A loud sound of iron and steel cranking upward by a device with exotic smells perpetrating the noses of eight individuals shackled by some narrow, small and tightly rustic cage.
It was as if something was craning this cage either up into the sky, or simply somewhere that wouldn't involve the ever beating sunlight that shined between the solid bars that enclosed all these random individuals together. Only....
These weren't just random individuals, the classic average nobody that everyone below them would always consider themselves as. No. These people were culture icons, music influences and great support for all of us 'nobodies' down-below the celebrity chart.
What laid ahead of their journey would prove to be both torturous and demeaning fun that would make the average nobody laugh in hysterics, while our favorite pop culture sensation's are doing the bloody work we normally did, everyday.
The cage continued to go only up, but soon dragged along to the right and swung harshly outwards before swaying back to it's original position. The weight of the cage finally alerted and frightened a few individuals as they slowly came too.
As if the loud machinery up above didn't awake the sleepy humans beforehand, this surely sprout out some needed attention.
One guy spoke first, he was slightly overweight, but not too over the top. He looked clean cut with his hair in a pompadour fashion. His get-up wasn't all that appealing, he wore a simple bowling-alley t-shirt, and sweat pants. His first words would be what everyone's considered the most important phrase in all of recent Canadian-comedy history, "What in the fuck?!" Scowled Ricky as he tried to stand up but failed miserably before tumbling over another man, who then awoke to this rather rude awakening.
The man's face was covered by Ricky's dope-smelling leg that he shoved it off and lunged forward like a cheetah, but like Ricky, he fell over on another person. His name was Nick Schultz, and from a once-popular TV show in Australia, he was more than a little perplexed by what scene was portraying itself to be.
"Unhand me, you fool! I'll send security to bring you down!" The man's voice muffled underneath Nick Schultz who kindly got off him slowly this time. He gravitated towards the one part of the cage that wasn't covered by several other people. Nick looked around and was immediately caught off guard by what he appeared to be stuck in. The thought of being locked up in office always irritated him after long hours when he only wanted to see his wife, Zoey again. But being locked up in some cage that continuously rattled and clanked with tall trees and large cliffs scared the hell out of him.
That was when the three men saw it.
A beast of some kind, unmatched by it's unknown origin, but untamed by standard human protocol and it just sat there, sleeping. Albeit that it was of a similar psychic to a horse, but an odd color for a simple horse? Maybe a pony, but the color just wasn't catching on right. It's big eyes and colorful hair sparked interest and denial from the three individuals. Maybe the animal was spray-painted by some delinquent? Nick Schultz thought curiously, but the idea of something like that being spray-painted seemed far fetch. Maybe Cory sprayed it and left the fucking thing like this....Fucking Cory. Ricky thought amusingly, but his thought wandered as he tried to reach for his gun that usually hid behind his back, tucked nicely between his sweat pants and his shorts. Great, now colorful animals appear since I left the world for the isolation of water, now I feel real silly. Thought the mysterious man who now forgot about Nick as being a threat, but looked at this creature curiously with obvious intent on finding out about it's origins.
Then, the man dust himself off without really doing much because his suit was already far too gone. And he tried to think of something that would evoke true power and would speak of great stance to show what type of man he truly is.
"I am Andrew Ryan, or Андрей Риянофский, my original name from Russia, and to whom am I speaking to?" He then turned over to look at both Nick Schultz and Ricky who were at both ends of the cage, Ricky looked at him with a distance look of bewilderment while Nick simply stared at him suspiciously. "Fine. Both of you won't share your names, or in anyway acknowledge by peacemaker, I will continue on and simply say were trapped."
"Trapped?" Nick replied quietly, his joints suddenly feel less tense and the need to hold his balance subsided a little.
"Yes. Trapped." Andrew confirmed once more. A little brush of a smile cracked at the end of his cheeks before quickly unraveling back into his current state of tone.
"What makes you say that?" Nick pushed on.
