M235

Princess Luna has been busy with me lately. I know, I know, I shouldn’t open like this but, every night is a new nightmare, and I just know she is watching over me, making sure I don’t wake up hating myself for no reason. See, I don’t know why, but as of late, I have been blaming myself.

The doctors told Twilight that he won’t be out for another two weeks. Now, I know I just said it was now a he, but, Twilight told my sis’ that it was, indeed, a colt. Not sure what to think of that—he didn’t look like a colt to me, but maybe they knew something that I didn’t? That doesn’t matter. All these things going on at once has stressed me out, or at least that’s what Rarity told me.

My sister and I had a talk after breakfast this morning, and it wasn’t because she initiated it.

I was the one who said something. I was the one who told her that I needed to talk to her, that we needed to stop being silent at breakfast.

So she and I talked on the couch (luckily she cleaned up from yesterday) and I told her everything… from the incident to what Apple Bloom had said to me and Scootaloo. I was just tired of letting myself turn into this pony I’m not, someone so upset that I was sick to my stomach over it all, and someone so sad by her doing everything for me.

And for once, Rarity listened. She listened and she told me that she was sorry. She told me that she wasn’t meaning to come off the way she did, and it’s got me very confused. I didn’t expect her to show this side to me. I thought my sister was going to get angry at me, but I guess she really does say what she means.I get that she’ll get angry sometimes, but she told me that I shouldn’t be afraid of her—we’re family Sweetie Belle and I would never want to hurt my dear sister—so I made sure to tell her the same. I would never want to hurt her, and that I did appreciate her helping me, I… just needed to do things myself too. The basic things. And school. I don’t want my sister suffering through that too.

Speaking of school, Ms. Cheerilee had a talk with me again. From what I got, she wanted to tell me that she was just looking out for me and that if I needed someone to talk to, that she was glad to help. Her saying that made me feel like I just heard the same thing twice, and although I was happy to hear it, I felt awkward, like I had two left forehooves and I didn’t know which one to move first. Thankfully, she sidestepped away and let me into the school so I could get seated, which helped me figure how to walk again.

I think she also said this to me because… well, I’ve been quiet in class. It’s been hard to talk ever since the whole incident happened and it made me feel like I shouldn’t speak. I’m not sure why. It’s silly, I know, but it’s just lingering and I sometimes feel like the others in the class are staring at me, although it might be just Apple Bloom looking over to see if I’m okay. Her and Scoots are the best. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

The girls and I are even closer now. We’re all waiting for us to hear the okay from Twilight that he’s awake. We really want to talk to this colt that crashed into our clubhouse. I mean… we don’t want to think that he needs to fix it or anything.

But it’s nice to have some help.

…

Or maybe he can just watch us rebuild it. I don’t want to force him to do anything…

Ugh. I’m sorry. I need to stop thinking about him, whatever he is. I just hope he’ll be better. I need someone else to talk to besides you and the girls… and Babs Seed once in a long while.

Oh, and now we’re back to that whole nightmare thing. I guess I’ll just gloss over it, since I’m kind of tired and need to get ready for bed. Wrote this one late tonight, since I think writing all this down will help me sleep.

So these nightmares were really… bad. I don’t know how else to say this other than this, but I keep reliving the crash. The body just slamming into the ground. Metal parts just flying everywhere as the clubhouse came crashing down. Everything just kept happening, and at first it was just like before: Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were there, but then the latest one was with just me and I didn’t know what to do. I was frozen again, and I couldn’t move. I just watched as the clubhouse burned, and the body laid there…

It laid there…

He laid there.

I’m just getting a cold sweat just thinking about it.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

I need to sleep. I need to just get this out of my head.

I hope Princess Luna can watch over me tonight. I don’t want to dream again.

Goodnight.