I sighed, looking through the library’s telescope across the Everfree Forest. Anonymous the human. A mysterious creature that emerged from the Everfree forest without head nor tail of how he got there years after the defeat and banishment of Tirek. He traveled into Ponyville. There were a lot of extraneous specifics of his adaptation to Ponyvillian livelihood. He lived with Fluttershy for a week. He was so handy and useful with his appendages on his anterior limbs that he made a fortune doing little house repairs, even though he didn’t ask for any wages. The ponies seemed so generous with him that he was able to buy his own house within a week.
Fluttershy was heart-broken when he left. She would come to his house every day for a month, until Anonymous suddenly wouldn’t let her back in. Though I did see him around a lot in town, and introduced him to my friends, I never had a good talk with him until another couple of weeks later. He taught me many things in out- talking about humanity and their terrifying history, and the lessons he wanted me to learn from his kind, about advanced mathematics and how humans coped without magic, about his own anatomy… He worked hard, and had made a vast fortune in his work, even though he had given most of it away. He told me of how all the mares that he met seemed to want to have sex with him the more that he stayed around them, starting with Fluttershy, then Applejack and Rarity, and eventually all the other mares in town were attracted to him but Rainbow Dash and me. I spent a hours and hours on end talking to him about his species and problems when something came over me.
I realized that Anonymous smelled wonderful. I sniffed him as he leaned into me, crying about something horrible that Fluttershy did to him. I decided that I was going to give Fluttershy a piece of my mind for not sharing him with me- err, attempting to have intercourse with him without his consent.
I made my best-practiced saucy faces at him. I had practiced them in the mirror with the Mares’ Stallion Seduction Manual thousands of times, multiple times a day, for years. They were working. I got him to remove his clothing, and he decided not to shave me in return, unlike his many conversations we held about his security in clothes. He was lying down on my bed. I was on top. I almost had him. I kissed him passionately, hoofing his engorged member, licking his face, when his eyes suddenly snapped into focus. His face filled with fear. He pushed me off and ran. I was heartbroken. I need to smell him. I needed to touch his hairless body. I needed him inside me, and I needed it so badly. I needed him, and nopony, or human else was going to satisfy me until I was filled completely, with or without magical assistance.
He fled to the Everfree. We all thought that he was crazy. Rainbow Dash was the only one who helped him. She blushed every time he was mentioned. He hired the entire city of Cloudsdale to help him. They completely rebuilt the Castle of the Two sisters in two days. He must have had a fortune. Or, it could have accounted for the fact that Cloudsdalers were terrible at math. Possibly a combination of the two.
The sexiest beast in all Equestria, sealed in the most impenetrable fortress ever, guarded by a division of pegasai; he lived deep in the forest, refusing to leave the grounds. A square mile around it was deforested and built up with bunkers mounted with knock-out spell machine guns. He built his own garden, enough to feed him through the wild winters of the Everfree forest, and had time to spare even then. Every once-in-a-while, if you put a horn or bowl to the wall of your basement, you could hear his powerful fingers playing the organ underneath the castle; the melodies haunted the minds of mares, ever reminding them of the presence of the sexiest beast in the world.
The front gate burst open, shaking the entire castle, interrupting my musings. I cast a hearing spell into the entry-way to the palace. It was Spike. He was crying. Time to move.
I jumped to my hooves and teleported to the stairs. I began to trot down, but he quit moving. Still in my pensive mood, I took a look at spike as he lay there on the foot of the stairs. Spike had surely grown. He traveled on all fours now, rather than bipedal like he did when he was a baby. He was about as tall as a pony from spine to claw, and about three times as long from tail to snout. As small as he was (for a dragon), he still looked majestic.
I snapped out of my thoughts and cursed myself for not taking care of what came first. Dashing down the stairs, I spoke for what felt like the first time in weeks.
