Xenophobia

Chapter 9

Rainbow Dash was conflicted.

Anger, fear, and betrayal laced her scattered, frantic psyche as she sped above the foreboding canopy of the Everfree at night. Luna’s majestic orb reflected off a large pond passing below her, for an instant depicting a mirror image of a pegasus in flight. It was during nights like these that Rainbow loved nothing more than to just fly around lazily, not caring about speed (or being completely bucking awesome) and just enjoy the feeling of air flowing through her feathers. Tonight, however, enjoyment was the furthest thing from her mind.

Nearly an hour ago, she’d left Zecora’s hut to check on Scootaloo, whom she’d left in the human’s clearing after getting the syringe of morphine from their airship. Her plan had been to take the little filly home to her family and get back as fast as she could, not wanting to leave her friends alone with the humans and that creepy zebra for too long. She’d come zipping into the camp, passing through the invisible barrier so fast that she didn’t feel the strange tingle that the electric wall usually elicited, and was met with a rather disconcerting sight: a roaring campfire, hunks of meat from an unknown source slowly roasting on a spit, and one little orange pegasus sitting at the fire’s edge, preoccupied with… cooking.

“S-S-Scootal-loo?”

The orange filly looked up from preparing the evil-smelling meal revolving above the flames and immediately brightened. She leapt to her hooves and cantered over to Rainbow, who, disturbed as she was by the scene, backed away slightly. She wasn’t afraid! No way! She’d seen Gilda eat meat once and hadn’t gagged TOO much. Rainbow Dash wasn’t scared of a little filly! Not in the slightest! She wasn’t freaking out, wondering where she got the meat itself, or where she learned to cook it. Nope. She wasn’t frightened! Just… bewildered… and… OH CELESTIA SHE’S NOT STOPPING!

“Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo practically tried to tackle her, backing the sky-blue mare into the bowl-like device that powered the invisible wall. “Where’re Jerry and Ray? What happened? What’s going on!?” The filly’s eyes grew wider with every question, and she was clearly afraid for the human’s wellbeing. Her distress and obvious concern for them, especially Jer, would’ve annoyed Dash if she weren’t too busy hyperventilating and avoiding Scootaloo’s touch.

Eventually, after strange, frantic game of tag, Scootaloo got the message that Rainbow didn’t want to be touched and sat several feet away, staring up at her expectantly, her violet eyes wavering every so often. Rainbow didn’t meet her gaze, instead choosing to stare at the speckles of blood that flecked the orange pegasus’s hooves.

“You… b-blood… c-cooking m-m-m—” Scootaloo blanched and interrupted her before she could finish, waving her hooves around in an attempt to distance herself from the acts she had been caught performing.

“Oh! Yeah, ummm… I was just getting dinner ready for when Ray and Jer get back… I thought they’d be really hungry c-cuz they probably haven’t eaten since lunch and… I-I wasn’t, uhhh… I mean I didn’t… hehe…” Scootaloo trailed off, watching Rainbow sheepishly.

Dash just looked at her, trying to interpret what she’d said. Was it just her making dinner for the humans? Rainbow could’ve sworn she’d seen the orange and violet filly lick her lips when she’d first flown in.

If she was just cooking, Dash guessed that was rather nice of her. Rainbow felt a pang of jealousy twinge in her chest. Scootaloo was HER biggest fan, and these things were encroaching on her territory. Jer didn’t deserve this adoration. Ray seemed cool and had practically saved half the Apple family, so he was neutral in Rainbow’s book, but Jer… he was dangerous. His past didn’t matter; nor did his condition. She’d been sympathetic before, but after the incident with the two-wheeled cart Dash was firm in her decision: Jer was bad news, and had to be kept far away from her friends, Scootaloo included. It wasn’t jealousy. It wasn’t! She wouldn’t let Scootaloo stay near that crude, loud, abrasive, overconfident… loyal…

Horseapples, that sounded familiar.

No! She was nothing like him! He’s a psychopath! Rainbow Dash is not a psychopath…

Scootaloo had said something.

Dash looked down on the anxious-looking orange filly. Her wings twitched restlessly and she was looking up at her with huge, frightened eyes.

“I— *cough-cough* I’m sorry, Squirt. What’s up?” Rainbow asked, voice obviously catching due to the smoke in the air, not because she’d accidentally glanced at the orange filly’s bloody hooves again.

Scootaloo looked up to the rainbow mare, anxiety scrawled across her face as if by a quill dipped in an inkpot of liquid trepidation.

“Are they okay? When are they coming home? W-Was it really that bad?” The already anxious filly began to hyperventilate and her pupils began to shrink. “Are they dead?!?”

Rainbow fought the urge to tell her biggest fan that her newest infatuations had perished, and quickly moved forward to comfort her, steering the filly away from the fire and its foul-smelling contents. She was partway through a calm explanation of what happened, her quick thinking and heroic rescue of the two unconscious humans being a major part, when a certain word Scootaloo had mentioned earlier struck her as rather abnormal.

“Scoots,” she paused in her epic recounting of the first aid prowess of Rainbow ‘Danger’ Dash as she raced to save the totally lame alien’s spine from falling out, and locked eyes with a completely amazed and engrossed orange filly. “You said ‘home’ earlier. You meant the alien’s home, right?”

“Umm, yeah? What else would I mean?” Scootaloo’s look of awe quickly morphed into one of perplexed unease.

“Oh-kay then, well as I was sa—”

“I mean Jer did invite me to stay so I guess this is MY home too, but—”

“WHAT?!?”

Scootaloo flinched and looked up at Rainbow fearfully.

“H-He told me that if I needed a place to stay I could l-live here—”

“NO!” Rainbow Dash’s mind had kicked into overdrive, her body following close behind. She flared her nostrils and her wings stretched outward aggressively. This made no sense! Home? THIS place? There was no way in Tartarus Dash was going to allow her number one fan to stay with that crazy… thing!

The cyan pegasus swept forward and picked Scootaloo up in her hooves, tucking her neatly under one foreleg as she got ready to take off.

“I’m taking you home right now!”

“This IS my home!” squealed the violet-maned filly as she struggled to break free. Dash tightened her grip.

“No, it’s not. I’m taking you to Cloudsdale, and when we get there I’m going to tell your parents exactly where you’ve been hanging out these past few days.” Dash started to flap her wings, quickly rising off of the ground and moving toward the edge of the clearing.

“Rainbow! You don’t get it!”

“I ‘get it’ just fine! You ran away to spend time with that big, stupid, crazy son of a mu—” Rainbow’s left wing cinched up after a quick jabbing pressure struck it near its base.

That little hail-stone! She bucked her!

“FUCKING PUT ME DOWN!”

Rainbow tensed and her head began to whirl. Had Scoots just cursed in human?

*jab*

The multi-colored pegasus immediately dropped to the ground, both wings cinched tight to her sides in an attempt to avoid further punches. Scootaloo broke free from her grip and cantered away, closer to the fire. Rainbow chased after her, but kept her distance, remembering the blood covering the feisty filly’s hooves.

“Scootaloo! What the hay’s the matter with you!”

“Everything!” The pony in question screamed, tears streaming down her face. Dash backed away slightly, unprepared for the shouting pegasus’ answer. The orange filly stalked closer, glaring daggers at her and crying openly through her rage. “I used to think you were the greatest mare ever! You were always so strong and confident and you never let anything stand in your way.” Scootaloo’s voice lowered and became an almost feral-sounding growl, made somewhat comical by her squeaky, underdeveloped vocal cords, yet still retained its intimidating nature. “But now I see what you really are: a selfish, pushy, bragging, meanie!”

Suddenly, the orange filly collapsed, landing on her hindquarters with a soft thump, and began sobbing uncontrollably. Rainbow made a move to do… something, but was stopped when Scootaloo began speaking again, voice straining through her tears.

“I watched y-you practice e-every day! *sob* A-and you never even a-asked! N-Never bothered to ch-check on little Scootaloo. You never e-even offered to walk me h-home or give me a flying lesson! *gasp* W-Well fine! You can teach me to fly at my funeral, because I never wanna see you again as long as I live!”

Rainbow could only watch, stunned as her biggest fan, the filly who made a club dedicated to her only a year ago, fled into the human’s metal airship, still sobbing. She considered chasing her for a moment, but was immediately discouraged by a slowly ascending wall of metal, closing off the entrance to the shining behemoth with a loud screech, similar to that of a poorly oiled hinge.

The only sounds left in the clearing were the crackle of flames and the occasional sound of a mosquito meeting a quick end against the defense system. Dash looked briefly at the hunks of meat hanging above the campfire and snarled. She leapt into the air, leaving the unnatural meal to burn.

Zecora’s tree grew closer on the horizon, and Dash sped ever onward by the light of the moon. Jer would pay for what he did to that sweet little filly. Rainbow didn’t know what it was, why Scoots was so mad, what Rainbow could’ve possibly done to spurn her so. It had to be more than just not paying enough attention to her. It had to be Jer’s doing. It was all HIS fault!

Lights shone in the ragged windows of the zebra witch-doctor’s home, growing larger by the second. Rainbow Dash pushed herself harder than she had all day, wings pumping and slicing through the frigid night air. When she got there, that bucking nutcase was going to pay...

Raymond jolted awake, a startled shout racing from his throat, only to be stopped by a light orange, blood encrusted hoof. Heart pounding from a sudden onrush of adrenaline, Ray followed the hoof upward with his good eye. He soon found himself staring into a pair of huge, emerald irises… again.

“This had better not become a recurring thing…”

The owner of the bloody appendage that was restricting his capacity to scream, Applejack, gazed down at him concernedly, her iconic headwear casting shadows across her face in the moonlight and guttering light of a small candle on a nearby cabinet. She didn’t say anything; just watched him while he tried to control his breathing. Her concern seemed distant to the human, and her eyes wavered slightly, as if frightened or depressed. Ray would’ve asked her what was the matter, but her hoof remained in his mouth, so speech would have been rather awkward. She didn’t seem to notice and kept looking down at him, a deep sadness in her glistening eyes, so Raymond took advantage of her momentary lapse in awareness to take stock of his surroundings.

