How could Rainbow Dash have known Scootaloo was an orphan?
For the longest time she’d known the filly, Rainbow Dash never saw Scootaloo’s parents. But she never saw any other foal’s parents either (save for Applebloom and Sweetie Belle's), so she didn’t bother to think too much on it.
Not until she asked Rainbow Dash to come in for a parent teacher conference.
‘Why can’t your parents go?’ Boy, did dash feel embarrassed asking that after she heard the answer.
Scootaloo’d lived by herself for a couple of years now. Her parents were long gone, and buried in the backyard. Scootaloo didn’t want to live in an orphanage, and she especially didn’t want to leave her friends (Ponyville was a small town; if she was sent to an orphanage she’d have to be sent to Canterlot or Fillydelphia).
So Rainbow Dash decided to go ahead with this ‘parent-teacher conference’ scheme.
Big. Bucking. Mistake.
It turned out, that teachers were actually smart. I mean, who knew?
Cheerilee caught onto the act when she realized an eighteen-year-old was bringing in an eight-year-old as her daughter. Dash’s reaction when Cheerilee asked how old she was did not help matters at all. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle got in on the act, and tried all sorts of tricks to get Cheerilee to believe Rainbow Dash was Scootaloo’s mom, including dressing up in a costume and pretending to be the dad, and forging a birth certificate with crayons.
Cheerilee was not falling for any of it.
Nor were the social workers. Apparently, they were pretty smart too, or at least smart enough to figure out Scootaloo’s hiding place. The CMC clubhouse of all things!
Scootaloo was in tears when they finally took her away.
Rainbow watched as they took her.
She had no idea how to help her.
Usually Pinkie Pie was her go-to-gal for friendly ear, but this was serious business, so she went to Applejack instead.
“So basically, you need a way to get Scootaloo back here to Ponyville, without doing something drastic like kidnapping her.” Applejack mused.
“Yeah, that’s right.” Rainbow Dash fluttered nervously. “Do you have any idea in that big old thinking hat or what?”
Applejack grinned. “Well, there’s always adoption?”
The pair of ponies looked at each other for a while, and then burst into laughter.
“Applejack… this is serious…” Rainbow Dash gasped once she regained control of herself.
“Ah know, ah know.” Applejack calmed down. “But, truth be told, I don’t see no other option. Sorry.”
“Yeah, well… you’re stupid!”
“Dash…”
“Daring Do would find another way. She always does.”
“You ain’t Daring Do. In reality, sometimes bad things happen. Like when your ma and pa died. And ya just gotta live with it.”
“But I had Fluttershy! She’ll be all alone in Canterlot! You know what kind of stuck up snobbish ponies they have up there! She’ll be an outcast!”
“Ah know.” Applejack nodded sadly. “Ah also know that Scootaloo’s a tough little filly. She’ll get through all right, and we’ll see her in Ponyville again. Or you could ask Princess Celestia to help her.”
“I already did.” Rainbow Dash said bitterly. “Twilight says she’s busy with some sort of dragon crisis.”
“Well, then, not much you can do ‘till she gets back, right?”
Rainbow Dash growled.
“Dash, you know kidnapping won’t solve anything, right?”
“How do you know? It might solve everything!”
“Dash!” Applejack called to her, but she flew off.
Rainbow Dash went back to her cloud house, and hugged a plush doll. Tears flowed freely from her face, as she thought of her number one fan and what she must be going through. She curled up into a ball in her bed, and cried late into the night, until she fell asleep from exhaustion.
o_O_o
The next day found Rainbow Dash sitting on her sofa, swiftly going through a tub of storm-cloud flavored ice cream. She was watching Sandlot, a childhood favorite of hers, and crying all the way through it. “Oh Scootaloo.” She sniffed, as she watched the hero’s sidekick hit an autographed baseball into the yard of ‘The Beast’. “Life is a little less awesome without you.”
The phone rang, and she picked it up. “Fluttershy, I’m not going to go to the spa with you!”
“Rainbow Dash?”
It was Scootaloo.
Rainbow Dash sat up. “Oh hey Scootaloo. How’s it going?”
“Like the time when I tried to get my Cutie Mark in babysitting, except infinity times more boring, and I’m not covered in tree sap yet.”
“That bad huh?”
“Yeah. I arrived just in time for one of their sessions of letting parents-to-be wander amongst the orphans, and they spent half their time talking to me! And once they left, everypony was angry at me for almost getting adopted on my first day, and now nopony will talk to me!”
“Well hang in there kiddo, I’ll get you out of there soon.”
“You will?” Scootaloo gasped. “You’re going to adopt me!?”
“What? No!” Rainbow Dash stopped herself, when she realized how horrible that sounded. “I mean, it’s not that you wouldn’t make an awesome daughter, but I’m not sure if I’d make a good mom.”
“… Oh. But then, what did you mean when you said ‘I’ll get you out of there soon?’ Wait… Rainbow Dash, I think you’re the coolest mare ever, but you’re not gonna kidnap me are you?”
“Would it really be kidnapping if the victim wanted to be kidnapped?”
“I don’t know! I’m not a philanthropist!” Rainbow Dash didn’t correct her. She didn’t know how to say philosopher either. “But I don’t want you to get into trouble for me!”
“Okay, fine, relax. Kidnapping will be my last resort. What I meant was, I wrote a letter to the princess. I’m sure she’ll at least be able to transfer you to an orphanage in Ponyville.”
“There is not orphanage in Ponyville, remember? That’s why I’m in Canterlot right now.”
“Yeah but… she’s the princess, right? She can pick up the orphanage and toss it down our way! Besides, I said that’s the least she could do. She could probably totally find you the most awesome mom ever.”
Scootaloo gasped, “Celestia’s Mane!”
“Yeah, her mane’s pretty cool.”
“No! I just saw one of the fillies get dragged underground! And another one!”
Images of her fight with Diamond Dogs went through Rainbow Dash’s mind. “Scootaloo, where are you right now?”
“I’m the middle of a park, with the rest of the orphans. There are monsters dragging them underground!”
Rainbow Dash felt her heart-beat accelerate. “Okay, listen Scootaloo, where are you right now? Can you get anywhere where there isn’t like, open ground? Someplace where you can stand on wood, or stone?”
She heard scrambling over the phone. “I’m on a telephone pole!”
It wouldn’t be enough. Rainbow Dash realized. It wouldn’t be nearly enough. But she shoved that realization down and focused on Scootaloo.
“That’s great! Now, remember those kung fu moves I taught you, all right?”
“They took Matron! I’m the only one left!”
“Calm down!” Rainbow Dash was yelling into the phone now. She could hear ponies screaming in the background. “Just stay calm and fight! You’re like, the most awesome filly I know, and no diamond dogs are gonna take you, alright!?”
“But what if they do?”
“THEY WON’T!”
“Alright. I’ll fight them! I’m not scared!”
“Good, don’t be scared. They’re not going to take you Scootaloo. Aim for the nose. Aim for their face! Break their faces Scootaloo, you can do it!”
And then she heard the most horrifying sound she’d ever heard in her life.
She heard Scootaloo screaming.
It was like some giant invisible monster had a death grip on her heart, and just kept squeezing it until she didn’t have the strength to speak. But Scootaloo was in trouble, so she spoke anyways.
“Scootaloo, you can do it! You can fight them!” Rainbow Dash yelled over the phone. She prayed that the little filly could hear her over the snarls of Daimond Dogs. “I’ll find you!” She yelled. “I’ll find you Scootaloo!”
The sounds on the other end of the phone were getting softer now. There were no more ponies screaming.
Tears streamed down Rainbow Dash’s face. And then she heard it. She heard the sound of a phone being picked up, and the heavy breathing of a diamond dog.
Most people would say Rainbow Dash had a temper problem. Most people only saw Rainbow Dash when she was annoyed. There was only one pony alive in Equestria who’d ever known Rainbow Dash’s true anger, and if she heard Rainbow Dash now, the rage in her voice burning so much that it became cool, trembling with so much rage, that it became calm, she would advise everypony in the vicinity to run away as fast as they could.
“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you want ransom, I don’t have the money. But I’ll tell you what I do have; I have some powerful friends, in some powerful places. Friends that I have acquired over a long life of being as awesome as possible. Friends that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let Scootaloo go, that’ll be the end of it. I’ll let the royal guards deal with you. I won’t come after you. I won’t look for you. But if you don’t… I will hunt you down. I will find you. And I will kill you.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a while. And then a voice came from the other end.
“Good luck.”
He hung up the phone.
Rainbow Dash hung up her own phone, and let out a scream of unbridled rage. This was the scream she let loose when her dad killed her mom and left her for a unicorn. This was the scream Cloudsdale heard when a pair of unfortunately infatuated pegasi couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer when it came to her friend Fluttershy. This scream was not a scream any pony should make, or hear. This was the scream of war.
The phone rang again.
She picked it up. “What?”
“Um… hi Rainbow Dash.” Said a voice so small she could barely hear it over the phone. “I heard your scream of rage and… um… well, all of Ponyville heard it actually… would you like to go to the spa? Maybe relax a bit before you do anything rash?”
o_O_o
Princess Celestia was in the middle of a Full Court. Every single duke, baron, or prince was in attendance as they discussed matters of royal import. Nopony had ever interrupted Full Court before.
So she was once again indebted to Twilight’s friends.
