Incense

"Uh, what is this again?" Rainbow Dash carefully eyed the silver bowl. It sat in the center of Twilight's library, ornate and filled to the brim with a dry, crispy leaf. The leaf had been shredded and ground in a pestle, and then packed down into this bowl.

"I already told you Rainbow, it's an expensive incense. See, I found this new spell in this book right here." Twilight turned from her long oaken table, a thin blue book firmly in her magic. She crammed it into the cyan mare's face, forcing her to see the open page. On it was no more than a happy face, with a few words that the pegasus didn't bother to read. "And it says right there that we needed this rare new incense. It's called mmm...mar...argh, I can't pronounce it."

"And what's it do exactly?" Rainbow asked. She gave the bowl a tiny kick, an uneasy grimace on her face. "This stuff smells weird."

"I know, I know. But it's a necessity. See? In the book!" Once again, the little book flew at Rainbow's face.

She shoved it away, scowling. "Yeah, the book. Can we just get on with this? Why did you need me anyways?"

Twilight set the book down by the incense, making her way to one of the two candles that sat on windowsills at either side of the room. It was late now - almost ten - and darkness was abound in the tree. The unicorn inspected the white stack of burning wax, making sure it was still properly alight. "I figured you could use a bit of happiness in your life. I mean, with all the fights you and Applejack have been having..."

"Y-You know?"

She nodded slowly, inspecting the opposite candle as little droplets of wax trickled down its side. "Almost all of Ponyville knows. You two are...quite the couple," Twilight said, returning to her book. She gave the incense a good whiff, taking in its pungent odor with a scrunched nose.

"Oh, well, uh....yeah, I guess I could use a bit of happiness," the brash mare admitted, crimson blush filling her cheeks.

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get started!" Twilight flashed a warm, comforting smile to her friend, who took it with grace. The two, alone in the center of the library, turned their gazes down to the incense between them. Twilight leaned in, her eyes skimming a small block of text - the one Rainbow refused to read actually. "Well here it says we need to just...burn it."

"Is that weird or something?"

"In a way I suppose. Normally you burn a pike, or light a fire beneath it. But, um, here it just says to burn it," Twilight noted, carefully inspecting the text once more.

"Hey, if it says burn it, just burn it. I mean, you read books a lot, don't you know what to trust?" The pegasus darted her eyes, switching between the mare before her, the pungent incense, and the little open book on the tree floor.

"I do. And...I guess we could start. Are you ready?"

"Oh am I ever! It's been a while since I've been really happy. AJ and I..."

Twilight just nodded, showing she understood. Levitating a candle over and tilting its wicker down, she said, "Then let's get started."

***

"Oh...Twi...Twi, this spell really works," Rainbow said. She was sprawled out on her back, rolling around on the harsh, cold floor because she was high as fuck.

The unicorn across from her shot up from her slouched position, momentarily showing awareness in her eyes. Then, it was gone, for she too was high as fuck. "What works?"

"Yes."

"I know, right?" the unicorn agreed. She fell on her back now, rolling onto her stomach as a sloppy grin stretched across her lips. "This shit's the fuck..."

Rainbow let loose a soft chuckle that soon morphed into a muffled, dumb-ass snicker when her hoof sealed her lips. Tiny splashes of spit flew out, but she didn't care; she was having a laughing seizure, and was too damn busy wailing her arms around like a dying tuna fish. Twilight followed her lead, bursting into fits of gut-wrenching giggles, clutching her belly and rolling around in circles.

The incense still burned, engulfing the air in a thick grey smog. Every breath the pair drew sucked in this haze, and despite the amounts they were inhaling, the bowl just seemed to produce it twofold. Plume after plume rose from the browning pile, clouding not only the room but their lungs. And with each breath they took, they got fucking dumber and dumber.

Her giggles dying down into coughs, Rainbow said, "Aw, man, ya know what?"

Twilight did her best to calm down, rolling back onto her back and slowly - slowly, like the opposite of you in bed - shoving herself back to her haunches. "Uh...no. What?" She shook her head, whipping her mane left and right.

"This spell really works," Rainbow said. She gave a polite smile, but soon lost it to another fit of giggles, that in truth, sounded like Charlie Sheen snorting coke.

"Huh. Yeah, it does! I feel really happy right now," the unicorn said as a mellow grin crept across her face. She now looked like a fat guy looking at a chocolate bar. "Um, yeah, come here."

The cyan ball of squirming laughter calmed down slightly, looking at her friend with red shaded eyes that contrasted her magenta irises like fucking tomatoes. "What? Why?"

"Just - Just do it. Just come here." Twilight waved her hoof at her, opening her arms like fucking Jesus and scarcely balancing herself on her plot.

Rainbow looked at the candle, the incense, then back at her friend. She was confused. Why? Because she was high, you dumbass out-of-the-fourth-wall reader. Her laughter halted as she pushed herself onto her weak legs, slowly trotting over to her open friend. After a moment of stumbling, she landed in the mares arms, quickly becoming wrapped in a shared warmth like no other, except that of a fresh grilled cheese sandwich.

"Oh, oh Rainbow...You're so...fluffy," Twilight said, breathing a deep sigh into the pegasus's ultra muscled shoulder.

The mare let out a deep moan (Like she would if they were having secks), eventually returning the sigh as her heavy eyelids drooped ever lower. She ran her hooves up and down Twilight's back, then her sides, and eventually her mane. "Naw...you. You're fluffier."

