Chapters ARGH! STORY TIME! Heheh, sorry. I’m Connor. Welcome to the world most bronies wished we lived in, where Equestria and Earth are connected and ponies came to live here and some humans went to live in Equestria. Lucky for me, I was the one to find the first pony, but that was being argued over by my brother cause he was there too and we don’t know who saw her first. Anyway sines ponies have a difficult time finding jobs here, they make a deal with some humans that if they can live there and do random jobs around the home that they can do then they be given some money and, well, live there! As for me, I got Ditzy, Twilight, and Pinkie. I always ran out of muffin mix. So let me tell you about all the fun stuff that went down and, I’m just saying right now, just because I’m telling you all this now does not mean I will be alive at the end.
But no gloomy stuff for now, let’s start about 4 days after they were found, after all the government stuff and world meetings.
“Yo Twilight!” I called out into the living room. “I need you to get that chore bored thing you suggested, I know you already made that thing!” I got up and walked out of my room into the living room which was almost covered in books.
“In a moment, I’m almost done with this book!” I looked over at the purple unicorn reading a book on my couch. “Have Spike help you find it, he should know.” She suggested, yes, I also got Spike, sue me. I laughed a bit at her wanting to finish the book.
“Hey Spike!” I called and walked around the rather small house. “How the heck can I live in this small place and not be able to spot a purple dragon? SPIKE!” I called again, I heard scuffing on the hard wood floor and there he was running out of Twi’s room, rubbing his eyes. “Oh sorry little dude, were you asleep?” He nodded, glaring at me.
“Ya, what do you want?” I chuckled and pointed at Twilight.
“I need you to find the chore bored thing Twi made, It’s time to get some stuff done.” He sighed and nodded before walking back into Twi’s room. I looked over at Twilight with a bored look. “You do know that most of that is fiction right?” She nodded and shrugged.
“Ya, but it’s fun to read!” I face-palmed.
“You need to cut back on that a bit, I mean I have a very small budget as it is! I can’t keep buying books! Finish the rest of those and we can go sell them to buy more.” She looked at me with tear puppy dog eyes.......GAH! “No Twi, I need money to build your library so you can KEEP the books.” She softened her gaze a bit but still looked at me. “OK! You can keep three books! HAPPY!?” She smiled and nodded.
“Ok!” Again I face-palmed.
“And I thought you were just a adorable dork but you can just as easily manipulate anyone as a baby puppy and kitten play fighting over a shoe!” I sighed and walked into Twi’s room. Spike was tearing the place apart trying to find that bored. “Um, need a hand?”
“Already got two!” He called back.......I have taught him well. “But you can help.” DAMMIT! I walked through the pile of junk that I had to buy for Twilight and moved what looked like a curtin and found it.
“Found it, I get 20 awesome points!” I laughed and picked up the bored.
“ARGH! That gets you to like, 50! I only have 20!” Spike rubbed his head angrily. You see Spike and I have this point system going on where if we do something awesome we get points depending on how awesome it was, I am not going to explain the rules because that would just take all day. The first to 100 has to do something with no ‘but’s’ or ‘why’s’. I already have a plan for when I win!
“Alright mini-me let’s go bug everypony.” He glared at me as I left the room. I went back out into the living room and found Pinkie talking to Twi about something, I never found out what it was because as soon as she spotted me I became a target for a hug. I dove to one side and instead of me Spike got the hug. “10 points!” He let out another rage quitting yell then got over it.
“Oh you found it!” Twilight shut her book and got up. She then jumped off the couch and walked over to where I was setting it up. “I’ll explain everything, you just take a seat.” I nodded and finished setting it up. I grabbed a few chairs and set them up around the bored, only 3 tho because Ditzy was at work. Eeyup she is still a mailmare.
“Hiya Connor!” Pinkie said excitedly as she took a seat next to me. “How are you today?”
I smiled warmly at her. “Wonderful, and you?” She kept that big grin of hers.
