Entry 3
Date: Still goddamn unknown, but it's two days later

The day started off bright and early, a change from my usual habits of sleeping in ‘til midday. Although I suppose the only real reason that that happened was because I stayed up all night watching anime and playing World of Warcraft. Now that I’ve lost those things, I’ve no real reason to stay up later than what I assumed was 8 or 9pm. So far I haven’t seen any fucking clocks besides that massive tower in Ponyville, but that doesn’t exactly help me at night when I can’t fucking see anything.

I realised then about something I surprisingly never thought of in my incarceration in stone. At that moment, I realised that I had lost more than just some silly past time games and anime. I’d lost all that I held dear to myself. Aside from the obvious, games and anime, were my friends and family. Sure I didn’t exactly like my family half the time, but they were still my family, and I wouldn’t change them at all. Well, I would but that’s not the point. My family was gone, and so were my friends.

My friends were what kept me from breaking down in depression throughout my life in high school. I had issues with the majority of the other students in my year level, where they would either insult me, and/or bully me for no reason. I didn’t even know half of them, and they picked on me just for existing. I also had some Monophobia issues, but not that bad. I wasn’t exactly afraid of being alone, more so that I craved a loved one. So after years of rejection that also built up the intolerable bullying that I received in high school. And so, depression and thoughts of suicide followed my early high school life.

But once I reached the end of year 9, my life started to really pick up, I made some good friends. One in particular, a great friend who I consider my brother, was the nicest person to me. He unknowingly picked me out of my deep dark and depressing hole that was death, and brought me back into the light that was life.

I could never repay the debt that I owe to Alex, because he saved my life, even if he didn't know it. Now that he’s gone, and everyone else, well, things just aren’t the same. I can feel myself slipping again.

I reached into my pocket, and I pulled out my only reminder of him. It was a picture we took together to celebrate my birthday. He came all the way from Western Australia to Adelaide just for it, he came for me, so we could share drinks together. That stupid smirk of his and his obsession with Jack and Cokes, it was all he drank that night....

It was that morning, the morning of whatever the fuck day of whatever the fuck month, that I truly cried for the first time in years. Not some little thing like a single tear rolling down my cheek. No, I full on broke down after I woke up in that bed. Barely ten minutes after awaking, I wailed in despair. Honestly, I was amazed no one had come into my room after the sound of my cries.

