Banned From Equestria

Hmmm! Where is Earth?! He made a Pinkie promise! Pinkie Pie stomped her hoof in impatience. “He made a Pinkie Promise! He’d better not break it!” She looked around frantically to see if she could spot him. Pinkie peeked out from below a chandelier and still could not spot him. She then peeked around Twilight and STILL couldn’t see him. “Uh…Pinkie what-“

“SHHHH! I’m looking for Earth! He’s breaking a Pinkie Promise!”

“Oh, really?” Twilight said, looking at Pinkie Pie calmly, “What did you prom-“

But by then, she was already gone.

Pinkie Pie figured he might be hiding in one of the back rooms, and she found a door slightly opened. She peeked inside and found Earth lying in the middle, covered in some sort of green liquid. She was almost about to charge in and demand why he broke a Pinkie Pie promise, but she then heard another voice! It was Queen Chrysalis!

Oh no! I’d better go warn the other girls! Thought Pinkie Pie

Earth stared at her, and his eyes widened when he saw her. Pinkie Pie began to wonder what he was thinking, but then cantered back to the main hall as fast as she could…

Meanwhile...

“Oh, really? What did you prom-" was all Twilight managed to ask Pinkie before she darted off. She sighed and shook her head. Twilight Sparkle had noticed that ever since about five days ago, the other ponies had been acting very strange. Embarrassed, unusually shy…which was normal for Fluttershy, but not for Applejack and Rarity. The only ponies that seemed “normal”, per se, were Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. Twilight tapped her hoof on her chin while she thought.

Is there some sort of catalyst? Some sort of reaction? Could they be seeing somepony…or did they do something?

She struggled to remember if anything odd had occurred when they went into their “moments”. Everything seemed relatively normal, except for…

“Eart-“

Twilight’s train of thought was disrupted as Pinkie Pie ran into her, and rapidly said that Queen Chrysalis was back, and she was holding Earth captive. “Oh, no. Celestia knows what she has planned for him! We need to get going!” Twilight said, alarmed. She rounded up the other girls and they proceeded to the storage rooms.

Meanwhile...

“Oh, my.” Fluttershy whispered, as she saw Pinkie Pie run past her and knock over the mare standing next to her. Fluttershy helped her up.

“Man, what a bitch!” the mare said, before running her hoof through her mane and trotting away. She raised her hoof, about to defend Pinkie Pie, but by then she was already down the hallway. Fluttershy sat down and lowered my head, letting out a soft sigh.

“I think…I think I’m the real…b-…well, that word.”

How could I live with myself? I had sex with Pinkie’s boyfriend.

Fluttershy looked at her hooves, and collapsed on the floor, closing her eyes. “Pinkie…I’m really sorry. I wish I-“

“Sorry? Why are you sorry Fluttershy?”

“AHHH!”

Pinkie Pie was standing directly above Fluttershy, her muzzle touching hers, her wide blue eyes staring into her own. “Ahh! Um, I’m sorry for…not trying your cupcakes!”

Pinkie smiled and said “Oh, you silly goose! Don’t be sorry for that, there’s more time for that, but later! Chrysalis is holding Earth hostage! Have you seen the others?”

She shook her head, but said she’d look for Rainbow Dash. Twilight came from around the corner, and when she saw Pinkie Pie, she became surprised. “Pinkie, how did you beat me here? You were stuffing you’re face with muffins just ten seconds ago!” Pinkie’s only response was to wink and zoom down the hallway. I heard that mean mare yell “Bitch”…I’m guessing Pinkie knocked her down again.

Meanwhile...

“I’m ‘tellin’ ya’. I know how to make baked apple crisps!” Rarity said, annoyed, to Applejack.

Applejack simply shook her head, and said “Look, Rarity, I’m sure ya do. But I was assigned to the cookin’ not you. Don’t you have…I dunno, dresses’ you could be makin?”

Rarity just twirled her mane, before saying “Deary, I’ve already made all the dresses. Look…just let me help with the cooking? How bad could it go?”

Applejack glared at her, thinking if she should remind her of the time Spike cooked spiders into the apple crisp under Rarity’s supervision. Deciding that she would, Applejack started “I’ve heard THOSE words before…remember when Spike cooked you tha-“

Rarity’s eyes popped open and she put a hoof towards Applejacks mouth. “Alright, alright…but he’s a baby dragon! Me and you, dear, are grown ponies! I’m sure I know how to cook something as simple as apple crisps! I mean, honestly, if somepony as simple minded as yo…err, never mind.”