From his position, the newly awakened human could see a small, round window carved into the wall to his right. Moonlight flowed through, and the sounds of Everfree’s nocturnal inhabitants drifted inside: the keening howl of a wolf, crickets, and a distant roar that made Ray tense involuntarily.

The air smelled of rotten fruit and wet dog: muggy like the endless rainforests of Sulara. Brief flashes of memory from his time on that tropical “paradise world” bounced across his vision. So many trees… the job there had been one of the worst experiences of Raymond’s short life (emphasis being put on “ONE of the worst).

“Where the hell am I?”

Ray tried to recall what he’d done that day. Jer had run off to go terrorize some poor soul, leaving Schaffer behind to finish work on the damaged shipboard computer and navigation system. He’d fixed the NAV computer, rerouted power to the distress beacon (he hadn’t turned it on yet), and, in a fit of procrastination, began repainting the pin-up on the Duckling’s side: Dulce. Jer had named her… he remembered the christening day fondly.

He had happily painted, only a little vexed by Jer’s absence by then, when Sparky and Applejack showed up to ask for his help in finding—

“The dog!”

Everything came rushing back to him at blinding speeds: looking, the chase, the giant chicken, his… his legs! Ray’s eyes widened and he started hyperventilating again. He frantically tried to sit up, desperate to catch a glimpse of his damaged limbs. He couldn’t lose his independence like this! Not to some fucked up poultry!

After several seconds of struggling, Raymond realized he was making zero progress, and soon found out why. A heavy, firm weight pressed against his chest, preventing him from bending forward at the waist. Applejack, no longer shoving her hoof in his mouth, but rather covering it to keep him quiet, was holding him down, using her whole upper body to keep him planted on whatever taut fabric he was laying. She whispered anxiously, trying her best to be soothing.

She wasn’t doing a very good job.

“Shh-shh. It’s all right, Sugarcube. C-Calm down.” She removed her hoof from Ray’s mouth and he gasped for air. The orange pony then proceeded to hesitantly stroke his side, giving a very poor smile of reassurance. “Yer’ safe. It’s okay. J-Just don’t move too much, okay Pardner?”

“Fuck that!” Ray tried to sit up again, but Applejack just shoved him back. Torn between being ashamed at his current weakness and being angry at the pony holding him down, the frightened human gave his captor a menacing glare. The orange mare flinched, a mixture of fear and guilt replacing the sad look she had been giving him, and eased up on him slightly, but didn’t budge more than an inch or two.

“It’s fer yer own good,” she whispered. “If ya move too much yer… legs won’t h-heal right. Please just calm down.”

“My legs are fucking lawn ornaments!” Ray screamed within the confines of his head. “Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to stop me from moving to loo—” A soft nudging and rustling atop his right arm gave the ex-soldier pause from his thoughts.

“R-Raymond?”

“God damn it…”

“Ray! Yer awake!” Yellow. Everything was yellow. “Thank Celestia yer okay! Ah’m so sooo sorry.” Applebloom, who had been quietly and inconspicuously tucked at his side, ousted Applejack from her position above the prone human, and was now sitting on his chest, looking down on him with wide, remorseful eyes. Her red mane, still tucked into the big pink bow he’d seen earlier, was frazzled, a fair bit having come loose and covering her left eye.

“She’s alive! How in… How?! She was a stat… a statue…” Applejack’s admonition drawled through his head once again:

“… If ya move too much yer legs won’t heal right...”

They healed Applebloom, so he was fine, right? Right?

Raymond still wanted to check, but restrained himself. The filly on his chest remained motionless, still looking at him expectantly and a little apprehensively.

Ray smiled carefully, hoping to relay as much forgiveness and goodwill into the unfamiliar gesture as was humanly possible. He couldn’t blame the filly, well, he COULD, but that would get him nowhere. What happened, happened, and everything was resolved… or, at least he hoped so. He still wanted to get a good look at his legs. They were still quite numb.

Now, looking up at the yellow farm filly weighing him down, Ray was just glad she was all right.

“Glad you’re okay” Ray rasped, his voice dry as a bone though not nearly as strong. Applebloom’s guilty look diminished immediately and she leaned forward, gingerly wrapping her forehooves around his neck in a hug. “You’re a heavy little girl, ya know that?” The yellow filly quickly let go of him and stuck out her tongue playfully, warranting a weak laugh from the broken sergeant.

“Speak fer yourself, human.” Ray flicked his eye left to find Big Macintosh standing above his resting place next to Applejack, a knowing smirk twitching the wheat stalk between his lips. He hadn’t even heard the gigantic stallion come in.

Trying to match the giant pony’s joking smile (and most likely failing), Ray lifted his arm and held out a hand to the red workhorse, palm turned upward and fingers outstretched. Seemingly familiar with the gesture, Big Mac gave him his hoof and they shook firmly.

“Thanks,” Raymond rasped. Dear Lord he needed some water…

“Ah should be sayin’ the same ta you,” Mac answered, smirk morphing into an uneasy smile. His eyes flicked toward Ray’s legs, and he would’ve sat up to look at them, if not for the sudden appearance of a filly-sized, wiggling, ball of fur that hopped up from the same spot Applebloom had previously occupied at his side, lathering his face in dog spittle and yapping excitedly.

Raymond’s first reaction was to strangle the mutt.

His second: skin it and boil it alive.

Finally, he settled on merely pushing the creature that nearly got him killed, then subsequently saved his ass, aside, and pat its head, scowling.

He hated dogs, always and forever, but this one was all right… for now.

Suddenly, muffled voices grew louder from the next room and several more natives streamed inside. Ray recognized most of them as Applejack’s friends, so he skimmed over them with his eyes, only to fixate and be momentarily taken aback by what looked like a small zebra… with a mohawk. He simply chalked it up as another strange thing he should totally disregard, lest he loose his sanity.

Pinkie was the first to reach him, thankfully kept partially at bay by Big Macintosh as she babbled happily:

“Fussy! You’re awake! I’m sooooo glad! Everypony was really scared and at first we were all like “Oh no, he’s dead,” but then Jer was all like “Not if I can help it,” and we wrapped you in bandages and brought you here and Zecora fixed you all up cuz she’s an evil enchantress and now Applejack doesn’t have to worry anymore becau-OOMPH-mmm mhm mmmnmhm…” A bright orange hoof stifled the rest, the owner of said hoof blushing and glaring menacingly at the pink pony still hovering over Raymond.

The only thing Ray really got out of that whole thing was that Jer was here somewhere, hopefully not losing his mind or running through the forest looking to kill Mother Hen. From his position, Schaffer could barely make out a dark shape on the floor nearby. If he could just sit up a little—Purple.

“It’s good to see that you’re okay,” Sparky hesitantly declared, glancing nervously at the crumpled form near the other side of the room. “We were all really worried…”

“I’m sure you were. Afraid of what Jer would’ve done if I’d died, huh?” The lavender unicorn’s relieved expression when he smiled was enough to confirm his suspicions. As long as the victim doesn’t blame her, his insane friend won’t, right?

“Wrong. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, if there is one to cross in the first place.”

The zebra with the funky hairdo came closer, a pair of humongous, gold hoop earrings swaying gently from her ears as she strode over. She had a dignified, wise air about her, which, to Ray’s amusement, totally contrasted with her manner of speech.

“I am gladdened to see that you are awake,” the striped pony began, moving past Sparky toward the foot of Ray’s resting place. “Now let us see if my brew, a hold, did take.”

Rhyming zebras. Eh. Not all that strange anymore.

The rhetorically whimsical quadruped began fussing over something behind Applejack, near where his legs should have been. He still couldn’t feel a damn thing below his knees, and that worried him to no end. Raymond tried to sit up to get a better look, moving Applebloom off of his chest and to his left, careful to avoid putting any pressure on his broken arm. The pain in his snapped limb had reduced to a dull throb, and Ray was surprised by the neatness of the leafy bandages that wrapped around his forearm.

The injured human was halfway up on to his right elbow when Applejack pushed him back down. The orange mare was beginning to get on his nerves.

“Darn it Ray, stop movin’!” she hissed, green eyes flickering somewhere between frustration and anxiety. “Y’all aren’t gonna heal right if ya keep this up!”

“Applejack, I hardly see how, ummm… nevermind…” Sparky’s interjection quickly lost steam under the farm mare’s piercing glare, and she trailed off, shuffling her hooves nervously. Big Mac was looking between the two, clearly debating with himself over something while still managing to look rather impassive.

Raymond briefly considered trying to overpower his captor, but quickly rejected it. He was too weak at the moment, and he really couldn’t bring himself to be angry with the mare. She was just trying to look out for him, in a strange, exasperating way.

“Why do I always end up in situations like this?”

“AAUGH!”

A gut-wrenching scream rang out through the small room, eliciting several gasps and a high-pitched squeal from Fluttershy. The canary yellow pegasus was the only pony who had yet to talk to Ray, having hid behind Macintosh immediately after entering. Ray didn’t mind her avoidance. If the poor thing was scared of him it wasn’t his problem. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be around much longer to frighten the fragile-looking pony.

The dark shape near the back of the room jolted upward, revealed to be a wild-eyed ex-marine.

“Jerry!” Pinkie happily cried, scrambling away from Ray’s bedside and wrapping him in what looked to be a rather uncomfortably tight hug. She was talking so fast that Raymond didn’t even attempt to follow what she was saying, instead watching his fellow human with growing unease.

Jer’s grey eyes were glazed over, showing no sign of conscious thought or awareness whatsoever. A solitary tear ran down the side of his nose, dripping off onto Pinkie’s back. The poofy-maned pony remained unaware of Gerald’s distressing state, and continued to babble mercilessly about bandages.

Gerald Hanes was having the dreams again. Ray knew he was: there was no hiding it. It had started up several years ago, when they had still been deployed in the re-conquest of Earth. The psychotic soldier would awake screaming at all hours of the night, often waking up the rest of the squad, and then become unresponsive. Oftentimes, Ray found him sobbing silently afterward in his bunk on their transport frigate, the Ontario, dead to the world.