“Grate! Today I saw a deer out back with a baby fawn with it and I saw some birds and they were singing so I dance for a little while oh and I climbed a tree and-” I cut her off right there, I’m getting good at doing that.
“What did I say about climbing trees?” She frowned a bit and lowered her head.
“I could get hurt...” I stared at her a while then gave her a noggy.
“Cheer up! At least your safe!” Gods I feel like a dad, she got a big grin again, then Twilight did that one cough that you do to get someone’s eyes on you.
“Now that your done let’s get started,” She put a arrow on a little spike thing in the middle that had my name on it. “I have made five arrows, all with our names on it, every week we take said arrows and spin them on this bored,” She tapped the bored with he hoof. “And what ever the arrow lands on you have to do every day for a week. I said chore can be done once for the week then you get the rest of the week off. Any questions?” I began to slowly rise my hand when Spike knocked it down. “Alright, let’s get started!” She spun the arrow with her magic and it landed on a pile of trash. “Looks like you have trash duty Connor.” Spike, Pinkie, and I laughed all at the same time.
“S-she said duty!” I said after a while of laughing. Twilight glared at me before smiling and rolling her eyes.
“I suppose I walked right into that one, alright Spike next!” Spike stopped laughing and watched as his arrow landed on clean up.
“Hah! You do that anyway when Twi messes something up!” Eeyup, that earned me a book to the head curtesy of Twilight.
“Right, next Pinkie Pie.” Pinkie pie hopped up and down in her chair as her arrow was put up and spun. “And, cooking.” Pinkie bounced out of her chair and into the kitchen. “Well, I suppose dinner is in a few minutes. Ditzy should be getting home soon too.” I got up and stretched.
“Welp I will get rid of the trash, I can already say Twilight’s job is picking up her books, right?” I glared at her as she grinned sheepishly.
“Of course! I’ll get right on that!” She trotted back into the living room, her horn glowing. I turned to Spike. “Bet your regretting destroying Twi’s room looking for that hmm?” He had the most pissed off glare I have ever seen on him.
“Shut up Connor...” He grumbled before grabbing a broom and walking towards Twi’s room. I glanced at the clock, 5:45. I walked into the kitchen and saw how crazy Pinkie was going with the dinner making.
“You crazy girl, what are we having?” I asked. She threw me a side glance.
“Huge pancakes! Their going to be HUGE!” We both laughed as I took the trash bag out of the bin.
“I’ll be back,” I called walking through the living room. “Man this thing STINKS!” I gaged opened the front door-
The got tackled by Ditzy, that lovable mare. “Ops! Sorry mister Connor!” She said as she got up. I never let go of that trash bag so nothing bad would happen.
“It’s alright Ditzy, go on in and get some rest, flying all over the place must be hard.” She smiled at me with those adorable eyes and bounced in happily. Man I could have a heart attack shes so cute. I opened the garbage can and dropped the bag into it, objective compleat! WOOHOO! I walked back into the house and sat on the couch next to Twi as she watched some Bill Nie the science guy, thats funny.
Now you may think taking out the trash is not that hard, well you try living in a house with 3 ponies and a dragon! I go through me muffin and cake mix faster then I can blink! I swear Pinkie and may kitchen are best friends! Oh well time to stop whining and go to classes. “Ok girls I’ll be back in a little while, don’t let Spike destroy the house!”
“Shut up!” I heard him yell, as I was about to close the door Twilight swung it open.
“And you are going?” I asked her with a raised eyebrow.
“With you! I want to see what you do for learning.” Welp, the school had no rule agents ponies!
“Alright, get in and buckle up.” I walked over to my piece of shit ford truck and unlocked it. Twilight hoped up on the passengers seat and buckled in. “Alright, to the college!” I pointed and hit the gas, scaring the absolute shit out of Twilight! And it was funny! I slowed down when we where down the street, I was laughing my ass off and Twilight had her hoof on her chest.
“Don’t. DO THAT!” She yelled at me. I patted her on the head with a smile.
