Spike was sitting in his room, doing his math homework, when a familiar nauseated feeling came over him. He quickly turned away from his homework to keep from burning it, when a gout of fire escaped his lips and dropped a scroll in his hands.

It was addressed from Rarity to Twilight, so the little dragon jumped of his chair and out of his room. it was late afternoon, so Twilight was either in the dining hall or in the tower throwing peach pits at happy couples.

The truth ended up being somewhere between, as Spike caught up to his mother/sister/overlord/god in the halls.

“What’s up Spike?” Twilght asked. cradling a dozen freshly acquired peach pits in her magic.

“A letter from Rarity, marked urgent.” Spike said, holding out the scroll.

“Just real out the important parts.” Twilight rolled her eyes.

“Let’s see then....” Spike cleared his throat. “She says there’s a human who keeps her company at the rift while she’s working, and they have sort of become friends.”

“Eyuck,” Twilight gagged. “It’s too bad I can’t sentence him for that. I wouldn’t wish friendship with a human on my worst enemy. Not even a pony so annoying as Rarity.”

“She continues, talking a bit about how they talked about what’s important in life…” Spike skipped down the letter. “Some stuff about sin… Pleasure…” Spike squinted. “It gets a little messy at this part, but she says stuff about happiness with others… Something about harem.”

Twilight froze. “Did you just say harem?”

“Well Rarity says that this human convinced her adopt his point of view, and now she wants to talk to you about harem.”

“I should have known!” Twilight dropped all the peach pits in her fretfulness. “I should have know the corrupting wiles of Earth would be too much for Rarity! Oh, gods above, now she’s a slave to the perversity and lewd obscenity of humans!” Twilight fell to her hooves shouting into the night. “Please forgive me Rarity, I never meant for this to happen!”

Spike was nonplussed. “Uh, she says she’ll be back soon to talk to you.”

That startled Twilight out of her lamentations. “What? She’s not leaving Equestria forever?”

“Apparently not.” Spike quipped.

In a flash of energy, Twilight summoned Rarity to their spot in the hall. After a moment of disorientation, Rarity affixed her sights on Twilight. She had the look of a pony who discovered something so exciting she couldn’t wait to tell everypony she met.

“Oh Twilight, I have the most amazing news! I’m converting to Islam.”

One blink. Two blinks. Three blinks. Twilight teleported Rarity way before the fourth blink. She gingerly took Rarity’s letter from Spike’s hooves and gave it a look of her own.

“Spike, that says ‘haram’, not harem.”

“Oh. Ok.” Spike rubbed his wrists in embarrassment. “Is that better?”

“It depends on your opinions I suppose.” Twilight sighed. "I for one find Rarity’s blatant cultural appropriation loathsome. This human she was talking to must be punished for propagating this oppression.”

“Wait a second… Who’s being oppressed.” Spike was genuinely confused.

“The islam people!” Twilight barked. “I don’t have time to explain it to you!”

“You don’t have authority in the human world though.” Spike pointed out. “The human princesses tolerate our shameless genocide only because we keep it on our side of the rift, and maybe because it’s only the weirdos who cross over to us.”

“Yeah, well, while you were talking I teleported him into a pizza oven. There’ll be no more oppression on my watch!” Twilight announced triumphantly.

“Oh. Ok.” Spike sighed. “Er… Twilight, can you help me with my math homework.”

Twilight groaned, picking the peach pits back up. “Honestly Spike, if you can’t do differential calculus I’d really wonder at the ponies who say dragons are smarter than humans.”

“That’s a no then?” Spike asked defeatedly.

“Ask Rarity. I’m pretty sure her people invented math or something.” Twilight trotted away, eventually making her way to the tower where she personally granted five concussions to her loyal subjects by way of peach pit.

Author's Note

لماذا ا؟