Rainbow Dash flew in, chased by the Wonderbolts, and landed directly in front of her. “Princess! We have to save Scootaloo!” And then the Wonderbolts caught up to her, and tackled her off the table in a blur.
As they wrestled in the corner, Princess Celestia tapped her gravel. “I do believe court is adjourned for the day.”
o_O_o
Rainbow Dash and Princess Celestia looked over the park. The grass was green and undisturbed.
The chief guard, Commander Obvious Twist, walked up to them. “I’ve had the earth pony team run ground forensics. There’s no sign of any diamond dogs here.”
“I heard her!” Rainbow Dash growled. “I heard her screaming for help. She was here, and don’t you dare tell me otherwise!”
“Maybe she was in a different park?” Commander Obvious suggested.
Rainbow Dash took out her cellular phone, and pressed the caller return button. “This is the number Scootaloo called me on.”
The nearby payphone rang.
Commander Obvious nodded. “Alright. Well, we know something’s up, since the staff of the Canterlot Orphanage disappeared. Leave this to the professionals now.”
“No way!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “I’m helping!”
Commander Obvious sighed. “Listen, Rainbow Dash, in most kidnappings the first twenty four hours are the most important. Most ponies, if they’re found at all, are found between the twelfth and twenty-fourth hours. Thank you for bringing this to our attention in the first… oh… hour. This being an orphanage, nopony would have noticed until it’s too late. So thank you, but we’re in the middle of the most important stage of the operation, and we can’t have you running around like a bull in a china shop.”
Rainbow Dash snarled, but Princess Celestia placed a gentle hoof on her shoulder. “It’s alright Rainbow Dash. These are professionals, there’s nothing more you can do. Twilight and the others will be here soon, and together we’ll look over this case with Commander Twist, and we’ll find this missing foal.”
“No.” Rainbow Dash shook herself away. “There has to be more that I can do.”
And then, realizing there was something, she flew off faster then anypony could object.
o_O_o
Manehatten. On the surface, it was a brightly polished gem, fit to adorn Rarity’s best dresses. But underneath the surface, it was a wretched hive of scum and villainy. In particular, The Banana Bar was full of the most hardened ponies in Equestria.
Rainbow Dash walked through the double doors, and the bar went silent.
She was wearing a slightly oversized black leather jacket, and perfectly form-fitting shades. She walked up to the bar in total confidence, and sat right in front of the griffon bartender. “I’ll take some hard Apple Cider.”
The pony bartender passed her the strong drink, and she was about to take a sip, when somepony knocked the glass over.
Rainbow Dash snarled. “Is this some sort of sick joke?”
“Yeah, and here’s the punchline.” A talon clocked Dash on the head. If she’d been any other pony (besides a member of the Apple family) she would have been out like a light.
She turned and glared at Gilda.
“What’s the matter?” The Griffon asked. “Can’t take a little joke?”
“I’m having a bad day. You’re making it worse.”
“Now, why does that sound so familiar?”
The two glared at each other.
“What do you want?”
“I came here looking for a job. I followed this add.” Gilda held up a note, and Rainbow Dash groaned as she remembered writing it.
“’Looking for an expert in Diamond Dog dialects. Big pay.’” Gilda set the paper down. “Lucky you I’m still looking for work. But what would Rainbow Dash need an interpreter for?”
Dash looked around. “Alright I guess you’ll have to do. Wait here.”
“Wait here for what?”
“The can-on-a-string.”
Gilda was confused, but nodded. The can-on-a-string maneuver was one of the timeless pranks she’d pulled with Dash during their days in flight school.
Rainbow Dash picked up the remnants of her poor abused apple cider and splashed it across her face, swaggering across the bar. She staggered drunkenly towards a table with a trio of Diamond Dogs were sitting down, having an animated discussion.
“Excuse me.” She said, putting an end to the conversation by slamming her hoofs on the table.
The diamond dogs looked up at her. “What’chu want pony?” One of them leered.
“I have a friend, she said Diamond dogs have really sensitive ears.” Rainbow Dash said. “So I thought you’d appreciate my music.”
“Music?”
“Yeah, I want a full critique, hold nothing back.” She took a deep breath, and started to sing.
She didn’t get past five notes before the diamond dogs were so distracted by the pain that she was able to slip her cellular phone out of her oversized jacket and underneath the table.
“Enough!” One of the dogs reached out and shut her muzzle with one massive fist. “Your singing is lousy! You’re trying to sing a tarantella in three quarter time, you’re near tone-deaf, your pitch is all over the scale, you sing from your stomach, you use unnecessary vibrato, and your Ds are all flat! You are, without a doubt, the least musical pony I’ve ever met!” He produced a card. “If you really want to be a singer, here’s my cousin’s card. He’s a vocal coach. Otherwise, don’t ever make noises come out of your mouth. Ever. Again.
Dash slipped out of his grip. “Um… thanks.” She said, silently stunned by the freakish musical knowledge the diamond dog possessed.
She staggered back to where Gilda was waiting and took out another phone. “Just translate.” Rainbow Dash said.
Gilda chuckled, and listened. “You’re sure you want to hear this?”
“Every word.”
“Well… first off they keep calling you a Mare, which is like a curse in dog. And then they’re starting to discuss the benefits and drawbacks to performing a tarantella in three quarter time. Apparently, the small one believes that it shouldn’t matter, so long as the singer is passionate enough…”
“You mean… they’re all talking about culture and junk?”
“What did you expect them to talk about?”
“Blah, blah, blah, just skip to the important stuff only please.”
“The bigger one is saying that his fists disagree with the little one.”
Dash groaned.
“And now they’re going into the Commander Thunderhooves operas.”
“Commander Thunderhooves had operas?”
“Duh, they’re real popular. All about how he slays dragons. I’m pretty sure I took you to see it once.”
“Oh, that opera thing at Hearth’s Warming? I fell asleep after the first minute. You mean there were dragons in it?”
*Sigh.* “Alright, now they’re late for their tunnel orchestra, so they’re leaving.”
Rainbow Dash glared. “What? That can’t be it! Why would they be in this part of town if they weren’t involved in some sort of nefarious…”
Gilda held up a claw to stop her. “Dash, that was when we were still in flight school. They’ve cleaned this place up since then. Now it’s a hotspot for hipsters and music geeks.”
Dash snorted. “That’s great. That’s just what I need.” She kicked her chair away, and stormed out of the bar, not even bothering to retrieve her phone.
Gilda jogged after her. “Rainbow, what did you expect them to talk about?”
“… A little filly got kidnapped by Diamond dogs this morning. I’m going to find her, and I’m going to kill the mangy mutts who took her.”
Gilda looked stunned for a moment. Then she grinned. “Now that’s hardcore! You want my help?”
“No. I don’t.”
“You don’t want to know who took her, where she’s being held, what’s going to happen to her?”
Gilda didn’t see anything but a rainbow colored blur, before Dash rammed her into a solid brick wall in an abandoned alley a mile away. “WHAT DO YOU KNOW!?”
Gilda tried to breath. “Easy rainbow… easy…”
“Tell me what you know right now, or else I’ll… I’ll…”
“You’d never hurt me.” Gilda managed to choke out. “Rainbow… let go…”
Dash let go, and Gilda collapsed onto the ground. “You’ve still got it Rainbow.” She gasped. “You’ve still got it.”
“Tell me what you know about Scootaloo.” Rainbow Dash said, as cold as ice.
Gilda sat up. “I don’t know about Scootaloo.” She said. “But I know who took her. They’re called the Blue Moon Diamond Dogs. They’re cleverer then the usual breed. They can tunnel in, and out, without leaving a trace. And they always target ponies that won’t be missed. Sometimes they’ll just clean out a train as it’s moving. Other times, a wandering pack of buffalo. Sometimes, a newly started village will become a ghost town.”
“Why are they kidnapping ponies?”
Gilda blushed. “Dinner.”
“WHAT!!!”
“Don’t panic.” Gilda said. “They don’t actually kill the ponies until twenty four hours after kidnapping them. At least. First they go through a process of cleaning the ponies, then seasoning and garnishing them. Then, they take the worst ponies, the ones who are sick, or malnourished, and they cook them up, and feed them to the healthy ones.”
“They what!!?”
“Your friend Scootaloo, she’s not too skinny right?”
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “And then they’ll eat her?”
“No.” Gilda said. “Then they’ll sell them to the highest bidder.”
Rainbow Dash’s tears streamed down her cheeks. Gilda frowned and dried them off. “Hey, don’t cry. If anypony can find her, it’s you.” She pulled Rainbow close to her.
Dash sniffed. “How do you know all this? Is this like… rumors?”
“No Rainbow Dash.” Gilda hesitated. “My brother Talon actually… buys from them regularly.”
Rainbow Dash froze. She suddenly realized she was being hugged by Gilda. She tore out of her grip, and glared daggers at her. “Why are you helping me?”
Tears welled up in Gilda’s eyes. “Didn’t our past mean anything to you?”
Rainbow Dash stared as the griffon wiped a tear from her eye. She’d known Gilda for years. Almost as long as she’d known Fluttershy. And she’d never – ever – seen her cry. She thought griffons might be incapable of it.
“I thought you didn’t want me back.” Muttered Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah.” Gilda sniffed. “It took me a while after that whole Pinkie Pie thing to stop blaming you and start blaming her.”
“Hey!”
