"Dammit."

Huh. Now isn't that a word to start a story on? I apologize for not using a wider range of vocabulary, but... considering the fact that I am trying to get to the top of Lumiose Tower before this Rocket Executive can make his get-away, and he just blocked off the elevator, I think I'm allowed something more... colorful.

Hi, my name is Miles. I'm not giving you my last name, since I don't know who you are, and whether or not you want to harm me.

This is the story of how I ended up in a big mix-up that caused me to experience both the happy-go-lucky land of Equestria, and the desolate, gloomy land that is known as "The Wasteland". Both lands are technically the same area geographically, but in terms of time and dimension? They couldn't be more different.

Most of the legendaries still refuse to apologize for pulling me along and dropping me off at the corner of Heaven and Hell. Celebi and Arceus were nice about it, though, doing the apologies for their kin. Celestia's weirdo head scientist also continues to run experiments with me, as if there's anything left to analyze that hasn't already been covered.

Oh, and Pinkie Pie says hi to all those are reading this. That mare just likes to barge in when you least expect, then shove her pink head in your business. Oh well, I can't really complain. She reminds me a lot of... well, I'll get to that later.

If I hadn't already said some pretty weird shit concerning our world's shift to Equestria, then this next bit outta make you call 911 on me. Apparently, a weird time traveler pony bumped into me one day, obviously frazzled by this big interference with the cosmic order. He was a brown earth pony stallion, who went by the name of "The Doctor". He was a big help in my predicament, needless to say. He kept muttering something about how my "Adventures Through the Wormhole" not only caused a constant switching back and forth between a dangerous land and a relatively harmless one, but also landed me in a mirror dimension that exactly parallels the one I was supposed to be in.

Palkia and Dialga laughed in agreement, not letting me in on whatever the fuck they were talking about. And when Discord was let in on it, I decided I was just done with trying get an answer out of them. They just said something about how "it almost feels like Zeus's work". Well, whoever this "Zeus" jackass is, he owes me big-time for basically putting me in Wonderland.

But I'm done rambling about what's going to happen concerning the ponies and pokémon and political matters that Twilight Sparkle doesn't give a shit about. I should get back to what going on right now. Summary: I'd just won a Gym Battle against a new friend of mine, Clemont. But the Team Rocket Executive I had been chasing after for a while now has just cut the main power to Lumiose Tower, forcing it to go on Back-up power, and escaping right through the Gym while we were distracted. He took the elevator, as previously stated, and he blocked me off from using it.

So, yeah. I'm stuck with the stairs. Again. Why can't they ever let me take the elevator?

Clemont tried to keep up, but the poor guy is always carrying that heavy-ass backpack, so mobility is lessened in favor of his technology. He'll probably be upset when he finally reaches the top of the tower, only to realize he was too slow to save his own gym.

The stairs always give me a workout in the process anyway. I'm just going to need that expended energy for up ahead.

My thoughts were interrupted by a door at the top of the stairs, presumably heading outside. The bastard probably locked the door already, hoping he could slow me down. But something trivial like that wouldn't even last a precious second. Not when I have my partners, I thought to myself as I reached to my belt.

My Toxicroak, Havoc, used a mean Karate Chop on the door and sent it flying. With the obstruction out of the way before I could even reach it, I got to the roof in record time. Good thing too, since the Executive was calling for a helicopter. The Mud Shot that I had Havoc throw at him struck the phone with wicked precision, and knocked out it out of his hands. He had a look of surprise on his face for a moment, but it faded into an evil smile as he turned to face me.

I hated that look. "I'm afraid you're too late. The copter is already on it's way." I figured as much. "And you have exactly 2 minutes to try and stop me. Care to try?"

I didn't answer his question directly. I only directed Havoc to attack with Low Sweep. The Toxicroak surged forward on command, ready to strike down his target with a maliciousness that would cause many to run away in fear.

The man hardly flinched. "Machamp, please show these two how determined we are to see Rocket rise again." The ball was lightly tossed into the air like a pitcher would toss a softball in a little league game. The massive pokémon materialized instantly, and was ready to counter the oncoming attack.

Havoc nearly made it, but the Machamp grabbed him with ridiculous speed and raised him up in air. Then he used Seismic Toss, and slammed him into the hard surface. It looked painful enough for me to feel it.

