Chapters My Little Pony: Friendship is Brutal
An Echo of Deth in Equestria
“Hey you guys, I just had a really messed up dream.” Nathan shouted walking into the metal themed living room.
“Oh dude, did you have one of those uh- Night horse, horrors uh, Nightmares? Yeah one of those things.” Pickles asked.
“No, but I think there was a fucking Nightmare or something like that.” Nathan sat down hard on a wooden chair. It probably hurt, but he was too hungover to actually notice it.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Murderface groused from the couch, pissy as usual. Fresh marks that were hardly visible among the dozens of old, decorated the table in front of him; his knife stood up-right in the table.
“No, dude I think he means, like, a dream within a dream, that inception stuff or some crap like that. I don’t know.” Pickles offered.
“No I mean like, this big huge dark blue flying pony thing, but it had like a horn it was a huge horn. And she was going to make night last forever after killing her sister. Then she was going to rule over everything forever. But then these six smaller ponies became friends and killed the Nightmare thing so the night went away; she must have forgotten to kill her sister ‘cuz she comes back.”
“I dreams about ponies too sometimes, you’re okays for that Nathan.”
“No Toki!” Nathan was getting tired of being interrupted, “you’ve told all of us about your pony dreams, they’re fucking gay. These ponies have wards and stuff, and that Nightmare one eats children or something like that.”
“My ponies are not gays Nathan, shuts up!” Toki said defensively
“Toki shut up! I’m not even finished!”
At this point Skwisgaar walked in, practicing, as always, on his guitar.
“What’s is all the yellings going ons in here?” His fingers danced up and down the neck of his guitar.
“Nathan’s talking about some little ponies that eat children.” Murderface summarized, making another mark in the table.
“Why the hells? Are yous dream sharings with Toki now?” Skwisgaar asked laughing.
“No, dammit!” Nathan growled, “These ponies are fucking brutal!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"All we know so far is that Nathan Explosion has had a dream or nightmare about ponies.” Senator Stampingston informed the tribunal.
“From the recording it seems as though one of these ‘ponies’ was the Nightmare. A god-like entity to the lesser ponies.” Vater Orlaag corrected.
“Likely true,” General Crozier agreed, “the point is how out of the ordinary it is for a member of Dethklok, who isn’t Toki Wartooth, to dream of ponies.” He folded his hands, and fixed his gaze on the silently replaying recording of Dethklok’s most recent discussion. “I however fail to see how Nathan’s dream of ponies could affect anything.”
“Remember General,” Orlaag began, “Any one of Dethklok’s actions may end in catastrophe.
“Gentlemen,” Stampingston interrupted, “I have received word that Nathan is pushing for several songs to be recorded related to his dream. It would seem that what he saw has had a strong effect on him.”
“What would you have us do?” The general said condescendingly, “Should we ask them not to record these songs?”
“Perhaps that would be best. Given past events, this Nightmare creature may be able to cause real harm to the real world. Not to mention what may happen to the world’s equine population if Dethklok were to create songs about them.” Orlaag said darkly.
“Right then,” Crozier maintained his sarcastic tone, “Who should we send to ask them?”
“Do not misunderstand what I am saying. I just-” Orlaag was interrupted by the man on the throne in the middle of the group.
“No, we will let Dethklok explore the power behind Nathan’s dream. It will teach them a valuable lesson on the power of friendship.” Mr. Selatcia’s word was the final of the tribunal.
All fell silent as the video recording started over, this time with audio.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Woah woah woah wait. So later you saw this messed up goat dragon bird tiger thing can drink glass and make milk explode?” Pickles begged Nathan to repeat himself.
“Yeah, that’s what I just said. He was called Discord or something, and all these ponies were running in terror, everything was messed up. The rain was chocolate, the streets were covered in soap. Those six ponies that killed the Nightmare, he fucked them up. He made them all fucking hate each other.”
“He sounds mean.” Toki complained.
“Toki I don’t care about your ponies, god!”
“I wasn’t evens talkings about my dream ponies, you’re just beings mean!”
“Whatever.” Nathan turned back to the rest of the group.
After breakfast, they had all reconvened in the audio mixing room of the recording studio. Skwisgaar was still fingering away on his guitar.
“But these six ponies the ones who killed the Nightmare, got back together and turned that Discord guy to stone. After a thousand years of being a statue he gets to mess up the entire world for a few days and then gets turned back to stone, probably forever. None of the ponies, not even the sister of the Nightmare, who is a bitch by the way, gave a shit about his suffering. That’s fucking brutal.” Nathan punctuated his last sentence by tapping his index finger on the table.
“Wait, a female horse isn’t a bitch I don’t thinks.” Pickles spoke up, steering the conversation in an entirely new direction.
“Yeah you’re ams thinkings of the females dogs. That is the bitch.” Skwisgaar said with disintrest.
“A females ponies is called a mares I thinks.” Toki added.
“No dammit guys, you’re missing the point. These colorful ponies are brutal, and I think it’s time the world knows about them.”
“Knows about thems what? You hads a dream abouts them, they aren’t real.” Skwisgaar pointed out unhelpfully. He momentarily ceased fingering.
“We'll make them.” Nathan countered, “We have billions of dollars we can do that genetic engining crap and make flying poines with horns.”
“What abouts the talkings parts?” Skwisgaar pushed.