“I mean me.” Gilda gulped. “I shouldn’t have tried to make you choose between friends. And I shouldn’t have snapped at you when you called me and tried to patch things up. Three times. I’m not surprised you didn’t answer my calls after that.”
Rainbow Dash blushed. She wasn’t surprised either. But she still felt the overwhelming urge of loyalty that she should have at least answered one call.
“I’m, sorry Dash. I should’ve known how you’d react when I snapped at you. I should’ve tried to be on my better behavior around your friends. I shouldn’t have risen to what I thought was Pinkie Pie’s taunts. I shouldn’t have…”
“Yeah yeah.” Rainbow Dash waved the whole thing away with her hoof. “Enough with the mushy stuff. Do you want to help me save Scootaloo or not?”
Gilda was surprised. But then, she realized, she shouldn’t have been. Dash may have seemed to grow up a bit during the party last year, but she was still the same old living-in-the-moment Rainbow Dash. “Thanks Dash.”
“Is that a yes?”
“With the two of us on her tail, those Diamond Dogs don’t stand a chance.”
o_O_o
The underground network of tunnels was well guarded. The gruff and burly diamond dogs at the gates wore some kind of armor, and used some sort of archaic spears. The red iron doors were barred shut.
Rainbow Dash was convinced she could have taken them all in seconds, but she chose a more subtle approach.
“Ow!” She stumbled across the road directly in front of the Diamond Dog’s cave. Her wings were bent at odd angles, and bleeding quite a bit. “Ow! Pain! Lots of pain! Is it nobler to suffer the sling and arrow of outrageous fortune, or the… the pain? …OOOOWWW!” She collapsed, dangling all four of her hoofs like they were broken, despite walking on all four of them earlier.
Hidden behind a rock, Gilda face-clawed.
The guard dogs, however, were not smart enough to recognize it as an act, and immediately seized this opportunity. They leaped forward, and dragged her into the depths of the cave.
“You know… ow! Dragging me isn’t… ow! Helping the… ow! The pain issue. Aaargh!”
It wasn’t long before she was thrown into a cave labeled ‘Cleenin’.
She looked around. She was the only pony in this cage, but there were several ponies in the cages opposite. Most of them were foals.
“Pssst.” She whispered. “Hey. Are you fillies from Canterlot orphanage?”
“Sshhh.” A small earth pony whispered back. “If you’re quiet, they won’t hurt you.”
“What are you talking about?” An emancipated unicorn snapped. “I heard them talking. They like Pegasus the most. There’s no way she’ll end up with us.”
“What do you mean end up with you?” Dash asked.
“We’re the meats.” The angry little unicorn said. “We’re what gets chopped up and fed to the ponies who’re worth something.”
Rainbow Dash growled. “You are worth something.” She whispered. “You’re all worth something.” But then the cavern was filled with noise, as a pack of Diamond Dogs drew near.
“What you find eh? What you find?” The chief Diamond Dog opened up the cell, and looked at the wounded Rainbow Dash. “Ooooh, Pegasus pony! Nice and lean! Bad wings though. Oh well. When next bunch of ponies comes in, we clean her up good. For now, just fix her.”
“Oh, you don’t want to eat me.” Rainbow Dash gulped. “I mean… I’ll be all tough. You’d have better luck eating gemstones.”
The Diamond dog laughed. “We do eat Gemstones.”
“Not as much as me.” Rainbow Dash grinned wickedly, before belching green flame. As the Diamond Dogs shielded their eyes from this new, bright assault, out of the flame came Rainbow Dash and Gilda. Twilight’s illusion fell off of the wounded Rainbow Dash, as she transformed into Spike.
The Diamond Dog gulped. “Heh heh, silly ponies, think you could get the jump on Diamond Dog? Heh, there an army of us! Good luck!
Rainbow Dash – the real Rainbow Dash – boiled over with rage. She remembered those exact words, in that exact tone, over the phone after Scootaloo disappeared.
This was the mangy mutt that took her.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” She asked.
The Diamond dog looked at her in confusion. “What you talking about pony?”
“We talked on the phone five hours ago.” Rainbow Dash prodded. The filthy cur looked confused. “I told you I’d find you.”
And then came the look of recognition in the Diamond Dog’s eyes. The look that Rainbow Dash was waiting for.
She flew into action.
Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark was more about just speed. Sure, speed was her special talent. But she had another special talent; to be as mind-blowingly awesome as a pony could be. To that end, she had studied ponies throughout the age, and while magic was a no-go for her, there were several other things that made ponies awesome she could learn.
Like kung-fu.
Diamond Dogs had strong arms, specifically made to dig tunnels in a matter of seconds. Their bones were as tough as steel girders.
So she focused on their feet and soft heads.
She only saw red as she fought the Diamond Dogs. She didn’t even stop to think. One of them hit her in the back, and she didn’t even turn around, she just bucked him. She didn’t think, she didn’t feel, she just raged. And those Diamond Dogs felt it.
And then she was alone. Everypony in the cages was gone, sent away by Spike’s flame. All of the Diamond Dogs were laying on the floor, dead. At least, she wanted them to be dead.
There was just one left. Gilda’d taken him and held him down so he would be able to escape.
“Oh please pretty pony! Please don’t hurt me! We have gems! We mine gems for you pretty pony! Just don’t hurt us poor Diamond dogs!”
“Trying to bribe me?” Rainbow Dash growled. “Good. Luck.”
“You… you don’t scare me… Diamond Dogs have much much more dogs…”
“Where is she!?” Rainbow Dash slammed into him. “Where’s Scootaloo?”
The poor dog whined, and wet himself.
“The orange Pegasus you kidnapped this morning.” Gilda told the dog. “You’d better answer her, or she’ll feed you to the dragon.”
“What?” Spike blinked.
“Oh please don’t feed me!” The diamond dog yelped. “The precious ponies got taken to the auction! We got to sell them!”
“WHERE!!?”
“I dunno! We give the ponies to the other pony! He takes them to the auction!”
“You mean somepony’s trading ponies!?” Rainbow Dash was enraged. “Who is he!?”
“I dunno!”
“What was his cutie mark!?”
“I dunno!”
“You’re gonna hafta do better then that!”
“I jus’ wanna live!”
“WHO ARE YOU GIVING THE PONIES TO!?”
“He’s a royal guard pony! His mark thing is… is a smiley mask and a frowny mask!”
Rainbow Dash and spike exchanged glances.
“Obvious Twist.” They both said.
“Go with Gilda, and tell Twilight.” Dash ordered. Gilda and Spike ran for the exit to the mines.
When Gilda dropped the diamond dog, he began to tunnel away at the dirt, trying to get away. Rainbow Dash caught him by the tail, and judo flipped him into a wall. “Did I say you could leave!?” Rainbow Dash snarled.
“I told you everything!”
“I believe you. But that won’t save you.”
o_O_o
Commander Obvious Twist was just leaving his office, when a cyan hoof slammed into the wall next to his face. “How long have you been trading ponies?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Twist didn’t waste any time. He slammed Dash’s head into a wall, and began to pummel her with his hooves. Then he felt a large talon reach in and grab his neck from behind, and pin him to the floor.
“Why?” Rainbow Dash growled. “Why’d you do it?”
“Because I have mouths to feed.” Twist said. “You wouldn’t understand. Being commander of the royal guard doesn’t pay much. As long as I put food on the table for my kids, I’m happy.”
Everypony stared blankly at him.
“Dude… I can’t believe scum like you actually has a family.” Dash said.
“That makes no sense!” Gilda said. “At all! Celestia trusted you! Even if being the commander of the royal guard was a horrible job, ponies who make less money then you are living fine! And even if you were short on bits, you could have asked Celestia for a raise! I’m sure she would have given it to you if, say, you arrested a band of kidnapping diamond dogs instead of going along with their plans to eat ponies! You! Are! An! Idiot!” With each word of the last sentence, Gilda banged his head against the floor.
Twist cried. “Mommy never loved me!”
“I can’t imagine why.”
“Alright listen.” Dash growled. “Here’s how it’s going to be. You’re going to tell us where the auction house is.”
“Or what?”
Gilda turned Twist around, so he saw the full six elements of harmony.
“Well let’s see. I could buck you up pretty badly. Applejack knows her ropes… one pony per limb pulling in different directions, how does that sound? Or FLuttershy could stare at you – trust me, it’s a lot worse then it sounds – or Pinkie Pie could talk your ears off. Or Maybe Twilight could create a force field inside your stomach… and make it bigger.”
“Oh my.” Rarity whispered. “She certainly gets… creative when she’s angry, doesn’t she?”
“Okay! Okay!” Twist cried. “I’ll tell you! I sell them on the River Front Casino! By the edge of Everfree Forest!”
“I’ll tell the Princess.” Twilight rushed off.
“Right.” Rainbow Dash nodded. “Gilda and I will infiltrate this River Front Casino, while you and the others will bring in the cavalry. And you…” She turned to Twist. “Will go to sleep.” She bucked him in the face, and he was out like a light.
“Darling…” Rarity hesitated. “I… couldn’t help but notice you didn’t include me in your list of dangerous ponies…”
“I was saving yours for if he didn’t crack. I was thinking you could use your sewing needles to –”
“I don’t want to know.”
o_O_o
Dash tucked herself tightly under Gilda’s right wing. “Stop squirming.” Gilda hissed, before strolling into the Casino.
