all, I'll be very upset with you, Spike. Applejack chores upset.”

He gulped, but nodded and soberly walked off with the trusted lieutenant. With that done, I turned back to my lunch to find that it was already gone. I didn't recall eating it all, but my tummy was satisfyingly full, and the bowls were as clean as if they had been licked. The Princesses' were empty as well, and they were even dabbing at their lips with napkins, so I followed suit and pushed myself away from the table.

By unspoken accord, we walked to The Prin- Celestia's Study, the place where I used to take most of my book lessons from her. It had changed only slightly since I had last been in the sumptuous office, the biggest changes being the addition of two new pictures on her desk, one of her and Luna together, eating ice cream in a park, and the other being the picture I sent her of myself with my Ponyville friends. I was quite flattered to see that it held a place of honor next to the picture of her sister. Celestia took a seat on the couch facing the fireplace and patted the seat in front of her, indicating I should take it. It was something we used to do a lot, especially when I was younger, and the chance to do so again was not something to be turned down. I laid down with my forelegs crossing hers, and was surprised when Luna also laid on the couch behind me, letting her forelegs go to either side of my body. Surprisingly, all three of us just barely fit on it, though I wouldn't place odds on the couch surviving if we moved around too much. Oddly, it didn't feel crowded at all, but... homey. Seated between one of my newest (and one of my closest) friends, and my oldest (and most admired, if truth be told) was cozier than expected. If contentment were something tangible, this would be very close to it. With a sigh, I opened the can of worms we had come here to discuss. “So, when did Cady tell you?”

Celestia smiled coyly. “The moment your train left the Crystal Empire, actually. She was quite excited. Said you even gave her relationship advice... good relationship advice, as it turned out. I hear from the guards there that the Prince-Consort hasn't once stopped by the barracks for a bull session since you left.”

“Well, somepony had to say something. I love Shiny to death, but I swear that colt has rocks for brains, sometimes,” I answered simply.

“And you art avoiding the issue, dear Twilight,” Luna said, attracting my attention from behind.

I sighed again, knowing that I could no longer delay the inevitable. “Yes, I know. I just... I just have so many questions about this, and then something really weird happened last night, making me realize that I had been ignoring an entire side to my friends- well, not just my friends, but everypony. Worse still, I had been ignoring an entire side to my study of friendship itself and I-”

Celestia silenced my rant with a hoof to my lips, and smirked at me. I always hated that look. It meant that I had finally realized something that should really have been obvious from the start. It's not that I hated The Pri- Celestia doing that, so much as it represented a failing on my part. “Why don't you start from the beginning, Twilight?”

So with some reluctance, I did so. I was tempted to leave out the events I had witnessed at Vinyl's party, but I knew that not only would Celestia eventually would get it out of me (she had a way of doing that, and it frustrated me at times), but if I really wanted their help, they had to know all the particulars of what was troubling me. Having finished telling them what Applejack and I had discussed, as well as the revelations I had afterward, I said, “And that brings us up to here.” I looked up at her face with more than a little trepidation, worried that she might say I had gone too far, or done something to disappoint her.

Instead of the dreaded scowl, she wore a thoughtful expression, laced with a slight blush, no doubt due to my rather graphic description of the party. However, it was Luna who broke the silence. “Are such 'ribbon parties' common amongst the ponies these days? I must admit, that I had thought such things had fallen out of favor with the populous of late.”

Celestia smiled at her sister indulgently. “While I have not been 'in the know' with the actions of the common pony for several centuries, I don't believe that these sorts of gatherings are all that typical, else they would not feel the need to keep it from the public eye.” She turned back to me and asked, “Tell me, Twilight; what is truly the thing about this that is bothering you?”

I carefully considered my feelings, before even attempting to give her an answer. While she never berated me for taking my time to answer, she always had a cutting remark ready for a ready, facile reply. What was really bothering me about this? Was it the fact that they were treating such a glorious (presumably, since I had never ah, partaken, myself) act as if it were nothing more than a pressure release? While it may have been a contributing factor, I doubt it was at the root of my feelings here. Was it jealousy that they were so far ahead of me in something that was tangentially related to something I studied so assiduously? Perhaps. I had always been a highly competitive academe, and always felt a little disappointed in my accomplishments whenever somepony performed better than myself. This was especially true with ponies that I felt were less studious or didn't take their academics seriously enough. Was it that I had never even considered the possibility before? I doubted it. As Celestia was often fond of saying, you never know what you don't know.