“We’ll take some guy’s vocal cords if we have to, I don’t know!”
The room went quiet. Skwisgaar immediately returned to running his fingers up and down his guitar, his interest completely gone.
A door opened and the bands caretaker, Charles Ofdensen, walked in trying to make heads or tails of a torn note Nathan had left glued to his door.
“Nathan you wanted to see me about something?” He gave up trying to read it, crumpling it and placing it in a pocket.
“Yeah I need you to make talking, flying, ponies. Some of them need horns.” He demanded.
“Uh huh,” Offdensen intoned looking around the room at the others. “and you want this because?”
“I had a dream about talking ponies who kill and torture things they don’t like. This one huge pony has wings and a horn, like at the same time. She’s been teaching this one purple horned pony how to use a bunch of powerful magic and stuff. But the big white pony, like, tortures her student on a weekly basis. At one point the purple horned pony got-” Toki interrupted the retelling of another part of Nathan’s dream.
“They’s not horned ponies they’re called unicorns Nathan.” He was still grumpy at being yelled at.
“Toki stop interrupting me every other sentence.” Nathan slammed his fist on the table. “Oh yeah, I guess you’re right; the horned ones are unicorns.” He thought for a moment and chose to consult the “pony master” further. “What about the ones with wings only then?”
“I don’ts knows, pegasuses maybes?”
“Pegasai, I believe.” Offdensen offered.
“And what about those poor schmucks that don’t have either?”
“Ponies?” Toki shrugged.
“No that isn’t it, they’re all ponies.” Nathan grumbled.
“Schmuck ponies?” Skwisgaar came back into the conversation.
“No, it needs to be something that is them. You know what I mean? Ummmm...”
Nathan’s “ummm...” was echoed around the room by all but Skwisgaar and Offdensen.
“Grounds ponies?” Toki finally interrupted the thought-choir.
“They’re all stuck on the ground, they have to plant all the crops and stuff while the other ones can do whatever the hell they want; hey that's pretty brutal too, man that's got to suck. That might work.” Another moment of silence followed, while Nathan mouthed the word “ground pony” to himself.
“I don’t know about that one Toki, but I think I owe you an apology.” Nathan said after several minutes.
“Dude, what for? He like kept interrupting you earlier, shouldn’t he owe you an apology?” Pickles reminded the group.
“No. His gay pony dreams came in handy for once, and I kept telling him to shut up. So I owe him an apology.” Nathan admitted.
“I accepts your apologies.” Toki nodded, his mood slightly elevated. Only to come back down the next second.
“Chill out pony humper, I said ‘I owe you an apology.’ I didn’t say I was going to apologize. You know I don’t do that stuff.”
“Hmph.” Toki crossed his arms, and continued to sulk.
“Right.” Offdensen said, “Nathan, I’m not one-hundred percent sure flying or magical ponies can exist.”
“We have the money, we can make it happen right?” Nathan insisted.
“No, I mean it is physically impossible to make unicorns exist if they never have.”
“Aww man, that sucks. So we can wake up a lake troll, but we can’t make magic ponies?” He reached under the table and grabbed a beer. He tried to open it on the edge of the table and broke off the neck.
He tried two more times to open a beer; on the third just the cap came off, and he started chugging.
“The troll already existed.” Offdensen pointed out. “If it hadn’t been real, it wouldn’t have woken up.” He’d trained himself not to wince when using this kind of logic. It was somewhat painful, but if he’d put it any other way there would have been a hailstorm of questions and complaints.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Nathan chugged the rest of his beer, and threw the empty bottle on the floor.
“Fine whatever.” He slammed his fist on the floor to get everyone’s attention, “We’re still doing these songs!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twilight and Princess Celestia woke with a start; Twilight’s horn poking the side of the large body she had cuddled up to the night before, being the reason for the royal alicorn’s alarm. Tomes of all sorts lay around the cozy pair, signs of a long study session the evening prior.
“Ow Twilight,” Celestia’s tone was harsher than she’d meant it to be, as she rubbed where she’d been jabbed, in an effort to lessen the sting. “What has you waking so violently this morning?”
“Oh Princess, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Twilight was further panicked, concerned that her beloved teacher was mad at her.
“Do not worry,” Celestia cooed, “you’ve done nothing besides making me worry about what has you so scared.”
“I’m sorry.” Twilight repeated, “I just, had this dream, no it was a nightmare. There were these things, they walked on their hind legs, and had hands like griffons do.” Twilight looked at the red mark that stood out against her mentor’s white coat and cringed.
“Twilight?” Celestia stroked her students mane tenderly.
“There were crowds of thousands of those things all different sorts, and they were gathered around a stage where five of them stood. The five were singing, it was a concert I guess, but it wasn’t a concert like I’ve ever seen. They all seemed to have gone mad; they started dying in horribly gruesome ways, but they kept on screaming and raving not wanting to leave the objects of their fanaticism.”
Twilight continued regailing the princess with her nightmare; she therefore missed the expression Celestia took on as thoughts of a threat to her power ran through her head. Hearing the voice of her beloved student brought her back to the present. Twilight was in fact, one of the few lives in all of Equestria that she truly valued.
“Twilight?” Celestia said softly. Any utterance from teacher was enough to silence the devout filly.
“Yes Princess?”
