Lyra Screws Up Big Time

“We have to find a way to fix this,” Bon Bon muttered later that day. She and Lyra had made their way down to the Ponyville Police station.

Lyra sighed sorrowfully as they walked through the station. “If we ever get out of this, I’m never working again!” she sulked.

“Don’t worry,” Bon Bon reassured her friend. "Maybe if we can get down to the coroner’s office before Carrot Top and Lassiter can, maybe we could get a better look at the body… maybe there’s something else that could give us a clue!”

Lyra nodded. “Maybe you’re right. They might not let us in, but it’s worth a shot.” The two mares sneaked their way down the stairs. They quickly noticed two metal double doors. This was obviously the coroner’s office. Lyra looked at Bon Bon, and hesitantly knocked on the door. When one of the doors opened, her jaw practically fell to the floor.

Bon Bon’s eyes widened. “Derpy?!” She gasped.

The blonde Pegasus gave them a huge smile. “Oh, hey guys! What’s up?” She asked cheerfully. She was wearing a white lab coat that was much too big for her. She was also wearing goggles that almost covered her entire face.

Lyra blinked rapidly, finally snapping out of her stupor. “Derpy? W-what are you doing here?”

Derpy smiled. “Oh, well you see, my cousin Woody’s wife had her baby early, so he asked me to take over for awhile.” She explained.”I’m actually helping Carrot Top and her friend with a case that had happened recently.” Her face scrunched up in a sad frown. “It’s really too bad.”  Lyra and Bon Bon looked at each other in panic, and then looked behind Derpy. Sure enough, Carrot Top and Lassiter were in the room, standing over the body, talking with each other.

Bon Bon thought fast. “Well, Derpy, uh, we’re actually helping with this case,” she said quickly. “We need to take a look at the body for any more clues to help with the investigation.”

Derpy looked surprised. “I didn’t know you guys were in the secret agent business!” She exclaimed. “I don’t think I’m supposed to let civilians in, but you guys are cool. Come on in!” Lyra and Bon Bon grinned as they walked in. Things were looking up! For now…

Detective Lassiter looked up and eyed the two mares sharply. “What are you two doing? You’re not supposed to be in here.” Carrot Top looked even more confused. Both Lyra and Bon Bon had met Lassiter on occasion. Both knew how hard-core he was, and how much he stuck to the book.

“Don’t worry, they’re with me,” Derpy said. “They’re on professional business.” She stole a glance at Lyra and Bon Bon and gave them a less than discreet wink. Lassiter eyed them suspiciously. “O-kay,” he said. “As long as you stay out of our way, I don’t think we’ll have any problems.” Carrot Top raised a questioning eyebrow at her friends, who responded with wide grins. She shook her head, deciding to confront them about it later.

Derpy went to check up on something, and the detectives resumed conversing with one another. Lyra suddenly turned to Bon Bon. “Oh, I just remembered,” She whispered. “Paper Clip is out as a suspect. He was on the phone with his therapist when Creech was murdered. I verified it.” She gave a deep sigh. “Square one.” Bon Bon didn’t reply. “Bon Bon?”

“I don’t even like coffee,” the earth pony grumbled. “It’s just a thing ponies do. ‘Oh, I’ll put on a pot of coffee.’ Dang it.”  Derpy came back and looked at the body again, tickling Creech’s corpse with her wings.

Lyra shook her head. “Is this even legal?”

Bon Bon smirked. “We’ll find out soon enough.”

Derpy finally spoke. “A lot of acid build up in the esophageal gland,” she announced, mystifying the rest of the ponies. “That means he threw up…. really bad… before he died. Could be foul play.” She paused… “Or he could just be bulimic.” She looked around the group quickly. “Not that I’m bulimic. Yesterday, I ate a donut out of the garbage.”  Bon Bon and Lyra looked at each other. The detectives looked even more confused.

Lassiter was quick to recover. “So… there’s no evidence of vomit at the scene. The killer must’ve cleaned that up as well.” Lyra and Bon Bon glanced at each other again. They didn’t clean up any vomit what so ever. Unless…

Sally pointed to a nearby wastebasket at the desk. “That liner is missing.”