He’d tried to talk to Jer about it, but, for once in his life, the man kept his mouth shut. Five days after the eradication of a small hive in what used to be the Midwestern Provinces of China, the dreams stopped altogether. Ray hadn’t witnessed a recurrence since.

Now they were back.

Ray quickly glanced around at the others. All the natives save Zecora, the zebra, were staring apprehensively at the unresponsive human. Pinkie finally noticed the recipient of her hug wasn’t returning the gesture, and had stepped back slightly, frowning worriedly at the impassive human.

“Jerry?” The pink mare prodded him gently with her hoof. “Jerry!?” She began to poke him harder, her voice taking on a panicked undertone, but Gerald remained dazed. More tears seeped from his eyes and followed the first down the bridge of his nose. “Jerry, snap out of it!”

Pinkie’s increasingly frantic cries finally caught the attention of the zebra “enchantress” at Ray’s knees. She looked up from whatever she was doing down there and quickly trotted over to the pink mare and her expressionless ragdoll, trying to pry Jer from Pinkie’s grasp.

“Bother him you must not, pink one, lest you awake a creature much less fun.”

“His eyes! There’s something wrong! Something really, REALLY wrong! Oh Jer, please don’t be comatose!” Pinkie’s mane was slowly deflating, and a wild light shone in her sky-blue eyes. She began to shake Jer back and forth. “Wake up!”

“Stop.” All eyes turned back to Raymond. He took a moment to feel grateful that that still worked, despite how painfully dry his throat was. He stared the pink baker down, putting as much weight into his words as possible and trying to ignore that her mane was deflating like a life raft stabbed with a combat knife. “Just give him a second.”

Pinkie sheepishly complied, but remained close to the staring human, watching him anxiously. Applebloom shuddered on top of Raymond, having repositioned herself after his ill-fated attempt at rising. The little filly turned away from the scene unfolding across the room and met Ray’s eyes, the orange orbs quivering with concern.

“I-Is Jer all right?”

“He just had a bad dream, ‘Bloom.” Applebloom gulped at Ray’s attempt to assuage her concern for the first alien she’d ever met.

“Must’a been real bad to make him act like that…”

Ray grimaced.

Across the room, Gerald began to stir. His eyes slowly refocused and he looked all around the enclosed area, surprise evident on his face. The room watched with bated breath.

“Hey, Pinks,” he finally began, “What’d ya do with your hair?”

Everyone sighed in relief and Pinkie’s mane immediately re-inflated, much to Jer and the pink mare’s mutual amusement.

“Well… that went better than expected…”

The tears that had been running down Jer’s cheeks quickly evaporated, and, after giggling on the ground for nearly a minute while everyone else awkwardly watched, Jer finally met Ray’s eyes… er… eye. He was on his feet and across the room in an instant.

“Sarge!” he cried excitedly, pulling in next to Applejack at Ray’s bedside. “You’re awake! The zebra told me you’d be fine but I… and you… well…” Schaffer’s excitable comrade sighed, and looked back up, away from Raymond, eyes lacking their usual light and exuberant life as they glazed over once more. “I thought I was gonna be alone again.” He snapped out of his daze and met Ray’s eyes again, waiting expectantly.

“Don’t call me ‘Sarge,’ Asshole.”

Jaws dropped and silence reigned, aside from a strange spluttering noise coming from the foot of Ray’s bed. The former soldier felt all eyes on him and Jer, and shock permeated the air. Slowly, a huge smile spread back across Gerald’s face.

“Well fuck you, too… SIR,” he cackled, breaking the tension in the small, increasingly claustrophobic space that was the zebra shaman’s home. “You’re lucky I’m around to keep you from shitting yourself while in you’re in your little ‘comas.’” Ray raised an eyebrow at his joking partner.

“You were asleep,” he choked, throat still parched.

“Yeah, well, the zebra drugged me.”

“I only did what was necessary, you were pacing about and becoming harried.”

“It was a joke, Ma’am.”

“He also hurt his back rather badly,” Sparky chimed in; intent on getting in her two-cent’s worth, while unwittingly adding to the rhyming scheme. “We—um, I mean, Applejack took good care of you while Jer got his rest.” Ray gave Gerald a quizzical look, and his compatriot merely shrugged.

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured. “The worst part is the hole in my Grayle suit. You got screwed much, much harder.”

Ray winced and tried to crane his neck above Applebloom and Applejack to catch a glimpse of his shins, the latter mare still holding him down even after he’d stopped moving earlier. Damned annoying. He still couldn’t see anything.

Sensing his discomfort, Zecora spoke:

“Worry not strange creature from the stars,” she assuaged with a tender smile, “your odd hooves will be fine, for my brew has gone far.”

Despite him being told this by a talking zebra, Ray felt his anxiety over losing all independence dissipate. He would walk again. Good.

“H-How did it happen?” a soft voice squeaked from behind Twilight. A swatch of pink mane shuddered from behind the lavender unicorn’s withers, revealing an extremely nervous Fluttershy. “I m-mean if y-you want to tell us. I mean i-if it’s o-okay with you…” she trailed off, every other creature in the room looking at Raymond expectantly. Applebloom shifted off of his chest and onto her haunches next to Winona, whom hadn’t left her spot next to Raymond throughout the whole scene. The yellow filly, having removed herself from his person, looked down on Ray with questioning eyes.

Ray let loose and exasperated sigh.

Then he began.

The moon was slowly approaching the horizon, but Applejack wasn’t tired. She felt too horrible to sleep. She didn’t deserve rest. She didn’t deserve anything… or, at least that’s what she told herself.

Applejack had been sitting in the room adjacent to Ray’s for the past twenty minutes, having left with a poor excuse about using the little filly’s room. In reality, the suddenly sick mare had left because she could no longer look the injured human in the eye. As she’d listened to Raymond quietly recount his tale, Applebloom filling in during the parts she was conscious for, the orange farm mare felt more and more guilt press down on her like a carpenter’s vice.

“… tripped over a bush and my arm… dog mangled its dangly bits… ummm Fluttershy? You should probably leave… threw the egg past… ran until my leg snapped clean off… lost my motherfucking gun…”

It hurt to listen. She could have prevented this! If only Applejack had kept him in her group like she’d originally planned. If only she’d dealt with the problem on her own instead of swaying the big, quiet alien with her tears. Sure, her oldest companion had been found thanks to asking for outside help, but her newest friend had almost died in the process, and it was her fault! Now, the proud being she had come to know these past few days may never be able to walk right again. Applejack didn’t deserve his friendship. She didn’t even deserve to wear her own hat.

In a fit of anger, the blonde cowpony tore her iconic headwear off and threw it at her hooves. She raised a hoof to stomp on it, but quickly restrained herself, not wanting to draw any attention from the next room, where Ray’s story appeared to be reaching its end.

“Then Mac must have showed up, because I don’t really remember anything else… where were you anyway, Big Guy?”

Applejack heard a guilty sigh that could only have been her brother:

“Couldn’t get through the buckin’ trees,” came a low mumble, which was soon followed by raspy chuckling.

“Don’t lose any sleep over it. I guess there are some disadvantages to being huge,” Jer’s voice wafted through the doorway.

“I’m surprised you got as far into the forest as you said without a path,” Applejack overheard Twilight exclaim. “That must’ve taken a lot out of you!”

“Well… umm… T-Thanks Miss Twilight…”

“Mmhm. Well it’s been a long night, and I should probably go check on Spike.”

“Oh! I left Angel all alone since lunch! What… What if? I forgot to lock the shed! Eeep!” A pink and yellow blur sped past Applejack’s position, squeaking something that might’ve been a farewell.

“Party. Tomorrow. Lots of cider and pain medication. Got that, Fussy?”

“OHMYGOSH why didn’t I think of that!?!? I gotta go plan!” There was a loud crash and the sound of something smashing into the floor, followed shortly after by manic giggling that Applejack presumed to be Jer.

“Pinkie! Get some sleep tonight! Please? Oh dear, Celestia… that mare’s been living off of caffeine for the past week!”

“D-Did she jus’ go through the window?”

Applejack could hear somepony grunting and muttering angrily in a foreign language. It sounded like Zecora, but… those words didn’t rhyme very well. The orange mare thought about seeing if she could help, but decided against it after Twilight said something about the dangers of over-caffeinating and offered her assistance to the striped mare. Applejack assumed that the decorative mask (creepy as all Tartarus) had fallen from the wall during Pinkie’s glorious exit.

“Are you going to be okay with them for the rest of the night, Zecora?” Twilight.

“Go, seek out your assistant who has yet to enlarge,” the zebra shaman answered, sounding much less angry now that whatever fell because of their friend’s negligence had been replaced. “They will survive the night while I am in charge.”

“Okay… Goodnight everypony!”

“G’night Sparks.”

“Goodnight, and thanks…”

“Goodnight Miss Twilight.”

“You’re welcome Raymond… Oh! And Big Mac?”

“Eeyup?”

“Drop the ‘Miss Twilight’ thing. Just ‘Twilight’ is fine. Pleasant dreams everypony!” Applejack heard watched the doorway as Twilight emerged, hooves making a muffled clopping noise as she started to walk past. She stopped short when she noticed her observer.

“Oh!” Twilight started. “Hey Applejack. I was wondering where you...” She looked at the hat at Applejack’s hooves, then met her eyes again. “What’s wrong? Why are you just sitting out here?”

“That was fast.” The orange mare let out a long sigh and gave a strained smile. “Nothin’s wrong. Ah-Ah’m fine, really.” This wasn’t going to work.

“You’re a terrible liar, Applejack.” Yep, not working.

“No manure, Shetlock,” the farm mare bit back her retort. She was suddenly ashamed for trying to lie in the first place. Twilight was one of her closest friends, for gosh sakes! Applejack averted her eyes, and, trying not to look too downcast, told the truth.

“Ah can’t go in there, Twilight, not after what I’ve done to him.”

