When Dust walked back into his Equestrian History class after missing an entire week, he knew there would be ponies staring at him. He had anticipated the glares he got from a few of his classmates and was ready for them—but he still felt a sudden itchiness from the fresh scar on his foreleg when those glares met him. He even figured that at least a few ponies in the class wouldn't have even realized he was gone at all.

What he wasn't prepared for was Tinker.

It wasn't thirty seconds after he took his seat at the back of the room that the mare entered and noticed him. With a single leap and a flap she cleared the entire room to land next to Dust. "Where the hay have you been?" she practically growled at him, not the least bit concerned with the other ponies in the room. "You've been gone for a week!"

Dust recoiled and shrank into his seat, shocked by the aggressiveness. "Tinker, woah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Look, the report's gonna be okay, I got started on it while I was gone," he explained, trying to placate the mare.

Her expression did soften a bit. "I—you did?" She pulled out her seat and slumped into it with a huff. "That's great, but that's not the point," she pouted.

"What is?"

Tinker stared towards the front of the class as the teacher entered and set his notes down on the lectern. "I was worried about you," she muttered.

Dust stared at her as the professor started to pass out a few papers, launching into his brief lesson for the class. Worried? he thought. Why would she be worried about me?

Tinker turned her head just enough to glance over out of the corner of her eye, and sure enough, her expression was unsettled as she turned back.

Dust was suddenly very happy that he'd kept hidden for the last week, until the bandages were ready to come off. Word about him had already traveled fast enough, if all of these ponies knew that he had tried to kill himself, too... Dust shook his head to clear it. It really didn't bear thinking about. Anypony who got close enough would be able to see the raw pink scar in his fur. Thankfully, nopony ever seemed to want to get that close.

Why would Tinker be worried about me, of all ponies?

"I'm telling you, it's weird."

Breeze reclined a bit, enjoying the fact that the group never had to search to find a booth to sit in for meals, no matter the reason. "Well, you're her partner, dude. She was probably worried she'd have to do the whole thing herself."

Dust shook his head, his olive bangs bobbing against the side of his head. "No, she said she was worried about me. I mean, that's not normal, right?"

"Well, she's not heartless. I mean, she picked you as her partner to begin with, maybe she just felt kind of responsible, you know?"

"Hmmph." Dust took another bite of pasta, unsatisfied with Breeze's answers. "There's just something about this mare," he said around his mouthful, "I don't know what it is." He swallowed. "Shadow, you haven't said a damn thing yet."

Saxus looked up, shaking himself out of his silence. "I haven't met this Tinker, so I can't say for sure, but looking from the outside, my guess is that she's into you."

"Oh, please. Pull one of the other ones, why don't you?"

"I'm serious, Dust."

The pegasus snorted. "Well, then she's not as bright as she seems."

Breeze leaned back in. "There's gotta be a way to know, right?"

"What, like just asking her?" Saxus quipped, throwing a sideways look at his roommate.

"How did I know you were gonna be boring about it?"

Saxus sighed. "Look, it doesn't have to be in class or anything. Just go to her place, and ask her. Get things out in the open."

Dust set his fork down, his face dark. "...and if she says 'yes'?"

"What about it? So a mare's into you."

"Dude, what about all the crap that I can't tell her?"

Breeze frowned. "Why can't you tell her?"

"Because—" Dust froze. "Because she's the only pony on campus besides you two who's been nice to me for no other reason," he said, his voice quiet and miserable.

"Give her a chance, Dust. Someday you're going to have to trust somepony."

Dust hesitated at the door, his hoof hanging in the air in mid-knock. It felt weird enough being in a mares-only dorm, much less out in public. He desperately wished he had his hoodie, or a jacket, or a hat, or something. His wrist itched relentlessly, but he didn't dare acknowledge it. Overall, every part of Dust wanted to be somewhere else. Specifically, back in his room. Preferably, under the covers of his bed where he could forget the world existed.

And so he stood, caught between going and staying, unwilling to follow through and too scared to leave.

What the hay am I doing... he wondered miserably. I'm not seriously here to say anything meaningful.

You're here to learn something, right?

Well yeah, but what is that really going to do for me? Either I'm wrong and I feel stupid now, or I'm right and I'm in REAL trouble.

Remind me how well ignoring your problems has worked to date?

Dust growled under his breath. You ARE my probl—I mean, I'M my problems. He shook his head. Luna damn it, even my grammar is breaking now.

His hoof was starting to get tired simply waiting in the void between "knock" and "don't knock" when, without warning, the door unlatched and swung open to reveal Tinker and her vibrant pink mane and violet eyes. Her squeak of surprise startled Dust out of his thoughts.

"Harmony, I—Dust? Dude, what's up?"

"Gah! I—hey, Tinker." He straightened up and kicked the carpet uncomfortably with a hoof. "Um, can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure, of course."