"Well thank you. You're the nicest pegasus in Equestria." Twilight made a kissy face, snuggling deeper into the hug because they're obviously both lesbians. But then Rainbow broke away, falling to her haunches with a sudden gaze of disapproval. "Oh, um, I'm so sorry if that made you weird-"

"Twi how long has it been?" the mare asked, looking out the window and deep into the star speckled sky. "It's dark."

"Um...eleven, I think. Why?" The unicorn shook her head as though she couldn't understand not only the reason, but the whole 'It's dark' thing. The room was lit well enough...

"Are you hungry? Cuz...I'm starving.

"I guess," the mare said, placing a groggy hoof beneath her chin. She rolled her scarlet eyes about, pondering the situation philosophically. "Yup. I'm hungry."

"Where's your kitchen? There's food in there!" The pegasus jumped to her hooves - then fell on her face, making it all flat as annoying-ass music played in the background. She brushed it off, carefully pushing herself up and dragging on past Twilight to the dark oak archway that led to the kitchen.

Twilight got up, waving her hoof and making a 'pfft' noise. Spittle flew out as she shook her rag-doll head to and fro. "Hang on, I got this bro. Sp-iiiike!"

Then she smiled, hiccupped, and sat with a thud. It wasn't long till the little green dragon limped from his silent chambers. "Whazzup man?" he asked as he appeared through the doorway, rubbing his eyes and yawning as a huge golden chain hung down from his neck. Suddenly, though, his eyes snapped open. "Twilight, what da shiz be goin on? Does the place be on fire?"

He scampered down the stairs, waving the smoke from his eyes as his chain rattled. The thick air was hard to breathe, and he soon was coughing. Despite all of this, when he came to the bottom landing, he found his practical mother and Rainbow Dash staring at him with idiotic grins, and a bit of drivel down the sides of their cheeks. To their left, lit by not only the dim candlelight, but by a little ember inside it, was the mound of incense, producing smoke at an ever constant rate.

Spike's face was soon that of annoyance. "Dis ain't funny! I be really scared! Twilight, it'z like, midnight an' shiz! What does you need mayn?"

"Aw, Spikey-Wikey," the unicorn said with a chortle that she failed to contain. "We want food."

"Well go get some hoe. The kitchen's right there." He pointed a claw to the kitchen. "Let a bro sleep."

"But we're hungry," the cyan pegasus whined, putting on a poor pouty face, her lip sticking out and red eyes drooped. She looked like Rarity when she got 20% more duckface.

"Ugh, if I make you two whiney freaks sandwiches, will you leave me alone?" he asked, rubbing the bags under his eyes.

Twilight continued to laugh, now clenching her belly, but still stood as she said, "Sure. Then you can snore."

"I can what? I ain't snore," Spike said in defense as he dragged himself towards the kitchen.

"You're not snoring," Rainbow said, her face red and drooped. She was biting her lip harshly, little puffs of air snorting our as she tried to contain herself.

"Whatever. You two need be get some sleep. You look tired, and you be actin...weird," he noted as he slipped into the kitchen. He flicked the light on, causing both the sagging mares to recoil. They blinked harshly, covering their eyes with a forearm and turning away from the light as though it was burning them. But light can't really burn Twilight Sparkle, because she's part God. The show says so.

Whatever. Anyways, they sunk back to the incense burner. Swaying as though they were in a hard breeze, they sucked in the smoke, releasing in heavy breaths and happy sighs.

"Hey. Hey Rainbow." Twilight reached over and poked her friend's cheek.

The mare slowly turned her head, revealing her gaping mouth, drooping lips and hazy red eyes that made her look as bad as this fanfic. "Yea?"

"Do you remember why we called him? He's my bitch and all, but I think there was something else."

Rainbow Dash tossed her eyes to the kitchen, then returned them to her friend. She pursued her lips, on the verge of another chortle as she answered, "Naw."

There was a pause.

"Wanna ditch'm? Taco Bell's open all night, ya know. Remember...from the commercials? I'm lovin' it!" she said in a singsong voice.

Her friend perked up at this idea, a huge grin slapped to her face. Her eyes widened - to their normal state, that is - and her ears lifted halfway from her head. Then, wingboner. "Yeah...yeah! Oh oh! We can get food there too!"

Twilight shook her head quite rapidly, forcing herself to her hooves with a jubilant groan. "C'mon!" she whispered, stumbling towards the library door.

The pegasus stood as well, desperately fighting her laughs back to avoid being caught by gangsta Spike. That would ruin the whole thing! She fumbled with her hooves for a moment, eventually forcing them to shuffle her body towards her waiting friend.

At the door, they exchanged a glance, a nod, and a smile that died to release their heavy chortles. Twilight carefully opened the door with her hooves, letting her friend slip out into the cold night air before her, and feeling quite like a sir. A fucking moustache then appeared on her face. Because all sirs have moustaches.

When it was her turn, she slipped free from the smoky library, into the chilly night air, shutting the door behind her. Her fur stood on end from the cold, and she smelled of thick smoke, but she paid neither any mind.

Turning to Rainbow Dash, she whispered, "Aw, dude, this is gonna be epic!"

[Authors Note: So, I wrote this while I was sober, and edited it drunk. Woo! Alright, well I'm gonna post it tonight and let sober me deal with the hate-comments and thumbs downs tomorrow. Drunk me is gonna party! Why? Because ponies.]