Dead on the inside

The man that had earlier fainted was now lying in the middle of the corridor he was previously sitting in. He was awake, even though he did not move, but not because he was tired, but because he actually felt like he was dead. Someone’s hand slipped past his eyes and then came back. It rapidly repeated the sequence until the man grabbed the hand.

"Aah!” The voice of a surprised female was the response of the sudden grip.

"I told you he’s awake.” A quiet, manly voice was heard from behind the woman.

"Say, nurse, why’d you bother putting his shades back on?” another manly voice asked.

"I-It’s hard to explain, Sir. Th-there was something about his eyes that seemed...unsettling.” the startled nurse tried to explain her motives as best she could.

"I’d say, hah! A man weeping like a baby in a cradle, can’t say I’d want to look someone like that in the eye, either.” A very arrogant-sounding man was heard laughing.

If Inhio had still cared for anything at that moment, he probably would have torn the man's throat out with his bare hands.

"Sir, please! This man’s been through enough, I think he deserves a bit of kindness!” The nurse was shocked by the incredibly rude attitude.

The arrogant man seemed to want to add something, but didn’t bother. After shutting him up, the nurse directed her attention back to the man on the ground, who seemed to be ignoring the conversation completely.

"Sir...” She struggled to free her wrist from his grip "If you could just...”

And all of a sudden, he released her hand and put his arm back on the ground as if nothing had happened.

"Thank you!”

The man neither moved nor spoke, the woman felt like letting him be the one to say the next thing, no matter what that might be, but it soon became clear that he could most likely go on like this for longer than they could bear. "Please, Sir, you need to get up, we...”

The man got up the instant he heard the order. He brushed the filth off his clothes and looked at the nurse, who all of a sudden felt like she’s in charge of the emotionless man in front of her. She felt confused, she wasn't expecting him to respond in such a way and didn't know what to say. "I...that is...I thought you should know, Sir. It’s a girl.”

Her words were nothing but wind for the man. He kept on staring at the woman like a robot awaiting orders. The woman tried as best she could to break the awkward silence. "Have you thought of a name for the baby? Every child needs a name. Your wi...” She froze up in fear of what could happen as soon as she reminds him of the now deceased person that seemed to leave a brutal impact on the man’s attitude. "Your wife, she...she never said a name.” The silence was upon them again. "Sir, I...”

The man leaned closer towards her and spoke in a tone no one had ever heard him speak in before, "Murderer.” After saying a single word, he leaned back into his previous pose and stood still.

"Sir, I really don’t think that’s an appropriate name for anyone.”

"Killer,” The man said with the same voice as before.

"Not better...”

His voice got louder with every word. "The matricide.”

"Sir!” The nurse tried to reason, but had to resort to shouting eventually. Not even that helped.

"Hellspawn!”

"Enough!” one of the doctors interrupted the charade with a loud shout. "I don’t care if he names the child Fluffy, the purple, bunny-eating monkey that smells like ten months old cheese! We’re all about as dead from working this late as that man is from his crying session! I’m outta here!” The grumpy old doctor walked away, and most of the doctors saw this as a chance to get away from the unpleasant situation and followed him. In fact, the only doctor left was the one holding the baby.

The very same doctor was still just a trainee and wasn't too confident about his skills as a doctor. He walked up to Inhio and handed him the baby and said nothing more than, "Here, please be gentle with her.” Before running off to follow the rest of the pack.

The nurse was the only one left to watch over the father that was now holding the crying child. She cringed from disgust seeing all the doctors just leave like that. She realized that she did not feel even the slightest part of the pain that the man next to her must have been feeling, but she still wanted to make it better, as best she could. She was no less tired than any of the leaving doctors, but she couldn’t really think about her exhaustion right now.

"So what do I do with this thing, now?” the careless man asked. He looked ready to throw the baby out of the nearest window, if only the nurse had told him to do so.