The mare's room was nice, if sparsely furnished. Dust was struck by just how completely different it was to his own in almost every way without being overtly feminine. Rather like the resident herself, actually.

"What's up? Never been in a mare's room before?"

"Um, actually, no," Dust said sheepishly. "Never."

Tinker's muzzle scrunched in amused surprise. "Ha! Seriously? Good-looking stallion like you, and you've never been to a mare's place before? Pffft, color me surprised."

Dust shifted awkwardly. "Yeah, see, that sort of thing is why I'm here, kinda."

"What sort of thing?"

"Okay," Dust said hesitantly, taking a breath and looking down. "Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm getting the idea that maybe you kind of might be attracted to me." He flinched slightly, anticipating the rebuttal.

None came. Dust looked back up to see Tinker actually blushing. It was a surprising look for the brash mare.

"Wait, you are?"

"Well, yeah. I suppose I am." The mare swallowed and tried to regain her composure. "And you really want to know what's weird? I'm not really sure why I am." Tinker looked almost frustrated. "I know it's crazy, but I just noticed you last semester. I never really got the time or nerve to talk to you one on one, but I was watching you. A lot."

Dust felt a sideways grin growing.

"We were even in a group discussion together once, though I don't know that you'd remember that much. You never even really looked at me, you were so into the discussion. I noticed, though. You talked a lot, but you had really good ideas, ones that most ponies wouldn't have said." She shrugged. "I always regretted not finding time to talk to you, because you seemed really smart and, well, lively.

"Then this semester, I had you in another class. I thought maybe this was my chance, but you retreated to the back of the class almost instantly. And there was something very different about you. I didn't know what was wrong or what had happened, but you looked awful. I decided that if I got a chance to get to know you, I'd take it. So, after spending most of the semester working up the nerve to talk to a strange stallion, I did."

The mare suddenly glowered at Dust, and he took a step back out of reflex. "And then you instantly disappeared on me! When we were supposed to be a team on this final report! What was that about?"

"I had some things going on. It—it's complicated," Dust said, absently rubbing his left hoof with his right. "Were—I mean, did you really worry?"

"Well, yeah," Tinker admitted, fluttering her wings nervously. "I mean, you were pretty weird this semester. You were gone so often, and when you were there you didn't seem anything like you did in our last class together. You were withdrawn and quiet, and suddenly you were wearing hoodies all the time and stuff. And lately," she said quietly, poking a hoof towards his midsection, "you look like you're starving yourself. Yeah, you could say I worried a bit. I thought that maybe, well... I thought maybe something had happened to you."

Dust's small grin faded and he felt like his mouth was full of ash.

She gave him a wan smile. "So, I guess my game's up. I know it's silly for me to have worried about a pony I didn't really know, but I did. I do kinda like you, Dust. I'd like to hang out, get to know you better."

Dust coughed. "Look, I'm honestly flattered by that, really. I don't think it's such a good idea, though."

"Um, okay, why?"

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not talk about it."

Tinker frowned, her ears laying back. "Not really, no. Are you with somepony?"

Dust shook his head.

"Are you into stallions? I haven't seen you checking out anypony, period, so I guess I wouldn't know."

"Not as such, no," he admitted.

Her purple eyes narrowed. "So, is it me?"

He sagged slightly. "It really isn't, I promise. I think you're fun, and friendly, and open, and you seem pretty smart."

"Oh. Well okay then," she said, brightening back up at his explanation. "But you still don't want to even get to know me, right?"

"It's not that. I—" he stalled, closing his eyes to avoid having to meet her stare. "I just don't want you getting to know me. Because then you probably won't want to be around me."

"Hmmph. Stallions. Figures you'd find a way to make it about you." Dust opened his eyes again, but Tinker's expression didn't match her words. While her voice seemed resigned, her expression looked almost compassionate, if disbelieving. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

Dust slumped, letting his head hang. "It happened. It happens every day. I'm avoided like I've got leprosy, or hoof rot, or something. I don't want to risk that happening with a pony who actually treats me like a friend. I've got very few of those anymore."

"For pity's sake, Dust, why would I do that? What if I promise I won't ditch you?"

He shook his head. "You won't like what you find, Tinker. I—" he clutched his scarred hoof unconsciously. "You don't deserve to be hurt, and I've got stuff too big to avoid hurting you with." He walked over to her desk and reached back into his saddlebag. Drawing out a stack of papers, he resealed the bag with a wing and dropped the papers onto her desk. "I wasn't lying. During my week away, I actually got so bored I wrote the entire paper. It's fifteen pages, but you can edit and re-do any part of it you want. It's supposed to be a team effort, after all."

Tinker walked over to his side. "Wha—seriously? Dude, Dust, I don't—wow."

Dust ran a hoof through his mane self-consciously. "Well, studying used to be my thing. I guess I remember some of how to do it."

"Thank you. I will work on it, too, don't worry."