“Don’t worry Twi, I won’t do it too much!” I laughed some more getting her to glare at me. There was a long silence as we drove, when I got to a stop sign she spoke.
"So, what are your classes like?" She looked at me with a LOT of curiosity.
"Long and boring." I muttered as we took off again.
"To smart ponies that sounds like fun. I wonder what subjects you take." She asked me again without actually asking me.
“I have no clue sometimes, I think I have math and something relating with gravity, I never really go to my classes because I know everything already so they just let me skip.” She gave me a shocked look.
“You skip?! You’ll never learn anything!” She was now glaring at me.
“Like I said they let me do it, I’m too smart for there minds of thinking and stuff like that.” I laughed as I parked. “Now come on, let’s go cause some chaos.” I got out of the car and she followed me with a slight glare, and yes I know the title of the chapter has nothing to do with the actual chapter, suffer! I walked over to the front door and kicked in the door. “Sup!?” I heard some laughs and some ‘woo!’s, then some gasps when Twilight followed behind me.
“Are they scared of me or something?” I shook my head and patted her head.
“Naw, this is a college, they have never seen a pony before.” I walked over to the vending machine and Sparta kicked it, earning me and bag of chips and a mountain dew. “Sweet! I got lucky today! Now let’s get to the roof before the people on the camera get brave and come to scold me.” I picked up Twilight, making her ‘meep’, and bolted over to the stairs.
I can walk on my own you know!” She said stopping me with magic. “You say you’re the smartest yet you act like a kid! I want you to prove to me your smarter-“ I cut her off.
“Then the average bear?” I broke down into laughter making her glare at me, and then she smiled and began to giggle. “Hah! You laughed I’m not in trouble anymore!” I picked her up again. “To the roof!” I shot up the stairs and by the 3rd floor I fell over tired. “You know,” I panted. “You can walk on your own.” She laughed a bit.
“Told you.” I looked up at her.
“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. Now come on we got to meet up with Peter.” I got up and began to walk up the stairs again.
“Peter, that’s where Dash, AJ, Rarity, and Fluttershy went to live with right?” She tilted her head at me and I nodded.
“Cause he has a bigger house. He should be here by now.” When we reached the top I pushed open the door and let Twilight through.
“Shit dude you brought Twi with you?” I heard the very familiar voice call.
“Sup Pete?” I walked through the door and to my surprise I saw he brought Fluttershy with him. “Aw dude! We had the same idea, well it was Twi’s that I bring her but why did you bring Shy?” He and I watched Twilight walk over to where Shy was talking to some birds.
“Well I take a vet class so she asked if she could come and learn with me, but that’s not till the afternoon.” I nodded and watched.
“This is going to be a fun day.” I sighed and looked at the sky for a while, watching clouds go by and stuff. I was about to fall asleep when I flash of blinding light filled my vision. “DUDE!” I slapped my hands over my eyes. “THAT HURT! WHO THE HECK DID THAT!” I heard the softest voice I have ever heard.
“Sorry sir Connor.” Hehehe, she called me a sir. “I just wanted to talk to you for a moment.” I let go of my eyes and saw the princess pony herself, Celestia.
“Oh, hi Celestia.” I grinned sheepishly. “Um, what about?” She smiled at me and I turned my head to look at Peter, he had is thumbs up
"I wanted to thank you for convincing your world we were not invading and for looking after a few of my little ponies." Hehehe, she said it.
"Well it's no problem, even if it took a few days to convince full grown men that small colorful ponies weren't a threat." I laughed and rubbed the back of my head.
"Well, as thanks, I would like you to study friendship beside Twilight." I looked at her with wide eyes.
"You mean-" She cut me off with a smile.
"You are another student of mine." I got up, hugged her, and ran over to Peter.
"DUDE! I get to be smarter and learn MORE about friendship!" I gave him a bro hoof and continued to dance around.
"Still haven't proved your smarter then you seem yet." Twilight called. I turned to her with the pure focus and, in 10 minutes, explained all about american history and all I knew about history before that (Everything, Eeyup I'm that smart!). I got wide eyed looks from everypony except Peter, who gave me a high five.