"Just look at the current situation, and tell me why we are not?" Andrew reassured with his subtle, yet thick voice.
"What are you, the 'what comes around is all around' type?" Ricky confronted.
"What comes around is all around?" Andrew turned to him, and stared deep into his own eyes.
"Yeah, the kinds of people that only believe that the screwer will get screwed later in life." Ricky responded back, the venom burning on his tongue, he was getting frustrated by what's currently happening.
"I'm not sure I follow, but I doubt you had friends that would create this sort of entrapment to simply use as a joke." Andrew tucked his hands firmly inside his pocket. A glimmer of a chuckle was beginning to boil when the creature across from them began to make a muffled, but English-flowing word.
The trio stopped dead silent, not wanting to even breath even all but Ricky stopped their lungs from flowing. And soon enough the creature of some-sort began to speak in it's sleep.
"No, no, no Spike, go away...We work tomorrow..." Then with the snap of someone's thumbs, the creature, known as Twilight Sparkle shot herself awake when she completed her sentence.
"My papers!" she yelled aloud just before everyone immaturely screamed and toppled and stepped on the other sleepy individuals.
Twilight Sparkle herself, let out a huge scream which in turn woke up everyone else. Suddenly people were being alarmed by the screaming of a pony that could talk, and the foots of others stomping over one another.
Andrew Ryan fell backwards onto another person, who in return, elbowed Andrew's back before flipping him over and putting him in headlock. Nick Schultz was the only who tried to find a reason to comb everyone down but was met with a kick to the balls by another man who round-house kicked him into the corner of the cage. Nick gave a loud "Oof!" before coughing hysterically while trying clench his manhood tightly. Ricky got in a brawl with another man who seemed far superior than Ricky himself, but he almost got a good grip of his back with his arms under the man's chest before he used his legs to lung forward and landed on top of Ricky's stomach. The man noticed Ricky's gun from under his shirt, and swiped it out and tried to put a bullet through his head. But not before Ricky gave him a punch to the face then the man shot the gun three times which made everyone stop at a stand still before the gun slipped out of the man's hand and fell through the cracks of the cage.
"You fucking asshole! That was my last gun to, you dick!" Ricky blurted as he smashed his head and stood up and used the weight of his body and his arms to slam the guy against the cage. The guy slumped down unconscious. His name was Archer.
The other people began to sink into realization, but it would be short-lived.
"Where am I?!" Asked one female, the only other girl here besides Twilight Sparkle.
"What's your name?" Andrew asked kindly, before the man who tried choke-holding him began to give it another go.
"Alright, stop you little twat! Knock it off!" Nick Schultz roared with his voice, the German descent he was born with gave him a distinct bark that even Andrew Ryan would have to put up a good speech just to tame it down. The people and the pony looked in shock as this man made his presence all the more frightening.
The man went by the name of Michael Kelso, and some would go as far to say that he was an utter idiot. At least before Season 8.
"Alright, alright fine!" Kelso raised his arms up to indicate he was done. But Nick was far from done, he went to the man with a good packaged face and gave him a graceful slap. The slap echoed beyond the cage full of monkey's and hissed and crackled inside the trees while ascending into the sky. The woman, who went by the name of Nicki Minja yelled in hysterics before collapsing by a simple, but effective faint.
"What are you creatures!" Twilight Sparkle asked while she formed her own defensive position. Ricky, who was beside her and Archer. Pointed at her horn that began to glow this shiny purple that caught everyone's eye.
"I'm Carlos Dos Santos, and were humans! Shouldn't you know us?" Said the man who punched Nick in the balls earlier, he got up and grabbed onto a bar to hold himself from falling down.
"No! Why would I?" Twilight Sparkle replied back, then she started piecing that question together. "...Should I?"
"Well, does it occur to anyone that there is a horse talking right there!?" Kelso asked shockingly while pointing his grubby fingers right at her.
"Well does it occur to anyone that I never seen your kind before! So sorry if I am quite defensive here." Twilight retorted back. Her position not moving without a hitch.
