The Ponyville Apocalypse

When Big Macintosh would enter the backyard, he would walk over to three ponies having a conversation. The small group would consist of, Cheese Sandwich, Zecora, and Caramel.

"When I'm buckin'...dancing, it feels right! That's what I'm saying, it feels good! I get out there, and I'm just alive, man! And, y'know they might make a law, 'cause having that much fun isn't natural! When they make a law to make clubbing illegal, I will bucking shoot myself. That's my life." Cheese Sandwich would explain with that smile of his.

"I love dancing, too. Perhaps I could go with a group." Zecora said with a shrug.

"Yeah, that's usually my plan. I go with a crew, and end up not knowing if there'll be room for somepony else! I can't just bring anypony into this group. 'Cause, it's a tight group, and most of the members don't approve of everyone. But, it's not like a sexual thing. Like, I'm in kind of a 'guys only' thing right now. Like, I might go home with a guy tonight, know what I'm sayin'?" He chuckled and lightly pushed on Caramel's chest.

"Uh...yeah. Don't know what that means..." Caramel said with a blank stare.

"Oh, you know. It's been an inevitability that we were gonna buck for four years now, so...tonight's the night, baby!" He continued to giggle.

"Ah...don't recall us ever discussin' that..." Caramel said with a shake of his head.

"Um...'scuse me. Sorry to interrupt." Big Mac would say as he tapped on Cheese's shoulder.

"I like your voice. I like the way you talk." The party boy said.

"Um, thanks. Uh, ya mind if Ah bum a smoke off ya?"

"You want one of my smokes?! What'cha gonna do for it? Yeah, that's the story man! Hey, you wanna smoke my cock? Yeah, I'll set my cock on fire right now, and put it out in your butt!" He said with an over-exaggerated thrust.

"Wha...?" Big Mac blinked twice.

"Heh! It's not a joke man. It's not a bucking joke!" The yellow stallion would emphasize.

"A-Ah don't want that..."

"Okay, lighten up!" He giggled hysterically. "Think I'm kidding, I'm not kidding, man! Say 'cheese' baby!" He would then throw his cigarette at the farmer's face. The lit end would hit Big Mac's forehead.

"Gah! Damn!" The stallion said as he winced. "The buck was that for?!"

"What, you never had Christmas on the beach?" He snickered as he pulled out an unlit cigarette. "This isn't my last one, but if it was...I'd give it to you." He placed it in his hand. "Good to see you." He said before bouncing back inside.

"Uh...thanks." He said as he took the smoke in his hand and watched the crazed pony bounce away. He turned back to the others with a shocked expression. "What the buck just happened?"

"Cheese Sandwich just happened. Motherbucker snorted his brains out. Ah'm Caramel, this is Zecora." He motioned to the waving zebra with a smile. "You're Big Macintosh, right?" The country boy would nod. "Spike's boy? Good to see ya, man." He held his hand out for the other to shake.

"Likewise. Likewise." Big Mac nodded and shook his hand.

"You in town, visiting him?"

"Oh, yeah. Just decided to come with him into town tonight. Ah...try not to really come down here much." He said sheepishly.

"Oh, my boy. You do not like the town of joy?" Zecora asked with a tilt of her head.

"Well, Ah mean...not really used to the Ponyville lifestyle."

"Well, what lifestyle are you into?" Caramel asked with a tilt of his head.

"If you look at him in the light, you can see that he's a hipster, right?" Zecora tilted her head as well.

"What? No, no. Ah'm not a hipster, at all." The blonde stallion tried to object.

"Yeah...you do seem to hate a lotta things. And the bottom of your pants are lookin' awful tight." Caramel raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the blue jeans in question.

"Well, A-Ah just have some complaints about Ponyville. Dudn't make me a hipster."

"Ah'll bet you hate book series that are universally loved. You like 'Daring Do'?"

"Eenope. It's a horrendous piece of shit." He said simply.

"Not even for an hour, would you read the ponies of power?" Zecora asked.

"Ya mean 'Power Ponies'? No, no. Ah'm familiar with it."

"You never know what you're gonna get." Caramel said as he shook his head slowly. On the other side of the pool, Cheese Sandwich would approach Trenderhoof, and Doctor Whooves.

"Hey! Whassup, guys? Hey, Trendy. Does this coke smell funny?" He would ask before blowing a handful of cocaine in his face. To which the male would yell in surprise.

"Buck, Cheese, buck! What's the matter with you?! I've never done cocaine, man!" The male said as he wiped the drug powder off his glasses.

"Well, you just did the best shit possible!" Cheese said, chuckling giddily.

"Oh, man. I'm nervous, Doc." Trenderhoof was flailing.

"What is wrong with you?" The Doctor said while looking to Cheese.