"Honestly, you're so slow. That's 30 seconds right there." Cocky bastard.

I called out another move. "Close Combat!" My partner was ready for that, and sent a flurry of punches and kicks into the body of his opponent. The exec opened his snarky mouth, probably about to say something about how his Machamp couldn't feel such weak strikes or something stupid like that, but his smile faded when he saw his pokémon actually reeling back in pain. "Great job, Havoc! Keep it up!"

He glared in my direction. "Close Combat." The counter move was expected, considering that it was usually only used as a last resort. The defense was sacrificed in favor of delivering a devastating barrage of punches and kicks. Havoc was used to seeing this sort of move, and fluently countered and dodged the attacks. The Machamp wasn't as agile, and took more blows than him, but he was bulkier and more durable. It looked like an even fight so far.

We fought dirty, though. After a performing a backflip right out of an action movie, Havoc quickly threw his Mud Shot at Machamp's face. The Ground-type move only blinded him temporarily, but those few seconds were all my partner needed. With his opponent standing still, he delivered a devastating Ice Punch right into Machamp's face. He bellowed in agony and anger.

"Tick tock, dude," I mocked, "Only one minute left before you face the music." His face was priceless. My only regret now is that I didn't have a camera right then. "Aw, what's the matter? Were you hoping to be this big bad man that would show me just how weak I am compared to you? To make me feel powerless?" I started to walk towards him. "News flash: I've been doing this shit for a long while now. I can easily incapacitate you right now if I wanted to. But I was hoping to make this look epic. You know, something to fondly look back upon and remember as "the good old days". And this is the part where I try to snap your neck."

He stepped back away from me. "T-this won't mean anything! I will revive Team Rocket back to it's former glory! I WILL stomp out all resistance! And I WILL NOT be stopped by you!" He reached into his coat pocket for something I knew would not end well for me. I rushed forward, and knocked the pistol out of his hand before he could fire. He tried to grab me, but I was faster, and I rolled underneath his legs to kick them out beneath him. He fell to the ground unprepared.

His Machamp fell to the ground as well. Havoc stood proudly over his unconscious foe, and saw his intended target was well within his reach. He would've paralyzed the executive, but he heard the rotating blades of a helicopter approaching. The Toxicroak decided that the vehicle took priority over me and my brawl. He trusted me to hold my own.

He disappeared off the roof, but it didn't matter to me right then. I was more preoccupied with trying to defeat this man, who clearly was not expecting me to rush at him. I got back on my feet and tried to stomp on him. He rolled out of the way before I did, and got back up. We stared at each other for a few seconds, before he sprinted towards the gun lying on the ground. I knew he would go for it, and I lunged at the weapon. I reached it just before he did, and pointed it at him.

"......The tables have turned, it seems," He stated surprisingly calmly. A spotlight flashed right into my eyes suddenly, and I didn't have time to shield them before I was momentarily blinded. "It's a shame. You were so close, too. Ah well. One kid can't stop an entire organization." I looked back up, spots still dancing in my eyes, and saw the copter with a red R emblazoned on the side. I saw the doors on it open, and Rocket grunts with assault rifles were aiming right at me. Shit.

I looked away in resignation, hearing them open fire at me. The sounds went on for a good ten seconds before I realized something: I was still alive. I wasn't even scratched, and I still heard gunfire above me. I looked up, and I shockingly realized that everything within a 10-foot-radius was a calming blue, like a veil of water.

The Executive swore. I looked around in confusion, before my gaze settled on someone standing a few feet away from me. I smiled.

"THE FUTURE IS NOW, THANKS TO SCIENCE!" Clemont was emitting some sort of beam that was creating the shield from his backpack. "I call this: "The Instant Shield Emitter That Blocks Gunfire" ray!" He turned towards us. "Thanks for waiting for me, Miles," He deadpanned.

I chuckled in response. "No problem, Clem."

The Exec not pleased with this turn of events, to say the least. "How DARE you kids meddle in our affairs!"

The Gym Leader frowned. "You were the one who stole the schematics for the Power Plant energy machines. It's only fair to assume that if you did that, AND try to escape from Kalos through Lumoise Tower, and MY Gym, you would be stopped."

"Don't try to talk down to me, you brat!" He mad-dashed to my friend.