"Well does it occur to anyone why were fucking here?!" Ricky asked aloud. "Because I don't!"
"Were trapped you fool." Andrew Ryan concurred eagerly.
"Trapped?!" Carlos intervened, his accent thick enough, and with the tone of his body he could make any women squirm for him. Human females, really.
"Yes, trapped! How many times do I have to bloody say it, you rube. Trapped!" Andrew Ryan replied back. He then reached for the bar as he lifted his upper body upwards. Knee's trembled by the weight of his own, he still managed to stand up firmly and hold his ground.
"Okay, just take it easy...I was only asking." Carlos reassured with his arms steadily moving up and down at his chest.
"Yeah, Andrew, just keep it easy. Will you?" Nick assisted, but was blown back by Andrew's sudden explosive rage. "Me keep down! How dare you use my name, and you won't even be sully enough to distinguish your own!"
"Hey listen I'm a detective, so watch your damn mouth or I'm going to really have to throw a book at you." Nick gritted his teeth as he gripped his fist into Andrew's double breasted-worn out suit. Nick's knuckles digging into Andrew's chest, he shakes it off and give him a smug look as both him and Nick stare into each others eyes.
"Yeah, we'll you both can shut up." Came a voice not from anyone else, but a device that resembled more of a ball. An annoying and insulting talking ball. But a ball nonetheless.
"Holy fuck!" Ricky yelped as he tumbled onto Archer. Soon everyone retreated into their own corners, including Twilight Sparkle who distanced herself from all the trouble that was arising in this little cage.
"It's a talking football!" Kelso yelled out as he shielded his own eyes with his hands.
Andrew lost balance as he fell over once more.
Nick Schultz and Carlos Dos Santos managed not to be as frightened this time, because how screwed up can this situation anymore get?
"What? Ever heard a talking bomb before?" The bomb rose his voice again, this time more vulgar.
"So, you're a bomb that talks like a black guy?" Ricky asked.
"Is that a problem? Racist." The bomb added offensively.
"No. That doesn't surprise me at all, actually. I've had black friends before and they were cool dudes." Ricky seemed to let loose a little, given the situation.
"Well were they bombs?" The bomb asked.
"No, but-"
"But nothing! If they weren't bombs, then why put me up as some dirty shisno!" The bomb sneered back.
"What the fuck's a shisno?" Ricky asked.
"Shisno. That's you. All of you. You're all nothing but a bunch of dirty shisno's." The bomb spoke proudly at that. His voice content with revealing the truth of the very inner human existence created by a computer from a place far, far away from here.
"Shisno, whatever the fuck. I was paying a compliment." Ricky refuted.
"Compliment?!" The bomb asked critically.
"Yeah, you know what a fucking complimen-"
"Oh, I know what a compliment is. And that is when you all shut up and stop talking. That will be my one compliment." The bomb scowled back.
"Well, if you are a bomb, what's your name?" Kelso asked dully.
"Name's Andy, what? Now do I have to start pouring my soul into you all?" The bomb hysterically shot back, but his tone was stayed still.
"No, I just wanted to know."
"Well good, now you got a reason not to talk anymore." The bomb said before shutting up.
"He's got a point, though, we should get our names in order." Nick turned one direction, and faced the dull-minded Kelso, and the up-tight Andrew Ryan, before turning to the other side and took a good look at Ricky, the dope-head, Carlos the seemingly clean cut man, Twilight Sparkle, the pony that talks. And at the two unconscious people still laying there as dead weight.
When no one step forward to tell their own names, Carlos attempted to gear everyone together.
"Come on everybody, we all need to do this, so lets get it out of the way and then we can fix our next problem." Carlos spoke enthusiastically while still keeping an honest expression on his face.
The cage creaked again, and the loud thud caused the cage to start unraveling at the chains above which held it in the air.