"D'aww, he's freaking out. Don't worry, Trend. I will walk you through it." The male placed a hand on the other's shoulder, which helped him calm down a bit. "I'll be your guide. Oop, you got some in your mustache, baby." He said before leaning his head in.

"W-What are you-CHEESE!" Trenderhoof said as he pushed the male away. Inside, the large group of ponies would gather up around Caramel as he played a keyboard. He would look to Cheerilee the whole time he played.

Big Macintosh would just be leaning on a doorway, not even paying attention to the song as he smoked his cigarette. Meanwhile, as soon as the song ended, some of the group would just be sitting on the couches in the living room. The teenage diva, Diamond Tiara was pointing out some possible dangers about the structure.

"A kid could fall off this railing at any time." Spike said as he motioned to said railing.

"That's why you have the railing, so they don't fall." Soarin said with a roll of his eyes. Soon, Big Macintosh would rejoin the conversation, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Uh, ya'll know where Ah can buy a pack of cigarettes?"

"Oh, yeah. There's a place that's like, four blocks away." Spike said.

"You wanna...come with me?" The farmer shrugged.

"Gimme this much time. That much joint time." The dragon said as he held up a small joint. Big Mac decided to go up to the bathroom. After opening the door, he saw a sight that was truly frightening. Cheese Sandwich was receiving attention from Snips and Snails. Snips was busy licking at Cheese's flank, and Snails was sucking the party boy off.

"Hey, Mac. You need to use the toilet, honey? Go ahead." Cheese said casually.

"Uh...nope. S-Sorry, Ah'm sorry." The stallion stuttered.

"Who wants a sip? Sippy time." Cheese passed down a juice box to Snails while continuing to blankly stare at Big Mac, who soon left after that. Him and his dragon buddy were now walking the dirt roads of Ponyville. The stallion rubbed the back of his neck as he stayed silent.

"You okay, man?" Spike asked with a bit of concern.

"Ah, it's nothin'. It's just, you know...you did what you said you wouldn't do. You buckin' ditched mah flank." He said as he turned his head.

"What? I didn't ditch you! Are you kidding me, man? I was talking to The Doctor, and you left to go have a cigarette!"

""Well, Ah mean. The cigarette was an excuse, because The Doctor was bein' a prick." He shrugged.

"The Doctor was not being a prick. If anything, you were kinda being a prick. The Doctor's the nicest guy ever." They would soon approach the local convenient store.

"Come on, man. Nopony is that nice. Serial killers are that nice." He placed his hand on the door.

"Just answer me one question...is Cheese Sandwich's butthole, as adorable as I pictured?"

"Oh, for buck sake." The blonde male rolled his eyes and walked inside.

"I always pictured it like a doughnut. A little sprinkled doughnut." When he got inside, he would cover his eyes a bit. "Oh, man. It's so bright." This was clearly the effects of the marijuana.

"It is bright." Big Mac agreed.

"So many delicious choices...what do I do?" Spike eyed the various candy bars that rested on the shelves.

"I'mma get somethin' to drink." Big Macintosh walked to the freezer section. While Spike was deciding, he would catch some glances at the behavior of the store clerk. She was using a rude attitude to tell a stallion that his daughter wasn't allowed to use the bathroom. Due to the rule that it was for customers only.

After picking out a milky way bar, he would look to Big Mac. "This cash register lady's mean. I have anxiety. Will you buy this for me? When I'm stalled, I can't do this."

"Ah think Ah'm just gonna go home to the farm. Ah'm not really likin' it much, over there at Soarin's."

"Dude, I want you to get to know these guys, that's never gonna happen if you don't put in any effort, whatsoever!" The dragon interjected.

"Ah hate it in there. Ah just wanna drink some pop, and...smoke some we-" His sentence would be interrupted by all the windows in the store that shattered. The ground that was shaking under them, caused an avalanche of snacks to pile upon Spike. Big Mac stared wide eyed at the scene going on before him. By the looks of it, there were bright blue beams that picked up the store customers. All except for the clerk, Spike, and himself.

He couldn't believe it, was this really happening? The moment would soon pass, as the customers got sucked up through the ceiling. The blue beams would disappear after that. He turned his head and stared at the utter chaos outside. There were tons of other blue beams, sucking up various ponies. Meanwhile, down on the ground, there were carriages that were speeding aimlessly down the roads, ponies were running for their lives.

Big Mac breathed heavily as he stood still. Spike would come out from his pile and stand up next to him.

"Mac! Are you okay?" He asked as he placed his hands on the other's shoulders.

"Did you see that?! What the Tartaru-" The store clerk would have finished, but unfortunately for her, a large air conditioner fell through the roof and crushed her. Her blood would spew all over the walls behind her. The two males would scream at the sight.