Celestia bent down, and taking care to avoid the protrusion of bone, kissed her worried, The young unicorn shuddered visibly as she felt the soft lips of the princess on her forehead.
“It was just a bad dream. You shouldn’t dwell on it, or it will never leave your thoughts.” She looked into Twilight’s dreamy stare.
“Okay Princess Celestia.” Twilight developed a light blush as she reveled in her nearly unconscious state of bliss. Just like in many of her more sordid dreams, she leaned closer to her mentor ready to receive another kiss.
“Twilight?” Celestia uttered a third time.
“Yes Princess~” Twilight responded breathlessly. Her now moist lips waiting expectantly for her “lovers” own.
Celestia had long suspected that the purple filly had developed these feelings, but did not think now was the time to let her explore them. With a sigh she levitated a book off the shelf, that she herself had helped to write, and put it just in front of her student’s nose.
The musty smell of the old tome made several things happen. First Twilight’s dreamstate was interrupted; second she opened her eyes to see the source of the smell.
The third was more blood rushing to the horrified filly’s face when she read the title, Courtship Throughout the Ages
“Perhaps you should read up on the subject before attempting such delicate social interactions, my dear Twilight.”
“Oh my gosh Princess I’m so so so so sososososo sooooo, sorry!” Twilight snatched the book up, simply at her teacher’s recommendation. “I need to get back to Ponyville soon, I should probably go to the restroom and dry my-” Twilight froze on the spot, and tucked her tail between her legs.
“Wow I need to dry my forehead, why am I sweating so much!?” Book still floating next to her, Twilight bowed her head and backed up to the two large wooden doors. As her back half disappeared out into the hallway she said, “I had a lot of fun, thank you Princess!”
A guard outside caught the scent of Twilight’s shame, and looked questioningly at the purple filly, known as “the most faithful student,” when he saw her furious blush.
“What!?” Twilight barked defensively, “I never get to spend time with Princess Celestia anymore, who are you to judge if I like seeing her.”
The guard turned his head in submission, but was really just hiding a grin at what he perceived to be Celestia’s embarrassed sexpet.
Twilight stomped down the hallway, and immediately quit when she realized the extra noise was going to bring unwanted attention to her current state.
Once Twilight had dried her forehead she stood at the edge of Canterlot, looking down at Ponyville clearly visible in the morning light.
She hadn't stopped beating herself up for her behaviour in the pressence of her teacher. Being prevented from preforming her nightly ministrations must have had something to do with the embarrassing situation. To her, there was no other explanation. She clopped herself in the side of the head.
Come on Twilight, now isn't the time. We'll just double up tonight. Focus.
She focused her magic, preparing to teleport back to Ponyville. Just as the world tore itself away from her hooves the visions of last night popped into her head.
What's a Mordhaus?
The sound of a thundercrash reached from Canterlot to Ponyville and beyond. No glass in Canterlot was left intact save for the warded stained glass of the palace. In the aftermath of ringing ears, residents of Canterlot heard for a brief moment the sound of hatred unlike anything they had heard before. Then it was gone.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Brutal
Twilight landed with a thud on the hard floor of what she assumed to be her tree home. She had just finished spinning in forty different directions at once, the result of critical spell failure.
"Spike!" Twilight called, yelling into the floor. "I really need an ice pack." She let out something between a grunt and a sigh as she squeezed her temples with her hooves.
When her number one assistant failed to respond, ten seconds later, she yelled for him again, and was rewarded by steps coming to a stop on both sides of her. The footsteps ended, followed by a quick series of clicks.
"Spike?" Twilight said weakly, a lump forming in her throat.
A few whispers went up and quickly died down.
“I need an ice pack now!” The throbbing in her head wiped away any thoughts of politeness.
A thought occurred to her, "Pinkie if this is another surprise party I can't handle loud noises right now. My head feels like it was just split in half eight times over."
"It talks sir, what should we do with it?" A male voice spoke up, clearly not one Twilight could recognize.
The rather perceptive unicorn got the distinct impression, even with her splitting headache, all was not well.
"Should we just kill it?" Another male voice suggested.
"No." A voice much closer to the prone filly asserted, "This thing may be relevant to the masters' intrests, they were talking about ponies this morning."
When Twilight had deduced that the it they were talking about killing was noneother than her; she chanced a peak at her surroundings, parting her messy mane slightly.
It was those creatures, ones she had wanted to believe were only in her haunted dreams. Now Twilight lay in an unfamiliar metal corridor, surrounded by these somethings that were pointing metal rectangles at her. Taking in all of this at once did little to help her headache.
Killing me would be a lot less painful than this headache. Twilight hid her eyes from the light again, almost accepting her fate. Images from her dreams of the ways these things killed each other made her reconsider what her priorities really were. Having lava boiled coffee poured on you, and not dying seemed a fair bit more painful than suffering through a comparatively minor headache.
Twilight didn’t have very long to contemplate which of the ways she’d dreamed of dying would be worse before an arm worked it’s way under her belly, lifting her from the ground. She weakly flailed her legs before realizing the extra movement was making her nauseous. She gave up and went limp, now focusing on a proper escape plan.
“This thing is heavier than it looks.” The thing carrying her grumbled. That comment killed her mood, and on top of the headache made her feel genuinely bad.
“It stopped talking, is it still breathing?” Twilight’s ears twitched as she involuntarily tracked the speakers’ voices, trying to count how many were present.