“Spike! What happened?” Spike didn’t respond verbally. Rather, he lay in his side on the stairs, exposing his shapely dragon phallus to the world, causing me to blush. His arms ensnared me, and he held me tight. He mumbled something through his wails of grief. After a few minutes they decreased to moans and sniffles, holding his face into my belly. I asked him again,
“Spike. Talk to me; what happened?” Spike paused. He took a breath, opened his mouth to speak, and began bawling again, holding me tighter. I waited for a few minutes for him to stop crying, cooing and trying to comfort him.
“Spike. Can I read your memory and see what happened?” With eyes clenched shut, he nodded. I wiggled out of his desperate embrace and pointed my horn at his head, casting a short-term memory reveal spell.
I, Spike, was assisting Rarity in her Spring Cleaning. The room I was in was directly above the lobby to the boutique, where Rarity made her exchanges with her customers. The little door bell dinged, meaning that a customer was just entering.
“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is- Oh, hello, Diamond Tiara! I’m afraid I’m not taking any orders today. Spring Cleaning and all that.”
Spike instinctively cringed at Diamond Tiara’s name, though the young pony had grown up very well in the past thirty years. With Diamond being 45 and Rarity only 55, both of them made for very eligible mares in Spike’s opinion. Most ponies lived to about 400.
“Oh, well then. Guess you wanna share the gossip?”
“Why else, dear? That’s half the reason I keep my door unlocked.”
The door shut, ringing the bell again. Rarity and Diamond’s voices turned into whispers, but I was still able to hear every word. My recent hit of puberty had increased the precision of my hearing three-fold.
“You’ve still got that little whelp helping you, don’t you?”
“Whelp? Oh, you mean Spike? Yes, he’s upstairs; keep it down.”
“Well, I suppose as of the last few months I can’t really call him a whelp anymore. His sudden changes have made him into more of a-”
“Bitch now?”
The two of them burst into laughter.
“But no, seriously, Rarity, have you taken a good look at him? He really is turning into a hunk of a drake.”
“Bah. As if I’d ever. He’s still the dumb, pliable baby I always knew, even if I have to work a little harder to get him motivated to do my work. It’s a little degrading, but hey, It’s free work, and as long as I lead him on, more gets done here.”
“Rarity, you know that this isn’t going to end well for you. If Spike finds out what you really think of him, your reputation is going to be shattered.”
“He won’t tell anypony. He’s too yellow. Besides, I can always apologize and tell him that it’s all a lie or a trick or something, and he’ll be right back in my hooves.”
“But why do you have to keep him for yourself now? Especially for free labor? You’re keeping a sexy beast in your boutique and us from getting to know him. How’s that for the Element of Generosity?”
“Generosity? Who cares about THAT any more? I got my reputation, and I worked hard for it. I was “generous” enough to pass the element along to my little sister now. Now that I have that, all I need is a bit more influence, and then I can finally expand into Canterlot and find the stallion of my dreams. You can have Spike AFTER I’m married. The clock is ticking after all.”
“Rarity, you’re 55. I could hardly consider you an adult, much less a grown-up. Why do you want to get out of here so soon?”
“HellOo, this is Canterlot we’re talking about here. Soon I’ll have the funds to get out of this wretched backwater hamlet and actually make something of my life.”
“But what about your friends? What about the things you’ve done with them and the great times you had when I was a filly? I was so jealous of you, Rarity, you and the other five going out and saving the world. Now you’re throwing it all away? For a stallion you haven’t even met yet? Whatever happened to ‘chicks before dicks,’ Rarity?”
“Pah. You’re so old-school. That old hag Cherilee has made you into the stuffy one, hasn’t she?”
“Cherilee is ten years older than you are, Rarity. Listen, I’ll come back with my orders tomorrow. Wish you luck on- whatever you’re doing.” With that, Diamond Tiara left the boutique.
I bolted down the stairs, holding back the tears in his eyes, not even turning back to say goodbye.