He didn't get far. Not after I pumped a bullet into his knee with his own gun. He screamed in agony as he collapsed to the ground. Clemont shot me a look. I shrugged.

Meanwhile, the gunfire outside our protective bubble had ceased. I looked up to see that the tail of the vehicle had been broken off, and a couple of the grunts had fallen out. The aircraft was spinning wildly out of control, and it was plummeting down into the populated streets below. Luckily, I planned ahead for this, and asked as many trainers I could with Psychic-type pokémon to gather around Lumiose tower in preparation. So the combined use of Psychic kept the innocents safe from any wreckage, and the grunts that had fallen out would be rescued as well.

Havoc was standing on a building nearby, nodding at me. I waved at him, and thanked him for the air support.

The Exec was not done ranting and raving, even in the midst of his wound. "You... you rotten ASSHOLES! Team Rocket was supposed to rise again tonight! Do you realize how difficult it is to raise a mafia?! It took me months just to plan for it! And now it may never be revived again!"

I rolled my eyes and strolled calmly over to him. "That was the whole point, dipshit." I waved the gun casually at his face. "Sooo... I have another bullet in here..." I suggested, and he caught my drift.

My friend gasped in shock as he turned off his stupidly-named gadget. "W-what?! You're not seriously about to kill him, are you?!"

I stroked my chin, pretending to mull it over in my head, all while still making the Exec stare right down the barrel. Of course I wasn't about to kill the jerk, no matter how much he deserved it. I wasn't about to become a wanted man in the name of justice. And besides, I heard what the prisons are like in the Alcamax islands, the maximum security prison islands. He would be suffering a lot more there.

"Eh, I'm feeling generous today," I lied, "I'll let you live. If only to see which island you're getting shipped off to, sir." I tossed away the gun, and both Clemont and the exec sighed in relief.

"I hope what you did was worth it, sir. Because not even Phoenix Wright could save you. Not that he'd ever consider your case." Officer Jenny was shoving the Ex-Executive and his goons into an armored truck, berating them for their heinous acts of theft and attempted homicide.

The limping man continued to rave like a lunatic. "This isn't the last you've seen of Team Rocket! You will all pay for this!"

One of the grunts just gave him a sad look. "With all due respect, boss... just shut the hell up already." They were seated in the back, and the heavy doors were slammed shut.

I stood there, conversing with a man named Looker. He apparently was tailing the criminal, waiting for the right moment to strike. I still wasn't able to register the fact that he had no pokémon of his own, so he was basically defenseless without his partner. "You have done great so far, young Miles. You managed to take down Team Rocket mk. II before it was complete. Congratulations." I gave him a surprised look. "Ah, you're wondering how I know your name, right?" I nodded, and he laughed. "You don't stay on the International Police without finding the occasional vigilante. You're quite famous, I hear."

It's true, I had been to a few regions. Ever since Sinnoh, I had been going around and taking on the crimes of evil there, in Unova, and now Kalos, and challenging a few Gyms here and there. I had just beaten Clemont a few hours ago, when the building went haywire, and the Ex-Exec had gone through.

"So, I heard you have a new partner?" I asked.

"Ah yes, I did mention that. He's actually the new Champion."

I blinked. "Calem? Boy from Vaniville? Defeated Team Flare? THAT champion?" He nodded. "Wow. He must be an effective partner, then." He laughed.

A while later, Looker lead me back to his office, where he could ask questions in privacy. I got to meet this nice girl named Emma, and her Espurr Mimi. They seemed nice.

A few boring questions later, the detective had all the info he needed, and was ready to send me on my way. Before he did, however, he wanted to ask me one more question. I tried not to sigh. "Do not worry. This question is not like the others. But first..." He made a call on his Holocaster to somebody. I didn't hear the voice on the other side of the conversation. "Okay... hurry here." Looker ended the call, and faced me. "We had gotten a job regarding a theft in the Hotel not far from here, so I decided to send my partner and Emma on this case." Wait, what?

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. The detective told the unknown party to come in. The door opened, and I was shocked. Standing right there, in front of me, was the new champion.

"I got here as fast as I could, Looker. Something about theft?" Calem asked. He paused for a moment when he saw me. "Oh, um, hello. Who's this, Looker?"

