That One Lucky Chance

Well I'm back from being a lazy ass. HEY!

So now I think I'm gunna be up to speed with this story, I had some good feedback before, and I appreciate it if you continue the feedback, for good or for worse. Thanks, here's the chapter, after who knows how long.

'I'm pretty damn sure I made it clear I like my weed dmt-free'

So here I am, in a place that I am pretty sure you'd have to be a 5 year old to think up on the spot. And to make matters worse, I don't know how the hell to make it stop.

Wait, ponies? What was I doing? Oh right, realizing they were here. Better yet realizing how messed up my head is. What was I gunna do? Oh right.

*THUD*

Annnnd it's gone.

Feeling groggy, I slowly roll over.

"Uggghh damn my head" I croak out, clutching my forehead as if a chestburster was gunna pop out.

...oh wait. Right. Bad analogy.

I open my eyes, only for them to be blinded by a ceiling light. Instinctively, I shut my eyes and cover my hands over them.

"Aww damn! I hate that!"

It was only then I flinch to a sudden table tray falling to the ground and a swing of a door. I finally open my eyes to realize I'm laying in a bed. I look up to see a door swinging back and forth after something forcefully ran through it. Huh.

Well, at least I know I'm sane and awake. I swear I saw ponies. Living breathing ponies. Like the main six and stuff. It was a weird fucking dream. And Pinkie's standing right next to me. And I was fee-

"aaaaAAAAAA-" my mouth was stuffed by a pink hoof.

"Shhh mister peach monkey, it's alright, Twilight told me to look after you! But you have to be quiet, she said I was supposed to play the quiet game!" she whispered at somehow unmentionable speeds.

"Mhph, whpph da fuur?" I managed out.

"You want a muffin fun? I've never heard of that but that sounds like fun! Oooh! I can make muffins out of fun! I never knew that was even possible! Oh I'm getting so excited! Ooo! Ooo! I almost forgot you're new here! I can throw a PARTY! and it'll be super duper fun! And we can use that fun to make more muffin funs! This is so super spec-" like a rocket bend of fuck fuel, I slammed my hand on her mouth. I removed the hoof from my mouth.

"..Talk....slower.." I said preventing myself from snapping or going insane from all the talking.

"Okie dokey lokey then!" She then gave the most serious face I have ever seen. Holy shit dude what is she up to?

"MMmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy......nnnaaaaammmmeeeeeee.....iissssssssss.......Piiiiiiinnnnkkkkiiii-" another hand slammed on her mouth. I gave her the biggest "are you fucking kidding me face known to man. Pony. Fuck it.

"Too slow." I put bluntly.

"Okay then! Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, and it's nice to meet you mister peach monkey!" she grinned.

"Mister....peach monkey?" I questioned. I mean, what the fuck?

"Yeah! You look alot like a monkey! Except your wearing super weird looking clothes! And they smell weird too! And you have no hair! So I called you mister peach monkey!" she said still wearing that weird grin.

"Oh...well ok I guess...where am I?" I asked. Well of course, knowing the people who know who I am by now, of course know that I'm playing this all off. It would be weird knowing everything about Equestria and ponies wondering how I know. I don't know how I got here, but if I play it like this, either they'll think I'm not from here if I teleported or some shit, or I have amnesia or something if I looked liked I was sleeping in a ditch or something. It's a win-win motherfuckers, strategy.

"Equestria silly! This is Ponyville and I'm supposed to tell you that your supposed to stay!" she answered happilly.

Wait, I'm supposed to stay?

"What do you mean stay?"

"I mean Twilight said you should stay here, she wants to do some super duper sciencey thingy ma jiggy on you!"

I gulped. "Uh..well...I can't stay." I started to get up.

"No wait!" She pulled on my shoulder and pushed me down with practically the strength of a bear.

"AH! Jesus you could've told me to sit down! Damn." I flinched.

"Who's Jesus?" she cocked her head.

......fuck.

"Well....see....Jesus....is someone I know! Yeah let's put it like that." I felt accomplished.

"Don't you mean 'somepony?"

.......god damn it it never ends.

"...Ye...yeahh that." I choked out. I had nothing else.

"Okey dokey! But you have to stay here and wait for Twilight to get back! I Pinkie promised her!" she finished with a slightly bolder tone to finish. She has the whole pride thing for that huh?

"Alright...then.." I ended the topic and slouched down. Well this sucks. I'm apparently stuck in Equestria, I might get experimented on by a main character, and I still needed to get some of-

"MY WEED!!!" I screamed out, startling the living shit out of the pink pony.

"Hehehe! That was a funny feeling! Do it again!" she giggled out.

"No! Listen! When I was asleep or whatever, did you see a black bag?" I asked.

