It was very early in the morning. The sun was just peeking over the horizon. Dash was dreaming about Daring Do, or some shit, when a knock at the door woke her. She wrapped her pillow around her head and proceeded to dream about whatever the fuck she decided to dream about, until the knocks became persistent.

"OKAY ASS-HAT! WAIT!" Dash yelled. She pulled herself off of her bed, but as she walked out of the room, she stubbed her hoof on the door frame. "SHITPISSFUCK! OUCH! This better be important!" Dash screeched. She, now limping, made it to the door. She unlocked it and pulled it open, only to find a large box on her doorstep.

"Funny? I didn't order anything?" Dash said. She tried to peel the tape off, but the bitch-ass pony who taped the box up put extra stick tape on the box lids. She walked back into her house to get a kitchen knife to cut open the box, but when she walked in the kitchen, she stubbed the same hoof again.

"MOTHER. FUCKER. AHHH!!! Celestia forbid if this package is garbage! If so, off the deck it goes!" Dash yelled. She grabbed a kitchen knife and went back outside to the box. She cut the box open and opened the lids. Inside was a ton of that foam packing shit. Must be pretty important. Dash began to shovel out the foam and eventually found what was inside.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAINBOW DASH!" Derpy yelled.

"Derpy......WHAT THE FUCK?!" Dash yelled.

"I'm your birthday present! From, uh, me!"

"MY BIRTHDAY WAS OVER SIX MONTHS AGO!" Dash yelled. Then she remembered what she said she'd do if the package was garbage. Dash leaned in and asked "Derpy?"

"What?"

"Have I told you my dire hatred for the mentally challenged?"

"Hmm. Let me think. Nope! I've never heard you say that before."

"WELL I REALLY FUCKING HATE THEM! I JUST WANT TO LOBOTOMIZE YOU RIGHT NOW!" Dash yelled.

"Isn't that a stallion thing?" Derpy asked, very fucking puzzled at this point.

Dash just blew every fucking fuse she had and bucked the large box off the doorstep, down to the ground below. "That'll fucking show her to wake me up." Dash said to herself as she walked back inside. She stubbed the same hoof, yet again, on the way back in. "AHHH FUCK YOU DOOR! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME?! HUH?!" Dash yelled. She continued to cuss out the front door until ponies below, and above, began to look at her. She went back in the house at this point. Dash returned to her room and hopped into bed. Did I seriously just throw Derpy off my house and cuss out an inanimate object, again? Dash decided to just not give a single fuck and go back to sleep.

Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed my profound way of writing. (I have nothing against the mentally challenged, by the way.)