He nodded. "Fair enough. Well, I guess I'll see you in class?"

She gave him a sad, hopeful smile. "Last chance?"

"Tinker," he sighed, "I think you're a great mare. I know you're a pretty good friend. I can't stop you, but please don't go looking. I don't want to lose a friend."

Tinker said nothing, but nodded as Dust turned and left.

"You fucked up, Dust. You could have had a chance at a really good thing. Who knows, maybe you still do, I don't know."

The pegasus snorted, unwilling to even lift his head from Saxus' couch where he was laying flat. "Don't you give me that, Shadow. The last thing I need is a relationship. Even a hypothetical one."

Saxus looked at his roommate, who threw his hooves up in a "don't involve me in this" gesture. Rolling his eyes, the earth pony turned a stern frown on Dust instead. "You can't be afraid forever. It's not healthy."

"I'm not!"

"Oh please, you could fertilize Appleloosa with that load. You're scared of Tinker, and you're scared of yourself."

"Yeah, you know so much. She's the first pony who wasn't you two to look at me like I'm normal, and I can't lose that! She'll hate me!"

Saxus snorted. "Why in Equestria would she do that?"

"Because I do," Dust said quietly. "She'll find out what I really am."

"You mean she'll find out that you were a prostitute, right?" Saxus asked, his voice softening as well.

Dust shook his head. "No. Not quite. Because she'll find out that I'm... I'm dirty." He shut his eyes, trying to keep tears from forming. "I'm broken, and sick, and dirty. She'll realize that I'm a pony that can't be loved. I don't deserve it."

Saxus knelt down on his belly next to the couch. "Dust, I'm begging you, talk to somepony." Dust snorted, and Saxus sighed unhappily. "Dude, I've been asking you for a week, and you keep dodging it. You said you needed help."

"Yeah," Dust said miserably, "I needed your help."

"I can't give you the help you need. Neither of us can. Why are you dodging it?"

"Give me a break, I was in the hospital," Dust grumbled.

"Yeah, for a day, Dust. You weren't afterwards, and you weren't even going to class, so you had all the spare time you could have wanted."

"Hey, I was working, too. I've still got finals to get through. Maybe let me finish the freaking semester before I get into something, okay?"

Dust flinched away from Saxus' hoof as he laid in on the pegasus' shoulder. "Dust..."

"I—I just don't want to talk to some weird, random pony right now. I can't..." Dust sniffed. "I'm not ready. I've—I've done too much."

"Mistakes don't make a pony who they are."

"It wasn't just a mistake, Shadow. It was a choice. When High—" he caught himself, choking off the name, "when he did that to me, that was what I deserved. What I'd earned. I put myself in that situ—"

Dust started as Saxus reached out and grabbed his mane forcefully. "Dust, don't you ever say that around me again. You didn't deserve what happened to you. Nopony deserves it. It wasn't your fault." He slacked his grip, but kept his hoof on Dust's neck. "You're a good pony, Dust. You deserve to be loved as much as anypony else does."

Forced to stare into Saxus' face, Dust knew his friend could see the tears hiding in the corners of his eyes. He really didn't care. "I—I wish I could believe that."

Dust wasn't in class the next day. He wasn't in class the day after, either. Nor the rest of the week.

Every morning he awoke, he packed his books into his saddlebag and went about his morning as though he would be going, but when the hour came, he just froze up and couldn't leave the room. He missed meals without thinking about it, and when he did make it down to the dining hall he entered silently, ate quickly, and left abruptly. He all but refused to make conversation, and when he did, it was quiet and curt.

In his room, Dust wrestled with his brain, trying to psyche himself up to go to class.

Come on, let's go! Today's the day, let's just get out and enjoy the fresh air at least.

My grade already is what it is, going to class isn't going to change anything. I can go to finals next week and do what I can there.

Staying in here isn't healthy.

But if I go to class I'll have to face—to face Tinker. She won't understand.

This argument would play out over and over again, at which point Dust got frustrated, emptied his saddlebag back out again, and threw himself into studying for lack of anything productive to do. He was sure that no pony in the school's history had been more prepared for finals, nor more sure that anypony in history's finals would have less of an impact on their grades.

The middle of the afternoon was stretching towards the early evening as Dust forcefully pushed his History book aside. I can't even read about the subject without thinking of Tinker, he silently complained. That confirms it, I'm going to have to move to Canterlot or something. I'm going utterly mad here.

He rocked back, hanging his head backwards over the edge of the chair, and almost slid completely to the floor as a knock echoed in the quiet room, breaking his thoughts.

He glanced at the clock. A customer? Now? Dear Harmony, I don't need this...

He trotted to the door, and grabbed the latch, a witty dismissal forming in his mind for whatever pony was standing outside expecting a paid lay.

Outside, in the hall, was Tinker. Her violet eyes were narrowed and hard, and she was not smiling.

"Hello, Copper."

Author's Note

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