I had just gone out the door to Carousel Boutique. I circled round the back of the Boutique, preparing to head into the direction of Twilight’s place when I saw a glint of something catch my eye. Turning my head, I saw something shiny among the many bags of garbage, mostly moth-eaten cloth, outside Rarity’s house to be picked up later. I sifted through the old cloth, figuring that there must have been a button or clasp or something that she overlooked. However, this was not likely, as Rarity made certain to reuse whatever she possibly could, and checked over anything that she decided to throw away with diligence. Whatever it was that she put there, she meant to do so, which roused my curiosity even further. Finally pulling it out, I found out what it was: the Heart-shaped Fire Ruby that I had given Rarity so long ago.
Having been forced to relive the memory, Spike bawled again, clutching to Twilight and interrupting the spell. Twilight could do nothing but cry with him, holding to him as tightly as he did her.
This was an extremely smart organ. It took a few hours for Celestia’s instructions through her seeing stone to acquaint me with all of the possible functions. It was practically able to record midi and generate its own effects.
I soared through the air at a leisurely pace. No point in proclaiming my awesomeness right now. I was moving with casual purpose. Flying over Ponyville was really a wonderful sight in the sunset, and the Everfree was almost not as terrifying as it usually was. Up ahead was the newly reëstablished Castle, still called the Castle of the Two Sisters. I should know. I was the one who managed its restoration. I wanted to protect my sweet Anon. No, no, no, he’s not sweet; he’s just awesome. And he smells good too. But that’s not the point. I wanted to protect him. For all her kindness and shyness, Fluttershy was unable to control herself around him. I suppose I’m just better at restraining myself around her. I didn’t want to break my friendship with Anon.
No, I didn’t love him; not like that! He’s- like- my bro. And he’s always been my bro. Not that I’d mind him being my lover. Tartarus; I’d love it. No, no. I’m too cool for that. He’s always going to be my bro. I’m sure of it. Rainbow Dash is always sure… isn’t she?
The Everfree forest tree-line immediately halted and I pulled my gaze upwards again. There straight ahead was the castle. On the towers were the knock-out /feather-weight spell guns, automatically operated by a magical computer system in the towers. If there were something in the air, these spell guns would rapid-fire on them until said something was knocked out, and the other spell would gently lower them to the ground. They all kept pointing in their directions around the perimeter. Of course they wouldn’t point at me; I was authorized. I was the only mare who was authorized- other than Celestia, Cadence & Luna of course. He was my friend, and I had absolutely no romantic or mushy purpose for visiting him today. Nope, none whatsoever.
I just- wanted to listen to him playing the organ, that’s all- I mean, why not? His playing is beaut- um, awesome! And his hands are so skillful on that keyboard, I really wanna see how skillful his hands are stroking my- MANE!
Okay, get a hold of yourself, Dash. You’re just going to visit Anon so the two of you can have a good time. Not like that!
I sat on my throne. My poor butt on that hard, unforgiving, shiny golden object of evil called ‘throne.’ No matter how much cushioning I gave- through both pillows and cake, it always hurt to sit in. I suppose it’s the psychosomatic association between the throne and what I do while sitting on it. I suppose it’s really the ponies that are the pain in the ass, not the throne itself.
Stupid petitioners. They bleat like sheep- dragging me to things that the simplest bureaucrat should have been able to handle in five minutes. Unfortunately, my bureaucrats are as competent as the rest of the government, and so my sister and I are the only ones left to sort this crap out- well, still me for the time being. The sheep/ponies are still scared of her because old wives’ tales told of her horrors.
I should see her usage of the Royal Canterlot Voice on these whining nobles. She’d blast them through the doors. I’d try that, but last time I did, I couldn’t speak for a week. I should have kept in practice while Lu was gone.
Honestly, if it weren’t for me, these tartarus-bound unicorn nobles would have started a genocide against every well-off earth-pony clan in the country. They’re all criminals. Perhaps I ought to inceive a proletariat revolution and have them all executed. That’d be nice. They wouldn’t point to be as a hypocrite- they can’t. I used to be a unicorn too- before I betrayed Mother Platinum and ascended with my “illegitimate” earth pony cousin Lulu. We took away all their power and built an Empire. Those were good days. Lots of righteous bloodshed and mindless violence. That was a good century.