I'm not sure how long I had been laying there, ruminating over my dilemma, when Celestia interrupted my thoughts by asking, “Is it perhaps anger at being excluded from a portion of your friends' lives?”

“Well, that's just...” I really examined what she said instead of reacting, and was surprised. I was upset at being excluded, not just from learning about that aspect of their lives, but also at their not asking about mine. Granted, I had no romantic life of which to speak, but didn't mean that I didn't want to be involved with theirs and help how I could. I had heard that ponies often bond over stories of their love lives, and I had never even once thought to do that! Wait, is this their fault or mine?

“Twilight, it's not really anypony's fault. It is likely that they never thought to include you, because you've never shown an interest in such things, and you never thought of it, because it never occurred to you that perhaps romanticism is another aspect to friendship,” Celestia said soothingly.

She's such an amazing pony. She knows me so well, that she can tell exactly what I'm thinking, just by watching my face. I smiled tremulously at her, and saw the pride on her face over my realization. She hadn't been so proud of one of her students in- wait! Was I just using the goggles on her? Celestia? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! I can't! Not on her! Never... I looked away, and took a deep breath... several, really, and didn't look at her again until I had myself under control.

“Are you sure you art feeling well, Twilight?” Luna asked.

I had almost forgotten she was there, but a hug from behind and her inquiry into my health reminded me. I turned and gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Luna. Just had a sudden panic attack due to what I was thinking about my friends.” As somepony dedicated to seeking the truth, I despised fibbing, but there was no way I could tell them I had just used my... thingie on Celestia. The situation was awkward enough as is. This actually brought to mind a distracting subject, so I asked, “What do you two think of what Cadance calls this... ability? Surely we could come up with a better name, or is there perhaps an old, disused name that might not sound so absurd? I feel silly calling it Shipping Goggles.”

Luna put a hoof to her chin in thought and replied, “I believe the term for it in the time before my banishment, it was marriage broker.”

I turned back to Celestia, desperate for a reprieve. “We've got to come up with a better name for it! Even if it's not scientific, at least make it something that doesn't sound so silly.”

“Honestly, Twilight. It's probably one of the better names I've ever come across; much more benign than most I've heard,” Celestia replied.

I tried to ignore Luna's muttered, “I thought it was a good name.”

With a sigh, I admitted defeat. “I suppose so. It is better than 'Busybody' or 'Nosy Nelly'.”

Celestia smiled and laid one of her hooves over mine, almost like weaving them together. “Now that that's settled, how are you going to proceed, my Faithful Student?”

Just hearing her call me that immediately set my mind working. One of these days, I'd have to ask her how she always knew just what to say to make things right within my mind. “I suppose I'll have to begin with setting up a method to this study, if I'm going to make a real go of it. Define my goal and procedures.” I was really in my element (so to speak) now that I had been set down the right path. I floated a blank scroll as well as a quill and pot of ink from my mentor's desk to sketch the outline. She had long ago established that as long as I stayed out of the locked drawers, I was welcome to help myself to her desk supplies as needed. I worked fairly quickly, and soon had the bare bones of a study paper written out within just a few minutes.

“Sooth! Thy- your student is most efficient, 'Tia,” Luna declared rather loudly in my ear, since she was leaning over my shoulder, watching me work. Despite the ringing in my ear, I giggled at her use of the affectionate nickname for her sister.

“She always has been, Lulu,” she replied, making me blush at her praise.

Luna smiled at her, still leaning over me (resting atop me, if truth be known). “She would make a glorious major domo.”

Celestia nuzzled my cheek, causing my already heated blush to spread all the way down my neck. “I think she's destined for much greater things, Lulu.”

I reveled in the feeling once again that had been denied me ever since coming out from under her wing. If there was one thing that I regretted leaving behind when I moved to Ponyville, it was this closeness to the pony I admire most. I would have to find some way to remedy this.