"That is Miles, a vigilante hero who just stopped Team Rocket from forming again." I rubbed the back of my neck in embarassment.

Calem's eyes widened. "Wow, really? That's him?" He walked over to me and shook my hand. "Wow, thank you, on behalf of Kalos and the world." He let go of my hands, and smirked. "The entire city's talking about you, man. This'll be all over Kalos by tomorrow." I rolled my eyes.

The boy faced his partners as the elder detective explained the situation. He nodded, and called out his Meowstic. I was a little jealous, since I've always wanted a cool-looking Meowstic on my team. Specifically a male, both because his blue coat looked amazing, and he was an excellent defender.

The pairs of young sleuths looked kinda cool. Calem thanked me again, and promised me an unofficial battle in the future, and then he walked out the door, striking up a conversation with Emma. The Meowstic and Espurr seemed to be conversing with one another as well, judging by the low chorus of "Es Espurrr"s and "Stic Meow Meowstic"s.

Looker sighed. I saw he had a sad smile on his face. "I'm not a very permanent man, Miles. I'm a world-traveler." He walked around the desk. "I don't really have a "home", so to speak. And my new partners..." He looked away. "I've been looking for someone like you. Someone who can do work outside of his home region on a regular basis." Looker gazed outside of the window behind his desk. "This isn't a partnership, mind you. That would require you to do a slew of jobs with me. And I think I'd just slow you down." He smiled in my direction. "How would you like to be head of an international branch of the Looker Agency?"

I blinked again. He was asking me to do what now? This was a bit too much to process. There were too many things to think about.

"And of course, money is no object. Something decent for your line of work, if you agree." Oh, thanks for adding to the clusterfuck.

I stood there in silence for a few moments. I finally managed to make my mouth work. "U-Um... can I have some time to think about it?"

Looker understood. "Take all the time you need, Miles." I thanked him, and somewhat shakily left.

I was sitting outside a café, having a late supper with my small team of three pokémon and me. I had just ordered a fancy ravioli with some less refined food for my partners.

"Wow. Imagine us, heads of an international branch of an agency, dedicated to warding off the forces of evil." I mused. El Halcón (my Hawlucha) rolled his eyes, Havoc seemed to be thinking about the possibilities of this oppurtunity, and Melody (my Audino) was clapping her hands in delight.

My pokémon were something to take into consideration as well. Melody seemed to be on board with the idea, Havoc is kind of indifferent to the whole thing, and El Halcón... well, I don't know about him. As always, I can't decipher what he's saying.

If I were to take this job, I would need some sort of name for it, wouldn't I? Hmm...

I wasn't able to finish my thought before a loud sound and explosion were heard from a few blocks away. I sighed, wishing I at least got to have dinner first.

The four of us reached the source of the commotion, only to find a couple of Rocket grunts trying to make their escape, all while using their Raticate and Zangoose to create the biggest commotion possible. Possibly to ward off any pursuers. Too bad they were stupid.

"El Halcón!" I called, "Use Flying Press!" My friend responded with amazing speed, and attacked with ferocity that would make luchadors cry. The attack connected with the Raticate, who was using Hyper Beam to destroy some unlucky mailboxes, and the pokémon went down hard. The grunts saw us, and had Zangoose retaliate while Raticate was called back. Melody's Secret Power attack hit the poor opponent before it even had a chance to slow us down.

The two crooks realized just how screwed they were, and ran into an alley up ahead. I wasn't about to have any of it.

When we reached the alleyway, we saw that the two were gone. I figured they were hiding at first, waiting for us to walk in so they could ambush me. Well, nice try. "Melody! Secret Power!"

The energy orbs hit everything in the alley, knocking over everything it could. The dumpster was pushed to the side, revealing a hidden door. I smirked. They were cornered now.

One Karate Chop later, the secret door was flung off it's hinges, and fell inside the room. I looked around, only seeing darkness. Closing the door behind me, I felt along the wall to find a light switch. After a minute of blindly searching, I found it. I flipped it, and the lights in the room flashed on in a dingy yellow.

"Gotcha!" The Rocket grunts thought I was the one who was trapped, huh? I turned to face them, and got an eyefull of a strange machine they were standing next to. It was a giant metal ring with tubes connected to different parts of it. The tubes all lead to a terminal that seemed to control the machine.