Applejack facehoofed, and realized that arguing would get them nowhere.

Urgh…Just like that red feller told us that one day…wonder where he is right now anyways…I could use a good buckin’ Applejack thought.

“Fine, fine, you can help. Just don’t light nothin’ on fire!” Applejack said after some thought.

They were just about done when Twilight Sparkle came in and told them that Chrysalis had returned. Rarity ran out with Twilight, while Applejack stayed back a little longer; Rarity had dropped all of the burnt crisps she made on the floor when she rushed out. “That stupid tail of hers…always dragging things ‘round with it.” Applejack made her way into the hallway and caught up to the other two.

Meanwhile...

“Ahhhhhh….” Rainbow Dash sighed expressively. She always liked sleeping in the clouds. It was way better than sleeping on a bed down on the ground. She began to think about Earth, for some odd reason. Specifically, she thought about their first encounter, where he got on top of her. “Heh…the big dummy. I woulda’ showed him what for!” Rainbow Dash began to punch the air “…Gave him the old one two! If nopony else was around, that is.” She relaxed, sinking further into the cloud. Rainbow Dash picked up on some sort of commotion behind her, and realized that the cloud she was resting on had drifted to be alongside a window of the castle. She peeked in and saw Earth and Celestia.

“I need to speak with you.” The Princess said.

She then threw Earth on his back, and she simply stared at him. She suddenly dropped down, and began playing with his…
Rainbow Dash reeled back and almost vomited. But, for some reason she wanted to keep watching. It took her a bit to shove her head back into the window, but when she did, Celestia wasn't there anymore. Rather, some black pony with a green ma-…

“CHRYSALIS!!”

Rainbow Dash shot off her cloud and began to look for the other five, and after about ten minutes of searching for the others, she finally found them. They grouped up outside the room, and they all saw Earth staring at them. Rainbow Dash wondered what he was thinking…

Meanwhile...

I am so fucked.

That was really the only thought going through my head. I stared at the six ponies outside the room as they stared back. Chrysalis was still in the corner, still, rigging together a contraption of some sort.

Well for Celestia’s sake, don’t just sit there and stare at me! Do something!

I rolled over on my back, to avoid seeing them. The unmistakable ploosh sound of the thick green liquid hitting the concrete ground got Chrysalis attention. She looked back at me and smiled, evilly. “Don’t worry Earth, you’ll get to go on the final trip of your life soon enough.” Had she not stuffed the green crap down my throat earlier, I would’ve been screaming for my life. The most I could manage is a simple gurgle, and that would let some of the green stuff slip down to my stomach, where it hurt like hell, so I had stopped doing that a while ago. The Mane Six burst in, but Chrysalis didn’t seem to react at all. She whipped her head back and knocked down each one of them with one powerful blast. “HmHmHm…It really is a shame I have to kill you…”

Twilight staggered up. “H-How are you so powerful…?” Chrysalis appeared instantaneously in front of her and back-hooved her. “You fool. You know what takes the most amount of love to perform? SEX! And…I just had sex as one of Earth’s most favorite fantasies!”

Pinkie Pie momentarily brightened up.

“…Celestia! What a fool…” Chrysalis said, laughing evilly.

Pinkie Pie’s smile faltered, and she suddenly whimpered “What…?”

I struggled to say something, only to have the green slop travel down my throat. Pinkie detected this, as she slowly nodded, and whether it was in acceptance or something else, I didn't know. Chrysalis loomed over me, and told me that the preparations were complete. She attached me to a catapult of some sort and prepped me for launch.

Oh…so this is how I die. I never even got the chance to make it back home. Hell…I never even knew why I was here in the first place…

The next thing I knew, I was experiencing flight through the sky, almost like a majestic eagle soaring through the sky. In the last few seconds of my life, I began to lament on my past failures; I was anything but perfect. And two solid weeks in this world, and I hadn’t even found out why I was there. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. And now, I was being used as a bomb for some maniacal Queen’s plan. Worst of it all, I had utterly destroyed Pinkie Pie’s feelings. I felt the intense heat of the explosion and the split-second feeling of my flesh burning.

And for a moment there, I thought I was dead.