Pony Fails

Umm...hello...excuse me...

I'm sorry for disturbing you, but, umm...well...

I really need to tell you something. If...if you don't mind.

Umm, well...the thing is...

I'd really like it if you'd stop masturbating on me and my friends.

I mean, it's...it's flattering and all, really, that you...umm...well actually it's kind of disturbing...

Anyway, it's...well...for one thing, it's just really rude to masturbate on somepony without asking.

And, well...it's...it's really nasty, and...and it stinks...and it's really hard to wash out of our coats and manes, and then it gets all crusty, and none of us can go to blacklight parties anymore...

So...umm...if you wouldn't mind...could you please not be a nasty pervert with me and my friends anymore?

Thank you for your time...I hope you're not upset with me...I'm just tired of finding this stuff in my mane...and on my face...and other places...