“What are you talking about?” the lavender unicorn asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“Yer kiddin’ me, right? It’s mah fault he’s all banged up! He might not be able to walk anym—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Twilight interrupted. “He came with us of his own accord, and if you’d stayed in there to hear him retell what happened you would have seen that he didn’t blame anypony but himself.”

“Ah heard the story just fine, Twilight, but it’s still mah fault! What about his le—”

“They’ll be fine!” the unicorn interrupted again, all smiles. “Zecora says he’ll be walking normally in three days or so.”

Applejack felt some of the weight drop from her shoulders. He would walk? Not even with a limp? Great! The weight dropped back on shortly afterward. But how can he possibly have forgiven her?

“B-But it’s still—” Twilight’s next interruption was in no way unexpected.

“Ugh! It’s not your fault! Just listen to them!” the exasperated unicorn gestured to the next room with her hoof. “I’m sure if you listened in on them a bit th-then… ummm…” Twilight’s right ear twitched toward the door, her pupils shrinking. Applejack quickly switched her attention to the conversation happening in the next room.

“… you and Sparky, huh?”

“Eeenope.”

“Oh come on! I saw the way you looked at her!”

“Jer, leave it be.”

“I’m just tryin’ to help the guy out. C’mon, you can be straight with us!”

*sigh* “You were pretty noticeable, Big Guy.”

“Was it really that bad?”

“Dude, when even Ray notices something like that, it’s gotta be REALLY obvious… what? It’s true, man. You’re not the best at this sort of thing.”

“And you are?”

“Comparatively.”

There was silence for a few seconds. Applejack had been watching Twilight as the conversation went on. The poor girl was blushing and shuffling her hooves awkwardly: most likely torn between staying to listen in and fleeing into the night.

“You should go talk to her.”

That did it. Twilight was gone in a lavender flash of magic.

“Are ya sure? Ah mean… what do Ah say?”

“Just mention something about stars, or books, or don’t even say anything! She’ll probably just start asking you a whole bunch of questions about your farm, anyway.”

“You’re losing your chance the longer you stay here, Mac,” Applejack heard Raymond softly add.

“Ah want to go… she’s so nice, always helpin’ out whenever she comes by the farm…”

“Her ass isn’t half bad either.”

“Jer. Shut up.” Twilight had left just in time. Applejack couldn’t help but wonder why Applebloom wasn’t participating in this. She was probably asleep. Or just too mortified by her brother’s choice of love-interest to speak. Come to think of it… why wasn’t Applejack freaking out?

Oh, yeah. She was attracted to an alien. Or was she? Gosh darn it! It’s not like it mattered anyway. Raymond was never going to forgive her for what happened: no matter what Twilight said. Applejack contemplated going in and gathering Applebloom, and perhaps ending the awkward conversation with her presence, until Zecora decided to make herself known:

“I must agree with the loud primate, Miss Sparkle’s flank has grown attractive of late.”

Applejack threw up in her mouth a little.

“But Ah just don’t want ta mess up…” Macintosh continued, seeming to ignore the human and the zebra’s previous statements… or maybe acknowledging them. Applejack shuddered violently at the thought.

“C’mon, Mac! Be a man…” Jer’s voice faltered and he paused for a second. “Stallion.”

“If anyone deserves a good girl, its you. Twilight’s nice. Annoying, but nice.”

“Says the guy she fondled while he was unconscious.” Ray didn’t even bother to tell Gerald to ‘shut it.’

“Go on.”

“Git’!”

“Okay… Ah’ll try. Thank ya, Humans…”

“Make haste! For on this night there is little time to waste!”

“Yeah. Females to conquer and all that.”

“Good luck, Bigs.”

Applejack watched from the corner of her eye as her older brother trotted out of the other room. He was giving the ground in front of his hooves a determined glare and muttered quietly to himself.

“Hey Twilight… no. Nice night tonight, huh? No…”

“Just ask her about her favorite constellation.” Big Mac froze in his tracks, halfway out the front door of Zecora’s tree, and stared at her warily. Slowly, a small smile spread across his muzzle.

“Thanks, AJ.”

“Y-Y’all gonna hafta owe me one,” Applejack responded, trying to sound nonchalant and confident. She didn’t know why she helped him, or why she didn’t tell him Twilight had overheard their conversation. Mac just looked so… resolute. Like he knew he was doing right. Applejack wished she could be the same way.

The big red workhorse gave Applejack a knowing look and nodded almost imperceptibly. The mare’s eyes widened, unable to hide her surprise. Did he know?

“Eeyup.”

Ray was right. Her brother deserved a nice mare.

Several miles away, said nice mare was probably having quite the breakdown, but Big Mac didn’t need to know that yet. He gave her one final look, nodding slightly in the direction of the next room, before clip-clopping out into the early morning darkness.

Applejack winced as the door slammed behind him.

She needed to go in, but she couldn’t. Staying at Ray’s bedside while he was unconscious was fine, but now that he was awake… No. An apology was in order, and, even if he refused her, she would do it anyway. Besides, she couldn’t just go home without Applebloom, no matter how much she trusted Raymond… and even Jer, with her. She had other reasons to see the two humans, but she tried not to think too hard about them. It would just spiral her even further into depression.

Lifting her Stetson from the floor and replacing it on her head, the orange mare carefully made her way over to the doorway leading into the recovering human’s room. Despite her resolve, Applejack almost turned back. The air seemed to grow thicker as she approached the reed partition that partially covered the entrance. Images of Ray’s legs, the scars criss-crossing his body, and the huge puddle of blood drying outside the Everfree forest filtered through her mental barriers. So much blood. The guilt-ridden mare fought the urge to cry openly, her heart quickening with every step. After one thousand years of torturous travel she reached the door and peeked inside.

Zecora stood over the pot of boiling yellow muck, seeming not to have moved since she first entered upon Ray’s awakening almost an hour ago. She was whispering something to Raymond, who was sitting up on the cot, Applebloom tucked into his right arm. The tired filly was sound asleep, just as Applejack had suspected, and so was Winona, whom lay peacefully under Ray’s cot. She briefly forgot her sorrows to revel in just how adorable the scene was… until Zecora lifted one of the human’s legs out of the boiling pot, shattering the moment.

“Oh Godesses… Ah did that.”

The stone was slowly receding from his shin, but still clung adamantly to the lower portion of his leg in small, ebbing clumps. Strips of cloth from his pants hung limply from the stone, having returned to their natural state while in the pot. When they’d stripped him earlier, they hadn’t even had to cut his pant leg off where it met granite. All of the running he’d done had ripped most of it off. Now what was left of his pants flapped against the small patches of rock that remained, laying bare the skin below his knee.

Ray’s pale skin looked like it had been sandpapered. Red, raw patches splotched his leg where the granite had been removed, and several blisters dotted his shin, most-likely a side effect of Zecora’s treatment. The zebra lowered his leg back into the pot of boiling goop, and Ray flinched, screwing his eyes up a little before letting loose a breathy sigh. He looked like he was in terrible pain…

Applejack steeled herself, trying desperately to believe Twilight’s claims. If he never wanted to see her again, that was all she deserved… but she couldn’t bear the thought of it.

“I just wanna see him smile one more time before he sends me away. Just once.”

“Hey Applejack!” an overenthusiastic voice sounded immediately to the orange mare’s left.

“Horseapples!” she grunted, both surprised and angry at being discovered so soon. She slowly turned to find Jer sitting in the strangest position: he was balanced on his forelegs, the appendages the humans and Spike called arms, and had crossed his back legs around them, Buffalo style. Jer’s eyes were the second things that caught her attention. Applejack told herself it was the flickering candlelight of Zecora’s dim home and not the glint of madness flashing across those grey pools. Ever since Ray had told her about Ray’s condition she’d been a little more cautious of the shorter human. She felt bad about it, after how nice he’d been to her, but, despite Ray’s assurance that he was harmless to ponies, memories of that colt in the market a few days ago kept cropping up.

She wanted to say the thief deserved what he got. She really, really wanted to, but… his face: the fear in his eyes still got to her. The crook genuinely thought he was going to die, and Applejack had thought much the same.

“But he didn’t die,” she told herself for the thousandth time. “Jer said he wouldn’t kill him an’ he didn’t. B-Because there were fillies around…”

“You here to get ‘Bloom?” the insane alien yoga enthusiast calmly inquired, simultaneously disentangling himself and flashing a disturbingly delighted grin. Applejack noticed Zecora nod in approval from her spot at ray’s bedside.

“’Bloom?” A pet name? “No. A nickname.” Applejack mentally sighed. No matter how nerve wracking it is to be around him, Applebloom was undoubtedly close to the human, and Applejack would have to deal with it. He was unstable, sure, but true to his friend and her sister. He practically saved Ray’s life, keeping everypony from freaking out and becoming useless. Applejack was nervous about it, but she trusted him. “Yeah, Ah’m here ta take her home, but... can Ah ask ya a favor?”

“Shoot.” Applejack winced at his choice of vocabulary.

“Ah was wonderin’ if Ah could talk tah Ray alone fer awhile.” The farm mare glanced at the other human, who gave her a confused look, Applebloom still snoozing in his arms. Applejack smiled weakly, and turned back to Jer.

“Uh oh…” Applejack began sweating. Now standing at his full height, Gerald looked down at her suspiciously, his arms crossed over the breast of his grey jumpsuit. He wasn’t as tall as Ray, but the height was still intimidating. She was just about to make a hasty defense, trying to reason with the clearly unhappy intergalactic exterminator, when he snorted and slapped her good-naturedly on the withers, suspicion replaced with raspy giggling.

“Sure thing Ms. Apple,” he winked, “I’ll just mosey on outta here.” With that, the lanky human tapped Zecora gently on the back of the neck and they both began their exit. Applejack tried to ignore Zecora’s probing eyes as she and Jer left the room, pulling the woven barricade closed behind them, no doubt to listen in on the conversation from the other side.

“Is everything a joke ta him?!” Applejack reeled slightly at his abrupt swing in demeanor. As if reading her thoughts, a cough sounded behind her, and Ray spoke up in a voice choked with drought:

“Sorry about that. He means well.” He was smiling. Applejack’s heart soared for a moment, only to come crashing back down when she noticed how strained and awkward it was. She tried to tell herself that was the way his smiles always were, but couldn’t. There was no point in her even trying to apologize, but, finding strength from looking at her slumbering sister, she tried anyway.