The River Front Casino was, actually, by the riverside. Rainbow Dash didn’t get why the river wasn’t in front of it, but maybe the complexities of naming casinos were beyond her.
“Evening Gilda.” Said the Griffon bouncer, letting her walk in.
“How did he know you?”
“I told you… I used to come here with my brother Talon.”
“What!?”
“Pipe down! I didn’t eat anypony!”
“Stop drawing attention to yourself by whispering angrily!”
Gilda was about to retort, but thought better of it. She was getting looked at. She simply strolled towards the secret elevator.
“Ah, Gilda.” The elevator attendant let her pass through, and they went down into the lower levels.
“It doesn’t look like you’ve never eaten anypony.” Dash whispered.
The elevator doors opened. There was a Daimond Dog on guard, but Gilda swiftly snapped his neck and shoved him aside.
“I don’t think now is the time to be having this discussion…”
“I think this is something I need to know.”
“Why, you still don’t trust me?”
“…”
Gilda growled. Dash’s silence was all that she needed. “I’m not proud of it.” She said. “It was just after you left… after I left you. I was moping in Cloudsdale, you called me up, and I refused to apologize. I’d finally finished blaming you for what happened, and called you up, but you wouldn’t pick up the phone. I was even more devastated then before, and I…”
She glanced down at her. “Griffons are Omnivores. It’s perfectly natural for us to grab a bunny or a bird if we’re hungry. You’ve never seen me do it because… well, I was a nervous eater when I was a cub. I ate when I was upset. That’s why, when we first met, I was so fat. And when you helped me work out, got me to shape up, became my friend… and then my marefriend… I never ate meat because I was never unhappy.”
“But then when… when we separated… It was too much. And my brother, Talon, he told me about this place where I could eat all that you want. He served up this huge fatted foal and I…”
“And you gorged yourself!” Rainbow Dash hissed. “You ate a pony! You ate a foal!”
“I didn’t!” Gilda yelled. “I tried, but I couldn’t stop myself form thinking of you on that plate! I even tried to free her, but Talon killed her before I could!”
“Sister!”
Gilda froze, and looked to her left.
Talon Gruber, her brother, was adjusting his cuffs. Behind him stood a Diamond Dog, holding a tray of wine in one hand. “I had no idea you’d be here.” He said. “Especially not here… whispering angrily to yourself.”
Rainbow Dash shot out of her cover. Talon ducked, and Rainbow Dash instead hit the Diamond Dog behind him. The dog went flying down the hallway, leaving the tray spinning in the air.
Gilda lunged at Talon, and she managed to get in one fair punch before he tackled her to the ground and started slashing her up like a sushi pony dinner.
He shouldn’t have underestimated the Pegasus behind him.
In four seconds flat Talon was out like a light, and Rainbow Dash caught the tray on her tail.
“I’d never betray you.” Gilda whispered. “Not… not again. And I really don’t think now is the right time to talk about this.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Fine But we will talk.”
Gilda smiled. “Thanks Dash.”
o_O_o
Rainbow Dash tucked under her wing again, Gilda made her way into one of the auctioning booths. The bidders bid behind shatter-proof glass in case a fight broke out, and the Diamond Dogs were just parading a particularly fat earth pony around the stage.
As Gilda poured the griffon in the booth some wine, Rainbow Dash watched the poor pony. Her cutie mark had a smiley face on it, like Cheerilee. This was obviously a pony who took pride in making ponies happy. The tear marks were visible running down her face.
“Sold, for 500 rubies and 70 lodestones!” The Diamond Dog laughed. As they led the earth pony off stage he gave himself a little drumroll. “We save the best for last now! Carnivore brothers, we got us a Pegasus!”
Gilda and Rainbow froze.
“Not very much, but we all know how lean Pegasus meat is.” The Diamond dog chuckled. “Lean and very rare, very difficult to bring to the ground. And this one’s got a feisty temper! And we’ve been feeding her best foods to make her plumper!”
Gilda felt Rainbow quiver with rage. They both knew what the Diamond Dogs considered ‘best foods’. Gilda was so incensed she almost didn’t notice that she was overflowing the Griffon’s champaign flute until it was too late. She pulled back just in time.
The Diamond Dog dragged the cage into the platform. Inside, the snarling pagasus filly rammed herself against the cages, defiant to the end.
“What are I bid!?” The Diamond Dog asked.
“You don’t scare me!” Scootaloo yelled. “Rainbow dash is coming, and she’s gonna kick your flanks!”
Gilda felt a breath of air, and suddenly the space under her wing was empty.
Rainbow Dash plowed into the griffon in front of them, and used it as a battering ram. Rainbow knew that griffons had really tough skulls. But she still hoped it hurt.
Gilda had to wonder if Rainbow Dash knew she just broke through supposedly shatter-proof glass. Well, it wasn’t the first impossible barrier she’d overcome.
She tore into the auditorium. “I’d like to bid one can of raw kick-flank for this awesome filly!” She swung the griffon around, and used it like a living torpedo against the auctioneer. The sniveling mongrel only had time to widen his eyes before he had every bone in his body broken by a 200 mph bird-beast.
“You’ve done it now Dash.” Gilda came in from the broken window, and threw the bottle of champaigne at the Diamond Dogs security coming at them.
“Hold on Scoots, we’re busting out of here!” Rainbow Dash grabbed the chain, and pulled Scootaloo’s cage along with her. She flew through the window, Gilda covering them with projectile champaigne, and bucked the door open. There was a diamond dog in the hallway, and Dash swung Scootaloo’s cage around, hitting the dog so hard she made a dent in the wall.
Two more griffons charged them. She knew about their hard heads, so she didn’t bother, instead choosing to kick the wall down on top of them and run over the rubble.
Scootaloo’s eyes widened as she saw something behind Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow – look out!”
Rainbow Dash’s world went dark.
o_O_o
Rainbow Dash woke up strapped to a table. Her wings were pinned down with spear-hooks. She struggled a bit, and then cleared her eyes.
She was surrounded by griffons. Big, mean, menacing, they looked about 20% tougher then Talon. And in the middle of them…
In the middle of them was a very familiar sea serpent. One who had a mustache the was orange on one side, violet on the other.
“Oh how fabulous, you’re awake!” The sea serpent cheered in his goofy voice.
“You?” Rainbow struggled. “You’re behind this?”
“Do I know you?” The Sea Serpent leaned in close, his eyes scrutinizing every detail about her. “Ah yes, I remember now. You were one of the ponies who were there the night my fabulous mustache got ruined.” He smiled warmly. “Ah, I shall never forget that night, when one of you ponies so generously offered her tail to me, and made my mane twice as fabulous as before!”
“If you’re so grateful, then let me and Scootaloo and Gilda go!” Rainbow Dash yelled. Then she realized. She didn’t see Gilda pinned down next to her.
The sea serpent scratched his chin. “Well you see… I would. I truly would. Except Reginald… he’s a dragon living in the Everfree forest… he bought Scootaloo after you disrupted the auction. Business is business, and I have an image to uphold. If I decided to change my mind, and call a take-back on one of my customer’s purchases, that would be as bad as losing half a mustache!”
Rainbow Dash snarled. “Listen you! Give me back Scootaloo and Gilda, or I’ll kill you! It’s that simple! I warned your dogs, but they wouldn’t listen, and look where it got them!”
The sea serpent twirled his orange mustache. “Gilda’s already left.”
“What?”
“Well, she is a repeat customer after all. After her brother heard her side of the story and confirmed it, we released her.” The sea serpent frowned. “I’m sorry, really. To know that your friend brought you here out of revenge because you dumped her… well. I know what it’s like to know a woman’s scorn. Not often, of course, in fact there was only the one time and never again. Still, everyone’s had bad luck with their woman-friend at one point or another.”
Rainbow Dash felt tears well in her eyes. After all she and Gilda’d been through… “She wouldn’t leave…”
“And yet she has.”
Rainbow Dash tried to choke back the tears. It didn’t make any sense. Why would she leave? After she’d already gone this far, after she’d already fought her brother and promised to talk with Rainbow Dash? Why would she leave?
The Sea Serpent seemed genuinely upset. “I’m sorry… everybody has their price. I’ll spare you the pain of finding out yours. I owe you that much.” He gestured to the griffons. “This one is off the auction list. Have a nice dinner on me boys.”
The sea serpents left, and the griffons started advancing on her. Rainbow Dash knew what she had to do. She didn’t like it, but it was necessary.
With a scream of pain, she pushed her two wings though the harpoons pinning them down. It hurt, but she was now free to kick some serious flank. “I’m the greatest… flyer… in Equestria…” Rainbow Dash gasped. “Did you think that a few piercings would slow me down?”
Honestly? They did slow her down. But a ‘slowed down’ Rainbow Dash, was like a ‘cool’ volcano.
She tore one of the harpoons free with her mouth and rammed it down the first griffon’s throat. She pulled it out just in time to block a slice from the other griffon’s talons, which actually cut through the metal. Rainbow Dash ran, and at first it seemed like she was running from him, but then she doubled back. She spun in a circled around the room, the harpoon’s shaft still in her mouth as she created a multi-colored tornado.
With a screech and a roar the three remaining griffons launched themselves at the Pegasus. But the harpoon’s tip, loose in the tornado, drove through two of them. The lead griffon, unaware of the loss of his backup, grabbed Rainbow Dash in the neck and roar at her.