Then I started being a show off and basking in my own glory and shifted everypony’s sleep schedule to be only awake in my day. I was such a bitch then. Nightmare Moon was all my fault. At least I wizened up a bit. Even Smart Cookie and Starswirl couldn’t do that.
Oh, it looks like he’s finishing up. It’s been like three hours. I should have cast a secret mind-slammer spell on him and shut him up. Maybe I should make these nobles more afraid of me. Yeah. That’d be nice. Perhaps Lulu and I should switch places for a couple of decades and have some fun.
“And this, your majesty, is why I am so convinced that we should raise the taxes on those filthy, greedy mud-ponies to 50% and donate the proceeds to my newest estate in Canterlot.”
He’s done. Initiate economic argument Counter earth P. tax-up # 1 “While I do agree that you have a few good points to your argument, sir, eh..”
“Nose Turnup, your Majesty.”
“Ah, yes, forgive me, sir Upturn; your resemblance to sir Anal Upturn the Unprepossessing melts faces together across the ages. Now, allow me to proceed to show you the consequences of these actions in the light of history. While I’m certain that your saintly and virtuous intentions of building an estate for orphans & widows is surely to be trustworthy, especially since you’re diplomatically immune to audits of your institutions, there is a background in the history of this country that I cannot allow to repeat.
“Now, five hundred years ago, while I was still in mourning for the passing of my sister, the Unicorns of Canterlot did just as you have proposed- increase the taxes of the Earth Ponies to 50%. However, there are actually things that the Earth Ponies do that are necessary for the growth of Equestria and her economy.”
“Bah! Your majesty, are you suggesting that Mud Ponies are actually capable of doing good?”
Filthy maggot. Time to lecture him like a third-grader. Or a Canterlot Unicorn who can’t read & write, and so hires his own scribes to write for him.
“Do you know where food comes from, sir Turnup?”
“I, ah, no, your majesty, but, how does that matter?”
“Sir, Turnup, when the tax was levied on Earth Ponies, they were unable to make any profit on the food that they grew. Food comes from Earth Ponies. I have seen it done hundreds of times.
Sir Turnup gasped. “You mean that the food I consume has been handled by those filthy, disease-ridden mud-ponies? They must have gotten mud in my food!”
“Sir Turnup, our food is made from the same thing that constitutes mud.”
He stood there like a deer suddenly exposed to a lantern.
“When the tax was raised, the Earth Ponies weren’t able to profit from the food they grew when they sold it to the unicorns, and so with the help of the pegasai, they refused to sell their food to the Unicorns. The Unicorns made a genocidal war that brought me out of my mourning. I was personally forced to execute every last unicorn of the house of Princess Platinum because they refused to make peace. You have run out my patience with your failure to comprehend simple logistics. My guards will now escort you to the nearest exit.”
After he was dragged out, the characteristic knocking of another noble sounded at the door.
“Enter,” I said through gritted teeth. As the door opened, I saw Blonde and white.
“BLUE!” I exclaimed from the throne. “Com’ere and give your old Auntie a hug!” I teleported him right in front of me, not allowing him a chance to respond, embracing my lovely little Nephew in my tired fore[leg]s. I dragged him up and sat him on my lap. “Oh, it’s sooo nice to see you, Big Blue. It’s been such a long day. You wanna watch me set the sun?”
“Agh- Auntie- can’t- breathe…”
“But first!” I said, dropping him to the ground in the adorable heap he is, “The royal supper!” I pulled out the seeing stone from behind my throne and tuned it to Luna’s chamber. “LULU!” I saw a form jump off view and crash down into her bed. “Breakfast!” I shouted before turning it off and teleporting myself and my sweet nephew into the dining hall.