“No. Ah should be the one apologizin’.” Ray raised an eyebrow, exposing the milky white film over his eye further. He placed Applebloom gently in his lap and stared, eyebrow still raised quizzically, and motioned for her to continue. “Ah shouldn’ta made ya feel like ya needed ta help me, but Ah did, and now yer all battered up and… Ah just…” Eyes squeezed shut, hot tears started running down the orange equine’s cheeks, forming thin trails and spidery veins across her soft fur.

Suddenly, spots of cold, placid pressure traced down the side of her neck, gripping her behind the head and pulling her into a firm, but gentle embrace. She felt something stirring beneath her, and found Applebloom stirring restlessly below, still asleep. Ray was hugging her?

Applejack looked up, finding herself in rather close proximity to the human, who was giving her a stern glare. He wiped a fresh tear from her cheek, causing Applejack to tremble slightly, he looked at the tear as it rolled down his ‘finger’.

“Unnacceptable.”

Applejack stared at the human, disbelief quickly overpowering sorrow. Still crying, she gave the most intelligent reply she could think of:

“Wut?”

Ray stopped glaring critically at the tear long enough to give her an awkward smile, but said nothing. He winked his good eye, still smiling awkwardly, and pushed her gently away. Applejack couldn’t believe it. Was he really not angry? Looking at his nervous, but very sincere grin, she knew he wasn’t.

“Ah guess Ah owe Twilight an apology,” she mused, recovering quickly. “Though, Ah may wanna give her a few days. Ah wonder how Mac’s doin?”

“Miss Twilight? Are ya home?”

*creak*

“Erm, h-hello Big Mac. W-What can I do for you at this early hour?”

“Ya got a second?”

“Exactly one.”

“Uhh… what?”

“Goodnight Mac!”

*slam*

“Buck!”

Raymond nodded once, face having reverted back to the blank slate Applejack had become accustomed to over the last few days, actually, over her whole life when she thought about it. Ray’s face was unnervingly similar to Mac’s. Applejack nodded back, smiling warmly through the last of her tears. They understood each other perfectly, and sat in companionable silence for a time.

The silence was soon shattered, however, when the loud crack of splintering wood sounded from Zecora’s main living quarters, next door, followed by a tinkling shower of broken glass.

“WHERE IS HE?!? I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!”

The conversation in the next room was absolutely the most heartwarming thing Gerald had ever heard involving his former sergeant. He was going to give him sooooo much shit for it later.

Jer and Zecora sat right behind the woven partition, ears pressed to the bamboo and reed blockage as they listened to the teary-eyed apology being made in the next room. The zebra shaman was leaking her own silent tears as the rather one-sided conversation came to a close, smiling sadly at the stereotypical happy ending. The grey-eyed human didn’t understand what was so moving about the whole thing.

Applejack was a nice pony, but she was way too emotional. Seriously, why would she think Ray blamed her at all? Even Jer acknowledged that it was his sergeant’s own fault for deciding to go on that ill-fated search expedition in the first place, and he usually was the one to jump at the first chance of blaming something or someone else for his troubles and the troubles of his friends. Jer was a man who acknowledged his faults.

“Rape the zebra.”

“Ignoring.”

Silence in the next room. Aside from the occasional sniffle, not much was happening, and Jer was getting bored. He was in the forest, so he couldn’t pick up a radio signal either. Oh Joy.

“Don’t you want a taste? It’s exotic.” Jer slapped himself, hoping to distract his thoughts with a little pain. He noticed Zecora looking at him strangely, so he gave her his best “don’t question it” smile and slapped himself again, harder this time. A little pain wasn’t working well enough, but Jer wasn’t about to repeat the “burning fiasco” again. Sure, the intense pain had kept him fairly distracted, but he couldn’t work for several weeks and nearly succumbed to cabin fever after that particular incident. The voices returned all too soon afterward, anyway.

“Go for the eyes first, and you’ll cut straight into her soul.”

“Now that’s just cliché.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, fuck…”

“Oooh! New curse! Variety!” The conversation in the next room had officially lost Jer’s attention, and he began to scan his surroundings for something to occupy his time. Zecora seemed to be preparing to re-enter Ray’s chamber, presumably to check on his legs. Gerald shuddered inwardly. The treatment looked painful as all hell, but was necessary. The zebra knew what she was doing, and after the work she’d done on his back, Jer trusted her to bring his friend back to health. He’d already thanked her profusely, but needed to find some way of repaying her in kind. Jer continued to look around, noting various inconsistencies in the structure of the home, along with some spooky tribal art.

Ray could paint her something. She’d like that. But what could Jer do? His eyes passed over several pony-like masks and settled on the front door.

“I could… fix something? Mayb—”

*CRASH*

“WHERE IS HE!?! I’M GONNA KILL HIM!”

“Fix something it is!” Jer finally decided as splinters of Zecora’s former front entrance rained down upon him. A sky-blue pegasus had just careened through the closed door yelling like an inflamed Viking, sailed over a gigantic bubbling cauldron in the center of the room, and crashed into a large shelf on the opposite wall. Glass shattered and tinkled against the floor, the contents of several sturdy looking jars spilling all over the shelves and splattering the mare who broke the vessels in the first place. Despite being upgraded several colors, Jer immediately recognized her prismatic mane and tail.

“Hey Dash!” he called, giving her a small wave.

“You!”

“Me?”

“Yes, you!”

“My… my home… W-Why w-would?” Jer looked to the zebra sitting awestruck next to him.

“So you CAN talk without rhyming!” The excited human was about to congratulate Zecora on overcoming his speech impediment, but was interrupted by a sudden blunt trauma to his chest, propelling him straight through the bamboo partition and into the next room.

The makeshift doorway was immediately knocked over with a splintering crash, and Jer felt pain explode across his already injured back as he slid into something else. A loud yelp sounded somewhere to his left, along with a pained wheeze and loud thumping noise. Jer just had enough time to see a little yellow filly sailing through the air before his spine impacted the far wall, soon after followed by his head. Pain momentarily blinded the completely bewildered human and he squeezed his eyes shut. Loud barking filtered in through the ringing in his ears.

“What the FUCK?!”

“When you open your eyes, you had better kill something.”

Jer opened his eyes, and what he saw made his blood boil.

The room lay in shambles. Ray’s bunk had been overturned, dumping Jer’s friend upon the floor. The cauldron his legs had been soaking in was knocked over, the boiling yellow sludge inside slowly spreading across the wooden floor. Ray hissed and wrenched an arm backwards as the mixture reached it, barely avoiding a serious burn from the looks of it. Applejack rushed over to the other human, wincing as she crossed the growing pool of burning substance. Sporting a rather large bruise, she crossed the room quickly and began helping Ray lug himself away from the burning substance, his legs dragging uselessly behind him, coated in yellow slime, crumbling stone, and red burns.

Jer gritted his teeth in anger.

“Hahahahahahaha!” the deep voice in his head screamed righteous laughter, only serving to piss him off even more. It took everything he had to not to completely lose it then and there.

The barking noise that could only be that cute little dog Ray risked his hide for receded slightly, and Jer looked around, trying to find the source. His eyes lit upon the brown-and-white canine, who was busy pulling on a red tail protruding out from under a heavy wooden mask that had fallen from its lofty perch upon Zecora’s wall. The mask settled with a quick *thunk* as Applebloom Apple was pulled out from underneath. The filly looked barely conscious, reeling on her hooves as she tried to sit up on her haunches while Winona looked on, expressing more concern than thought possible for a mere canine.

Seeing the youngest Apple mare in such a state, Jer finally snapped.

“Who the fuck hit me!?!” A multihued blur invaded his vision. Jer refocused his eyes, tunnel vision locking onto Rainbow Dash, who was hovering above him, leering down and yelling something unintelligible. Bits began to leak through his ringing ears.

“—t did yo—o her?!? What did you tell her?!? Tell me or I’ll hit you again!”

“Bingo.”

Jer’s hand shot out, firmly latching around the flying pony’s throat. Dash tried to gasp, but couldn’t get any air. Grimly satisfied by her choking and the frantic hooves that beat at his upper arm, the enraged human slowly stood up and held the suffocating mare at arm’s length. If he could have looked into his own eyes, he would have seen the murder shining deep within. Jer glared at Rainbow Dash, and she stopped struggling in order to glare right back… once he’d loosened his grip, of course.

She was a brave pony, but that didn’t change the fact that she was going to have the shit beaten out of her.

“What the fuck was that for?!” Jer yelled, putting as much venom as possible behind his words. Rainbow gagged on her response, so he loosened his fingers just enough for her to say her piece.

“You did something to her! *cough*” The blue pegasus hacked a string of saliva onto his wrist. “Alien mind tricks or something!”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Jer responded, tightening his grip around her throat once more. “You’re lucky I have a good memory, or I would just choke you out right here, but I remember the good you’ve done for me and Ray, even if you may have reversed some of it.” He glanced behind him, catching Ray giving him a stern look. “Considering that, I’ll give you a chance to apologize to everyone in this room before I do some very ugly things.”

“Me? Apologize to you?” the rainbow mare stared at him, honestly incredulous and still fuming with hatred. “Ever since you showed up you’ve done nothing but beat ponies senseless, TRY to ruin my reputation, and put Scootaloo in danger! Apologize?! I’m going to beat you to a pul—agck!”

Jer had heard enough. He smiled thinly at the struggling pegasus.

“Fine. More fun for me.”

“Wh—ack! What are ya gonna do? Kill me?” Dash growled, voicing action that the demons in Jer’s head had begged for her many a time, and were lustily crying for at that very moment. Ironic? Maybe. An intelligent course of action? Hell no. Tempted to do it anyway? Definitely. With a soft grunt, the former corporal slammed Dash into the wall behind him, knocking her head against the oddly grained inner cortex of the giant tree. Her wings splayed out awkwardly, flapping and blustering the air around her in an attempt to garner movement.