She shoved the shaft into his open mouth. His mouth forced to remain open, the griffon now had a huge blindspot. Rainbow Dash proceeded to tear his fingers open through sheer wing muscle, and bucked him in the chin, forcing it to break against the steel shaft. She followed this up with breaking all of the ribs on the left side of his chest, and then his wings.
She stalked out of the room with his moaning in the background.
The Sea serpent hadn’t gone far. He was just at the end of the hallway when he looked back and saw Rainbow Dash emerging from the open door.
His eyes widened in shock. “How did you…”
“I’ll show you.”
Rainbow Dash ran at him, and he lashed out with his tail. He slammed her into a wall, then she found herself entangled in his tail, slowly being constricted to death.
“This is what I get for trying to show some gratitude.” He sighed. “Some respect. I’m sorry rainbow mane, but you’re simply a dead mare walking.”
Suddenly, a pink blur moved in front of his eyes. “Combo breaker!” Pinkie Pie yelled, blowing raspberry in his face.
“What…” The momentary distraction was enough for Rainbow Dash to slip out of the sea serpent’s tail, and fly up to his face. Her wings, her sharp Pegasus wings, sliced through the purple half of his mustache.
“I told you…” She gasped, grabbing the mustache in her mouth and flying behind the dragon. “I have friends that make me a nightmare for people like you.”
“My mustache!” The Sea Serpent tried to grab it, but Rainbow Dash flew behind his head and whipped it around his neck, catching it in the fetlocks of her forehooves.
“You don’t deserve it!” She pulled, and the sea serpent choked on Rarity’s tail. He writhed on the floor, in obvious pain, trying to cut away at Rainbow Dash. But always she managed to evade his claws, and every shift in her position made the noose around his neck tighter.
He managed to twist his head around to look her in the eye. “It… wasn’t… personal…”
“It was to me!” Rainbow Dash unleash a mighty buck, kicking his face around a full 540 degrees.
The sea serpent fell limp.
Rainbow Dash relaxed. “Where is everypony?” She asked.
“Rarity’s using her super whining powers to take care of the diamond dogs. Princess Celestia and Twilight are dealing with the griffons.” Pinkie Pie explained. “Gilda left with that green dragon.”
Rainbow Dash didn’t wait for any more explanations. She was already at the elevator, pushing the button multiple times. When it finally opened, she didn’t even wait for the doors to close. She opened the service hatch and flew up the shaft, then out to the main floor of the Casino.
It was chaos. Her friends were fighting with every carnivorous beast known to pony kind. She pumped her wings. They were still bleeding. But she’d put everything she had into them.
She raced out, dodging flying chairs, and flying knives, and trying not to let Rarity’s high pitched whining distract her.
She flew like a mare possessed. There was no going back. This was it. Whoever this Reginald was, he was going down. But first she had to find him. This wasn’t going to be easy. She’d have to use every ounce of her Pegasus awesomeness in order to find him before he ate Scootaloo.
Or she could just follow the trail of griffon feathers left in the clouds.
Rainbow Dash grinned. “Never doubted you for a second Gilda.”
She zoomed through the clouds as fast as she could. The sky was her domain. Every sweep of her aching wing muscles, every brush of the wind against her mane, every twitch of every muscle, brought her close to her goal. Soon she didn’t even need the feather trail any more. She saw Gilda in the distance and doubled her speed.
Gilda saw her, and had to double her own speed to catch up to her, just as she flew by. “Rainbow Dash!” She yelled. “Scootaloo’s in a cave, at the bottom of that mountain!”
And then she left Gilda in the dust.
Rainbow Dash flew as fast as she could. She flew faster than she ever had before.
And then, she saw her.
Through the entrance to the cave, she saw Reginald, surrounded by Diamond Dogs, holding a struggling orange Pegasus filly between his claws.
“A tasty looking morsel.” Said Reginald, his mouth watering. He tossed Scootaloo up in the air. Rainbow Dash doubled her speed. She tripled it.
Scootaloo tried to flap her wings. “Daaaaaaaaash!” She screamed.
Reginald swallowed her in one gulp.
Tears formed in the corners of Dash’s eyes, her cheeks bulged with the force of her flight. She met her old enemy the visible light spectrum barrier again, but this time the VLS barrier was no enemy. She’d already beaten it five times, once as a filly. Even with her bleeding wings, the sound barrier was no obstacle, not compared to the dragon that was about to eat Scootaloo. Compared to that dragon, the VLS barrier was nothing.
She tore through it like it was tissue paper.
Colors exploded around her, and she felt herself propelled forward even faster than before. Only now, her target was just a few inches lower. Her aim was true, and her cause just. She almost wished that the colors weren’t there, so she could see the dragon’s eyes widen in shock. As it was, she’d settle for the feel of hooves on hard scales.
She struck the dragon square in the chest.
It is a scientific fact, that there is no creature in Equestria which can ignore being bucked by Rainbow Dash. This wasn’t even the first time she’d bucked a dragon to confirm this theory. But this time, she was bucking a dragon faster than the speed of sound, faster than the visible light spectrum could keep up with her. As the world exploded with colors, she brought all of the power of her hind hooves to bear, back up with the force of a rocket.
That dragon was well and truly bucked.
The dragon’s eyes bulged, and he wheezed in pain, as a multi-colored mushroom cloud enveloped him. He hacked once, twice, and finally he coughed up Scootaloo.
The Pegasus filly was unconscious. Rainbow Dash did a complete one-eighty, and rocketed back to Scootaloo, She snatched her out of the air, and head out of the cave. The Daimond dogs began to throw nets at her. She was faster. She swung a hard right, then a hard left, her movements becoming slower, her wings getting heavier.
The dragon swung his fist into the wall, and the cave began to collapse. Rainbow swerved, losing his momentum. She suddenly realized she wasn’t going to make it. At the same time, she saw Gilda flying up to the entrance.
Scootaloo opened her eyes.
“R-Rainbow Dash?”
Dash gulped, and threw Scootaloo as hard as she could.
Rainbow felt the crushing weight of the boulder on her flanks. But she saw Gilda catch Scootaloo before it hit, so she didn’t mind as much. As long as Scootaloo was safe.
She hit the ground with a thud, and boulders fell around her. Soon, the entire entrance to the cave was blocked.
“There she is!” She heard faintly. “We’ve found the pony!”
She thought, judging by the sound, that she must be buried deep. But really, her hearing was on the fritz from the collapsing rocks. Before she could try to dig herself out, she felt the rough hands of the diamond dogs on her.
There was pain, agony, and more pain. She couldn’t even feel her wings now. The boulder was lifted, and the dragon tossed it to the back of the cave. “You ruined my dinner little pony.” He growled.
It was really more of a wheeze. She must have broken at least one rib. Maybe several. She grinned despite herself. “You want to eat ponies, you’re gonna get a stomach ache.” Rainbow Dash coughed. “We’re too tough for you.”
“Indeed." Reginald laughed. “A pity you can’t even try to make good on your threat.”
“I don’t have to try.” Rainbow grinned. “Scootaloo’s safe, that’s all that matters. But I think I’ll try anyway.” Rainbow Dash couldn’t feel her hindlegs, but she summoned her strength and tore free of her captors, bucking them in the face with her forelegs.
And then Reginald flicked his finger, and sent her sailing into a rock wall.
“Now the meat is tenderized.” Basil leered. “Time to dice it.” He extended his claws…
*BOOM*
The entrance to the cave exploded violently. And into the cave strode the one pony who could save Rainbow Dash’s flank.
Princess. Bucking. Celestia.
“Dragon!” She called. “Explain yourself!”
The dragon looked down on the princess and sneered. “Oh look, it’s the pretty pony princess come to save the day.” He scoffed. “Look at you, wearing your fancy jewelery and pretending you’re so important. Don’t you know what you are? You’re at the bottom of the food chain! It’s time for a new age! The age of the preda–”
Suddenly the dragon was engulfed in a ball of flame. Without a word, Celestia tossed him up into the night sky, which soon became bright again as the sun was raised. The comet that was the dragon Basil soared towards the sun, and if anypony was wearing sunglasses, they would see an imprint of a dragon’s face on the sun’s surface.
The sun was lowered, and Princess Celestia turned to the Diamond dogs. Her mane lit up like the sun, and she seemed even bigger than a dragon. “HEAR ME MONGRELS!” She called, using the Royal Canterlot Voice. “WE ARE PONIES! WE HAVE TAMED THE LAND! WE HAVE TAMED THE SKIES! WE HOLD THE REIGNS TO THE HEAVENS THEMSELVES! THE VERY FORCES OF REALITY BOW TO OUR MAGIC! WE CARE NOT FOR YOUR PIFFLING FOOD CHAIN! THE ONLY REASON PONIES DO NOT EAT YOU, IS BECAUSE WE CANNOT STOMACH SUCH FILTH! YOU HAVE NOW TWO CHOICES: LIVE IN HARMONY WITH US, OR LIVE IN HARMONY ON THE MOON!!!”
The Diamond dogs screamed and wet themselves in sheer terror, and fled into the earth.
Princess Celestia exhaled, and the light dimmed. She turned and trotted towards Rainbow Dash. “Are you well Rainbow Dash?” She asked.
Rainbow groaned. “I feel dead, all over.”
“Well, you’re not there yet.”
“Is Scootaloo okay?”
“Ask her yourself.”
“Dash!” Scootaloo scrambled over the rocks at the cave’s entrance. Gilda followed close behind, watching cautiously for any danger.