Derpy resumed examining the body. “The wounds are deep, but they’re narrow, smooth. Maybe it was an ice pick or something.”  Lyra’s eyes widened.

“And I don’t open my own mail! You do!” With that, he threw a stapler at the secretary. She gasps and dodges the flying object just in time. “Creech! That is ENOUGH!”

Lyra turned her head to look at Bon Bon. She was thinking the same thing. That wasn’t a stapler he threw at Blossomforth… it was a letter opener!

Bon Bon turned to the detectives. “Maybe it was a letter opener.” She suggested.

Lyra nodded. “Yes! Blossomforth. Creech’s assistant. He threw a letter opener at her yesterday morning!”

Detective Lassiter nodded slowly. “Alright, that’s something to go on. I’ll check out this Blossomforth. He started across the room. “Top, get that mug down to forensics, ASAP.”

Lyra gulped. “Uh, ASAP feels a little zealous!” she called out weakly. Detective Lassiter was already out the door. “Soonish would suffice!” she said quietly. Derpy left to go to the little filly’s room.

Bon Bon ran over to Carrot Top. “We gotta talk to you,” She started, but Carrot cut her off.

“What are you guys doing here? First Derpy’s a coroner, now you two are suddenly private eyes? What is going on here?”

Bon Bon chuckled nervously. “Yeah, um, remember when all of us had a little spat, and then we agreed to be more honest with each other as friends?”

Carrot Top nodded. “Well, your honest friends have something... tiny to disclose.”

“Are you kidding me?” Carrot Top shouted. Lyra and Bon Bon stood in front of her, looking sheepish. “What were you guys thinking?”

“Lyra panicked,” Bon Bon said defensively.

Lyra straightened up. “I acted like a normal pony in a highly charged situation.” She reasoned.

Bon Bon looked at her friend. “Lyra, you ate the whole note!”

Carrot Top cut in. “I will not lie for you guys!” She said angrily, walking towards the door. “I will not be a part of this.”

Bon Bon cringed. “No, I’m sorry, It’s too late for that, Carrot.”  The green eyed pony spun around. “I’m sorry Carrot,” Bon Bon sighed. “The mug in the bag is the one you lent us, which means your hoof prints are all over it too.”

Carrot Top’s eyes widened, and then narrowed dangerously. “You took my mug… to a murder?”

Lyra and Bon Bon slowly nodded. Carrot Top thought for a minute, and cocked her head to the side. “Well, my hoof prints wouldn’t be on there if you washed  it like I told you too.”

Lyra smiled nervously. “Another moment of honesty?”

Carrot Top gritted her teeth. “Dang it, you guys!”

Bon Bon gripped Carrot by the shoulders. “Look, we don’t need you to lie. We just need you to delay, all right? Forensics goes to lunch in 10 minutes, right? So if you wait 12 minutes to drop the mug off, then they won’t get to it till after lunch, which means Lyra and I will still have time to nab a suspect!”

Carrot Top sighed. “You have got to stop looping me into this stuff!” She exclaimed. “I’m not good in these situations!”

Bon Bon let go of Carrot Top. “How is that we’re now being punished for being honest?” Carrot shot her a look, and then walked out of the room. Out in the hall, Lassiter suddenly appeared. She gasped, stopping in her tracks. Lyra and Bon Bon saw this, and quickly closed the door.

Lassiter raised an eyebrow at his partner.  “Hello, Top. Lay off the coffee!”

Carrot snorted. “Coffee? What? I haven’t had coffee in like 28 hours. Twenty-nine hours. Twenty-eight hours.” Lassiter gave her a strange look.

“Okay. So, Sally, the security guard, came by, apparently to see what a big boy police station looks like and to tell us we may be able to recover some images off the damaged hard drive from the security cameras outside Creech’s office, so, stay tuned.” Carrot Top nodded vigorously as he walked away. Carrot Top looked at Lyra and Bon Bon who had cracked the door open to see what was going on. She gave them a sharp look, and left. The two mares closed the door again. Bon Bon started to pace in the middle of the room.

