Incense

Otherwise known as: Charlie Sheen comes to Ponyville.
This is not the actual story line. But it's 420, and I didn't have a new chapter. I needed one, though, because superficial dates are what give men hair on their balls. So take this chapter, chop it up into thin little lines, and SNORT THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

Twi-stoned and Rainbow-Dick sat in the middle of the dark road, staring out at this shiny light. It was all colorful and shit, like from Stephen King's The Langoliers, with the exception that Michael Jackson's balls weren't eating the world. It radiated pink light, and was in the shape of your mom's vagina: Large, open, and leading to another world.

On the other side was some strange ass place filled with carts that moved on their own, shiny signs and flashing shit, and more jackasses than you could count on your hooves. However, one jackass in particular came through, just before the portal closed. He was tall, wearing jeans and a black shirt that read Winning. His strong chin and awesome hair must've meant that he was the god of all jackasses.

"Aw...Dude, it's...a dude..." Rainbow said, snickering into her hoof.

"I am Charlie Sheen! God of Coke!" he announced, puffing his chest out and doing this awesome ass hero stance.

Twilight bowed to him. "You're so fucking awesome," she said.

"You may clop to me!"

Twilight reached down and clopped. The following event is a true story, as told by eye witnesses:
clop
clop
clop
Oh Celestia!
clop

You have just witnesses a sexual fiction. Contact your local pharmacy now.

Charlie Sheen stood taller, and suddenly, his legs turned into rocket boosters! Huge blue flame stacks shot out from them, launching him high into the air. He went higher, and higher, until he was as high as Twilfuck!

When he was in the air, floating high above Ponyville, it started to snow. Random massive clouds of grey and black rolled over the small town, and tiny little sprinkles of white slowly drifted down.

But when they reached Twilight's nose, as well as Rainbow Dash, the pair got a good whiff. Suddenly things became blurry, fast, spinning even.

Once more the floating drug god shouted, "I am Charlie Sheen! Terminator god of coke!"

Then Celestia appeared from the sky, announcing her presence with a masculine roar. Seeing her beloved mentor, Twicrack turned to her friend with a huge grin, saying, "Immafuckheroneday!"

Rainbow looked out amongst the huge ass fields of white and said, "Immafuckyouonedaytoo!"

They proceeded to have an offensive drug-induced orgy, because sex is that easy in Equestria. (amidoingthisrite?)

Celestia charged at Charlie Sheen, jabbing him with her horn. But little did she know, the god of coke/Terminator before he got manboobs was secretly a muffin from 1845! Old, crusty raisins were flung from his gut, splattering out upon the fourth wall and all over you.

The alicorn pulled back out, and saw her faithful student doing das sex with a young rainbow mare. "Hey...I taught her that..." she said with a smile.

But Charlie Sheen was not here to smile. He was here to be the god damn god of coke! And before he could take his place as King Coke Sheen, he needed to blow this mare to the moon. Pulling his hands back, his face all scrunched up, he began, "Shamayyy...Pornayyy...COOOKKKEEEEE!" Then this bigass beam of cocaine bellowed out from his outstretched palms! His hair turned heroin white, and he went Super Sheen!

Celestia couldn't take it; she was blown away, dying. Because she was dead. All dead. Because of coke. Kids, don't do coke. Ecstasy is more awesome.

Suddenly super sheen became Jesus! Super King Coke Jesus Sheen brought himself back down to earth. Twilight Sparkle was staring in awe.

"You killed Celestia, you bastard! What's wrong with you?"

"I'M BI-WINNING!" he shouted in her face in CAPSLOCK.

He then grew over nine thousand times his size, and began to eat trees.

Sensing the distress, Luna and her pubic beard appeared!
[For those of you who don't know what Luna's pubic beard is, imagine this:

With this:

Hang on. There something...fishy about this. Bad Dum Tss]

With the help of her flying pirate crew, who had just gotten done killing the mockingbird with the moon (Ha, no one's gonna understand) she defeated Charlie Sheen. There was this epic battle, lots of explosions, and death. But let's be honest, those things make fiction boring. You want to see more drugs, bad writing, and Davy Pubic Beard.

Then Charlie Sheen came back from the dead. Super King Coke Zombie Jesus Sheen ate Luna. She tasted like tuna. Girls, wash your tuna. Because Charlie Sheen doesn't always eat live pubic beards, but when he does, he doesn't like them to taste like tuna.

Then his lazer eyes beamed down upon Equestria, lighting shit on fire. It began to rain now, dropping down KY warming jelly from the sky.

Twilight was still in smexy time with Rainbow Dash, so this was good.

"I shall take my leave!" He shrunk back to size, ripping open the vagina portal thing.

Just as he was about to step through it, Twilight turned into Sweetie Belle. She looked deep into the light, before being sucked in herself. The last thing she could remember was thinking:

"Twilight...Twilight!" Rainbow Dash called, snapping the unicorn from her weird fantasy. "Dude, we gotta get this fuckin thing in the air! Those vikings are almost here!"