His level of carelessness is off the charts. The nurse thought to herself. She kept thinking whether it’s safe to leave a child in the hands of a man who would probably drop her just to free an arm to scratch his own behind with...although that thought really didn’t need much thinking. The long night eventually took its toll on her. "Like it or not, Sir, that baby is now yours to take care of...I’m not about to give any parenting advice, but I beg you, please, don’t let your hatred get the better of you. It’s clear to me, now, that unless you recover soon, you won’t make much of a father...No offence.”

"None taken, your words hold nothing but the truth.”

That response was as calm as it was emotionless. The nurse sighed loudly and continued. "If you’re not going to take care of her, yourself, then there are always others who will..." She wasn't sure if Inhio understood what she meant, so she decided to clarify, "Leave her at an orphanage. It’s not the best life, but at least it’s still a life. From the look on you right now, I’d have to say that the baby wouldn’t make it farther than the next trash can.”

"You read me like a book.” Another quick response in the same tone followed.

"Please, Sir. I might not know how you feel, but I know you’re a good person, and even though the good side of you is suppressed right now, I hope it can hear these few words.” The nurse walked closer to Inhio and gazed right through his eyes that were covered by the very shades she had put on him earlier. "One life got taken today, another ruined...another need not be taken.” The tired nurse slowly turned around and walked away and didn’t look back. After she had walked a good distance from Inhio, she whispered just loud enough for him to hear it.

"The choice is yours...You can save a life.”

***

The nurse had vanished from sight, and the hospital seemed deprived of all and any life. Just one, lone man stood in the middle of a corridor as the echoes of a crying baby girl rang through the empty halls. It was unclear whether the man was thinking or just waiting for someone to give him a direct order. He probably would have stayed there until the staff came back on the next day if it weren’t for the lights behind him beginning to go out, one by one.

It wasn’t fear of the dark, more like some deep instinct that moved the man towards the staircase to the lower levels of the hospital. The lights faded almost at the instant the man stepped from one lighted area to the other. At first he walked through the light, leaving a darkened path behind him, but the dark eventually caught up to him, and by the time he got to the staircase, the entire corridor had already turned pitch-black.

Nevertheless, the man kept walking as though he could see through the dark as if it were clear daylight to him. His steps were silent, and his movement stable and slow. The baby found comfort in the surrounding atmosphere. By the time the man had walked out of the facility and started his car, the baby had already fallen asleep. He put the baby in a cradle that he brought with him for the occasion, although he had already bought it more than 21 months ago.

The man drove off silently into the night, trying not to wake the screaming menace in the back of his car. Either it was whatever was left of the man’s conscience, or sheer dumb luck that the orphanage just happened to be on the way home, no one knew, but somehow the cradle found its way to the front door of its future home. The man left it and walked off as if he was a mail boy delivering a newspaper. Only the soft voice of an elderly woman caused him to look back before leaving, for good. The head nun herself had come out to pick up the child.

"Pardon me, young man, but you don’t quite seem to know how things work around here.” The man stared at the nun and awaited further explaining. Her words meant less to him than the wind surfing through his hair. "I can see that you have little desire to come in and file any papers and give the child away in a formal procedure...That’s fine, you’re not the first.” The woman turned her attention towards the baby that she was now gently swinging in her arms.

"But you could have at least left a note with the baby’s full name, even just a family name would suffice, i’ll think of the name myself, if you so wish.”

The man didn’t care much for the nuns slightly annoying tone, but then again, he didn’t care much for anything, at the time being. He barely kept himself from giving the same names he gave the nurse back at the hospital. He spent a while thinking of a name. He had no particular wish to name her after anything or anyone, the only thing he thought about was naming her to sound as far from the name Angela as possible. He even thought about giving her a boy's name, a few times.

"Josephine.”

