So while I’m kicking it, tossing sticks into the moat outside my new house, I happen to spot the ever gorgeous Fluttershy accompanied by an even hotter white unicorn. Of course, because I’m a chill broski, I will only ask for her digits. You can tell a lot about a pony by their favorite number.

But as I’m swagging up to them, I hear the unicorn say to her friend “Oh goodness, Fluttershy, I think you were right.”

“See? I told you he wants to kill me!”

“Oh, not about that. I think you were right to stay away from this pony! Look at him, so atrocious! Has he no sense of fashion or decency?”

“Huh?” And then she moves her eyes from her friend back to me. “But, he’s not wearing anything.”

“True, but that’s no excuse to at the very least make himself presentable. Fluttershy, had I known the dangers laid ahead of us, I would have brought a pair of scissors or a knife or something and let you go at him.”

“Me? But, I don’t want to hurt him!”

“You want him gone forever so he won’t bother you, yes?”

“Yes, of course!”

“Fluttershy, that’s called murder.”

And so at that point Fluttershy just shakes her head and is like “Isn’t there a better way to do this?”

“Well, I suppose we are the Elements of Harmony after all. Perhaps it would be best if you shooed him away.”

“Why does it have to be me?”

“Because I shant discredit my image by associating with such an awful pony!”

“But, but!”

And then when I got up to them, the white unicorn ran away and Fluttershy was clearly wigging out emotionally.

“Yo, word up, honey!”

She looks at me and is all like “Oh, um, hello, mister.” She then starts to trip over her next few words as her face flashes a grand shade of rose. “You, um, sure are looking pleasant today. I really like your, um, mane?”

Oh man, I cannot possibly handle this. So I just burst out going “Yo, lady, lay off! You’re smothering me! That’s it, I’m outie!” And I just nope on out of this stupid place. She can take her million birdhouses and eat them.

The End.

The moral of the story? Be careful of who you talk to on buses. They may be weird racist, animal abusing, control freaks. Even if they are hot.

Author's Note

For realsies. Just don't go on buses in the first place!