It took Twilight some time too take offense to all the comments about her, until she was sure she’d counted all the voices.
“I’m a she and I’m not heavy!” She declared indignantly. “Put me down or else.”
“This thing just threatened me, that’s funny.” Her captor’s laughter bounced Twilight slightly, contributing greatly to her discomfort.
“She, she!” Twilight corrected in vain. “That’s it I’m getting out of here.” She prayed she could concentrate enough to attempt any sort of magic.
Focusing her will to the tip of her horn, she tried to manifest even a small teleportation spell; enough to get her away from this group. Instead her headache flared, and a shower of sparks fell harmlessly to the floor.
“Was that your ‘or else?’” He asked mockingly. “Just hang there and- OW!”
Twilight’s teeth came down on the creature’s hand with as much force as she could manage. She hit the floor with a thud, but started moving as soon as she could. She ran for all she was worth; all the Klokateers could see was a purple streak disappearing around a corner, frantic hoofbeats fading into the maze that was the Mordhaus tunnels.
It took several tries before Twilight found a room without blood stains, bloody corpses, or more of those creatures in it. By the time she found a tarp in the corner of an empty room, and was curled up under it, she was completely spent, and terrified.
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Princess Celestia paced back and forth in her private chambers. She'd been a fool to dismiss her magically gifted student's dreams as simple dreams. Celestia as well as most of Equestria had felt the surge of hostile, foreign power.
The slightly disturbed goddess was trying to determine what had happened to her student. She knew Twilight was involved, because of the huge burst of a much more familiar magic that had distracted her from her royal duties. It was a similar sensation to the first time she'd met Twilight as a little filly, when a series of magical mishaps left a school room in ruins. This had time felt only a little more focused than the first, and this time Twilight was nowhere to be found.
"Sister, you wanted to see me?" Celestia's younger sister entered slowly.
"I need you to manage the kingdom for a while." Celestia stated simply.
"What's wrong?" Luna had suddenly become very interested in her sister's problems. "Is this about that magic surge earlier, it was probably just a spell gone wrong."
"No Luna, it was one of Twilight's spells gone wrong. It is a much more urgent matter."
“What are you planning to do then?”
“I must consult some very old sources, I’ll be gone a while.” The double doors to the balcony flew open flooding the room in sunlight, “I’m trusting that you can take care of things for a few days.” Without giving any time for voicing concerns, Celestia stepped onto the balcony, spread her wings and disappeared with one powerful flap of her wings.
Luna shook her head, and walked slowly to the throne room; she would have to grant audience to every single citizen in Canterlot with some concern over the magical disturbance. That likely meant all of them. As far as the princess of the night was concerned, it was going to be a brutal “few” days.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey guys, I think I have the first song down.” Nathan entered the room in the same manner he had just this morning.
“Great, so what?” Murderface was playing five-finger fillet next to a half empty bottle of scotch.
“So I- Pickles where are you going, I’m trying to tell you all something.”
“Dude chill out I’m just getting something to drink. This pony crap has got you all worked up, you know?” Pickles said defensively, grabbing several beers from the black-metal fridge. “I think you just need to have a few drinks, and some down time before you go making a whole album about dream ponies.”
Beers changed hands and Nathan sat down at the head of the table.
“Maybe you’re right.” Nathan downed his beer.
“Maybe you ares become the sissy mans like Tokis?” Skwisgaar offered.
“I’m am not a sissys, I just have a sensitive side.” Toki grumped.
“That’s what being a sissy is.” Skwisgaar had managed to get everyone off topic yet again.
“That’s it! I don’t have to put up with this, I’m going to my room!” Toki ran out of the room.
“Toki we’re about to record a song, get back here.” Nathan yelled after the brown haired sissy.
“No!”
“Fuck him, we don’t need him for this anyways. Let’s get going.”
Murderface put his knife in the table and grabbed his bottle on the way out. He still had all of his fingers, a testament to his drunken skill, or his incredibly dumb luck.
“Alright, I’ll sing a few lines and you guys work off that.” Nathan instructed, once everyone was set up in the recording studio.
“Yeah okay dude, let’s do this.” Pickles tested his bass pedals.
Nathan cleared his throat and put on his reading glasses.
My little ponies, my little ponies. Rraaaaaaaaaaaaghh-
Twilight shot up straight, causing her horn to poke a hole in the tarp she’d fallen asleep under. A sound unlike any she’d ever heard had brought her back to the waking world. It was monstrous, and magical; new to her ears, but it called to her in a familiar way.
Her current crises forgotten, and her headache washed away by the enchanting howl, Twilight began navigating the concrete, pipe-filled maze with ease. Before long, she found herself in a considerably more pleasant environment. While still dark in theme, it was free of blood stains and corpses, it also had carpet.
The purpose driven filly met no resistance on the way to the source of whatever was calling to her. It wasn’t until her nose smacked into a set of large, locked double-doors, that she remembered exactly where she was. Twilight began to panic when she realized she was in the middle of a hallway, completely exposed to whatever happened to be passing by.
For whatever reason, the beastial sounds coming from the other side of the door had brought her here. In her panic, that said to her that it couldn’t be all bad. She knocked hard several times, praying to Celestia that someone would hear her. It did nothing, and the noise continued to fill the air around her.
A group of voices started coming closer, barely audible over the noise slightly hindered by the door. They sounded familiar.