(\ /)
( . .)
*(“)(“)

Spike was still out at his favorite haunts when I felt the need to excuse myself so I wouldn't be late for my appointed visit with Octavia. While I wouldn't say that her schedule was as strict as Celestia's, she still kept herself to a rather rigid timetable of events; though with good reason. A pony in as much demand as she had to manage their time carefully. While this meant that we could not get together as often as we might like, at least we knew when we would be getting together. We had only canceled once, when I was first sent to the Crystal Empire to help combat the threat of Sombra; which was a sad moment for the both of us.

As I approached her home, I saw the windows open, and the strains of Vivid Alder's Winter were wafting from them like an entrancing lure. It wasn't quite winter yet; indeed, autumn was still making a rather spectacular go of it. Perhaps she was getting a head start on the season? In any case, I knew we were in for a fun visit; we always were when she put Vivid Alder on the phonograph. I peeked in through one of the windows before knocking, and wasn't surprised at all to find her playing a violin along with the record. She may be most well-known for her skill with the cello, but that was hardly the extent of her talent.

I knocked, listening to the sudden screech of a violin missing a note, followed quickly by the door opening. Octavia smiled and stood to the side, inviting me in. “Twilight, it is ever so good to see you again.” We hugged, which some might see as unusual for the both of us, being introverts, but it was our standard greeting since before graduating. “How has my favorite grade-skipper been?”

“As well as can be expected,” I replied with a wide grin. “How's my favorite musical overachiever been?”

“Likewise. Come in, the tea has just finished steeping.” She led me into her parlor (she refused to call it a living room) where the phonograph continued it's lovely song.

I looked around, taking in the many paintings she had hanging on her walls and noticed something amiss. “What happened to the Moray? I thought you loved that painting?”

A twinkle formed in her eye and she grinned at me over her cup of tea. “I knew you would notice right away. I lent it to the Canterlot Museum of Art on the condition that they sponsor one tour for underprivileged foals for every week that it is there. Since I possess the only painting by one of the great impressionists in Canterlot and am willing to lend it under certain circumstances, they agreed rather quickly.”

This was one of the things that bonded us as friends in high school. While she would always champion and lead projects like this for the arts, I often (ab)used my position with Celestia to do the same for the sciences. I can't even count the number of times we accidentally met while out setting up an expo of some sort and ended up working together on each other's pet projects to bring enlightenment/culture to the masses. An exaggeration, true, but I'll never forget the Classical music / Science Lesson flash mob we arranged. I had soda in places soda had no business being, all because somepony forgot their raincoat (okay, it was me). How could I not befriend a pony after that? Sure, there were some other nice ponies in her group, but I never really clicked with them. They always seemed a little less than genuine, and as far as I know, none of them are still out doing things like that for the less fortunate.

“Ooo, sounds interesting. That actually brings to mind something the mayor of Ponyville wanted me to ask you, actually.” I outlined the proposal, and was happy to note that that she did seem interested. While we were getting down to brass tacks, my blasted curiosity got the better of me once more, and I started really looking at her with my (ugh, fine) Shipping Goggles. What I saw made me so sad. Although she put up a brave front, I could tell that she was terribly lonely. It looked like there was a pony with whom she wanted to be, but had given up hope. This was terrible! Such unrequited feelings could tear up a pony inside, and I should know!

I knew I had to do something to help one of the few ponies from my childhood I called friend. Being careful to be as circumspect as possible, I began interjecting questions that might help me establish just who had broken Octavia's heart. “So, do you think the orchestra will play? The mayor can't offer a big discretionary fund, and Ponyville doesn't exactly have a large population of classical music lovers.”

Octavia put a hoof to her chin as she considered. “Hmm... I may have to dip into personal funds to pay for them, but I think I can convince about half of them to show. The only real problem shall be with the percussionists. Some of them have side bands and are really territorial, believe it or not. I cannot say I really blame them for the latter, considering how heavy those drums can be especially when you take into account how far they shall need to carry them.”

“Has anypony been especially troublesome, though? Not necessarily about charity events like this, but in general? You look a bit... distraught, Octavia.” I bit my lip, wondering if I had prodded too far. While I wasn't worried that she would throw me out or stop being my friend, I was concerned over ruining any chance I had at helping her. Blast this Light forsaken inexperience!