Lyra brought a hoof to her head. “The killer destroyed the hard drive! Why didn't I think of that?” Bon Bon stopped pacing. “Lyra, this isn't a great thing!”

“Why not?”

“Because the killer would have been on camera breaking into Creech’s office, and then we wouldn’t be in this situation right now!”

“Yes, but I would be on there too, Bon Bon!” Lyra pointed out.

“Yes, but you didn't kill him!” Bon Bon countered. Then she paused. “You didn’t kill him, did you?”

Lyra narrowed her eyes. “I’m not doing this with you right now.”

Bon Bon raised her eyebrows. “Do what?” Lyra said nothing. She opened the door with her magic and walked out. Bon Bon followed. “Do what?” She repeated. “If you killed him, just tell me!”

Later that day, Lyra and Bon Bon walked into the office building where Lyra had previously worked, hoping to find some useful information there. Most ponies stared at Lyra as they walked past. “I can’t do it, Bon Bon,” the turquoise pony whispered. “Everypony is looking at me like I’m a murderer!”

Bon Bon suddenly gripped Lyra by the shoulders and pushed her against a filing cabinet. “You have to pull yourself together,” she whispered firmly. “We need to find Blossomforth before Lassiter does, now tighten it up!”

Lyra shook her head, sweating a little. “I can’t!”  Bon Bon gripped her tighter. “We have a job to do.” She looked towards Lyra’s old workspace. “Actually, you have a job to do now!”

Lyra scowled. “I quit yesterday, remember?”

Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. “Well, no. The only one who knows that is dead as a donut hole. Now tighten it up!”

Lyra gritted her teeth. "Fine!"

They started walking down the hall again, only to be stopped by Sally and another stallion. “Ah. Lyra Heartstrings!” Sally said, smiling. “Just the pony I wanted to see.”

Lyra swallowed. “Oh, really?”

Sally nodded. “Mmm hmm. This is Mr. Merry,” He said gesturing to the pony next to him. He was tall, and had a tan coat with wings. He was also wearing a black suit with a red tie. His black mane was combed in an odd way, and he had huge eyebrows. His face was majorly preppy. “He’s SVP, from corporate.” Sally continued. “He flew in from Las Pegasus headquarters this morning to attend the in-office memorial service for Creech.”

Lyra smiled as wide as she could.  “Mr. Merry, it is an honor to meet you,” she said politely, extending her hoof. “You are one of our founding fathers, you’re legend around here!”

Mr. Merry blinked and shook her hoof. “Who cares what you think?” he replied.

“What?”

“I’m kidding. I’m not kidding.” He said in his curt voice. When he released, he left a sticker in Lyra’s hoof.

“What’s this?” she asked, confused.

Merry smiled. “That’s a scratch-n-sniff sticker. Enjoy it.” Lyra and Bon Bon glanced at each other. “Lyra Heartstrings,” he said suddenly. “I recognize the name, but I didn’t think you worked here anymore.” Sally was staring at Bon Bon as he said this. Bon Bon stared back at him, never dropping her gaze.

“Oh yes,” Lyra said. “I represent the entire line of Lemon Meringue.”

Merry nodded. “Ah, yes, makes sense. You’re the perfect mare for scrotal inflammation creams.”

Lyra’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Oh? Why is that?”

Merry smiled. “Keep up the good work, huh?”  He nodded at Sally, and walked off.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Sally asked, pointing at Bon Bon.

“I’m Bon Bon,” she replied. “I’m a sweets maker. I also use Lemon Meringue all the time.” Lyra gave her a strange look.

“So, you don’t work here?” Sally pressed. “Do you have a pass? Did you sign in?” Bon Bon shook her head no. “Well, hit the bricks, sister!”

Lyra quickly cut in. “O-oh, no, no. Uh… s-she’s my best friend.” She said truthfully. “And she’s an earth pony.” She added.