“I want you to take a good look at what you’ve done, and apologize,” Jer calmly dictated, moving sideways so she could see the whole room while still keeping a firm grip on the pegasus, “so you’ll remember it when your eyes are swollen shut.”

Her eyes remained locked with his.

“Defiant? I like that in a woman. It makes the screams all the more rewarding,” Jer mused.

“Of pleasure? Or pain?” a dark voice responded, forcing Jer to do a double take on his previous thoughts.

“You’re disgusting…”

“I’m you, Fuckface. You just don’t want to accept it.”

Jer lifted his right leg and slid his fingers into the gap between his combat boot and his right ankle until he felt cold, smooth steel. He allowed himself a cruel smile.

Playtime.

At that point in time, approximately 3:39 a.m. Canterlot time on the 31st of Mayne, one month after the second Summer Sun Celebration held in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash was scared shitless.

She hid it rather well, though.

“Nice toy. You must spread butter like a bucking champion.”

“Oh Goddesses, I’m going to die!” Rainbow’s façade never faltered as she stared down the alien pressing her against the wall. The tip of his wicked looking weapon nicked at her throat, and the pegasus felt a sharp stinging pain and the slow trickle of blood across her blue fur. She’d seen him use that knife to butcher a fully-grown manticore, and now it was pressed against her.

“Now hold up a minute here,” the loud twanging of a familiar voice interrupted Rainbow’s fixation on the psycho alien’s knife. “Let’s work this out all civil like.”

“I can handle this nut job myself, AJ,” Rainbow interjected, her mouth no longer taking orders from her brain.

“Don’t you dare let me handle this nut job myself, AJ!”

“You most certainly can NOT handle the situation yerself, Sugarcube,” Applejack retorted, voice faltering slightly.

“Thank Celestia…”

“Jer,” the farm mare entreated, “whatever’s goin’ on can be fixed without yer knife.” The sharp implement pressed deeper into Dash’s throat and she was forced to hold her breathe.

“So this is how I die? Bucking lame…” Applejack’s voice took on a more frantic tone.

“Hun, please. Ah know she knocked everyone up pretty badly when she pushed you through the room, but Ray’s fine. Ah’m fine. Applebloom’s fine. Nopony is seriously hurt,” her eyes darted upward for a second, “‘cept you, Hun.” She turned, looking back toward the battered entrance. “Zecora, could ya go get more bandages? Jer’s back’s opened up again.” It was then that Rainbow saw the huge bruise forming on the side of her orange friend.

“When did…” She glanced left and noticed the other human, the somewhat cool guy with the granite hooves, propped up against the wall while clutching his left forearm. An overturned cot lay sprawled next to him and yellow ooze was slowly drying on the ground from an overturned cauldron. Applebloom entered from the right, stumbling a bit on her hooves and nursing a rather large bump on her noggin. She hopped into Ray’s lap, wincing at the change in pressure in her tiny head. “Was that me?”

An accusing glare and the pressure of Jer’s Tartarus-worthy butter knife were all the answers she needed. Guilt crept in on her, but she pushed it away. It wasn’t her fault; it was his! If Jer hadn’t landed in their country, none of this would have happened! She would be asleep right now, and her number one fan would be turning out to watch her practice later in the afternoon. No bogus nutcases around to ruin her reputation and warp her life out of whack.

“Just put the knife down, Sugarcube. Nice an’ easy now. There are fillies present, remember?” Rainbow watched as some of the murderous light in Jer’s eyes died out. Anger still shone brightly behind his grey irises, however, and the knife remained against her throat.

“Bring it, Monkey Boy. I’d like to see you tr—”

*CRACK*

The hilt of Jer’s knife made Rainbow’s head ring, and her vision blurred momentarily. She was dimly aware of the sharp edge of a blade pressing back into her throat. An orange blur was leaning up against the much-loathed biped before her. Dash assumed that it was Applejack, trying to get him to let her go. The sting of cold steel and another trickle of blood told her exactly how that was turning out.

“Buckin’ hit me… I can’t… Ahowhowhowooooch!” Dash caught the sound of her nemesis’s voice through the ringing pain in her head, but just barely.

“Why the hell did you do that, huh? Violence only leads to more violence, and you just tried to punt a me, a man raised on bloodshed, across the room? Are you a feeb?” The alien’s voice bordered between incredulity and seething rage.

“What did you tell Scootaloo?” Rainbow coughed, giving her best defiant glare to try and counteract the oversized monkey’s idiotic monologue. “You think you’re hot horseapples? I’ll show you.”

“What do you mean? I’ve been talking to Scoots for the past four days!”

“You turned her against me! Against her own family! I show up at your camp to take her home and find her cooking meat! Do you realize how disturbing that is? Ponies don’t do that! Even Griffins are cool enough not to go preparing small animals to be munched on around us!” Rainbow yelled as loud as she could, wincing at the pounding in her head. “I try to take her home to Cloudsdale, but she refuses and punches me in the wings, then yells at ME for not paying enough attention to her! She never used to be this way! WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Rainbow panted out her final yell, waiting for Jer to respond. The human glared coldly at her, but Rainbow Dash didn’t care anymore. She’d said her piece. Now Jer would pay for his crimes.

“I told her she didn’t have to be alone.”

“What?!?” The blue pegasus’s glare deepened, but Jer continued nonetheless.

“She had no family to speak of, let alone betray for me. Even I could see that, and I don’t pay attention to much besides my small, broken family. Are you creatures really that naïve? That you didn’t notice when one of your own was suffering? Or are you particular ponies just stupider than the rest?”

“You lie!” Rainbow cried, struggling feebly due to lack of oxygen to kick the human in his exposed stomach. Seeing that her meager attempts at violence weren’t even hitting their mark, Dash instead turned to the walking lie detector in the room. “He’s lying, right?”

Her orange cowpony friend, having backed away from Jer while Dash was shouting, simply sat, staring at the human, jaw agape.

“Ah… Ah can’t believe… Ah had no idea…” Applejack couldn’t seem to finish whatever she planned to say, but it mattered little. Rainbow got the gist of it.

“No… no no no no no! That can not be true!” Rainbow cried out in her head, only to be interrupted by the confused voice of the youngest pony in the room.

“S-Sis? Scootaloo’s an… an orphan? Like us?”

“Oh dear Celestia…”

“We ain’t orphans, Sugarcube. Ma an’ Pa are just… out…”

“B-But—”

“No ‘buts!’” Applejack practically shrieked, causing half the room to jump and Applebloom to burst into tears, scrunching closer to the only being who had yet to say anything. Ray was looking at each and every pony in the room curiously, finally settling on Applejack, who was busy wringing her battered Stetson in her hooves and trying to compose herself.

“Gerald?” he finally spoke, addressing the human who still stared at Dash with the same cold expression.

“Morphine when we get back. Gotcha. From what I hear, Scoots has breakfast ready.”

“You didn’t…” Ray sternly admonished. Jer let out a soft sigh, his cold expression faltering.

“Yes I did. She’ll be staying with us for awhile.”

“Jer, we are LEAVING,” Raymond voiced his displeasure through clenched teeth. “We are not taking a child with us. We don’t even know if we have enough fuel to make it to the frontier! And if the Company gets a hold of her—”

“I know! Company pricks…” Jer hissed, cutting Ray off mid-sentence. “I’m working on it. She’ll have a home here before we get off this rock.”

“Why?” All eyes turned back to Rainbow, who had been watching the conversation unfold before her from her position at the end of Jer’s grip, struggling to hold back tears. “Why do you care? I’ve known her ever since she came to Ponyville… why did you notice and not one of us?” It was a silly question. She knew what he was going to say: they were stupid and naïve… caught up in the throws of life in paradise. Celestia knows he would be right. The answer she got, however, was far different from her expectation of the explosive ingrate of a man.

“She reminded me of someone. Someone I knew a long time ago.” All of the wrath left his eyes, and Rainbow watched as his slate irises glazed over and the fingers wrapped around her throat loosened. The knife left her throat, leaving behind a small cut that still oozed blood as she slid down the wall and to the floor. “I’m… I’m done…”

Jer walked unsteadily to Ray and slumped against the wall next to him, sheathing his knife in his right boot as he did so and leaving a slick smear of blood on the wall at his back. Applebloom crossed the distance between the two humans with a quick hop and nuzzled his chest. Jer absent-mindedly patted her on the head, eyes still staring into the distance, and crumpled her ever-present bow. The filly didn’t seem to mind, however, and just kept trying to make him feel better.

Dash imagined the Applebloom being replaced with a small orange pegasus and her heart broke further. It wasn’t Jer’s fault. It never was. It had always been her.

“Wow, Rainbow Dash! Can you show me how to do that?”

“Sorry, Squirt. Next time. I gotta make feather for Twilight’s place.”

“Oh… Okay! Next time then, right?”

“Sure, Squirt. Next time I’ll take ya for a wild ride!”

There was never a ‘next time.’ She’d always found some excuse not to teach her, and Rainbow didn’t even know why she did it.

No… that was a lie. She knew why she did it.

Her time was more important. It had always been more important.

“I watched y-you practice e-every day!”

She was too cool to give flying lessons…

“W-Well fine! You can teach me to fly at my funeral, because I never wanna see you again as long as I live!”

Rainbow looked around the room, taking note of all the damage she caused: the smashed furniture, injured beings, and irate zebra. It was all her. She was to blame.

“I’m a horrible pony…”

Lifting herself off of her flank, Dash slowly made her way toward the two sitting humans. Applejack moved to intercept, but stopped halfway to her and simply began observing her progress across the room. The quiet human, Ray, watched her approach guardedly, but relaxed when he saw her wet, pleading look. A soft grunt escaped his lips and he turned his attention elsewhere. Applebloom watched her come forward with trepidation, and Jer didn’t notice her until she was right on top of him. The disdainful tone in his voice returned immediately along with his consciousness as he left whatever faraway land his attentions had drawn him into.

“I’m done with you, Pride Parade,” he grunted quietly. “Fuck off.”

