The Ponyville Apocalypse

Spike had his hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets as he stood at the Ponyville Train Station. He was currently waiting for his good friend, Big Macintosh, to arrive. He had spent the last few years away on business. He was traveling places, selling apples to new locations. Meanwhile, Spike aged quite a bit. He was currently in his teen years, living tall and confident.

He wished his friends were there to share his achievement, but they were currently with the Princess's, discussing matters that he could barely comprehend. He had no idea where they were. All he knew, it was far, and he was left to take care of the Library while Twilight was gone. He had a feeling that Big Macintosh's return would make his life less boring. Speaking of which, he heard the call of the train whistling before seeing the engine and many cars pull up in front of the station.

After quite a bit of ponies came out, there was one stallion who stood out. He was tall, muscular, and red all over. Spike smiled as he recognized the man. "Hey, Big Mac!" He called out with a wave. The stallion would smile back before holding his arms out, silently calling the dragon over for a hug, to which he gladly accepted the invitation.

"How have ya been, man?" Big Mac asked as he patted his friend's back.

"I'm doing great! Gosh, it's good to see you!" He said before pulling away. "How long has it been?" He asked curiously. He couldn't really recall the number of years it's been.

"Um...sometime in the last...six years, maybe? Ah don't know. Ah'm just glad to be back." He said with a happy sigh.

"Me too. Because I have the best weekend ever planned for us!" He said before leading him towards the exit of the train station.

"Ooh, Ah'll hold ya to that. Alright. Ah've made it, Ah'm here, we've said 'hello'. Can we please go to Hay Burger?" He smiled at him.

"Uh...I would...I would love to, but I can't really eat that stuff right now. Because of my cleanse." He admitted.

"Yer...yer what...?" Big Mac raised an eyebrow.

"I'm on a cleanse." He specified before the farmer started chuckling up a storm. "It's good for you! Did you know you're supposed to take six craps a day?"

"That's not true! You're supposed to crap twice a day!" He interjected.

"No no, that's what they wanted you to think. Now they know that you're supposed to crap six times a day. Look, man. If you stopped eating gluten, you'd feel way bucking better all day. Whenever you feel crappy, that's because of gluten." He stated matter of factly.

"Wha-who the buck told ya not to eat gluten? You don't even know what gluten is."

"I do know what gluten is! It's a vague term. It's used to categorize things that are bad. Calories, fat, those are glutens."

"Somepony just came up and told ya that you probably shouldn't eat gluten, and you just agreed?"

"Gluten means bad stuff, man. I'm not eating it." He would soon be wrong when he found himself inside the restaurant, chowing down on a hay bacon burger. "Mmm! Each bite is better than the previous one! Gluten!" He cheered as he raised an arm in the air. Afterwards, the two would head back to the Friendship castle that rested just outside of town.

"Whoo! Look at this place. Hasn't changed a bit." Big Mac whistled as he walked inside the large structure.

"Don't be so sure. Come this way." He motioned for the farmer to follow him up the stairs. When they would get to Spike's large room, Big Mac would find a couch sitting in front of a table filled with various snacks.

"Whaaaaat? Are ya serious?" Big Mac asked in surprise. He smiled brightly as he took a seat on one end of the couch. "Look at this. Apples, chips, cider, and..." He looked at the end of the table and found an array of joints that spelled out "BIG MAC".

"Like it? It's your name, dude!" He smiled and sat down next to him.

"Spike...you are just the best dragon." He patted the teen on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I know how you don't get around the Ville much, so I thought I'd lube up your entryway a bit." He chuckled.

"It does ease up the transition. This is much needed foreplay." He nodded with a smile.

"Alright, let's get into it!" He picked up one of the many joints and handed it to Big Mac after lighting the end of it with his fire breath. A few hours later, the two would be leaning on the couch, in a daze.

"Whew. That was...interestin." Big Mac said as he sat up straight and rubbed his blood shot eyes.

"I know...hey. You know how we could shake this off? We could go over to Soarin's. He's having a house warming party. They just finished building it outside of town. I haven't even seen it yet, but it's supposed to be bonkers!" He smiled brightly.

"Well, Ah haven't been in Ponyville fer years, and Ah came to chill with ya." He shrugged, not seeming that excited about the idea.

"We can chill together at the party, and with the others. We'll all chill as one big...unit!"

"Will Ah even know anypony there?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You know Soarin, right?"

"Soarin doesn't even know mah name." He rolled his eyes.

"Well...Caramel will be there."

"Can't stand him, he can't stand me."

"He's like, the nicest guy ever! He likes you so much, he specifically talks about how much he likes you! Out of nowhere, he said, 'Big Mac is an inspiration', I swear."

"There's no way he said that. Also, just can't stand him."

"Okay, uh...Doctor Whooves will be there."

"Ah never met him."

"He's hilarious. A bit crazy, but a great guy. Come on. It's gonna be fun, man."

"For you...Ah will go." He said with a sigh.

"I promise, I'll stay with you all night. I won't ditch you. Know why?" He placed a hand on his shoulder. "Because nopony puts Big Mac in the corner." The farmer rolled his eyes and pushed the dragon's hand away. Half an hour later, they would walk to the outskirts of town while it was beginning to get dark. A large structure would be seen nearby. "Wow, look at this place!" Spike said in awe.