The man finally spoke up, but the nun still didn’t look too satisfied. Of course, the man knew the reason for that, he was just having trouble deciding whether he wants to reveal his real family name. He sure as hell did not want the name to be carried by the only thing that still makes him feel something...Because the only feeling still residing inside Inhio was a burning hatred. Perhaps my family name is actually the perfect one for her. Was his final thought before he said the next word, "Hellbridge.”

"I beg your pardon?” The nun wasn’t sure if she heard the odd name correctly.

"Hellbridge,” the man repeated. "Should I fetch my passport? I left it in the car.”

The nun would have asked most people to do just that before agreeing to bring in a baby with such a disturbing and uncommon family name, but there was something about the man in front of her that made her have little or no doubt about his trustworthiness. Something even aside from his unchanging stance and proud accent. The two maintained eye-contact for another half a minute or so, before the nun took the baby inside. Her wide eyes and surprised expression gave her away. If she had not turned around, then Inhio probably would have went for his passport without being asked to do so.

"There will be no need for that, kind Sir. Thank you, and have a nice day.” the nun spoke fast, as though she wanted nothing more than to leave the somewhat frightening conversation partner.

"Josephine Hellbridge. Hmph...Now there’s a name I’m going to have trouble saying out loud to someone looking to adopt her,” the still dissatisfied nun whispered as she walked through the dark corridors of the orphanage, bringing the child into its new home.

As the large doors closed behind her, Inhio took the chance to finally leave before getting delayed, again. Despite wanting to get away as soon as possible, he walked slowly as he remembered his own past with the non-mundane family name he carried so proudly.

Inhio Hellbridge...Yes, that’s what they called him. The name might seem strange, but Inhio never hid it from anyone, and aside from the occasional "Inhio Hellbridge? What kinda name is that?”, he never got mocked for it, either. Not in school, not at work. Neither by his friends, nor foes.

***

"Inhio is dead” Were the words the man had set as his motto, and just by looking at him, it would have been hard to deny them. His body seemed to take everything over, by itself, repeating all his every day actions that he once did, step by step. Someone who only ever saw him with one corner of their eye, every day, would have probably said that he hasn’t changed a bit...Only the people that actually knew him thought differently.

It really did feel like the man they saw now was a completely different person. Truth be told, not everyone could freely call him human, anymore. His face was constantly stuck on one, unchanging and expressionless image. His body may have been fully functional, still, and it did whatever he once did, but his soul was missing in action. Some called him a robot, some - an empty shell, and some even - a walking corpse.

Needless to say, he never smiled or laughed, nor did he cry or cringe from either disgust or pain. The only thing that still kept him his job was the good relationship he once had with his boss. Thanks to that, his boss was willing to let him keep working til one of them dropped dead, even though not all of his co-workers approved.

The situation with his friends was similar. The people that once loved nothing more than sharing both a drink and a tale with him, now slowly began to resent him, but it was long before they decided to switch tables and leave him sitting alone. He let them leave without a second glance. Only his best friend still remained at the same table with him for a while longer, but even he soon gave up on any hope of seeing his friend the way he used to be. As he got up from the table, ready to leave, he put his arm on his shoulder, brought his head down to the same level as that of the sitting man and whispered, "You’re just not what you used to be, Inhio.”

"Inhio is dead!”

He got a reply so quick it almost seemed like the last word of his sentence and the first one of Inhio’s sentence were one, whole word.

"You know...you might just be right.” His friend walked over to the table that the rest of his friends had just moved to, but seeing his life-long friend like this wouldn’t let him enjoy what was left of the evening. He apologized to his other friends, saying, "Sorry, guys. Another time.” And left the bar. The slightly drunk company respected him, and his friendship with Inhio, so they had no problem understanding him wanting to leave them after what had just happened. All they hoped for was that he wouldn’t end up like Inhio.

When he left the bar, something surprised him a bit. Inhio was already out of the bar, just standing there and aimlessly watching the street. He was about to say something, but decided not to. It seemed like Inhio didn’t realize he was even there, even though he clearly did. Inhio’s friend walked away, soon enough, pretending to not know him. And saying that wouldn’t exactly be a lie, either, for the Inhio he once knew no longer existed.