"Nerd."
"Jock."
"Oh, you little shit." He glared at me playfully and clapped. "Well done! I don;t even think Twi knew all of that!" I smiled and looked at Twi, who was deep in shocked thought.
"Impressive eh? Come on I don't need to stick around here, let's head home." I laughed and picked her up, she didn't even stop me as we walked back down the stairs and into my piece of shit truck.
And that's how I became the number two student of princess Celestia. Good night kids!
The day after was not so eventful except a LOT of reading about friendship and stuff, I think Twilight has it out for me cause she may think I'm smarter then her. Not by a long shot. "Twilight I need you to help me here, I ain't got no proper learnens about how to read you books." I pointed at the book I was supposed to read but I couldn't.
"Wait, you can read Equestrian?" I shook my head and grinned.
"What did you expect from a human who can't even sleep in a bed right?" I laughed and handed her the book. "Teach me how to read please, and I promise not to act like a baby and go 'agoo?' all the time, maybe." I got her to giggle! YES! I won't be in AS much trouble as I would have! WOO!
"Alright come here, this letter means S and this one-"
---Meany learning filled hours later! ---
"-and that’s about it." She gave me the book with her magic. "Now try to read it." I nodded and took the book. I began to read like a pre-schooler, messing up words and spelling things wrong till I finally got the hang of it!
"Wow, that didn't take too long at all! What, 10 hours of learning and reading? I'M PUMPED!" I threw the book up into the air and cought it again, making a awesome pose.
"It looks like it!" She laughed. "Now get back to learning, we have to write a report in a few days."
"Wait what!? A few days?! ARGH!" I ran over and into my room, locking it behind me. “Must, work…” I muttered and heard Twilight knocking on the door. “No ones home! Studying!” I called and re-opened the book, let’s get this started!
---The next day without sleep! ---
I closed the book and leaned back in my chair sighing. “Well that’s done.” I chuckled and got up. “Let’s go check on Twi.” I spoke to no one or pony. I walked over to my door and unlocked it. When I walked out I saw two things that made me ‘d’aww’. One being the book fort Twilight had made and the other being SHE WAS SLEEPING IN IT! “Oh my gods…” I muttered and walked over to her. She still had a book open about something relating to human myths, she kept that one? Hmm, she must be interested in our myths. I slowly disassembled the book fort and put a blanket over Twilight, I also bookmarked her place in the book and put it next to her on a table. “She needs sleep more then I do.” I laughed and went to take out the trash AGAIN! It would seem Ditzy made muffins last night because there was some still left over. “Sweet!” I took one and took a bite, blueberry, good choice. I ate the rest of the golden muffin and tied up the trash, before leaving I put another bag in. I was outside in ten seconds flat! When I opened the bin I shivered, someone’s watching me. I spun around to see a black cloud shoot towards me, being a gamer I dodged to the side and picked up a stick. “Be gone evil cloud! Or I shall slay thee!” I heard it chuckle at me, video game drama activate!
“Pitiful mortal, you think you can slay me?” I puffed out my chest and let out a man laugh.
“Being of darkness, you know not the human you face, prepare to meet they maker! HAVE AT YOU!” I thrusted the stick forward and into the mass of darkness and it let out a hiss, stealing my stick, aw hell.
“Foolish mortal! Meet your maker!”
“But it’s not taco night yet!” Confusion, works every time.
“W-what?” I ran off into the forest while it thought for a moment. Now I can get my true combat weapons. I jumped up and snapped a HUGE branch off a tree, I held it in both hands and still had a good amount to hit with. “WHERE ARE YOU FLESHY?!” I heard it yell.
“I’m not over here! That’s for sure!” I yelled and what do you know it looked there first, who would have thought? Not me, no sir.
“There you are! Prepare to die guardian of harmony!” I like that title; I think I’ll keep it.
“Thanks for the new title!” I said bashing at it with my huge ass stick, which was surprisingly effective!