“I… I’m sorry…” Rainbow murmured, guilt and grief outweighing her desire to flee. The human’s glare intensified.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

Rainbow winced. An image of orange and violet flashed through her mind.

“I know, but you deserve one too… and everypony here, t-too,” Dash stuttered, on the verge of a very un-awesome emotional breakdown. “Zecora, I’m sorry I broke your house. Applejack, Applebloom, and Ray? I’m sorry I knocked into you guys. Jer… I’m sorry I blamed you for everything… and punched you… and was mean to you this whole time… can you forgive me?”

The room was deadly quiet. The only sound was Rainbow’s ragged breathing and the calls of wild creatures on the early morning wind. Jer just continued to hurl daggers at her with his eyes.

“You think saying ‘sorry’ to me is going to make everything all right? That I’m going to just forget all of this and start over?” the glaring human inquired, voice icy with malice.

“No…” Rainbow slumped down onto her barrel and covered her head with her wings, defeated. She finally let the tears run freely down her cheeks. Of course he would never forgive her! What was she thinking? Stupid, stupid, stu—

“Okay,” a cheery voice suddenly giggled from Gerald’s general area. Dash looked up to find a totally changed biped, sitting up straight with a huge, dopey grin on his face. His slate eyes had lost all their malice and now somehow conveyed a calming jocularity. The crying pegasus had no idea what was happening anymore.

“Wh-Wha-a?” she sniffed.

“You’re forgiven,” the grinning human quipped merrily, earning an eye roll from his counterpart and several incredulous looks from the room’s other occupants, especially Dash. The seemingly bipolar alien got up, passing Applebloom back off to Ray, and began straightening up the room; starting with Ray’s overturned cot.

“You f-forgive me? Just like that?!” Dash squeaked, unable to comprehend Jer’s dramatic reversal in mood and behavior. He was acting like he did three days ago, when she’d first met him in the clearing (except he wasn’t trying to frighten her with the corpse of some huge animal).

“Hmm?” Jer looked up from mopping at the yellow ooze on the ground with a white rag that had been lying nearby. “Oh! Yeah.”

“No… no punishment?”

Jer looked up again, a lopsided grin on his face.

“Not from me. I think you’ve been punished enough.” He glanced at Zecora, who was sitting across the room, eyeing the exchange warily. His grin morphed into a knowing smirk. “But that’s just my opinion. Zecora, here, will decide what to do with you.”

Applejack visibly paled in the corner of Dash’s eye, and when the pegasus turned to her, the farm mare gave Rainbow a sympathetic look. The blue pegasus suddenly felt much more nervous. It couldn’t be that bad, right? I mean this was Zecora they were talking about! Whatever the zebra dished out was probably going to be less punishment than she deserved. She looked at Zecora, who now, too, was smirking playfully.

“I have something in mind for this fine, athletic mare,” she slowly announced in that strange dialect of hers, addressing Gerald but staring straight at Dash (but not in the face, mind you). “Give me but a few days, and her punishment I’ll prepare.”

“…”

*Gulp*

“There is no rock,

There is no God like our God.

No other name

Worthy of all our praaaise…”

The sun shone down through the trees in the human’s clearing, and Jer jilted and swung around the fire ring, hefting a toolbox the size of Scootaloo over to the twin thrusters at the back of the Ugly Duckling. The fuel couplings that fed the two massive rockets were on the fritz, and Ray had been pushing him to take care of it for the last hour or so. Jer couldn’t help it that Scoots wanted an escort into town, and the jeep needed an oil change, and he fucking hated engine repair… but whatever. Ray missed Earth, and couplings needed couple-ing and so on to get there.

“Rock of salvation

That cannot be moved!

Experience shown to be faithful and tru-ue…”

Jer had been picking up a gospel station since eleven in the morning, right after he’d discovered the receiver on the jeep’s AM-band radio still worked, and that the antennae could obtain a signal through the forest canopy. All he had to do was flip a small switch on the back of the jeep’s CB transmitter, and his temporal lobes were doused in auditory distraction. Why he no longer picked up the pirate radio from the notorious Mike and Robby in Chicago, Illinois, Jer didn’t know. All he knew was that he’d been listening to God Rock for four straight hours, and damn was it catchy. It sure as hell beat listening to the voices curse and spit in his head. That was, at least, certain.

As he reached the back of the Duckling, Jer’s muffled singing devolved into a thin, reedy whistling, matching the tune playing in his head rather well. The troop bay door stood open, and Jer could just see Ray’s lower half sticking out of the console on the upper deck, past a small flight of stairs and nestled deep within the ship’s cockpit. White bandages swathed his lower legs, mostly to keep the burns he’d received from the zebra’s treatment clean and covered. Jer had caught him trying to run that morning and had forced him to slow down and keep his leg movement at the bare minimum. The danm thing had been snapped clean off only yesterday, after all.

Fucking magic. Jer didn’t trust the hocus pocus, but it sure was helpful. Ray could still walk because of it, and had gotten his arm fixed… again! Even so, not straining his legs and arm just yet was probably the way to go. He’d have to watch Ray like a hawk for the next week or so to make sure he didn’t do anything strenuous… or until they were already on their way home: whichever came first.

To either side of the open hatchway, two rather large, gunmetal grey thrusters jutted from the Duckling’s titanium hide, surrounded by several smaller thrusters of the same general design. Nestled so close to the entrance of the ship, the main aft rockets weren’t activated often: usually only running when entering or leaving a planet’s atmosphere. Any other movements, precise or otherwise, were conducted with smaller versions of the two back thrusters.

When in use, the flames exuded by the aft rockets burned in excess of 6000 degrees Fahrenheit, cooled radiatively throughout the combustion chamber so the casing itself didn’t melt. The mouth of each thruster was just big enough for a man to fit inside on his belly, allowing for the emission of a long, thin stream of blue-white flame. Jer could roast a weenie on those jets from across the clearing, and in order to get at the coupling, he had to crawl inside each one up to his knees.

He was beginning to understand why Ray gave him this job in the first place.

Meh. At least if the engines inexplicably activated (which was more than likely, Ray fiddling with the wiring in the central console like he was), Jer would be vaporized almost instantly. That was comforting. With a quick roll of his shoulders, Corporal Hanes plunged into the port thruster, soft whistling echoing down the blackened tube into the combustion chamber, reverberating tinnily to anyone who may have been listening outside.

As he worked on restoring the thrusters to their former glory, Jer’s mind wandered back to yesterday’s rather painful fiasco. He grimaced as he stretched the skin on his back while trying to reach for another tool from the box resting between his knees. He was still tender back there, and probably wouldn’t be able to wear clothing without bandages underneath for another week.

The real tragedy was the damage done to his Grayle suit. The hole torn in the backside left a huge blind spot for projection on the front of the suit. Now, not only could the bloody patch of skin on his back be seen, but a grey patch of cloth in the exact same shape appeared on the front whenever the suit was activated. Without the microscopic cameras woven into the fabric in the back, the projectors on his front half didn’t know what to show. His illusion of transparency was shattered, and there would be no fixing it until they made it back to Company territory (IF they made it back). Hunting would be slightly more difficult now; giving Scootaloo a little scare when she got back from town, even harder.

Scootaloo. Jer needed to find her somewhere more permanent to stay. After they’d cleaned up as much as they could at Zecora’s that morning and the placated zebra had given Jer detailed instructions on taking care of Ray’s legs (in verse, of course), the two humans had limped their way back to their clearing for the night with the help of a rather enthused Applejack. When they’d finally made it back they’d found the little orange filly fast asleep next to the campfire, a burnt leg of manticore meat and some granola bars lying next to her. The bars were most likely stolen out of Ray’s compartment. Jer didn’t remember ever showing her where that was, but he didn’t question it. The fact that she tried so hard to make them something to eat for when they returned was too heartwarming for him to think of trivial things like that.

After snacking on the little meal, Jer had wrapped the filly up in an emergency blanket and slept out under the stars with her, letting Ray use the bed inside the Duckling. Jer slept well. He could recall no dreams.

Unfortunately, sleep didn’t last nearly as long as Jer would have liked… and that morning had been loud. Who knew such a small kid could yell like that. Gerald had almost knifed her he was so surprised when she tackled him in his sleep and yelled something about “Goddesses” and Rainbow Dash. There was a preponderance of the word “dead” in her happy little yelling fit, and Jer learned that Rainbow may have alluded to their early demise the night before.

Silly. He wasn’t going to kick the bucket that easily. There were still bugs to eradicate, and they had Gerald’s name carved into their slimy, black hides.

After Scootaloo had been thoroughly assuaged of all concern, and she’d taken the time to chide the two humans about being more careful (the cutest thing Jer had seen in ages), they’d had a modest breakfast of more granola bars and some berries Scootaloo helped gather. After that she’d asked to go into town to play with her little friends, and, having successfully escorted her there while avoiding the townsfolk, he was able to return to the clearing: unmolested and free of irritating, clingy civvies. Now there Jer was, knee deep in a rocket engine. A rather pleasant morning if he said so himself.

Still… Scoots needed somewhere else to call home before they left, which, at this rate, would be pretty soon. Ray, bless his soul, didn’t nag him about it, but the looks he had gotten were enough to remind him of his earlier promise.

Most of the ship’s computer systems were back online, and, once Jer fixed the fuel couplings, rerouted all the coolant into two of the four cryogenic tubes, and fixed the lower rockets to get them off the ground, they would, theoretically, be able to make orbit. The two humans had even figured out a solution to the broken stern viewport issue.

Every Company ship was required to have at least two pairs of vacuum suits when traveling through space, charted or otherwise. The Duckling was no exception. Ray and Jer were going to wear the suits into orbit, having mended the viewport with a thin layer of glass shielding (soon to be purchased in town by Applejack) that would do very little to keep the vacuum of deep space at bay. Once outside the atmosphere, having plotted a course for the frontier and activated their distress beacon, they planned on freezing themselves in their cryo tubes, relying on the tube’s air filters to keep them alive while in stasis. If they were lucky, a freighter might pick up their beacon well into the frontier territories. If not… well... they’d thaw out in about eighty standard years.

