M235

I feel like I’m going to be saying this a lot. Sorry about yesterday, I didn’t actually say goodbye like I should’ve. I just got distracted and left you behind. That’s not what I should’ve done.

Look, I… guess I should pick up where I left off, or at least try to. Then I’ll update you with all the new stuff that’s happened, which, to be honest, is not much.

After Apple Bloom said that, things went a bit more quiet. We weren’t talking too much, but rather we were talking just… at each other. I told them how I thought of my sister, how she was just being herself, but more than that. She was trying to comfort me by doing things I normally do for me and trying to make me happy when… none of that really helps. I also told them about you and how I go to you for help.

Safe to say, that got them asking why. Apple Bloom definitely made it sound like I didn’t care about them, and it made me feel awful.

I told her that I wasn’t trying to do that, but I needed someone outside my circle to give me that advice. And that pony was you… or, well, me, I guess. I’m really just saying everything to you (me), aren’t I? I’m not sure if that’s the best look I have for myself but I don’t have anyone else that I really could trust to talk to about all this. There’s no one that gets me.

Besides, I think this helps me see how I think about things, like I’m almost checking to see if I’m messing up even worse ahead of time, or maybe even realize something about myself that I didn’t think at the time this all happened.

I guess that’s a start… to something? I don’t know. Talking to you is too new to figure anything out. I’m… just a stressed little filly.

Ugh. I’ve been still on edge about everything, and I have to keep reminding myself—

I’m sorry.

I need to stop writing about it right now and just focus on what happened today.

So, to tell you the truth, nothing really happened. I ate in silence again with my sister this morning, but she did try to spy a couple glances at me (it confused me a bit but when I looked at her she looked away so…). Then, after taking another nice shower, I went to school again, only to be pulled aside by Ms. Cheerilee and asked if I was doing okay. She must have caught a bit of the girls and I talking about well, the thing, and she thought I needed a hug or something. I told her that I was fine and that the rest of us were just talking about it all. I mean, it has been a hot topic in Ponyville, and well, ponies knew we saw the accincident happen.

By the way, just learned that word. I nearly wrote accident there. Ponies say if I use the word a couple more times, it becomes mine to say, or as Ms. Cheerilee puts it, it’s part of my ‘vocabulary tool box’. Sounds awkward to me, but school is always awkward. I’m not dumb, it’s just… sitting there is dumb, and that makes me feel dumb.

I don’t know. I think I filled you in well enough. The rest of the day had been dumb too. I came home to Rarity eating ice cream on the couch again with a book beside her, and I saw Hoops and Snails playing hoofball without a ball. They were essentially playing tag.

Why not just call it tag?

Egh. I don’t feel like thinking now. This headache I have coming on is horrible. I think I’m having this because I didn’t sleep well the night before. I don’t know. I need to lie down for a bit. I’ll update you when I hear something really, really good or bad…

Or maybe I’ll just update you when I want to, okay?

…

Why am I fighting with myself?!

Whatever. I’m a mess. See you later.