Bon Bon nodded. “I’m an earth pony.”

Lyra smiled confidently. “Today was ‘Bring your earth pony best friend to work’ day. Did you not get the memo?”

Sally’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t get the memo,” the older unicorn replied. “And even if I did, I don’t have an earth pony best friend.”

Bon Bon nodded. “That makes two of us.”

Sally looked deep in thought. “Though, I am an avid camper.” There was an awkward silence that followed.

Sally pulled out a clipboard and a quill with his magic and gave them to Lyra, who levitated the items herself. “I need you to copy this sentence three times,” he told her. “I’m sending off a handwriting sample from everypony in the company to be matched against the note left in Creech’s hoof.” Lyra gulped and turned around. “Front and center, please, Heartstrings,” Sally said. Lyra threw Bon Bon a pleading glance as she turned back around and began to write on the piece of paper with her mouth. Sally nodded in approval. “I strongly suspect that whoever wrote that note is involved in the murder.” He said.

Lyra broke off the tip of the quill. “Oh my goodness,” she gasped.

“That’s a shame.” Bon Bon said.

Sally gave Lyra another quill. “Just A-B-C, A-B-C, A-B-C.” he said. “It can’t be that hard. I don’t want to miss the memorial service.”

They finally made it to the office building where the memorial service was being held. It was also where Lyra had set off on Creech. Ponies were standing in respect, as Mr. Merry spoke. Lyra and Bon Bon stood in the back. “Dusty Creech’s untimely death is a tragedy,” Merry said, slowly walking around the office. “And not because he was a good pony. Who cares about that part? But because he was one of the best salesman of his generation.”

Bon Bon leaned over. “Where’s Blossomforth’s desk?” she whispered. “Take me to it.”

Lyra nodded. “Follow me.” Together, they started inching their way to Blossomforhth’s desk.

“Sweet music of success,” Merry went on. “You all deserve scratch and sniffs and should be sniffing…”  When the two mares made it to Blossomforth’s desk, she was nowhere to be found.

“Bon Bon,” Lyra whispered. “She’s not here.”

Bon Bon bit the inside of her cheek.  “Well, what time does she usually come in?” she whispered back. Lyra shook her head.

“She’s never late.”

“Where do you think she is?”

“I have no idea!”

“We have to find out.”

The pair continued to inch their way through the office. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Bon Bon whispered to a pony she passed.

Merry was still talking. “We’re up in Fillydelphia, we’re up in Baltimare, and we’re up in Saddle Arabia!” He exclaimed passionately. “So, what I need you to do is to move forward and continue…to prosper. We’ll do it for Creech.” He walked to a chalkboard and pointed at it. He read out what it said.  “D, deceased. R, recovery. O, opportunity. S, smile.”  By now, Lyra and Bon Bon had come to a stop, standing behind where Paper Clip sat.

Bon Bon squinted her eyes. “ ‘Dr.Os’?”

Merry continued. “Dusty Creech is dead. He’s gone, he’s not coming back. Painful, but it’s a fact. This company needs a new leader.” He paused. “Is it gonna be you?” he said, pointing at a blonde mare who smiled confidently. He then pointed at a stallion. “You?” he pointed at a third pony with a brown mane. “You?”  The pony beamed. Then he pointed to a frail looking stallion sitting at his desk. “I know it’s not gonna be you.” He said. The stallion hung his head. Merry turned back to the rest of the office. “And smile.”

Bon Bon looked at Lyra and smiled widely. “I’ll sell you a smile.” She said sweetly.

“Suck it, Bon Bon.” Lyra replied.

Merry spoke again. “Now, would anyone like to say a few words?” A short earth pony raised his hoof. Mr. merry nodded at him in acknowledgement. “Mr. Flinch?”  Flinch grabbed a guitar and walked to the front of the office. He then started to strum his guitar. Lyra leaned forward to talk to her former fellow co worker.

“Paper,” she whispered. “Where’s Blossom?”