His friends walking out on him like that left Inhio with extra time. Usually by the time he left the bar, all that was left for him to do that night was find his bed, but messing with his usual schedule seemed to have interfered with the way his empty shell operated, now. He stood there for more than an hour without moving, staring into a puddle right in front of him, as if trying to find his own reflection.

This is what a walking corpse looks like. Were the only words on his mind. His body went into a state of an unbreakable trance that might have lasted for god knows how long if it weren’t for the rest of his friends leaving the bar. That seemed to wake him up. He ran off with his friends barely only managing to catch a glimpse of him.

Strange. They thought. This was the first time anyone had seen him running in over 8 years.

***

On the next day, Inhio did yet another thing he had not done in 8 years - he revisited the place he left his daughter at. It didn’t take a genius to realize that something woke up in him on that fateful night...Something that had been sleeping for far too long.

On his arrival, he was greeted and welcomed in by the same head nun that took in his child 8 years ago. The nun recognized that look right away, her memory was something to admire. Before long, the two were walking through the corridor, side by side.

"The years sure have been kind to you. You look no different than you did on the day you first came here...I wish the same could be said for me.” The nun coughed a few times before continuing the conversation. "Somehow I had a feeling I’d be seeing you again, one day, even though your attitude suggested the exact opposite...Tell me, what exactly brought you back here?”

"I just wanted to make sure the girl is doing alright.”

"So, you care for her, after all, then?” The nun got into a slightly more cheerful mood. She wasn’t wrong about the man, she always knew there was more to him than just ice in his veins.

"It’s not for myself, I made a promise to someone, and I aim to fulfill it.”

"Mmm, that must have been quite the someone, then.”

"Aye...he was indeed.”

He? The nun wondered. That seemed surprising to her, seeings how she was sure that the someone he was talking about was a woman. Only Inhio alone knew that the man he made the promise to was none other than he, himself. When he gazed at his reflection, late on the last evening, he saw himself from the past, and the past him had a message he wanted delivered.

"Be as it may, you’re in luck. A happy couple has been visiting her a lot, lately, and from what I’ve seen, I’d say that the next time they arrive they might do more than just say hello.” The nun started looking for the keys to the orphan play room as the two had nearly reached the door to it. The thought of the people visiting his daughter didn’t seem to faze Inhio, at all. Just when the nun thought she had him figured out, he started proving her wrong, again and again. The time for thoughts was at an end. The nun unlocked the door and let the man in, but still kept an eye on him while he was inside.

As Inhio walked over to the middle of the room, he took a single look around the giant room full of children. He hadn’t even finished a full circle and had already set his sights right on a lone girl sitting at a table and playing with some animal toys. He started walking towards her. His actions left the nun stunned and standing at the entrance with a half-open mouth and wide-open eyes that followed him on his every step.

There was, without a doubt, a strong connection between the two. Strong enough for the real Inhio to feel it and guide the empty shell right towards his child. He sat down next to the girl, right away, and tried to start a conversation immediately with a hearty "Hey”.

Alas, the girl's attitude towards him was about the same as his attitude towards the rest of the world. "I see you’ve learned how to not talk to strangers.” He may have kept on trying to get the girl to speak to him if it weren’t for something drawing both their eyes back towards the door. It was the happy couple, here to visit the girl for what might just prove to be the last time. Any doubt got cleared from Inhio’s mind as he saw the wide smile on the girl's face. "Good girl,” he whispered his last words to the child before leaving the table. He walked right up to the man and woman near the door. They seemed a bit startled by the cold-looking man walking up to them. He looked more serious than a chief of police walking up to a criminal.

"Oh, uhm, please, take your time. We didn’t want to pull you away.” the man near the door began to explain himself.

