"The Scent of Prey"

A G4M Side Story by AJ Aficionado

I love my job!

Others may have better pay, benefits, or more flexible hours. Others may not have to work at all, living off the largesse of a rich inheritance. For most of these people they probably won't have to break their hip in their line of work either, but that's probably just me.

No that's definitely just me. I can take things a bit too far.

"You're lucky you weren't killed, you dolt!" Ever Ring scolded me while I was laid up in the hospital, adding a swat across the back of the head with the soft part of her hoof. A white unicorn with pink mane and tail, Ever Ring was my handler for Gentleman for Mares as well as what seemed my surrogate mother as she informed me I wasn't going to be getting any pegasus assignments for awhile.

Assignments you may ask? Yes, work assignments. My name is Richard (rhymes with Picard) Eckhart, and my company, Gentlemen for Mares, sends me out to give the mares of Equestria the time of their lives. Assuming they have the money of course.

It wasn't until that portal opened in the Pacific ocean that I was given a glimpse of my future as an alien living in an alternate dimension. It wasn't until I saw the female inhabitants of said dimension during television coverage of first contact that I got curious about the idea of relationships outside of my species. Not that I dared share that little bit of information with even my closest friends. A lot of them to this day think of the Equestrians as animals and human/pony relations as bestiality; it makes for awkward dinner conversation when the subject of my new life in "Horsie Land" comes up.

Scraping together the resources for a visit through the now stable and heavily regulated wormhole wasn't easy, but any cost was worth it. A land of colorful talking equines? This I had to see for myself!

*****

I was just a tourist up until reaching the city of Manehatten. I have no idea how the ponies managed to pattern nearly all of their cities' names after North America's, and I've long stopped caring. The upshot of it is I met her; the mare who's slain a thousand men, Five Stars. I was just standing there drinking my coffee outside of Star Bucks, when I felt a light smack on the ass by a green tail belonging to a tawny-coated earth pony with orange eyes that reflected the doomed souls of the innocent.

It didn't even take her an hour to get me back to her place and etch her name into the back of my subconscious forever. Along with adding a new scalp to her collection, she got my autograph as well on a contract to join the escort service to which she was a trainer in the fine art of lovemaking. Promising this would lead to eligibility for an extension on my visa and even a pathway to citizenship, I happily signed my life away to the manager of Gentlemen for Mares, a unicorn mare by the name of Platinum Corona, who seems to have a lot of pull in the government.

I hadn't had a reason to regret my decision to do so until very recently, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Another great perk about working for G4M is the pegasi-drawn chariots. To and from every job, Ever Ring will transport me and the other gentlemen she handles wherever in Equestria we need to go. Her balancing of the schedules for all five of us is an enviable piece of time management skills that few can surpass. Now flying back from the hospital where the healers had pronounced me fully recovered from my fall of fifty feet, it was time for the second shoe to drop. "No more pegasi!? Come on, Ever Ring! it was one little slip-up! It could have happened to anyone!" I pleaded to her like I pleading to my mother not to be grounded.

To little surprise, Ever Ring wasn't buying it. "You should have thought about that before you decided to include death-defying feats of aerial fornication to your list of hobbies, Richard. I know you have a reputation to maintain and all, but the safety of our gentlemen and their clients comes first. You're a valuable investment Richie, and I need you to stay close to the ground for awhile."

Many of my clients are pegasi; we just seem to really hit it off for some reason. I suppose they just appreciate a human that can tolerate risks. With a lifestyle that often includes the manipulation of weather or high-speed aerial acrobatics, you have to be a bit mental. In any case I stand to lose a lot of money if this keeps up for too long. "How long are we talking about here Eve? Long enough to worry about what I'm going to eat next week or long enough to worry about paying the rent?"

Eve turned to look at me with a look of calculated calm honed from years of delivering Gentlemen the news that they were about to draw a nasty dose of KP duty, and smiled. "My dear, dear Richie. How could you suggest your auntie Eve would let you go hungry?" With that she reached over and gave me a pinch on the cheek with her left fore hoof.

Yes, I said pinch — with hooves. Equestrian ponies are really something else. “Can’t I just say I’m sorry and be forgiven?” I put on my most doe-eyed innocent look.

She smirked. "We'll see how sorry you are for your carelessness after your next assignment," she continued, opening her saddlebag with magic and levitating a folder over to me. "Platinum Corona has received a rather... interesting request from a client in Ponyville that requires a bit of forwardness on the part of the gentlemen and a certain appreciation for danger," she said as she deposited the folder in my lap. “one that doesn't require flying."

I leaned back in my seat and sighed; I'm never going to live this shit down.

"Oh buck up Richie, it's all in good fun.” Eve’s voice suddenly turned serious. “I do have to warn you, though. Ponyville is not exactly the most welcoming place for Gentlemen at the moment. So I want you to be discreet — wear street clothes and try not to go handing out Noble Greetings to every mare you meet."

I nodded. I'd been keeping up with the articles in the Manehatten Post and things were not going well for the good guys. Ponyville in particular had seen some very important and influential mares turn hostile to our presence. One was a Wonderbolts member and another of them reportedly possessed the strength of ten stallions and kicked trees for a living. I winced at the image, thinking about what one of her trees must feel like.

Ever Ring brought me back around by waving a hoof in front of my face. "You with me, Richie?"

"Yeah sorry," I replied shaking myself out of my reverie and turning my attention to the folder in my lap. "I was just thinking about that one pony. The uhh, Tree Kicker of Ponyville. I don't suppose I would fair well in a fight."

And with that Eve brought hoof to face and sighed. "It's Applejack, and she's a friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Honestly Ricard, don't you think about anything but the sky?"

"It's where all the action is!" I proclaimed proudly.

Or rather where it was…

At least, that's what I thought until I began reading from the folder which played out like a scene from a 1970's rape-revenge fantasy movie that no one ever saw. The kind of stuff the internet makes fun of for a living! "Wha… she wants me to hunt her down and eat her!? I know I've been hungry enough to eat a horse but this is ridiculous!"

Ever Ring snorted and valiantly tried not to laugh but to no avail; she's always kind of liked corny jokes. After wiping the tears away with her hoof she composed herself. "Don't tell me you've never had a fantasy that didn't make any sense! Look Richie, this poor mare has been through a lot living out on the frontier. She's not only survived all manner of disaster, but she's managed to carve out for herself a good chunk of the flower trade between herself and her friends. She's more than earned herself a bit of fun."

I directed her attention towards the folder, pointing at single instruction. "Eve... it says I have to dress up like a fox hunter!"

Suppressing another giggle, Eve soldiered on. "You may be grounded, but your job hasn't changed, Richie. Fox hunter or no, you are still in the business of making mares happy. Tomorrow, you are going to perform for her in a different way than usual but you will still be the man of her dreams. It’ll be a good change of pace for you; I know you can do this."

"I'm not really much of an actor Eve,” I groaned, running a hand through my hair.

"When you make your grand entrance and see her standing there, you’ll know exactly what to do, Richie. You just have to find it in yourself to believe that." She rapped the bench seat with her hoof, to drive the point home.

Curse you Eve for always knowing what to say. She's right. I sell myself every day; it's my job after all. "So I take it Harry is unavailable?"

"Oh he's busy dear. Very, very busy.” She winked at me slyly.

Sometimes I really hate that guy's luck.

Author's Note

This was going to a be full-blown clopfic, but I just didn't have one in me.