I have lost everything, and now, the dark thoughts of suicide are resurfacing. But I knew that suicide was not an option. Despite wanting to, there was always one thing I feared above all else. It wasn't death, not pain, but what came after death itself. What happens after I die? Do I reincarnate as another person? Or maybe a pony because I’m on this planet? Or maybe do I go to heaven, or hell, despite not believing in either? These questions have always lingered at the back of my mind, and will forever keep me from suicide.

~~~~~

Yesterday, I finally finished off that hammer for Applejack, and of course it was up to standard. It wasn't easy though, even though I had my knowledge of smithing from all those hours I put into WoW and Diablo, actually putting it into practice wasn't as easy. The furnace needed to constantly be loaded with coals to keep the heat up, then there was the moulding, then punching in the hole for the hammer's grip. If it wasn't for retaining that knowledge, I'd probably be there for the whole damn day.

Anyway, as per the deal that was struck between us, I was to go to AJ's farm every Sunday to work on any tools that needed fixing. An added bonus is that Sunday just happens to be their weekly “pony pet play date”, or whatever the fuck it’s called. So I get to spend the day to myself after I finished without any pesky ponies to anger me.

That makes today Monday. God I used to hate Mondays, but now that I have nothing to do, they’re just another day. No school, no work, nothing. So I decided to go visit that pink pony with the crazy hair. I hear she works at some bakery or something. I was fucking hungry and had “bits” to spend. Bits is a fucking dumb name for currency but sure. I’ll spare the details of walking through town. Glare here, glare there. Disgusted pony #53 didn’t look away this time. There were some changes though, some ponies, like Disgusted pony #81 became Not-so-disgusted pony #1.

Either way, it seemed like some ponies were actually getting used to my presence. But, getting used to me doesn’t mean they accepted me, or even like me. To be honest, I couldn’t give a flying fuck what they think. Hopefully soon, I won’t be anywhere near these fucking ponies anymore.

And so, I arrived at my destination: Sugar Cube Corner. Fitting name for a gingerbread house that just so happened to be a bakery specialising in sweets. I like it, despite it being weird as fuck. I just hope there's no witch trying to eat me once I go inside.

I walked through the front door and was greeted with a bell chiming, and then silence. All the ponies in the room who were talking amongst each other were now looking at me in shock, like a fucking dragon just walked into the shop. It was only then, that I realised Spike was walking with me the whole time.

“Oh, hey mate.” I said to the little reptilian.

“Hi.” He responded with glee. It’s only been a few days since I’ve known him, but we’ve bonded a little. The little guy doesn’t outright hate me unlike 99% of the population of this town, so I can safely say I have at least one friend.

“What about me?!” An eccentric pink pony shouted in my face, while bouncing up and down.

“Pinkie, get back here!” Hissed the pony behind the counter.

Whoa what. When did she get there? I thought to myself. Truly, this pony is something fucking weird. I looked to Spike for assistance but he just shrugged at me, but when I looked back, "Pinkie" was sliding down my body like a big, pink snake. It felt fucking weird! I almost kicked her for it!

“Uh… Hey.” I said hesitantly, waving my hand once.

“Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie! And your name is Julian! You’re that strange creature that hates Princess Celestia for some reason!” She shouts out gleefully without a single moment's hesitation.

Are you fucking serious? I slap my hand to my face and groan. I look up to see literally everyone in the room except Pinkie staring at me with hate.

“Hi Pinkie. I came here hoping to get something to eat but I’ve changed my mind. I’ll just leave.” I started to leave before Pinkie grabbed my arm.

“What?! You can’t leave without eating! Especially if you’re hungry!” She shouted at me… again. Fucking hell she’s really beginning to annoy me.

“Well it doesn’t look like I’m exactly wanted here. Even the ponies behind the counter seem to hate me.” So today didn’t exactly do well for my emotional situation. Coupled with my thoughts this morning, and the fact that nearly every living thing in this town hated me, I got really depressed.

“Aww come on, don’t be like that.” She stopped bouncing and looked at me with a small smile on her face. I could tell it was the kind of smile a desperate person puts on their face to help others. “Just smile!” She said as she got in my face and used her hooves to turn my grimace into a makeshift grin.

“Sorry, but I don’t exactly have anything to smile about these days you know.” I said to her solemnly, gently pushing her away from me. What the fuck am I trying to do? Guilt trip these ponies? Fuck man, pull yourself together. I thought.

I was about to straighten up and apologise to her for being so depressing, but before I could, a random pony stood up and said something they really shouldn’t have.

“Oh quit your pathetic moping. You think you’re the only one with problems here ya weirdo?” She practically shouted as she walked up to me, her own hate in her steps.

“Oh I know I’m not, but my problems stem much deeper than yours, I can guarantee you that.” I replied with venom in my tone. I assume she picked up on it because she visibly recoiled a little.

“Oh really? So ponies don’t like you, not many here like me either.” She replied in turn.

“I can see why.” I was starting to get annoyed with this blue-ish/green Pegasus, maybe Turquoise? I dunno, I’m shit with colours.

Her eyes narrowed and she threw a punch at my chest. I took the hit and grunted slightly, but before she could pull back and throw another I grabbed her hoof in my hand, held tightly, and squeezed.

Her eyes widened considerably and she grunted in pain. “Let go!” She shouted while trying to pull away.

“No.” I growled in low and menacing manner at her as my grip tightened.

“Let go!” She shouted again. I squeezed harder in response, my nails now threatening to pierce her skin.

“No.” The simple word seemed to frighten her to death as she tried more feverously to escape my grip.

“Stop!” Pinkie shouted next to us. I stopped squeezing but I still held this ponies’ hoof. The Pegasus in turn stopped struggling but she still looked at me with fear in her eyes. “Why can’t you both just smile?” Pinkie asked as she came between the two of us, her expression dropping considerably. She couldn't even look at me, and her hair deflated. Literally, if her hair was a balloon, then it had most assuredly been popped. Tears built up in her eyes before she started crying in front of us.

I let go of the Pegasus mare before turning to Spike. I reached into my pocket and threw him some money I was given before leaving. “I’m not sure if you actually brought any with you, but if you did, buy yourself some extra.” I said as I patted his head before walking out the store with hate in my eyes. God damn ponies. How dare she? How dare she try and compare her problems to mine.

I walked back to the castle, practically oozing hate and rage. Once I walked in, I headed for my room. I ran into Twilight on the way and she looked surprised to see me. “Oh hey, back already? By the way, have you seen Spike?” She asked.

“He’s at Sugar Cube Corner, probably eating some muffins or something.” I waved her off dismissively before making my way to my room. I was in no mood to talk, and thinking of that place reminds me of that blue Pegasus bitch. The one who could believe that her “suffering” was anywhere near my own. How can anyone here think that their problems are bigger than mine? None of them have ever been stripped from their families, friends and home.

About twenty minutes later, my door slammed open, somehow. Twilight walked in, and she looked a bit mad. “What were you thinking?!” She yelled at me, but I remained silent. “You assaulted that pony in Sugar Cube Corner!”

I laughed hard and sarcastically at the small princess. “Assaulted? The stupid bitch threw the first punch, I retaliated in self-defence. Ask Spike, or Pinkie, or anyone in that damn bakery for that matter. They all saw it.” I bitterly replied.

“The ponies in town are spreading rumours of you attacking somepony at Sugar Cube Corner. In broad daylight!” She shouted again. My response was to sit back up and show her my pissed off face.

“And you’d believe them?! The very same ponies who seem to hate me for no reason?! The ones who spit at my feet and glare daggers at me for simply walking by them? Hell, for even existing?!” I shouted back in response, my hatred pooling over.

“What?” She seemed shocked. How could she not know? It was fucking obvious. I thought.

“The ponies in this town hate me for no reason Twilight. I thought you knew that since it was pretty much as clear as day.”

“I did, but I didn’t know they acted like this. Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, a bit ashamed.

“And then what, little Miss Nerd? I tell you how they act, and you what, tell them to stop? Forbid them from doing it? Get the same guards who hate me just as much as the ponies do to enforce these “laws” upon them?! You can’t stop them from hating me Twilight!” I bitterly shouted as she began to step back in fear of me unleashing my rage upon her. “You can do nothing Twilight, nothing at all. No one can help me because the people who could, are lost to me. You want someone to blame for my actions? Blame your oh-so-lovely princess. She may not be the reason I’m here, but she sure didn’t do anything to FUCKING FIX IT!”

With that, I pushed her out the room and slammed the door in her face before going to a restless sleep. In my dreams, all I could see was them, the people who helped save my life...the people I love who're lost.

Julian, signing off.

Author's Note

Chapters should be coming in a lot more frequently now.