At last she resolved to break down the door standing between her and perceived safety.Twilight hastily picked up a marble bust with her magic, and prepared herself for a sprint into the room beyond. The bust flew at the door, and bounced back at the frantic filly; she yelped and ducked allowing it to pass over her harmlessly.
Moments after the chunk of marble hit the door, the noise stopped. Alarmed shouts filled the halls, and dozens of boots were quickly closing in on Twilight’s location. She was just about to give up when the door opened slightly, revealing another of those creatures; smaller in stature than other’s she’d encountered, though it still maintained a serious glare. Twilight saw it’s glasses, and took a small bit of comfort from knowing that these creatures could have flaws just like ponies. She trembled at the ever growing sound of boots stomping through corridors.
Ofdensen spotted the shaking, lavender mound with pink streaks, and simply stared. His eyes spoke volumes of his disbelief; a thing Nathan had dreamed of lay on the floor before him.
Twilight saw the room that she wholeheartedly believed offered safety; the door was open, and she had nowhere else to go. She darted into the room before Charles could say a word. She became a purple blur for the second time that day, Rainbow Dash would be proud.
Twilight made a b-line to a corner as far from the door as possible, there she huddled in fear of her life. Her hope was wiped clean as her imaginary safety zone was shattered; in the middle of the room, staring back at her, were the five, the five gods. Those five gods from her nigthmare that left thousands dead in their wake, and she’d just trapped herself in a room with them.
The little lost pony finally quit, and began to bawl like a foal. It was a truly pathetic sight.
“What the hells is that things?” Skwisgaar looked to the bands caretaker.
“It appears to be a small, purple horse with a piece of bone protruding from its head. It also appears to be crying.” Ofdensen refused to say ‘It’s a unicorn.’ because he wasn’t ready to accept what he was seeing.
“Charles you fucking maniac, get over here.” Nathan dropped the his mic, and moved over to Ofdensen with open arms. He forced the considerably smaller man into a hug and said, “You said you couldn’t do it so you could surprise me? You’re awesome.”
Offedensen patted Nathan’s back. “Yes, well I’m not entirely sure-” He was suddenly pushed away.
“Quit hugging me homo!” Nathan said angrily. A pat on the back was evidently a step too far, Charles should have known that.
“As I was saying, I’m not sure what that is exactly, but I didn’t make it.” He readjusted his glasses and straightened his tie.
“Wow so you just go around taking credit for other people’s work? That’s illegal or something isn’t it?”
“Yeah man that’s not cool, I think you can go to jail for that or something, I don’t know.” Pickles put in.
“It’s just a stupid, purple, mutant horse. What’s the big deal?” Murderface walked over to Twilight and gave her a sharp kick to the ribs.
Twilight’s quiet sobs returned to crying from the pain of a boot to her side.
“Murderface, knock it off!” Nathan quickly moved over and shoved the pony kicker with a palm to the face.
“Fuck you!” Murderface shouted as he fell back.
“Through the crying and the pain, Twilight was almost sure she’d just been saved by one of these things.She rolled to her non-bruised side because turning her head was too much effort, and saw that it was the black haired one standing over her; a leader, by what she’d seen of him in her nightmare.
“It looks just like the one with the psychopath teacher, I wonder who made it.” Nathan spotted the large bruise forming on Twilight’s side. “Wow Murderface, you left a huge mark on this thing. Are you wearing steel toed boots or something?”
“Yeah, I figure if some asshole won’t shut up when I yell at him then a steel toed kick to the balls would do the trick.” He still hadn’t stood back up.
“Yeah, I bet it would too. That’s actually not a bad idea.” Forgetting the whimpering pony for a moment, Nathan turned to Offdensen, who was talking to a couple Klokateers in the hall. “Hey Charles! I need some steel toed boots.”
“I’ll get on that Nathan.” Offdensen replied, slightly distracted by the the news he was receiving.
“Alright, cool.”
“Hey Nathan dude, if it has that mutation thing like Murderface said, doesn’t that mean it’s like retarded or something? I don’t know if we want a retarded horse around here.”
“I’ms with Pickles on this ones, it would be likes the untrained puppys peeings everywhere.” Skwisgaar came to stand next to Nathan.
“We’ll just keep it outside or something, It’s still kind of awesome though.” Nathan shrugged.
“We could find whoever mades this ones, and get hims to do it again maybe?” Skwisgaar suggested.
“Yeah, and if he doesn’t we can kick him in the balls until he does.” Murderface cheered.
“Yeah that might work.” Nathan finally agreed, “Do you think he got it to talk?”
“I don’t know dude, as it.” Pickles joined Nathan and Skiwsgaar.
Murderface tried to join them, but was shoved away again.
“Murderface you can’t come over here, you’re just going to kick it again.”
“Am not!” Murderface crossed his arms.
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Yeah dude you probably will.” Pickles sided with Nathan.
“No I wouldn’t, I’m just trying to stand like you dicks!”
“Yeah you- Wait, did you just say ‘dicks... stand’ ?” Nathan chuckled.
“I did, didn’t I?” Murderface started chuckling too.
“We’s is like the standing dicks like the erections, yeah?” Skwisgaar got in on the joke.
“Do you think dicks actually stand? Like do they get up and walk around and stuff?” Pickles tried to analyze the joke.
