“Starlight! Starlight?” Twilight Sparkle’s voice echoed through the halls of her castle.

“I’m in the kitchen!” Starlight called back.

Twilight trotted into the kitchen a moment later. Starlight Glimmer was at the table eating cereal.

“What’s up?” Starlight asked.

“It’s about this.” Twilight lifted up piece of paper in her magic. “Do you know anything about it?” She levitated it over to Starlight.

Starlight took the scrap of paper in her magic and read over it. “ ‘Cast this spell to die instantly.’ Huh. And there’s a picture of Princess Celestia holding a cute dog under the text.”

“Weird, isn’t it?” Twilight trotted around to Starlight’s side. “I have no idea what it could mean!”

“I guess, in a certain way, it means ‘cast this spell to die instantly’.” Starlight scratched her chin. “The truth of the unspoken assertion it’s making, that casting the spell will make you die instantly, is less clear.”

“And the picture.” Twilight jabbed the paper with her hoof. “I mean, it’s just Celestia holding a small dog. Schnauzer, I think? But I mean, it’s not connected to the words in any way! It’s not a very interesting picture either. It’s not compellingly composed, or bizarrely lit, or even sexy at all. It’s so normal I’m weirded out.”

“I didn’t know Princess Celestia had a dog.” Starlight mused.

“It’s so mysterious. What would compel someone to make this?” Twilight scrunched her nose in frustration. “I just don’t get it.”

Starlight nodded in agreement. “Where did it come from?”

“It’s a long story.” Twilight sighed. She pulled out the seat next to Starlight and plopped herself on it. “It all started this morning. I woke up, did my morning routine, and realize I had a lot of work to do.”

“Uh huh.”

“So I went into my study.”

“I’m with you so far.”

“And I sat at my desk.”

“As you do.”

“And there, sitting on my desk, was this piece of paper!” Twilight said in ominous tones. “But if it’s a message, I just don’t get it.”

“Yes, you said that.”

Twilight shook her head. “What am I going to do Starlight?”

“Throw it away?”

“I could do that...” Twilight wiggled in her chair as she thought.

“Did you try casting it?”

“Casting what?”

“The spell.”

Twilight blinked. “There is no spell. It’s just a piece of paper. There’s absolutely no magic or abnormal physical properties to it.”

“Huh.” Starlight closed one eye, then the other. She probed the paper with her magic. She looked at it up close, then from far. “Yup. It’s normal.”

“The ‘this spell’ to which it is refering could be anything! It’s got me so nervous. What if I cast the spell accidentally? I don’t want to die instantly, Starlight. It’s just not my style.” Twilight wrang her hooves. “The more I think about it, the more it confuses me. I just don’t get it.”

“Maybe this was originally the warning label on a tin of instant death spells.” Starlight proposed.

“But why is the picture there?”

“Gosh Twilight, I don’t know.” Starlight said tensely, catching some of Twilight’s nervous energy. “Hold up. Sensei, is there a spell called ‘this spell’ ?”

Twilight quirked a brow. “Err, not that I know of.”

Starlight put the piece of paper down and slid it across the table to Twilight. “I’ll look more into this after I finish breakfast.”

“Alight.” Twilight frowned slightly. “Oh, I interrupted your meal, didn’t I?”

“Uh huh.”Starlight said, popping a spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

“I’ll just… I’ll just leave you alone then.” Twilight got up and shuffled out of the room.

Two hours later.

“At last.” Starlight said in triumph. She stood over an old spell tome containing thousands of ancient spells. On one of the last page, etched into the page with ancient ink, was the vaunted ‘this spell’.
“Here we go Starlight. This is going to be your biggest challenge yet.” The unicorn whispered to herself in reassurance. “But you can do it.”

She cast ‘this spell’.

She didn’t die instantly.

“Oh… That’s really disappointing.” The edges of Starlight’s mouth drooped. She kicked the book closed, revealing it’s title, The Big Book of Instant Death Spells.

Twilight Sparkle peered over her shoulder. “Yeah, instant death spells as a field really died out in the second century. The later works just didn’t live up to the precision and artistry of the early works.”

“I’m actually depressed.” Starlight said quietly.

“Oh that’s easily fixable.” Twilight said with a big smile. She pulled a book off the shelf. “This opus has been doing wonders for keeping my mind off some particularly strange things I just can’t understand.” She twitched, passing The Big Book of Mind Alteration Spells to Starlight. “Don’t kill yourself. You’re a great pony who deserves happiness.” Twilight blew her student a kiss, then trotted stiffly out of the room.

Author's Note

Why?
You, reader, are a great pony who deserves happiness