Oh.

"So, you think you can just arrest the boss, and get away with it?" One of the grunts guffawed at me. "You're in deep shit now, bitch."

The other grunt swept his arm in the ring's direction. "You see that? That is what we needed that energy for. A portal!"

"With this portal, who knows where we could've gone, and what we could've accomplished?"

"Imagine all the pokémon we'd get!" The grunt practically had hearts in his eyes. It was disgusting.

"Unfortunately, we only have the power for one use. So," They turned on the machine. "you get to be our guinea pig!"

I gulped. I guess I was the one who's been cornered.

The machine whirred to life, creating sparks inside the ring. I wasn't about to see that thing finish. "Havoc, Venoshock!" The Toxicroak fired the sludge at the two, pinning them to the wall. El Halcón flew towards the terminal and tried to smash it to pieces, but whoever built the thing made it to be extremely durable.

The ring's sparks ignited an explosion of colors that shone brightly across the room. A swirling vortex was created in the ring. And it functioned like a vacuum, pulling all manner of things into it. Including me.

I was pulled off my feet by the portal, wanting to swallow me whole like the greedy pig it was. I grabbed the side of the ring desperately, hoping to Arceus that it would somehow turn out okay. I didn't want to go down like this. But half of me was already inside the vortex, and my grip was slipping on the metallic surface. My partners saw me, and tried to get to me.

But I couldn't let them. "STOP! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! YOU'LL JUST BE SUCKED IN TOO!" They didn't want to listen, they wanted to just grab my hands, and pull me out. "DON"T!! I CAN'T LET YOU DIE TOO!! PLEASE, STAY PUT!!!" They were tearing up. Oh Arceus, why? Not like this, please!

"I LOVE YOU ALL!" I managed to get that out before my hold on the ring gave out. I didn't even have time to scream as the portal slurped me up.

Then I found myself spinning. Spinning around and around in a dark and empty space. I couldn't see my own hand. I couldn't even hear my own voice.

It was hard to breathe. I felt like I was drowning, but without any water. I couldn't tell if there was no oxygen, or if I was hyperventilating. It didn't matter. I couldn't breathe. And I was getting sleepy. No no no, please, just keep awake.... please...

But it was useless, and inevitable. My consciousness was slipping away. But it was... strangely calm. I felt peaceful, like I was just about to take a nap. The last thing I remember before I blacked out was this strangely regal voice that was fatherly in inflection.

It said something along the lines of, “Rest now my children, for when you awake, a whole new world shall be your home.”

Lovely, omnipresent space dad. Lovely...

The dream I had was incredibly vivid and detailed. I looked upon a city that sat upon a mountain, filled with brightly colored creatures. The creatures all looked like... horses. And they all looked like they were smartly dressed, as if I had stumbled upon the elite of their kind. I probably did.

Then, as if someone pressed the "zoom in" button on a camera, I was flung towards a giant castle that sat within the city. I went through an open window, gazing in on an absolute clusterfuck of a monster. It had the body parts of many different kinds of animals, and seemed to be a little off his rocker, judging by how he was lounging on a sofa... on the ceiling. He chuckled to himself, opening one of his yellow eyes. He looked in my direction, and smirked. "So, that one has lost his way, huh? He'll be in for a good time when he wakes up.

The door opened, a tall shadow coming from it. "You summoned me, Discord?" A female's voice inquired.

The monster got off of his couch, and casually walked down from the ceiling and down the walls. "I have a raid in mind, Lulu. A raid on Celestia's prized cake.

.......Weird dream.

Author's Note

And that's that. What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments below. Any criticism is welcome.

Oh, and a big thanks to ZeusDemigod for allowing me to throw my hat into the ring on this matter. I won't lie, I was a little disappointed at first for not being able to have my characters' exploits make any impact on the over-arching plot, but then I realized that since none of what I'm doing will effect any other characters by other authors... then I can do WHATEVER I WANT to Gene and Belle and Jayce and Nao and Seth and X and Tenebre AND THE WHOLE LOT OF THEM. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

.... ahem, just kidding (or am I?) And none of you lovely authors are jackasses in my book! Just so you know!

On a side note... MEGA BUCKING AUDINO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

LET MY JOY RING OUT AND BE HEARD FROM THE HEAVENS!!!