“I don’t know, they don’t have legs or feet, so probably not.” The laughter died away.
“What were we talking about before this?” Nathan continued.
“Kicking guys in the balls.” Murderface moved slightly closer to the group as he spoke.
“No, we were past that. I think we were talking about- Talking yeah, we were gunna see if this thing could talk.”
“It can talk.” Ofdensen came back to the four of them.
“How would you know dude, you said you didn’t make it.” Pickles waved a drum stick in Charles’ direction.
“I didn’t, a few guards found her , she was very insistent about that, and were going to bring her up here but she bit the man carrying her and ran off. Now she’s here, and it appears she’s been kicked in the side.” Offdensen adjusted his glasses again.
“Murderface was testing out his steel toed boots or something.”
Murderface had made it back to Twilight’s side, and was about to deliver another cruel kick. When Nathan misinformed Charles of what he had done, Murderface felt the need to correct him.
“I was not testing my boots, I know they work just fine. I wanted to kick a fucking horse!”
“Yeah, because you were being a douchebag. That’s a defenseless purple animal, and you just kicked it.”
“That’s not exactly totally cools you knows Murderface.”
“Yes, and since she bit someone, it may have rabies. Harassing it is likely not the best decision.”
“Hear that Murderface? You pissed that thing off and now you’re going to get rabies.” Nathan taunted.
“Am not, I’ll just kill it a drink it’s blood, that’s how you cure rabies.” Murderface lifted his bass into the air.
“That’s not how it works, and please don’t do that.” Offdensen warned.
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Because, even if she’s rabid, she can still talk. We’re going to take her to a lab for study.”
“Yeah, and if you kill it I’ll kick your ass.”
Murderface through his guitar on the floor, “Whatever I’m going to get a drink.” He left in a huff and slammed the door behind him. From the hallway came, “What are you dickbags looking at?” Followed closely by the sound of a bottle shattering.
Twilight watched all of this play out through a haze of pain and terror. As far as she could tell the larger one with black hair was protecting her, and the one with glasses was fairly reasonable. One of the most painful parts of the whole thing was how incredibly unintelligent most of them seemed to be. Even forgiving the fact that the blond one seemed to have an accent different from all the others, there grammar was very poor, and consisted mainly of vulgarities; some of which no pony could ever have conceived. When mention of a lab and study came up, she crossed him off the list of things to be trusted. She’d accidentally seen some of the “studies” preformed on ponies with life sentences.
“So it does talk then?” Nathan picked out the only thing he cared about in the explaination Charles had given.
“Hey purple unicorn thing, what’s your name?”
“Twilight spark...” She said weakly.
“I think Murderface broke her.”
“No dude her name is Twilight Spark, it’s what she said.”
“Water, please.” Twilight shuffled her fore hooves pointlessly.
“Uhh...” Nathan intoned, looking around the room. He spotted an unopened bottle of beer, and figured it would be good enough.
He popped it open and tried to put it on the floor in front of her. It levitated out of his hand, and up to her lips.
Twilight closed her lips over the mouth of the bottle and began chugging. It wasn’t until it was mostly gone that she noticed the taste, and concluded that this was not in fact water. It was still liquid, and that was good enough for now.
“Damn, that was actually pretty fast.” Nathan complimented, not that Twilight could appreciate it’s meaning.
“My name,” Twilight began with slight confidence, “is Twilight Sparkle. I am a young, unicorn mare, and I do NOT have rabies.”
Offdensen was speechless, which is what a colored pony ought to be. His mind was slowly beginning to accept the impossible.
“Holy crap it really can talk. It’s a talking drinking pony!” Nathan proclaimed.
Pickles shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess that’s kind of cool. Does it do magic or anything?”
“Oh yeah, do you do tricks? You know, other than talking.”
“Do I do tricks? I’m a unicorn! I preform complicated arcane rituals, I’ve read almost every book or spell tome in the royal Canterlot library! I don’t just do ‘tricks’, I do magic.” Forgetting for a moment that she was somewhere far far away from Canterlot, her indignant rage shown through; she was fed up with all the improper terms used in relation to her, it was time to set things straight.
“So you don’t do card tricks?” Nathan asked in disapointment.
“No I don’t do card tricks!” Her forelegs shot up in the air to properly express her anger.
“Nathan I think it actually does magic, it did just levitate a bottle.” Ofdensen reminded the room.
“Yeah dude, I don’t think that David Copperfield guy did card tricks and he was still a magician.”
“It is the talkings unicorns that can drink, what mores could you want?”
“I guess so.” He looked back at Twilight, “So Twilight, what kind of magic can you do?”
“I can teleport easily, levitate heavy objects, and-” It suddenly occurred to Twilight that her list of available spells stretched on into eternity, or at least until every spell possible was created. Being asked to list them put her at a loss to name any specific incantation; that or her first beer ever, that she’d downed in under a minute, was making her memory slightly fuzzy
“Can we see you teleport?” Offdensen requested, taking a few steps forward. He was ready to believe, but he needed some proof.
“Sure can.” Twilight said proudly.
Though it took her a little more time to focus than usual, her horn flared and in a bright flash, she was on the other side of the room. She’d teleported slightly above the floor, and stumbled forward onto her face when she landed.
“Gentlemen, we have witnessed the impossible.” Ofdensen removed his glasses, and wiped them with a cloth.