"You didn’t. I took no less time than I wanted to.” He looked back at the girl that sat at the table, shaking her knees from excitement. "And it looks like she’s much more eager to talk with you than with me, anyways.” He stepped aside, so that the couple and the girl could see each other, freely. Both of the parties smiled and waved at each other. "I’ll be on my way, then.”

The smiling man couldn’t help but still feel like they had interrupted the man that seemed to be avoiding a conversation. "Wait!”

Inhio turned around and faced the couple.

"Before you go, I just want to know one thing. Were you in any way close to the girl?” The man continued after getting no response, for some time, "Because if you were, now’s a good a time as you’ll get to say goodbye.”

Inhio didn’t stand silent for much longer. "Aye...I was the one that left her here.”

The nun had stepped out of the room, a while back, to avoid interrupting. She wouldn’t regret it, either, if she could only see the faces of the couple after they had realized the true identity of the man in front of them.

"You mean...”

"I am her biological father," Inhio picked up from his sentence. "Her mother passed away right in front of my eyes, earlier that day, and since I wasn’t sure I had it in me to give her the care she deserves, I had no choice but to leave her here.” The truth rained down with nothing held back. Right after the two had heard he was the girl's father, they had little wish left to badger the man with any further questions...They never imagined that they would hear this much.

"Oh dear...” The woman was at a loss of words, so the man spoke for both of them.

"I-I’m sorry...really sorry, we never meant to interrupt so rudely...please, take all the time you want with her. We-we’ll come back tomorrow, if you haven’t taken her.” The woman only nodded on every word the man said and had no intention of staying any longer, she would have followed her husband to the door if it weren’t for Inhio raising his arms sideways to block their path.

"No...Take her...Please.” Inhio kept his head lowered. All of a sudden, he dropped down on one knee. He seemed to be having an inner struggle with the Inhio he had thought dead. The woman gasped from seeing the man act like this, and her husband seemed rather surprised, as well.

"Sir...what are you...”

"Please...” The sunglasses that had not left Inhio’s eyes for 8 long years, now finally decided to fall off, right before he raised his head to face the couple, once more. "I beg you.” Inhio’s desperate stare, alone, was enough to change the mind of a hungry wild bear. It was like the day when he stared into the eyes of the bandits assaulting his wife, only this time, the stare was full good intentions.

"I am a broken man...I’m not fit to raise anyone or anything, anymore...Please...Help me do what I could not.” Now not only the couple was breathlessly staring at Inhio, but nearly every child in the room was, as well, despite not being able to hear a word he said.

"Yes...Yes, of course...we’ll take good care of her!” the man reassured Inhio, whose head was lowered once again.

"Thank you!” Inhio released these two words as if they were said with his dying breath. He then raised his head and got up from the ground, after picking up his shades and swiftly stormed out of the door, nearly scaring the living daylight out of the nun standing right outside. He realized she had listened in on his conversation, but didn’t bother saying a word. The nun felt slight shame about her actions, so she couldn’t push herself to speak to the man, right away, either. She thought she would speak to him after just a few deep breaths, but that was all the time Inhio needed to be halfway towards starting his car.

Inhio drove fast at first, but slowed down over time as his face lost all expression, once more. He didn’t spend much longer staying awake. Soon after arriving home, he went to sleep and forgot everything that had just happened.

What happened with him today could only be explained in one way - the real Inhio had woken up and taken control of his body, once again. After the death of his wife, a dark presence must have taken over him and controlled his life until now. Although it wasn’t entirely evil, it still kept Inhio’s good side suppressed, all these years. Today, it finally broke free, again.

Inhio’s spirit was strong, all he needed was the motivation to keep his darker side from taking over, and the chance to be able to rest assured, knowing that his daughter is in good hands, was all the motivation he needed. Sadly, there didn’t seem to be anything left that could bring Inhio’s good side out, again. For all we know, that might have been the last time anyone got to see anything other than an icy glare on his face.