But the fun didn’t end there, boys and girls! Then they’d suffocate.

It was a viable plan, albeit relying too heavily on chance. Space was big, but Ray thought they would make it, and that was good enough for Jer.

“Just one more *grunt* radiation shield…” Jer stretched back down to the toolbox for a can of sealant to spray behind the lead shielding. Hopefully the heat of the engines would help cure the mixture and fix the plate back in place. Jer’s whistling ground to a halt as he worked, the song having ended rather abruptly, the aged voice of one Reverend Gaffigan replacing the music.

“You’ve been listening to De-entro Christian Radio: where the flock comes to… rock…” The good reverend clearly wasn’t comfortable with using such terminology. Jer giggled to himself as he began fixing the new RAD-plating into place. “Coming up next: Father Cronin’s reading of today’s Gospel and a sermon on the immoralities of self gratification. Go with God, and may the light of his love shine upon you all. Go in peace.”

“Love you, too, Gaffers,” Jer mumbled, not really listening anymore. That damn plate wasn’t fitting in quite right…

“Why thank you, Mr. Hanes, but I am afraid I can’t return your sentiments,” a soft, soothing voice sounded nearby, tone like that of a mother speaking to her young child. Jer yelped and tried to sit up, slamming his forehead into the radiation shielding directly above.

*BANG*

“Fuuuuu-uu-u-u-u-uuuuck…” the working human moaned, slowly squirming his way back outside. The plate he had been trying to fit in place came loose and caught him once again, right between the eyes. Jer didn’t even bother to curse that time, opting to just groan and slide out of the thruster using the power of gravity alone.

He slumped to the ground, blinking rapidly to clear his blurred vision. A tall, regal native stood before him, smirking from behind an ethereal mane that billowed on a nonexistent wind. The pony had both wings and a horn, overkill if Jer had ever seen it, and looked teasingly familiar. He’d seen this pony before. The pictogram of a burning sun adorned the recognizable mare’s flank, tempting a recent memory up from the depths of Jer’s head. There was no doubt in the dazed human’s mind that it was so. The large mare had an unforgettable air about her.

“How the hell did she get in? Did I forget to turn on the barrier?” Jer questioned himself, more confused than angry at all the trespassing at that point. He glanced again at the extra-long, spiral horn that adorned the top of the pony’s head. “Damned magic…”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Hanes. I trust you slept well after last night’s incident?” There was that calm, motherly voice again. She sounded like Sister Mara, a matron, long dead now, that had once cared for children of Gerald’s age group at the orphanage on Jiboomi. Was that why she was memorable? No. It hadn’t been the voice. She looked familiar. “I never got a chance to ask how you enjoyed your party. Pinkamena always puts together the most interesting celebrations.”

It finally clicked: this was that “royal” pony Twilight had been so eager to introduce. Princess Celeste or something like that. Jer frowned to himself as he watched the stately mare carefully. Why hadn’t he immediately figured that out? What was different? Once again, it clicked: she had been wearing a crown-type thing then. Now she was devoid of all signs of rank. Should he bow? Gerald immediately dismissed that idea. She had no authority over him. Handshake then? Meh.

Jer finally settled with a neutral greeting, mentally preparing himself to be cheated, robbed, and lied to. All politicians were the same to Jer. Whether trained in government or business, those with power couldn’t be trusted. He would have to be on his guard.

“Greetings Ma’am,” Jer smiled quickly, “how can I help you?” The tall, white pony tilted her head left and smiled warmly, eyes twinkling in the summer sunlight that stretched and squirmed through the treetops above for the privilege to shine upon her. Jer felt a faint tingling: an icy tendril of intent slithered within him. THAT was new.

“I merely wanted to thank you for your intervention, yesterday,” she tinkled. “With the Apple family.” Jer felt the icy probing once more, this time flowing up his neck, tapping at the base of his skull. Was this her working around inside him? Or was he just hallucinating again?

“Don’t thank me,” the suddenly defensive human stated plainly. “Ray found the dog. He was also the one who found the Apple filly. I would let you talk to him, but he’s sleeping right now, and I’d prefer that he got his rest.” Jer turned and gestured toward the open hatch, stealing a quick glance inside. He had put all his trust in Raymond at that point, hoping he had heard the conversation and was already halfway back from the Duckling’s small motor pool (which doubled as an armory on high-risk jobs) with a pair of pulse rifles. His legs were no longer visible from under the main console, and Jer relaxed visibly. He turned back to Celeste, gathering from her unchanged expression that she hadn’t noticed his relief.

The cold squirming in his skull dulled slightly, disappearing almost entirely after a few seconds. There was still something there, but it seemed more subdued. Jer ignored the feeling, choosing instead to focus on the suspicious mare before him. He wouldn’t be surprised if the feeling was just his body fucking with him. Stranger things had happened: far stranger things. Back to his uninvited guest.

“I understand his need for rest. Much was accomplished yesterd—”

“Enough bullshit,” Jer cut straight to the chase, growing impatient with the princess standing before him, but not letting his frustrations show. He wanted her royal ass gone before she enchanted him with her warm, caring voice. Damned old women and their damn charms always got to him eventually. He was again briefly reminded of Sister Mara, and gagged a bit at the memory of all the chores she’d somehow talked him into doing. The way she said things made it seem like Gerald had a choice in what he did with his time, but he almost always chose to do the chores she suggested. Old people were crafty, and this mare practically oozed aged wisdom. “What do you really want?”

“Straight to the point?” the white mare asked, matronly tone abandoned as her mood became more businesslike. “Good.” She looked around camp critically, eyeing the tools and other items strewn about the clearing. Finally, she settled on the open hatch behind Gerald.

“Shit…”

“You will be leaving Equestria soon, I take it?”

“That’s the plan.” Cold stirred in the back of Jer’s mind.

“Unfortunately, your ‘plan’ will have to be delayed,” the royal pony decreed, voice never faltering as she took a step closer to the ship, and by subsequent position, Jer. She stared openly at the miniature pin-up painted ceremoniously above the hatchway: a smaller version of the busty, anthropomorphic duck above the ship’s wing.

“And why would that be?” Jer snarked, raising an eyebrow and dropping his neutral façade. This mare was beginning to set off several very pertinent red flags within Jer’s mind. Where the hell was Raymond?

“I recall Mr. Schaffer mentioning that your previous profession was that of a soldier: a keeper of the piece.”

“What of it?” Jer growled.

“The almighty God of Chaos and Entropy has escaped his prison, and the wedding of the Captain of the Solar Guard is in less than a week. I require several able-bodied ponies to secure the event and make sure everything runs smoothly.”

“We aren’t ‘ponies.’ You have no power over us. Deal with your own damned problems. We’re going home.” Jer made to turn around and walk calmly into the ship, hopefully to find Ray just around the edge of the bay doors with a weapon, when the “pegacorn-whatever-thing” began laughing. Jer bristled. The tinkling laughter wasn’t haughty or condescending: it was the kind of laugh someone used when they knew something someone else didn’t.

“Ray, where are you?!?”

“How are you planning on getting ‘home’ exactly?” the white mare asked, having finished chuckling at Jer’s expense. “You won’t survive three minutes outside of Terran skies.” Gerald grinned, failing to notice a cold tendril of invisible force leave his body. Maybe she didn’t know anything after all! He spun back toward the demanding noblepony, smiling hideously.

“What kind of people do you take us f—erk!” Jer choked on his planned comment and immediately began panicking. The sounds of the radio became distant in his ears as the voices in his head roared in utter disbelief. Somehow, he was able to retain a single coherent thought against the madness of what he was seeing and hearing.

“No! Not possible! That is not possible!”

Floating in a dull gold aura were three vacuum suits: the same two suits they had been relying on to get them into orbit, along with the emergency suit, which had been hidden in a special compartment of the Duckling’s titanium decking. The stark white material and dark, ultra-violet shielded helmets contrasted against the faint golden glow of unicorn magic exuding from the white pony before him.

“H-How the hell? Give those back!” Jer yelled, taking a shaky step forward, fists clenched and ready for a fight. He felt a hand grip his shoulder, pulling him back, and suddenly Ray was next to him. The scarred human limped a step ahead of Jer, leveling a pulse rifle at the thieving mare with the sun stamped on her rump.

“All right! Get her, Sarge! Wait… where’s my gun?!”

“Put those down!” Raymond barked, good eye burning with hatred Jer hadn’t seen since the re-conquest of Earth. The mare merely smirked, eyeing Ray’s gun critically. Growling ferally, Raymond took another step forward. “We are leaving this planet. Soon. Drop them, or we’ll test how well you fucking impossible horses do magic while full of holes.”

The standoff lasted another three seconds.

“I am NOT letting you stand in the way of my home,” Ray snarled “Sorry, Bitch.” A hail of gunfire rattled through camp, and sixteen explosive shells blazed through the air towards the royal pony. That smirk never faded, even as the golden shield forming around her body did, and sixteen scorched bullet casings fell to the ground. Every single round had been stopped, each exploding harmlessly a foot away from her body.

Seething, Ray pumped the tube under the rifle barrel, preparing to launch a small grenade at the leering noblemare. Jer pushed him to the left, throwing his aim off and sending the grenade across camp where it exploded harmlessly against the blue defensive wall.

“No! You’ll damage the suits!” Jer yelled, snatching the rifle from his former sergeant’s fingers. For once, the clinically insane exterminator was the one thinking more clearly.

“Are you ready to talk?” The Princess was still there, not having moved throughout the entire exchange. She had that motherly look on her face again, and Jer used every ounce of strength not to try and blow it off.

There was no shooting her… and grenades would damage their only chance of escape from that obscenely colorful planet. They couldn’t win. Jer glanced at Ray, who was giving the thieving horse a look that would’ve killed a Xeno Queen. He turned his milky, cataract eye toward Gerald, looking at him with his dim, barely visible pupil. Defeated, he gave Jer a grudging nod. Jer dropped the rifle to the ground with a soft clunk.

“All right… let’s talk business.”