“Sweet, now what do we do with her?” All eyes fell on Twilight as she picked herself up.
“I’m pretty hungry right now, and I’m feeling thirsty again.” She said sheepishly.
“Awesome, I’m fucking starving right now. Let’s eat.” Nathan hunted, momentarily, for another beer and offered it to Twilight.
Her previous terror forgotten, Twilight had only one question remaining, I wonder what they eat?
My Little Pony: Friendship is Brutal
Deth Becomes You, Twilight
Nathan brought Twilight out to a balcony for lunch; it didn't take long for Toki to catch word of the magical unicorn that suddenly appeared, so he had joined them. Ofdensen was gone due to important work, and Murderface had simply bailed. Of course Skwisgaar was also present, physically; he'd become so bored that he was now taking a nap before lunch arrived.
Twilight was having some trouble with the scene before her. In her dreams all the death was blurred together, leaving a dark stain in her thoughts; in person, the death surrounding her was sharp, present, and far more powerful. There were bodies dotting the land around Mordhaus; most were those of people who'd visited and died in some horrid manner, but some were Klokateers fallen from towers that had inadequate safety rails. A great cloud of smoke stopped most of the sunlight from getting through, it also left a dirty unfamiliar taste on Twilight's tongue. The air itself was red; farther out was a red curtain that prevented sight beyond the confines of the property.
In short, Twilight was mortified.
"Why don't you bury the dead?" The purple filly asked, unhidden disgust in her voice.
"Because it makes the whole place more metal." Nathan stated matter-of-factly.
"More- Metal?" Twilight repeated in an unsure tone.
"Yeah, it's like more dark, and brutal, and stuff. You know you got your pointless death and shit, and those wolves that are out there somewhere.”
“But that’s horrible!” Twilight protested, feeling very confident of being in the right.
“No it’s not a horror movie, it’s metal.” Nathan tried to explain. He looked around the patio for a moment “Maybe I should just like fucking show you around or something.”
"I don't see how a tour is going to change my mind about what I can see from here; not to mention the corpses I found downstairs." The purple pony’s whole body shook from the memories of last night; yet it did not make her feel violently ill as it had last night.
“Yeah, we’re supposed to like, have a guy for that or something. He may have died.” Nathan shrugged.
“He is deads, I watched hims fall off those metal bridges; the catwalks I thinks they are calleds?” Skwisgaar put in.
“Dude that’s not a bad idea for a song.” Nathan produced a tape recorder seemingly from nowhere. “Idea for a song: Something about a dead body on the sidewalk, but it’s made of metal.” He hit stop then instantly glared at the tape recorder.
“That song has no reasonable premise whatsoever.” Twilight said flatly.
“You don’t even know about writing music.” Nathan retorted. He returned his gaze to the little black recorder; he pressed record. “Note to self: Ignore last song idea.”
Twilight smiled in satisfaction.
“God Skwisgaar, your song ideas suck.” Nathan “expertly” deflected the criticism on his uncaring band mate.
“Whatevers.” Skwisgaar was already back into a reclining position.
“What’s for lunch?” Twilight asked after a few minutes of absolute, and awkward silence.
“Fuck if I know, that dude just brings us stuff and we pick at it.” Nathan yawned, looking out over the Mordhause landscape.
“How can you not care about the loss of life that seems to be a daily thing around here?” Twilight resumed their previous conversation.
“Because it’s metal to not value life.”
Twilight noted, with some concern, that Nathan’s vocabulary expanded slightly whenever he explained something about “metal.” She guessed that it may be a word of power in this world.
“Okay, then what is metal?” Twilight persisted.
“It’s like, you know- The music and stuff.”
“How is it similar to the music?” While actually considering Nathan’s words, Twilight became hung up on his use of the word “like”.
“No it is the music, just you know- What the music is about I guess.” Nathan could smell the food on the way, and was almost thankful for the chance for these questions to end.
“What?” Twilight began condescendingly, “Songs about dead bodies on sidewalks is metal?”
“Yeah now you’re getting it!” Nathan patted Twilight on the back with an uncomfortable amount of force just as the food arrived.
While Twilight tried to piece together, how what she’d said made any sense, she came to a shocking realization.
“They... are!” She declared, correcting her improper use of subject verb agreement, solely for her own sake.
“What?” Nathan laughed at the sudden outburst.
“Umm... Nothing.” Twilight simply looked at the magnificent spread of platters that appeared without her noticing.
“This is lunch?!” She asked, mouth hanging open in obvious disbelief.
“Well yeah, but don’t hate it till you try it. Sometimes he actually makes something worth eating.”
“But it’s so much for just five of you.” Twilight recalled the banquettes she’d been allowed to attend whilst studying under the princess; the amount of food there was only a little more than this, and that was for several dozen guests.
Twilight watched as a man wearing a grey hat and apron lifted the lid of a chrome dish. When she saw the food and actually noticed the man, her appetite disappeared.
The first meal was an entire pig, roasted with a glaze of some kind, and an apple stuffed in its mouth. The man appeared to be the product of a quilting activity using scraps of skin. A misaligned jaw, mismatched eyes, stitches, and an all around mishapen face was worn by the man known as Jean-Pierre; he introduced himself as such after Nathan explained that he wasn’t planning on eating Twilight, and that she could talk.