"My name is Twilight Sparkle." Said Twilight Sparkle, she now no longer felt endangered but still kept her guard up.
"My name is Carlos, which you all know already." Carlos reassured.
"I'm Andrew Ryan."
"I'm Nick Schultz, a detective."
"My names Ricky, and I sell drugs for a living."
"Now, why do you go and say that?" Nick rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead in the face of stress.
"What? I sell the best dope in all of Sunnyvale, it's by far the best. Just ask my daughter Trinity and my girlfriend Lucy."
"Oh please....not the children..." Nick shook his head disappointingly.
"My name is Michael Kelso," he said, before adding, "And I work at a Strip-club."
"Hmph. Not bad, at least you aren't doing things Illegally." Nick added gracefully. Eyeing Ricky closely.
"So, what now?" Ricky asked impatiently, "Are we just going to fucking sit here, or are we going to escape this contraction. Because I would like to get home."
"What about those two guys?" Carlos nodded towards the unconscious people.
"You mean the one Ricky knocked out like it was a brawl at a bar?" Nick grinned spitefully. He turned to sit down and patiently waited for a democratic agreement.
"Hey, up-yours tropical earthquake." Ricky raised his arm outward and gave Nick the middle-finger.
"It's pretty hot here, guys, shouldn't we cool it down with the fighting?" Carlos continued to be the neutral figure in the group.
"Oh I see how it is, huh?" Ricky middle-fingered both Andrew Ryan and Nick Schultz while he raised his arms high and proud. "It's a gorilla see, gorilla do with sippy and garfuckel over there." Andrew and Nick annoyingly turn away to not be a part of Rick's scrutiny.
"Hey suck my cock, Andrew, you fucking skinny little weasel. I'm serious. I had enough of this shit." Ricky grew more anxious with each sentence.
Andrew just turned away and scratched the back of his neck oddly. Not wanting to delve into further hostility from other people.
"Okay, Ricky, you are going to need to be quiet here, because we all need to figure out what to do with these two people." Carlos added, trying to keep a civil tongue with the ever increasingly-hostile Rick.
"Fine." He finally receded from this useless debate.
"Okay, now, I have to be really honest here...." Staring at Twilight. "I have never seen a talking animal before, and you probably never seen a talking human, or human's in general. But where I come from, we don't see animal's talking, so I just have to tell you that this is really odd."
Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath and understood that this man, this thing, this so-called human being was only being thoughtful, and considerate of their situation. She somewhat hesitated, but decided to carry on with her own personal thoughts also.
"Thank you for being very generous, more considerate than others, actually..." She struggled, but managed to give it another go after swallowing a hard ball of saliva down her throat. "I mean, to be fair, I don't know you humans, but you are being very sincere about this predicament. So I'll be fine if you take charge."
"Me? Take charge?! I don't think so, I-"
"Yeah, lets not dwell further into this, okay, we have to think of everyone here alright." Nick Schultz intervened. Standing back up, he slowly begins to move closer to the group.
"Hold on, I didn't even get to make a collective decision in this process!" Andrew Ryan scowled back.
"And me too, like hello? Were here too!" Kelso remarked convincingly.
"Thanks, Kelso." And immediately Andrew Ryan regretted uttering those very words to somebody like him.
"No problem, chief." Kelso playfully recoiled.
"Wait, guys, I never said I was in charge." Carlos reminded all of them.
"Well, I hope not, we need a constructive team with our own set tasks!"
"And what's yours, lounging off a beef patty you beluga whale." Ricky seethed at Andrew Ryan.
"Didn't you say I was skinny?" Andrew questioned Ricky's logic.
But then Andy refueled his intense dislike for this bunch of random's by threatening them with the ultimate death of all time."Okay guys shut up, I fucking had it with you dirty shisno's! You want me to blow myself up right now?! Because I can do that, 10-15 megatons of sheer death is sitting inches away from all of you." Andy unleashed his anger on the dwindling peace-treaty between this bunch of dirty shisno's. "And you don't even notice how close to death you guys are!"
