Pony Fails

HAYBURGER OWNERS MAKE 800,000 BITS WITHOUT SELLING A SINGLE HAYBURGER

Restaurant Closed Its Doors After Threats, Earned More While Out Of Business Than While Operating

A Hayburger in Trotterton closed its doors and its owners went into seclusion after receiving angry threats following a press interview in which co-owner Righteous Cause stated she would never cater the wedding of a pony-donkey, pony-bovine, or other interspecies couple.

"If a pony and a donkey are getting married and they want to come in here and ask me to provide Hayburgers for the wedding, I'm going to have to say no," Righteous Cause told a reporter. The quote was picked up by every news agency in Equestria and carried to every press outlet from Fillydelphia to Las Pegasus.

Following the press statement, Righteous Cause was spit on by dozens of ponies and had angry hooves shaken at her by dozens others, and began finding lit bags of manure and insulting notes on her doorstep. She immediately closed her Hayburger, nailed her door shut, and hid from the public.

Conservative media mogul Shame Game learned of the story and set up a public collection fund to support Righteous Cause and her father. In less than a week, the fund collected 800,000 bits—more money than the Trotterton Hayburger establishment made in the last ten years.

Meanwhile, public donation drives for foals with terminal cancer, starving orphans, and ponies recovering from horrific disfiguring injuries have collected less than a third of that amount after over a year of aggressive fundraising.

Righteous Cause issued a statement that she would not be reopening her Hayburger, and is expected to retire to a remote part of Equestria.

Luna laid the paper down on the table with a frown. "Sister?"

"Yes, Luna?"

"Since when is it custom to reward ponies for making foals of themselves?"

Celestia shrugged. "Not even alicorns can cure stupidity, Luna."