“Called in sick,” Paper whispered back. “I should have done the same.” He looked at Flinch with pity, mixed with sadness. “I can’t watch Flinch go much farther down this road.” Lyra nodded and stepped back next to Bon Bon.

“Oh, that’s convenient,” the earth pony muttered. “Kill your boss and then call in sick.”  Flinch starts to sing while playing his guitar, a tune very similar to Time After Time.

Sitting in my cubicle the clock ticks and I think of you

I tried to make plans you’d postpone, now you’re dead.

Projects…

“You think Blossom’s really sick?” Bon Bon whispered. Lyra looked at her with and odd expression on her face. “Not at all.” She replied. Bon Bon nodded. “We find Blossomforth, we find our killer.”

You left without a sign, your RRSPs are now RIPs.

All out of time. I just cut you an extra set of my keys,

now there’s no time.

Bon Bon’s phone started to ring. She quickly answered.

You promised we’d sample some vineyard wine

“Hello?” She whispered. “Derpy!”

“I Think you guys should really get down here. Right away.” Derpy said earnestly. Bon Bon nudged Lyra. Both mares started to inch their way out of the office.

Never told you but you look just like Chris Klien.

His lip trembled.

You were sublime.

Back at the Coroner’s office, Derpy looked far from okay. “You see, as I was looking at the body again, stomach contents, wound analysis, sniff test… the body had a distinct aroma. One that is… quite familiar to me. It was the distinct scent of…” She jerked her head to glare at Lyra. “Lemon Meringue!” Bon Bon let out a low moan. Lyra’s face paled.

She looked at Bon Bon pleadingly. “Oh, Bon Bon, you know sweat activates my lotion!” she whined.

Bon Bon glared at the unicorn. “What have I told you, you go around smelling like a pie, it’s gonna come back to bite us!” she chastised.

“Not so fast, Bon Bon!” Derpy pounced. “I also smelled a significant amount of gumdrops!” The earth pony winced as Derpy continued her rant. “How badly did you two marehandle this guy!?”

Lyra and Bon Bon looked at each other, and then back at the Pegasus. It can’t hurt now. “All right,” Bon Bon started. “Listen to me, Derpy. We may have had a little run-in with the body.” Derpy gasped, and for a second, both of her eyes straightened. “Post death!” Bon Bon added quickly. “Post death. Lyra ate something in his hoof, and I stole his socks.” Derpy looked at them strangely. “Look,” Bon Bon continued. “It’s a long story but what we need from you right now is pony-discretion.”

Lyra nodded. “Shh!”

“Just sit on this info until we can make some progress on this case,” Bon Bon pleaded.

Derpy’s face broke out into a grin. “Oh girls,” she cooed, flying over to them and putting her arms around them both. “We’re sisters. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you! I am the vault of secrecy.” Lyra and Bon Bon smiled in relief. “I will tell nopony!” The grey mare declared.

“Thanks Derpy.” Lyra said. She and Bon Bon where on their way out the door when Derpy called out to them.

“Oh, uh, one last thing guys.” They turned to see that her expression had grown anxious. “I accidently spilled some truth powder on myself after you left. I cannot be trusted!” Bon Bon gasped while Lyra face-hoofed. “I will tell everypony! Anypony! I was already reaching for my phone to call somepony!” Derpy trembled.

Bon Bon noticed that her phone was ringing again, and glanced at it. She sighed. “Derpy, you’re calling me!” she said, exasperated.

Derpy’s eyes widened as she shook her head. “Don’t pick up!” she whispered.

Lyra and Bon Bon were back in their house. Lyra stood nervously by one of the windows, watching the clock. Bon Bon was at the dining table. Her phone rang once again. Hesitantly, she answered. It was Carrot Top. “Okay, I just dropped off the mug to forensics. You’ve got 2.5 hours. Please tell me things haven’t gotten further out of control.”

Bon Bon smiled nervously. “Nope,” she chuckled. “They have not.” There was a long pause at the other end.

Carrot then spoke again. “Are you being honest?” Next to Bon Bon, Derpy was tied up on the couch.

She sighed. “Nope.”