"Oh, mah Goddess! Oh, jeez! Oh, jeez!" Big Macintosh yelled as he pushed Spike out the door, and jumped through the broken window.

"Okay, okay, okay! This way!" Spike called before getting pushed aside by Big Mac. They had nearly gotten run over by a ponyless carriage that crashed into the store behind them.

"Oh, mah Goddess!" Big Mac said in horror. They would soon see another ponyless carriage that ran over a stallion. Making him fly in the air. "We're outta here!" The farmer yelled as him and Spike started running down the street.

"This way!" Spike yelled.

"Why the buck did'ya bring me down here?!" A lamp post would soon fall near them, causing a huge array of sparks to fly towards the two. No matter how painful it was, they still kept running.

"We're going back to Soarin's!" Spike said after brushing himself off.

"Why?!" Big Mac interjected before two carriages, each one actually having ponies to drive them, crashed into eachother. The blood that would spray from the crashed bodies, landed right in front of the screaming Spike and Big Mac.

"We are going back to Soarin's!" Spike yelled before pulling the other back towards the large house in the field. "Keep going! We're almost there! We're so close!" After making it inside, they found a sight that was different to their expectations. Everypony in the house was just calmly chatting among themselves, seeming to be unaffected by the chaos outside.

"Hey, you guys okay?" Soarin asked from his chair.

"A-Are you guys okay? There was this crazy earthquake, didn't you guys feel that?" Spike asked as he breathed heavily.

"What? Buck no! We can't feel anything in here. This place is a buckin' fortress!" Soarin said with a satisfied smirk.

"T-That wasn't an earthquake, Spike. That was somethin' crazier." Big Mac interjected.

"What's crazier than an earthquake?" Caramel asked while lighting up his joint.

"T-There were blue beams in the sky, a-and they sucked ponies up into the sky."

"He muth be on halluthinogens." Twist said with a giggle. This would cause some laughter from the other ponies.

"Come on, guys. Don't bully Big Mac. He's a sweetheart." The Doctor said, earning him strange looks from the others. "Keep going, man. What are you talking about?" He looked to the farmer.

"T-There were ponies, a-and they got sucked up into the sky, by these blue lights." He tried explaining.

"Sucked up into the sky? Nopony got sucked up in here." Soarin said.

"I got sucked off in here!" Cheese Sandwich called from the kitchen, causing another fit of chuckles.

"No, A-Ah'm serious. Spike, you were there, tell 'em."

"Uh, Spike...the buck is he talking about?" Soarin looked to the dragon.

"Uh...I-I have no idea what he's talking about. Heh, honestly." Spike said with a nervous chuckle.

"Did anypony get 'sucked up into the sky'?" The Wonderbolt leaned back in his seat.

"I didn't see anything. No idea what he's talking about."

"W-What do you mean, you were there with me. What are you sayin'? A-All those ponies in the store, they just buckin' vanished." Big Mac said.

"I didn't see blue lights coming from the sky, you sound crazy. We should just be lucky that-" Spike's sentence was interrupted as the ground shook under them.

"I-It's not over!" Big Mac panicked, while Spike placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Uh, everyone! It's alright! Just a little tremor, party's still going. Sugarcube Corner truck's coming in ten minutes!" The crowd would cheer at the idea, though it would soon turn into terrified screams as the ground started to shake more violently. They started to follow Big Macintosh outside, much to Soarin's objections. "Caramel! Where are you going, man?!"

"Buckin' earthquake!" He said before running out the door. Once everypony would be on the front lawn, they would see a horrifying sight. The entire town was currently being engulfed in flames. Trees were burning to ashes, smoke was replacing the night skies, and ponies were running in panic. Including Pipsqueak, who had been late to the party.

"What the buck?! Oh, Goddess! W-What's happening?! What's happening?!" He yelled as he joined the crowd, but was soon silenced by a panicking Cheese Sandwich.

"Everypony, listen up, listen up! Who took my bucking chicken, man?! Featherweight, empty your pockets!" He pointed to the buck-toothed pegasus.

"...what?" He blinked twice.

"I saw you in the bathroom, shut the buck up! Unbelievable! Unacceptable! After all the coke I've wasted on you ponies!" While he was yelling, he didn't notice the small crack in the dirt that was traveling towards a lamp-post.

"I didn't take your bucking chicken!" Featherweight interjected. After the lamp-post lost it's light, the tall object would start to slowly tilt towards Cheese Sandwich.

"Whoa! Cheese, look out!" Spike tried to warn.

"His name is 'Boneless Three'! B! O! N! E!" He didn't finish his sentence, due to the post that impaled right through the stallion's chest.