“Hey there kiddo.” Rainbow Dash said weakly. She couldn’t feel her legs, so she just opened her arms, and waited for Scootaloo to come flying into them. “You alright?”
Scootaloo hugged Rainbow Dash so tight, she thought she’d stop breathing. “I knew you’d come find me. I just knew it!”
“Of course I did.” Rainbow patted her on the back. Looking down, she smiled. “Hey Scoots… I think you got your cutie mark.”
Scootaloo glanced at it. It was a gold medal, with a lightning bolt on it. “I know.” Scootaloo said, snuggling close to Rainbow Dash. “I always wanted to be like you when I grew up. An’ now I know what that means. Means being a hero.”
Rainbow Dash felt tears coming to her eyes. Thankfully, she was spared having to say anything too gushy by the blackness coming in through the corners of her eyes.
o_O_o
She woke up in a hospital bed in Ponyville.
She groaned and sat up. She could feel her legs again, which was good news. And her wings, which was better news. And all of her friends were sitting around her. All of them except Gilda. Rainbow Dash felt a sharp pang of loss when she realized her former flame wasn’t there when she woke up.
Pinkie’s right ear flapped, and she woke up. “Hey everypony! Dashie’s awake!” She cheered.
She was immediately surrounded by her friend’s smiling faces, filled with congratulations and relief.
“Where’s Scootaloo?” She asked, before they could get started on her.
“Scootaloo’s fine.” Twilight Sparkle said. “Princess Celestia sent her own guards to the orphanage to guarantee her safety after you passed out.”
So she was still in the orphanage. “How’re my wings?” Rainbow asked.
“The Princess fixed you up right well with her magic.” Applejack said. “Yer all healed up after just four days.”
“Four days!?”
“Well, more er less.”
“But that doesn’t mean you should exert yourself dear.” A wide eyed Rarity said, when she realized Rainbow was getting up.
“I have to.” Rainbow Dash said. “I promised Scootaloo I’d save her, even if it killed me. And there’s still one more thing I’ve gotta save her from.”
Her friends looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?” Twilight asked, as Applejack forced her back into bed.
Rainbow Dash winced. She was sore all over, no way she could resist Applejack. “This whole thing wouldn’t have happened if she weren’t an orphan.” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m going to fix that.”
“Aaaaaaaaw.” Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy said.
“I talked to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said. “Scootaloo’s already been adopted, and her parent’s moving to Ponyville.”
“Really?” Dash sat up in her pillows. “Who?”
“Heh. Hey Dashie. I see you’re awake.”
Gilda strode through the hospital curtains like she owned the place. Scootaloo was riding on her back.
“Of course she’s awake!” Scootaloo beamed. “She’s only the most awesome pony ever! No way a little ol’ rock could keep her down.” She leaped off of Gilda’s back and shared a hug with Rainbow.
“Good to see you again Scoots.” Rainbow hugged the little filly. “How you doin’?”
“I’m alright.” Scootaloo tightened the hug. “I wasn’t scared of those Diamond Dogs at all. I knew you’d save me. And hey!” She pulled back. “Miss Gilda adopted me!”
Rainbow Dash exchanged a look with Gilda. “You didn’t have to do that.” Rainbow Dash said.
“I knew you’d want to adopt her.” Gilda shrugged. “I couldn’t imagine you not adopting her after this whole deal. But honestly Dashie, you wouldn’t make a very good mother, so I adopted her first. Besides, the little cub and I got to talking. She’s a pretty cool little filly.”
“Hey, who are you to decide whether I’d make a good mother or not?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Please. You have a cutie mark for being one hundred percent awesome.” Gilda said. “You can’t be a mother with that. Will you remind Scootaloo to brush her teeth, or go to bed on time, or eat all of her alfalfa, or any of the other un-cool things moms have to do?”
Rainbow Dash grunted. “I… I could do that…”
“You can barely look after a turtle.” It sounded harsh, but Gilda’s eyes were soft. “Scootaloo needs someone who can know what’s best for her, and not spoil her rotten. And I’m just the loveable jerk for the job.”
Rainbow Dash’s head drooped down. But then Gilda reached over, and picked it up. “But…” Gilda smiled. “That’s only one parent’s job. As long as she has a mother that’ll look after her, there’s nothing wrong with having another mother to provide the awesomeness.”
Scootaloo’s eyes were as big as dinner plates, and her mouth formed a smile so wide, Pinky Pie could throw a party in it. If Pinkie didn’t have a similar expression on her own face. As did Rarity, and Fluttershy. Applejack put a hoof over Twilight’s mouth, as the confused unicorn was about to interrupt.
As Rainbow Dash and Gilda pulled each other into a kiss.
o_O_o
The wedding was a lavish affair. Almost uncomfortably so for Rainbow Dash, but she could bear it for Gilda. It wasn’t often something broke through Gilda’s ‘cool’ façade, and Rainbow could see a genuine smile on her face. Pinkie Pie and Rarity really complimented each other. And in more ways then just planning weddings, or so Rainbow Dash thought. Applejack was Rainbow Dash’s ‘best stallion’, and Princess Celestia herself conducted the ceremony.
As Rainbow Dash and Gilda walked down the isle, as wife and wife, Dash smelt something on Gilda’s breath.
“Gilda…” She kept up the smile, and whispered at her so nopony would hear. “Is that meat on your breath?”
“Sorry, I was so nervous last night I had a special treat. It’s not what you think.” Gilda whispered back.
“What is it then?”
“Sea Serpent.”
Rainbow Dash considered, took one look at the strange orange clothed on Gilda’s traditional Griffon wedding veil, then shrugged. "Well, at least he deserved it. But don't worry Gilda." Rainbow Dash nuzzled her bride. "I'll make sure you're never unhappy enough to eat meat again."
And they lived happily ever after.
Because after all that, nopony was foolish enough to mess with them.
Ponyville had the habit of helping young foals nurture their talents. When a foal earned his or her special talent, they would often be able to apprenticeship themselves at any of the local shops. If their talent was something new and unique, then the Mayor would provide them with a small stall if they requested it to encourage their talents in an entrepreneurial setting.
Twilight walked up to the newest stall in Ponyville, with a smile on her face and a baby dragon on her back. The stall was not an ordinary one; Rainbow Dash was hard at work adding clouds of all kinds to it, including stormclouds, and even a rainbow waterfall.
The sign above the stall read ‘ACTION HERO PONY FORCE!’ The self-proclaimed ‘Chief Scootaloo’ could usually be found eagerly waiting underneath the sign, proudly displaying her new Heroic cutie mark, and offering to ‘fight the bad guys’. Most days, there were no bad guys. But Scootaloo was always ready and waiting; the stall right next to a telephone booth just in case somepony called for help.
But this day was different. Instead of waiting under the sign, Scootaloo was in the could house attached to her stall, playing with her friends the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Twilight and Spike arrived just in time for the explosion, and she caught the three foals in her magic.
“Aaaaw.” Sweetie Belle complained. “It looks like we ain’t getting’ our cutie marks in ‘walking calmly away from an explosion’.”
“WHHHAAAATT!!?” Applebloom asked, still deafened by the kaboom.
“That was almost the coolest thing I ever saw!” Spike cheered, as Twilight cast an ear-healing spell, and dusted the ash off their coats before setting them down. “You know… if I hadn’t seen Rainbow Dash knock the wind out of a dragon… or Twilight take care of an Ursa Minor… or Rarity taking over a pack of diamond dogs…”
“We get it Spike.” Scootaloo grunted, rubbing the pain in the back of her neck. She looked on as Applebloom and Sweetie Belle morosely looked at their blank flanks.
“Horsefeathers!” Applebloom kicked at the dust. “At this rate, we ain’t never getting’ action pony cutie marks! An’ then Scootaloo’ll be stuck here all on her lonesome!”
“Don’t worry, we just gotta keep trying!” Sweetie Belle cheered.
Twilight sighed. “Well, here, at least take this book on applied explosives.” Twilight floated the book to the fillies.
“Twilight are you insane!?” Spike whispered into her ear.
“If they’re going to be blowing each other up, it’s best they do it in a responsible manner, using the mild explosives demonstrated in this book.” Twilight whispered back. "It's not like I expect it to be one of their special talents."
“’A beginner’s guide to blowing stuff up, and stopping stuff from being blown up’?” Sweetie Belle read. “This looks fun.”
“Of course.” Twilight nodded. “Regardless of whether it earns you your cutie mark or not, the world will probably be a better place if you learned proper procedure towards applied explosives.”
As if the universe was listening to what she said, the cart behind her exploded.
The four of them stared at the explosion, horror clear on their faces. Twilight took a hesitant step forward, knowing there was no way to help the poor ponies caught in the blast, but she had to do something…
Suddenly, the carriage puller ran out of the donut shop across the street. “Noooo!” He cried. “My carriage! I didn’t pay insurance!” A line of ponies who were waiting to board the now flaming carriage looked at their tickets with disappointment, and went on their way.
Twilight sighed with relief, then turned back to the crusaders. “Girls! I know you want your Cutie Marks, but what if somepony had gotten hurt in that blast!”
The three fillies exchanged looks and shook their heads. “It wasn’t us!” Applebloom protested.