She looked at me curiously, but with the way her eyes darted up and to the left, I could tell she was about to give me some sort of false platitude or another. She licked her lips, obviously nervous either at being outed, or... was it something else? For some reason, chalk it up to callowness, it was especially difficult to interpret the signals she was giving me. “F- forgive me, but I'm not sure what you mean, Twilight. I'm not distraught.”

I knew it! She almost never used contractions, let alone twice in the same sentence; a holdover from her youthful days when her parents had hired a manners tutor. I laid a hoof on her knee. She looked almost ready to bolt, but I kept it there, reminding her that I would always be there for her. “Octavia, it's alright. You can talk to me about this. What are friends for, if not to lean on when you need a hoof?”

She looked away, her cheeks turning a shade darker. “I- it doesn't matter anymore, Twilight. She... she does not want me the way I want her. I made peace with that long ago. Please. Let it be.”

It broke my heart to see her reach these depths, but I knew that if I was going to help, it would have to be with foal steps. Just getting her to admit it was a huge start, so no sense driving a wedge between us. I leaned over and gave her a hug. It took a few seconds for it to be reciprocated, but it was. “I'm sorry for intruding, Octavia. I just want to see you happy.”

She pulled back and wiped away a tear, but was smiling. “I know, Twilight. You are really the only friend I have that would want to do that for me. Truth be told, You are the only friend I would want to intercede so.”

“Well, you know that I'm always here for you, should you need a friend again, Octavia,” I replied. I knew I had my work cut out for me with her. Light bless her, but Octavia was about as stubborn as Applejack. While it could be endearing, it made things terribly difficult at times. Still, for her, I would move mountains... literally.

(\ /)
( . .)
*(“)(“)

I nodded to the family's groundskeeper as I walked past the open gate to my parent's house. They had made a point of almost never closing it during the day as a sign of trust with the less fortunate ponies. That, along with their many charitable works (each member of the family was expected to have at least one charity they always sponsored by the time they graduated high school), may not make them too popular amongst the “upper crust” of society whom looked down their noses at us, but nopony could deny that we followed the path of noblesse oblige. Sorry. That sounded terribly prideful, but if one is going to be proud of something, I suppose one could do worse than their charity.

In any case, I walked in, passing the den to hear Spike telling my parents about a movie he had recently seen. I kind of figured he'd go to the theater while we were here, and could hardly begrudge him that, seeing as Ponyville's showed mostly older movies in black and white, and never any new releases. Instead of heading up to my room to freshen up. I instead walked into the den, smiling at Spike who was demonstrating how Saddle Rager leaped down from above and smashed a villain's device by leaping from the couch to the floor. Mom and Daddy were watching him with expressions similar to the one I wear sometimes when he still indulges his childish side.

I walked over to them and kissed them each on the cheek, receiving one from each in return. “I hope you didn't fill up on popcorn, Spike. Dinner will be soon, judging by the delicious smells coming from the kitchen.”

“How was your visits with the princesses and your friend, dear?” Daddy asked, slyly trying to divert my attention away from Spike. I swear, they treat him like their grandson, and while it's fantastic they bonded with him like that, but it was frustrating having what little authority I exercised over him undermined, even if it was done in love.

“Productive and delightful, Daddy,” I replied. “I'm afraid I can't really discuss my new project, but both Princesses were very helpful, and I can't wait for my appointment with them tomorrow, even if it is just to discuss the progress in the Crystal Empire. Oh, Cady and Shiny send their love, by the way. That, and a formal request for the Royal Archivist to help update their library, and the Royal Astronomer to help update their astronomy program. It has almost been a thousand years, after all.” I took two scroll from my dimensional pocket and floated them over to them.

Mom took the scrolls and smiled. “Aw, isn't that sweet of them to give us official reasons to visit? We'll have to thank them by getting them to start thinking of grandfoals- I mean, an heir.”

“We know what you meant, Mom,” I quipped, shaking my head. This was going to be an interesting, if not amusing visit, as long as I can keep my Shipping Goggles turned off around my parents and The Princesses.

Author's Note

Man, it is so easy to slip accidental innuendo into Twilight's words! Seriously, there were one or two where I thought, "No way they can miss this one!" And I'm not even doing it on purpose!