"I didn't see a bag. But I did see this cool looking sack on your back!" to which she pulled out my backpack out of seemingly no where.

*twitch twitch*

"Thanks for my bag, Pinkie." I let out, grinding my teeth against each other.

"No problem Peachy!"

I can tell this isn't the right person to talk to. Pony. Fuck me this will get annoying.

So I unzip my back and check everything in there. Weed, check. Lighter. I flick it to make sure it's not doing no rainbow shit on me. Normal flames. Check. Ok now all I need is....fuck me. I pulled out my green bong. My birthday gift to Bryan. Shit man. Well it at least will keep me going in this world. I got nothing else to smoke it with, plus to me is MUCH better than a blunt.

"Alright everythings in here, nice and in order." I sighed. Well, not really in order, just in there I guess.

I collapsed on the bed and took a look around my surroundings.

Tree.

Books.

This is most definitely fucking Twilight's house.

Two hours passed and nothing. I've just been laying here dealing with Pinkie's 'antics' or so to speak. Funny thing though, I can't help but chuckle. Either because the fact that she's so ridiculously retarded, or she's releasing this vibe that just basically says 'Be happy mother fucker, and you can't do shit about it!'

That's when the door to the room opened and a purple pony walked in........psst it's Twilight if you haven't guessed yet.

"Oh hi Twily! I was just telling mister peach monkey about the time I baked cupcakes! They were to die for!" she exclaimed. For some reason I had this really weird shudder go down my spine after hearing that. Very, dark, thoughts......fuck that she's pink.

"Pinkie, you do that all the time." Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh yeah, right!" she gave a sheepish looking grin.

So here we go, interrogation time, the science way. Twilight turns her gaze to me. "So.....um....mister...." she looked lost for words.

"Tom."

"So mister uh, Tom....what...are you?" she asks.

"I'd prefer just Tom, thanks. A human." I say.

"Huh?" she stared at me like I was some sort of mental defective.

"A human, I'm a human." I repeat, making sure she heard it that time.

"......huh?" she says again, giving me that stare.

"A HUMAN. Homo Sapien, naked ape, get it?"

A few moments of silence. I swear to g-

"Huh?!"

"Oh for God's Sake! A HUMAN! I'M NOT FROM HERE OKAY? JESUS!" I snap.

"Hey there's you're friend again!" Pinkie mentions.

*twitch*

'There's something wrong with her. There is something seriously wrong with her.'

Twilight perks up, "If you're not from here, where are you from then?"

"As far as I'm concerned, or better yet, as far as I know, not this planet." I cross my arms.

Twilight's eyes twinkle a bit as if she discovered sex for the first god damn time. "How did you get here?! Did you travel through teleportation? A form of transportation? What?" she spits out in front of my face.

"I really don't know, I was checking my lighter until I saw a rainbow flame come out of it, and things happened and wabam! Here I am!" I bring out with a sort of impatient tone to my voice.

After scribbling down some notes, she looks up at me and says "Follow me then."

'What? She's fucking telling what to do now? WHAT THE FUCK?!? I'M NOT SOME LACKEY GOING TO FOLLOW ORDERS OR SOME SHIT! I'M A FREE MAN AND I-'

"I'm assuming you're hungry. Do your species eat pancakes?"

.....oh. Fucking munchies HELL YEAH!

I look down at a miniature plate made for a little girls tea time play house with the small little amounts of maple syrup left over from the meal.

"Mmm that was great! Who made these? Best pancakes EVER!" I was bluffing. The corners were burnt, the syrup was from concentrate and I bet I could've done it better with my ass.

My eyes met a slightly blushiing Twilight. "Oh um thanks, but you shouldn't be giving me credit, Spike makes alot better pancakes then me." she says.

'I'm pretty sure anybody could make pancakes better then you.'

"I'm pretty sure you could make pancakes better than anybo-er pony anyday. But I judge too fast, I haven't tasted this 'Spike's' cooking yet." I fibbed.

"Thanks I guess" she says rubbing the back of her head with her hoof.

"Ok so....what now?" I blurt out.

".....wwweeell I suggest we show you to my friends...?" she says looking to me for approval. Respect. I like that. Or just being nice, either way.

"Yeah sounds good to me." I say. Fuck man, more talking, I just wanna get hiiiiigh...

"Speaking of which," Pinkie says near the doorway. "here comes Dash right now!"

Oh boy. To be honest, this may sound cliche but Rainbow is my favorite pony. Not because the fact that she's supposely awesome, or cool looking. The fact that she reminds me of...well me.

"Oh she sounds like fun!" LOLOLOL THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Zinga.

Too bad I laughed too. It made the next part horrible. You know, looking to the left for a second to see a blue blur moving about 120 mph from the doorway to your face. Fan-fucking-tastic.