“Then who –!” Twilight was interrupted when her cell phone rang. All of her friends lived in Ponyville, and Celestia and her parents could talk to her through Spike’s dragonfire. The only pony she could think of who would call her was her brother. Spike took the phone out of her saddlebags and handed it to her. “Hello?”
“Hello Twilight Sparkle! It is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie!!!”
“What.”
“Did you like my demonstration of greatness and power?”
“What?”
“That carriage load of innocent ponies is on your head Twilight Sparkle!”
“What.”
“When you humiliated me in front of your little hillbilly town, it was a stain on my honor that couldn’t be removed by any of the means recommended by stain removers! But we both know that I am the superior magician! You merely took me by surprise by planning ahead, having Celestia as a personal teacher and actually studying the Ursas both Major and Minor after I’d mentioned them a mere once! We both know how a true magician’s duel would end!!”
Twilight face-hoofed. “Trixie, I don’t know what you’re thinking…”
“Yes, Trixie’s mental abilities are far beyond yours! So Twilight, you like tests? Well pop quiz hotshot! There’s another bomb like the one that just exploded, on another tourist carriage! Once the carriage goes over 50 miles per hour, the bombs will be charged! If it drops below fifty, the bombs will detonate! What do you do? What do you do?”
Twilight sighed, and looked over to Scootaloo. “Out of curiosity, what would you do?”
Scootaloo thought for half a second. “I’d want to know where the carriage was. Then, I’d either keep it from going over fifty, or under fifty, while I had somepony else find out where Trixie is.”
Twilight turned back to the phone. “Well Trixie, I’d want to know which carriage the bomb is on.”
“Very good!” Trixie laughed. “But one more thing! The sensory crystals attached to the bomb are sensitive to magic! One spell out of you, and the passengers go bye-bye!”
“You’re insane.” Twilight noted, half terrified and half impressed.
“And one more caveat!” Trixie giggled. “Nopony gets off the carriage! If I see anypony get off the carriage, then I will trigger the bombs myself!”
“Alright.” Twilight agreed, making a few mental notes. “Now, which carriage is it?”
“Carriage Number 7! Mwahahahaha!!!”
Twilight hung up and soothed her temples, before turning to the Crusaders. “Okay. Apperantly, Trixie’s turned into a mad bomber and thinks she killed somepony in that explosion just then. Scootaloo. I’m going to need a wagon full of Rarity’s mannequins ready in front of your stand in about five minutes.”
Scootaloo saluted. “Right Away Twilight! What are you gonna do?”
Twilight sighed. “I guess I’m going to save the day.”
And with that she galloped off as fast as she could to the center of town, where the carriage stations were.
o_O_o
Caramel climbed onto the carriage. “Hey Lucky, how’s it going?”
Lucky, the stallion tasked with pulling the carriage, nodded to his friend. “Doing all right. It feels like a good day today.”
Caramel nodded and sat in the back of the carriage. The seat behind him was occupied by somepony who was obviously a tourist. A blue Pegasus in a polo shirt. Caramel figured he would be safe enough sitting there, as the guy would be too shy to talk. His mistake.
“Hey!” The guy sitting behind him greeted jovially.
“Hey.” Caramel awkwardly nodded back at him.
“The name’s Neon Lights. I’m a tourist.” The Pegasus informed him. He chuckled as if he’d told the greatest joke in the world and held up his maps and camera. “I know, it’s obvious isn’t it? I probably look likethe worlds biggest yokel to you!”
Caramel frantically spat out the gum he’d been chewing. “Oh! Would you look at that!” He waved the gum-filled hoof in front of the tourist’s face. “Gum! I found gum. On my seat.” Caramel moved as quickly as he could while being subtle and sat next to the more than welcoming Daisy.
o_O_o
Twilight teleported from one end of town to another looking for the number 5. Wracking her brains, she hit upon a solution. Teleporting to Sugarcube Corner, she asked Pinkie Pie where the number five carriage was. Exiting quickly, lest she become embroiled in the latest intrigue of baked goods, she soon teleported to the seen of the soon-to-be-crime.
“Uh, Twi?” Spike asked, still on Twilight’s back. “Maybe it’s not going fifty yet?”
“We can’t measure the carriage for speed, because magic will set of the bomb.” Twilight pondered, pulling some binoculars out of her saddlebags. “But we can use magic on the pony pulling the wagon.” Her horn glowed, and read Lucky’s speed. “Oh. Okay, he’s past fifty. That’s bad, but not unmanageable.”
She teleported again, this time mere inches above the wagon so the bomb’s sensors wouldn’t be able to detect magic. She landed, and trotted quickly up to Lucky. “Hey Lucky!” She called to the driver. “You have to keep this wagon going over fifty!”
Lucky looked over his shoulder. “Why’s that Twilight?”
“Because some madmare rigged this bomb to blow!”
Lucky’s eyes widened. “Oh, not again!”
“Wait, again?” Spike asked.
“Nevermind.” Lucky quickly averted his eyes.
Twilight smiled, and quickly trotted up to the middle of the bus. “Attention everypony! I have a rather serious announcement to make, and I’d like everypony to stay calm, and absolutely nopony to use magic.”
Suddenly, a blue unicorn jumped up. He had a safety pin for a cutie mark, and as he jammed his unusually long horn at one of the other passengers it was clear to see what his cutie mark was for. “No! I won’t go! You can’t make me!”
Twilight froze. “Listen…”
“Stop the wagon!”
“He can’t!” Twilight pulled herself out of her shock. “Listen, Pokey, this isn’t about you. I’m sure whatever you did…”
“Stop the wagon!”
“I’m sure whatever you did you’re very sorry…” Twilight fought the urge to cry out in panic as a huge Pegasus slowly approached Pokey from behind.
“Stop the carriage!”
“NOOOOOO!!!”
Bigs McLargehuge tackled Pokey from behind, pummeling him with his impossibly huge muscles. Pokey screamed and Twilight rushed forward, tapping Pokey on the horn to stop him from potentially using any magic. But this caused Spike to fall backwards and onto Caramel’s hoof. Caramel yelled as fifty pounds of stone-hard dragonscale-coated assistant landed on him, and Daisy shot up screaming as loud as she could; “The Horror! The horror!” Caramel kicked Spike off his foot, rebounding the baby dragon off of his seat like a hackysack, and landing him straight in Daisy’s wide open mouth. Daisy spat spike out, and Neon Lights was fortunate enough to get a picture of him hitting Lucky right in the back of his head.
Twilight finished putting Pokey into a rare unicorn only submission hold that would negate magic. She looked over at the chaos that had ensued. “Oh… oh no.” She quickly ran over and pulled Spike off of Lucky.
“He has a concussion!” Caramel said. His older brother happened to be Ponyville’s chief doctor. “Oh! Quickly, he has to stop running!”
“No!” Twilight panicked. “He can’t stop running!”
“Why not!?” Caramel yelled.
“Because there is a bomb on the carriage!” Twilight yelled back.
Suddenly, she froze. As did all the passengers. Only one pony didn’t freeze, and Pinkie Pie (who had somehow boarded the carriage) calmly stood up from her seat and said; “Okay everypony, follow my lead.” She threw her arms up in the air and screamed.
All of the other ponies followed suit, Bigs letting loose a particularly loud “Yeaaah!” And Daisy bemoaned the horror of it all.
“Everypony quiet!” Twilight yelled. “Just… just be quiet while I sort this out! And none of you unicorns use magic, or else the carriage will explode!”
Naturally, this made all of the ponies scream louder, while Twilight focused on the task at hand. “Caramel, right!?” She was suddenly struck with an idea. “How fast can you run?”
“Um… fifty five miles an hour on a good day.” The brown stallion replied.
“Well let’s hope today is a good day!” Twilight said, shoving Caramel forward into the harness while Spike helpfully disengaged Lucky from it.
Spike hooked Caramel onto the harness and yelled into his ear: “Don’t go under fifty!”
“Why shouldn’t I go under fifty!?” Caramel asked.
“BOOM!!!” Was Spike’s only reply.
“Over fifty. Got it.” Caramel focused on his task.
Twilight looked over the crowd of panicking ponies and sighed. “Spike, could you take crowd control please?” She asked.
Spike nodded. With an air of authority, he hopped onto Twilight’s head, stuck two claws into his mouth, and blew a shrill whistle. One everypony was staring at him, he hopped off of Twilight’s head. “Now, listen up!” He yelled. “We are all in a very dangerous carriage. I get that. I’m scared too. But the thing is, I may be scared, but I’m still a nigh-indestructible monster with jaws that can crush gemstones. So listen to Twilight, and maybe we can all make it through this without getting blown up or eaten by a dragon, capice?”
The passengers were all silent.
“Um…” Twilight really didn’t know what to make of her assistant’s new attitude. “Spike, what…”
“I took lessons from Rainbow Dash.” Spike confided with a smile.
“Ah, okay.” Twilight nodded, relieved that her charge was not actually considering eating anypony. “Now, just so everypony knows. There is a madmare out there who has threatened to blow up this carriage. She has already blown up one carriage. Thankfully, the carriage was empty at the time, and nopony was hurt. What we can draw from this, is that she is incompetent and I am not.”
“Uh… Twilight…” Caramel’s voice came from the front.
“Not now Caramel.” Twilight shushed him. “Now, I have a plan to get us through this. An actual pre-teen came up with basically the same plan independently, so I feel even more assured that this madmare’s plans are will not come to fruition, and are in fact far too dim-witted to ever come to a positive outcome for her.”