“ARGH!” A bolt of lightning shot out of it and hit the stick, catching the top on fire.
“Wood does not conduct electricity stupid!” I called and bashed it once with the flaming stick.
“VERY WELL! YOU HAVE PROLONGED YOUR END! I WOULD HAVE MADE IT FAST AND PAINLESS!” I think I remember that voice.
“Aww, is it too late to say sorry?” I said with big puppy dog eyes.
“Very! I will return!” It flew up into the sky.
“Yea and next time I’ll have a real weapon!” I yelled as it got out of view. Well that was eventful, might as well get home before more shit hits the fan. As I get back to the house I see Ditzy just about to take off. “Have a good day at work!” I called to her; she stopped herself and looked at me.
“Where did you go?” I shrugged and walked around and onto the porch she was standing on.
“I was chased around by a cloud, took me a while and one lightning bolt to chase it off, oh and a fire stick.” I laughed at the last part.
“Maybe you should have Twilight look at you, rouge clouds don’t normally attack ponies-er, people.” She corrected herself, aww, cute.
“I’ll do that, looked like a storm cloud too, was black and stuff and was-“I cut myself off, no need to make the adorable ponies worry.
“What?” She looked at me confused but I just smiled and patted her head.
“Don’t worry, get off to work before you’re late and get yelled at. I would fall to pieces if you got fired.” She stared at me a few moments then nodded and took off. I sighed and re-entered the house, Twilight was still sleeping but moved around a bit and was now clutching the blanket I gave her. “Aww, adorable.” I muttered and sat down by her, opening another book that was in equestrian. “Wonderful.” I read it for a hour, said hi to Spike as he got up, call 20 more awesome points for beating up a cloud, running away from his broom welding wrath, then finally falling asleep.
What a dreamless sleep I had.
---Twilight---
Why am I so warm? I yawned and sat up, rubbing my eyes with my hoof. Somepony took down my fort! Wait, how did I get this blanket? I looked and saw Connor dead asleep next to me, sitting up and looking up with his mouth opened (No really, I sleep like that too much.). “Hmm, wonder what got him so tired.” I muttered and hopped off the couch. Spike was making breakfast with a glare on his face. “What happened to you?” I asked him, he growled.
“Mister ‘I think I’m so awesome’ claimed more awesome points by beating up an ‘angry as all shit’ cloud, I think he called it.” I couldn’t help but snicker at his language.
“Watch your mouth Spike; you might end up just like him!” He looked at me with a mix of fear and happiness.
“If it will get me more points then I’m fine with it.” I heard a snort in the other room.
“Swearing is for big boys Spike! Don’t let me catch you doing it again!” Connor yelled from his spot on the couch, why was I excited? Must be something about him being a new reading buddy!
---Peter---
Well this sure was a funny morning. I woke up to hear AJ and Dash fighting over what game to play, while I was still asleep! Now that was fixed before I started fixing it, but enough of that! Lets get to the better part of my day! I was out back my house cutting some wood for no reason at all when I saw this dark cloud coming at me real fast AND my phone was ringing. “Aww shit.” I ducked out of the way and pulled out my phone. “Talk to me.”
‘Hey bro, its Connor, just want to tell you I was attacked by a storm cloud a while back, just wanted to tell you incase you might see it.’
“Oh no, I must be being attacked by some OTHER cloud!” I laughed lightly and rolled out of the way of another charge.
‘Oh, well use a weapon of some kind, do you still cut wood for no reason?’ I grunted a yes and ran towards the axe I had been using. ‘Ok, I’ll call you back if you live.’
“Your a awesome brother you know that?” I sighed and hung up on him, putting the axe over my shoulder. “Alright mister stormy cloud, mind if I ‘axe’ you a question?” I saw it back up a ways, must be that look I get in my eyes, how they turn a bit red as I’m going into combat. “Yea, get the fuck out of here or I’m getting my vacuum.” I pointed my axe at it, and just like that it flew away. “Wonderful weather we’re having.” I muttered and turned towards the house.