Twilight found herself unable to ponder if his entire body was in similar condition. When she did, she immediately wanted to cry as mental images that would never go away crept into her head.
Several other kinds of animal, or just the flesh followed; Twilight, already finished watching, after the pig.
“Aren’t you gunna eat?” Nathan asked over a mouthful of steak.
Twilight feverishly shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”
“What do ponies eat anyways?” Nathan asked, this being the first time he’d even thought of it while waiting for lunch.
“Not pigs!” Twilight nearly shouted.
“Cows?” Nathan pointed at the steak.
“No!” She wailed, looking anywhere but the table.
“Chicken?” He pointed to a platter of turkey meat. Not that he cared to tell the difference, and Jean-Pierre was certainly not going to correct his master.
“No no no!” Twilight fought the urge to hide under the table.
“Nathan, I believes the ponies eats the fruit and vegetables maybes.” Skwisgaar offered, awoken from his nap by the disgusted pony’s cries.
“There’s mashed potatoes.” Nathan looked at his guest under the table. She’d failed to resist the desire to take cover from the sights above.
“Really?” Twilight asked hopefully. Now that she couldn’t see the appalling sights above, her hunger made itself known. Potatoes she at least considered to be food; not her favorite by far, but still eatable.
“Want some?” Nathan was already pouring gravy over a bowl of the mashed potatoes. Again, he didn’t care to know that it was a beef gravy; this was a fact Twilight, of course, wouldn’t even consider an issue as she didn’t know it existed.
“Want it? I need it.” Twilight muttered, the light pain in her stomach reminding her that she hadn’t eaten since leaving Princess Celestia’s company.
The bowl was placed next to her under the table, and Twilight greedily attacked it. She was compelled not only by her hunger, but the enticing, unfamiliar aroma of the gravy topping. Jean-Pierre would have said something, but held what was left of his tongue for fear of interrupting the meal.
“Hey you know,” Nathan laughed at the funny thought he intended to share, “it’s kinda like having a starving purple dog.”
“I’m not a dog.” Twilight stated indignantly.
“Well yeah, but it’s still kinda like it.” Nathan insisted.
“Sure, why not.” Twilight said dryly, “Can I get some more please?”
Nathan served her more mashed potatoes and gravy, which she again hungrily devoured. She felt the warm, slightly salty sensation all the way down to her stomach; where it sat and seemed to warm her entire body.
“That’s good stuff.” Twilight sighed contentedly, after a third bowl.
“So why don’t you just eat grass or something?” Nathan inquired, tossing half a turkey leg off the balcony at a wolf.
“Do you see any grass around here?” Twilight said sarcastically, motioning with a hoof at the dead land around them.
“No.” Nathan shrugged.
“Why doesn’t the unicorns ponies magics some grass for herself?” Skwisgaar criticized.
"I don't know, hey Twilight why don't you make some grass grow or some shit like that?"
"I- Well, I guess that could work." Twilight's horn began to glow as she formulated a spell from scratch. A sudden green and amber pulse exploded from the tip of her horn, dazing her and causing the spell to end.
"Wow, you know if we could get her to do that for concerts, that would save us some cash on lights and stuff." Nathan said, ignoring the groaning coming from the fallen mare.
"I thinks we alreadys makes too much of the monies Nathan." Skwissgaar reminded him.
"Oh yeah we do don't we?" Nathan sighed. "Toki what are you doing?" Nathan caught Toki, who'd been present but ignored through all of lunch thus far, leaning over Twilight.
"It's a really reals pony Nathans! Can we keep it?" Toki asked, not for the first time.
"She's staying as long as she wants to Toki, now quit trying to rape her or whatever you're doing." Nathan mumbled between mouthfuls of food.
"I'm not rapings her I'm making sure she is okay. Okay Nathans?"
"Yeah, whatever pony lover." Nathan chuckled at Toki's reaction.
"It is funnies because you called hims that this mornings, and you broughts it back up nows?" Skwisgaar inquired, taking up interest now that Toki was available to make fun of.
"I am nots a pony lovers, shuts up with that already!" Toki demanded.
"Yeah it's totally funny, see how pissed he's getting? Hilarious." Nathan started laughing again, Skwisgaar joined him with a dark chuckle.
"That is pretty funnies."
Twilight began to come to, and noticed the unfamiliar human crouching over her shouting.
"Umm... Can I help you?" Twilight said grogily, a new headache forming from the magical backlash.
"He's going to rape you be careful." Nathan cautioned jokingly.
"Rape!?" Twilight took the joke very seriously. She quickly scrambled back under the table like a frightened puppy, and stared daggers at an already very angry Toki.
"Nathan I said to shuts up, I want to talks with the talking ponys nots rape her!" Toki actually shouted at Nathan and Skwisgaar causing a silence to descend upon the balcony.
"God Toki, you dont have to fucking yell, it was a joke." Nathan said, instantly being backed up by Skwisgaar.
"Yeah Tokis, do you yells at everyones who says somethings funnies?"
Twilight caught on to the fact that the human, Toki, was being ganged up on; also he had no intention of raping her. Now that this fact was established, there was the issue of why her spell had failed so severely. That sort of backlash only happened when one failed at casting forbidden spells that Princess Celestia had “accidentally” left laying out to see if Twilight would be able to perform the magic properly. Twilight remembered trying more than once to cast the spell, on the third time she got it and half the library exploded around her.