Oh dear, I'm afraid this will cause your mind to blow up.
Your name is Buck Bad-Flank, the very world you know is on the verge of destruction.
Your cutie mark is Celestia in a tag team with Chuck Norris, both are beating Satan up. It also plays your theme music.
Our only hope now is that you and your leather belt can prevent this catastrophe from occurring
So go forth, in an adventure, were the forth walls are broken, and the Walrus people are the dominate race.
Where the water is composed of hypodermic needles and the mice are holy.
This is the most messed up story ever.
Run to my other, more serious story now, while you can.