"Seems a bit much, dont'cha think?" Big mac asked, his hands in his jean pockets.

"Not at all! This is a nice location for this big place." He smiled as he knocked on the glass door. "I think it's a cool house." He nodded to his friend.

"Ah know you do."

"I can't wait to see inside it." After about a minute of waiting, the Wonderbolt himself, Soarin would come walking out with a bright smile.

"Haha! Yes!" He pulled Spike into a bro hug. "Spike! Glad you're here!" He pulled away and turned his attention to the farmer. "Hey, Large Mac!"

"It's Big Mac." He said, trying to put on his best fake smile.

"I'll never forget it again, man. Good to see you! Come on in, check it out!" He walked inside and introduced the two to the bright party going on inside. Lots of familiar ponies were either chatting amongst themselves, or dancing like there was no tomorrow. "This place is like a piece of me. You two just stepped inside of me." He smiled at the boys.

"Oh, you both let us come inside you? Cool!" Spike chuckled, while Big Mac just held a disgusted look.

"Icing on the cake. Check it out." He pointed to two paintings hanging on the wall. One would have Spike's name written on it, while the other had Soarin's name written on it. "Side by side. Painted them myself." He said proudly.

"Holy crap!" Spike said in awe.

"Is it...is it weird...?" Soarin asked with some worry.

"What? No, of course not!" Spike assured.

"You sure?"

"I really love them!"

"What do you think, Big Mac?" The Wonderbolt would look to the farmer.

"Uh...well, Ah'm not really a big art guy."

"You don't like art?" Soarin raised a confused brow.

"Well...Ah mean..." Big Mac couldn't exactly find the right words.

"You like apples, dont'cha?"

"Uh...sure. Ah guess."

"Guess what, buddy? You like art. You ever been to Sugarcube Corner? Order a cupcake? Pinkie Pie made that for you. Therefore, you're eating her art." He stated matter of factly. "Let me lay some knowledge on you, Mac."

"Oh, buck..." He muttered under his breath.

"Your Dad's dick was the paint brush, your Mom's plot was the canvas. Therefore, you're the art."

"...thanks, Soarin."

"You bet!" He smiled before walking off through the crowd of party-goers. His partner, Spitfire, would soon come up and join Spike and Big Macintosh.

"Spike, hey!" She smiled as she gave the dragon a hug.

"Hey, Spitfire! How's it going? You know my friend, Big Macintosh?" He pointed to the stallion.

"Oh yeah! Hey, I don't think I ever actually met you." She said with a fold of her arms.

"Well, Ah'm not very social. But, it's very nice to meet'cha, Miss." He nodded.

"Oh my Goddess. If I don't buck Cheese Sandwich tonight, I'm gonna blow my brains out." She said with a chuckle.

"...pardon?" Big Mac blinked.

"Look at him." She pointed to the curly maned male over at the kitchen table. "Tall, one hundred and ten pounds, careless, probably has a huge cock, and coked out of his mind."

"You...you could do so much better. That's just askin fer trouble..." He shook his head.

"So, Cheerilee. Have you ever considered zee job of modeling?" Photo Finish asked as she stood in front of the teacher, not even noticing Cheese Sandwich about to slap her flank.

"Um...not really. I-" She gasped as she felt her flank get smacked. She blushed and glared at the male before slapping him across the face in return. "Don't touch my butt, Bitch!"

"Mouzier Cheese Sandwich, zat iz not oka-" She was interrupted by the stallion slamming a fist on the table.

"Shut the buck up, Photo! We're playing a game! Say 'cheese' baby." He winked at Cheerilee before snorting a good, long line of cocaine off the table. As soon as Spike and Big Mac got past that, they were greeted by Doctor Whooves in the kitchen.

"Oi! What is this, 'ere? A couple good blokes?" He chuckled as he gave the dragon a hug.

"Good to see you again, Doc!" The teen chuckled as he hugged back.

"And who do we got? Big Macintosh!" He chuckled and gave the stallion a hug as well, to which he reluctantly accepted.

"Howdy, Doctor."

"Good to see ya! When did ya get in?"

"Uh, this mornin. And boy, are mah legs tired." He joked.

"Heh! Good one. So, what have you two been doin all day?"

"Oh, we just hung out all day, ate a bunch of dirty burgers, and smoked about a pound of weed." He said simply.

"Weed is tight. Weed is tight. I'm jealous! I would've been there in a heartbeat, but I actually just adopted this incontinent Spaniel. She's a beautiful soul. Her name is Ahjhai. You wanna see a picture of her?" He asked before pulling out a small photo. Not even hearing the objections from Big Mac.

"Aw, she's cute!" Spike said with a warm smile.

"Too bad she can't bark. She doesn't know how. I've tried to teach her, but she just screams. She's all like 'UHHHHH!'. Know what I mean?" Big Macintosh just blinked and nodded.

"Yeah, cool. Uh, tell ya what, boys. Ah am jonesin, so Ah will go outside to find somepony to bum a smoke off of." He pointed a thumb towards the direction of the crowd.

"Okay, hurry back." The Doctor said as he waved goodbye for the moment. He then turned back to Spike. "I dunno, I think we're makin some progress."

"That was really good!" He smiled brightly at him.

"Trust me. I know this story. He's your old friend, we're your new friends. He just feels threatened."

"Don't worry about it. I have a good feeling that tonight is when we finally bust this hole open"