“Twilight I really need…”
“Not now Caramel.” Twilight began to pace back and forth. “Ponyville’s resident Action Hero Pony Force is sending their top agents right now to help us out. As long as we all stay calm and none of us use even the slightest bit of magic, everything’s going to be okay.”
“MS. SPARKLE!!”
Twilight turned to see Caramel, and her eyes widened.
It was Odessa Road.
Odessa Road was well known as the steepest road in Ponyville and many of the surrounding regions. Many have lobbies to get the road removed. It was the number one cause of all tour carriage accidents, travel carriage accidents, baby carriage accidents, bicycle accidents, and cabbage accidents. The road seemed to serve no purpose except for making ponies loose control of their carriages. A particularly nasty pastime, due to the very sharp turn at the bottom that most ponies had to make to avoid falling off the cliff. And almost unavoidable too, as it was the only way to get to the city center on a road too narrow to make a U turn.
Caramel let out some very panicky expletives as he tried not to instinctually slow down. “What do we do?”
Twilight considered. “We can’t turn around on such a narrow road. We can’t go down without risking a crash. If we do crash I can just resort to my failsafe option, but then Trixie will try to bomb another carriage…” Twilight nodded. “Okay Caramel, we’re going down. I don’t think you’ll have to run any longer than five minutes, but still you’d better take this time to not run. Let gravity take care of this.” She turned her attention to the passengers. “Everypony go to the right side of the carriage! Now!”
They all complied, Bigs dragging Pokey behind him. If Twilight calculated this right, the carriage would not, in fact, tip over and hurl them all into a screaming mass of pain.
No. Pressure. At. All.
The carriage seemed to hang, for one perilous instant, on the brink of the edge as Caramel took a leap. But of course, hanging on the brink of an edge didn’t last for very long when going fifty miles an hour. As it sped down the hill, Twilight counted down vectors in her head before letting out a shout;
“Caramel! Turn it now!”
They were only halfway down the road. Caramel hesitated, but he let his feet down and Dug into the ground. The carriage swung around to the side, almost tipping over. The ponies inside clung to the poles on the right side as it began to tip dangerously.
“On my mark!” Twilight yelled. “Every Pegasus on this bus, flap as hard as you can!”
There was only one Pegasus on the bus.
“Now!”
“YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!” Bigs McLargehuge flapped his wings as hard as he could. Like a bumblebee, he made up for his small wings by having the biggest possible muscles powering them.
As the rear wheel of the carriage began to tip over the edge, Bigs flapped and Caramel dug his hooves in the ground, running as hard as he could.
They took off from the edge of the cliff like a spell, racing down the road. The carriage straightened itself and all of the ponies on the bus cheered.
It had stayed over fifty!
“Alright Caramel, head towards the market place!”
Caramel nodded, and kept running as fast as he could.
Neon Lights was shaking in his seats. “This… is too much.” He murmered. “’Go to Ponyville’ they said. ‘You might meet the Elements’ they said. ‘Especially if one of Ponyville’s trademark disasters happen’ they said. This is too much.”
Bigs leaned over his seat an looked him in the eye. “You’re a wimp. Please stop talking.”
Her cell phone rang again, and Twilight rolled her eyes and picked it up. “Hello?”
“Greetings Twilight Sparkle!”
Twilight sighed. “Trixie, why are you doing this?”
“Why?” Trixie yelled. “Why? Because you humiliated me Twilight Sparkle! After the incident with the Ursa Minor, I was humili –”
“No, I mean why are you calling me on my cell phone?” Twilight asked. “They’re traceable. This can’t be a good strategy for your evil ‘blow things up’ scheme if you don’t want to get caught.”
“What? But I do want to get caught! I want to get caught achieveing victory! This isn’t about you Twilight! This about me! This is about fame due me! The Great And Powerful –”
“Alright, if that’s what you want, I’ll catch you in…” Spike held up a clock for Twilight to check. “eighty seconds.”
“Wha –”
Twilight hung up her phone. “How’re you doing Caramel?”
The stallion was straining from the pressure. “F-f-fine.”
A look of concern crossed Twilight’s face. “If you need to slow down, we can switch you with another stallion.”
“N-no.” Caramel smiled. “See this cutie mark?”
“Three horseshoes.” Twilight observed.
“As long as I have one hoof left…” Caramel explained. “I won’t give up. It’s my special talent. And I have four hooves now!”
“Great.” Twilight nodded. “Now we just need to… WATCH THE ROAD!!”
Caramel looked ahead, and panicked. A pony was pushing her baby carriage off in the street, Caramel crashed into it.
“Oh no! Oh no! Oh…” Caramel looked at the red splattered baby clothes that had stuck to the front of the carriage. Hooked into his harness was a bottle of 1942 cognac.
“NOOOOOOOO!!!!” Berry Punch cried in the streets, cradling the remnants of her secret wine stash.
“YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!” Bigs McLagehuge yelled, holding a triumphant bottle in the air.
“It’s okay, there was no baby, you just hit Berry Punch’s collection!” Twilight called to Caramel. “Now, take us to the Action Pony Hero Force office.” She wiped some sweat off of her brow. “It’s a good thing there are no half-finished highways in Ponyville we’d have to ramp. With the way things are going, I’d say lady Luck is against us.”
“And how...” Lucky moaned from the back seat.
Scootaloo drove up beside the carriage, she and Rainbow Dash both on a scooter, pulling along a large red wagon at top speed, the wagon filled with Rarity’s mannequins. “Alright, everypony!” Twilight called. “Jump!”
Everypony on the carriage, Twilight included, leaped over to the wagon. Twilight used her magic to send all the mannequins to the carriage. “Caramel!” She said. “I need you to run this past Sugarcube Corner, and then unhook yourself – let it slow down on its own, and explode at a safe distance!”
Caramel nodded, and kept on running.
“Wait, I thought Trixie said she was gonna blow the carriage if anypony got off.” Scootaloo said.
“Well, yes, and there’s a simple answer to that.” Twilight said. She quickly teleported to the top of Ponyville City Hall, right behind where Trixie was watching with binoculars.
“Mwahahaha.” Trixie chuckled softly, as she watched Caramel pull the carriage. “Get your way out of this one Twilight Sparkle. Get out of –”
“Hey.”
Trixie gasped, and spun around. “Twilight Sparkle!? How!?”
“You never actually killed anypony when you set off your first bomb.” Twilight explained. “This led me to believe that you couldn’t see it, even though you claimed to be watching. So I simply figured out where you could see me from the second time you called, and where you couldn’t see me from the first time you called, and I deduced your location. I told you making a second phone call was a bad idea.”
Trixie’s eye twitched dangerously. “Yes… well… you stink!” She pushed the button, and an explosion sounded in the distance. “Those pony’s deaths are on your head Sparkle!”
“Actually, Rarity’s mannequins are on my head.” Twilight explained. “I’m sure I’ll get an earful, but hey, at least nopony got hurt.”
“Mannequins…” Trixie’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll never take me alive!” She jumped out of the town hall window. Twilight gasped, and looked on the ground, but she wasn’t on the ground. She was in a hay cart, whipping Big Macintosh to get him to go faster.
Twilight sighed, and teleported into the back of the cart.
Trixie gasped.
“Yeah.” Twilight nodded. “I know how to teleport.”
Trixie reared up on her hind hooves. “You may think you’ve won Twilight Sparkle, but you’ve not –” A low hanging sign hit her in the back of the head, and sent her tumbling off the hay cart.
“Thakns Big Mac!” twilight said cheerfully, hopping off the cart.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac unharnessed himself, and rubbed his whip-sore back.
The cutie mark crusaders came running up. Applebloom handcuffed Trixie. “You are under arrest!” Scootaloo declared. The Crusaders squee’d at their success and began to dance around in an adorable little circle.
Caramel, huffing and puffing, walked up to Twilight. “Hey.” He said.
“Hey Caramel.” She shook his hoof. “Good work with that carriage.”
“Thanks.” He blushed. “So… you were really something back there. A lot of ponies owe you their lives.”
“Oh, it was no problem.” Twilight blushed.
“I… was wondering whether you’d like to go out for dinner later?”
Twilight stopped blushing. “Oh… I read that relationships based off of intense experiences never work.”
Caramel blushed. “Ok. Maybe we can base it off sex then?”
“I’m asexual.” Twilight said, keeping her voice completely even despite inwardly screaming at him for the worst pick-up line ever.
“Oh.” Caramel drooped, and walked away.
“Wait a minute!” Applebloom stopped celebratin’. “This scene’s missin’ somethin’!”
“Hold that thought!” Sweetie Belle rushed over to Twilight. She took off her saddlebags, and gave her a leather jacket and a big pair of sunglasses. She rushed over to Big Mac’s hay cart and tossed in a bomb she’d whipped up that morning. “Fire in the hole!” She cried, ducking for cover.
The explosion rocked the streets. Twilight stood impassively, looking over her shoulder. “Woah.” She said simply.
“Hey girls!” Sweetie Belle cheered. “Ya know how Rarity makes things look pretty? I just got my cutie mark in making things look awesome!” She showed off her flank which had a trio of diamond shaped explosions on it.
"I have created a monster." Twilight whimpered.
Spike handed Twilight the clock. “You’re half a minute early with that arrest.” He told her.
“Woah.” Twilight shrugged. “I guess I just had too much speed."