"Jesus fuck I forgot about that damn bomb!" Nick yelled out as he backed away. Gripping his hand onto Andrew's shoulder, who in return shoved him off viciously.
"Okay, there is nine of us here, including Andy the bomb. And we have to-"
"Including?! Finally, chef-boy-ar-dee here! You include the one bomb into your discussion!"
"What are you all about, bowling ball, supply and command?!" Ricky ripped at Andy some more.
"Not dealing with your ass, pudgy."
"Why don't you refuckulate why were all having this meeting in the first place?" Ricky jumped up and yelled back at the bomb.
"Tread your territory, Richard. You won't be disappointed what I in store for you once I'm finished with everyone else."
Despite the threat, Ricky was about to continue when Carlos told him off. "SHUT UP, RICKY!"
"Okay, were going to wake those two up, alright?!" Carlos called out to see if anyone would disagree. Not really acknowledging Ricky, at all.
Everyone nodded.
Carlos, hunched over and started tapping the lady who fainted earlier. "She's not waking, probably tired of exhaustion."
"Tired?! She just screamed, she didn't do anything more productive than scream." Andy retorted.
"Bomb, would you please be quiet." Twilight Sparkle asked kindly, though the tone of her voice was sharp.
"Why? Because I have to listen to a horse talk, it should mean I need to be quiet? Respect your wishes..."
"No. It means that I don't want anything to happen because I have an obligation to help the people here too, you know."
"You ever tell an architect to design a women? He would say, 'no. It's not safe...' you know why, because she'd be freezing and starving in certain area's! Ha-ha-ha!" Andy laughed and just continued laughing while disregarding Twilight Sparkle's empathetic reason to help others.
Everyone looked at Andy, and simply could not give a shit at that moment.
"What?! Ever heard of Whitney Cumming's Bleep Show?! It's a blast! Too bad I was made hundreds of years in the future, but hey, if you want to lighten things up, we could talk about Whitney Cumming!"
"Wait, your from the future?" Andrew asked Andy sincerely.
"Yeah, and it ain't all that different from now. Except that I was with a different set of people, and they weren't all that different personality. But the situation was sure different. More guns and military related." Andy remind, and you can tell by the tone of his voice that he didn't give too much of a shit for the people he used to hang with.
"Did Earth get destroyed? Did my civilization thrive and help re-build the world into a new?!" Andrew Ryan's eyes glimmered with intensity as his body raised upward and he got down on his knee's and moved closer to the bomb to get his all-time response.
"Well, the world certainly changed. But I don't follow."
"Alright, enough! We've talked long enough, we need to get going because we can't stay here all-"
Just then, two thirds of the chains finally snapped. Only one thin line kept the cage together, but now the bottom half on the side with Twilight, Ricky, Archer, Andy, Nicki and Andrew started opening. The floor creaked, and soon a big ripping sound ensued. Then half of the floor tore itself open, and suddenly Twilight was the first to fall, luckily though, with her wings she stride up towards the other half of the unbroken floor, and latched on to it with her hooves. Carlos and Ricky both grabbed her and pulled her up. Nick grabbed Archer by the legs, and that was when he awoke and uttered another beautiful set of comical words to the enduring story. "WHOA! HOLY SHIT!" Archer flailed his arms all over the air, Nick tried telling him to calm down. Andrew attempted to reach Nicki Minaj while Kelso went to fetch Andy the bomb. Unfortunately Andrew Ryan was far too slow and he narrowly missed Nicki Minaj as his fingers slipped from her waist and she fell over and and out the cage unto the ground below.
Everyone could here Nicki Minaj scream while she fell to her death. Her hippo-arse being the last thing any of them ever saw.
Finally, with great struggle, Twilight Sparkle was the first to come up. Then Andy was second, finally Ricky came to help Nick to get Archer back up, and that was when Carlos noticed a time of some-sort. It relayed the numbers 1 - 19. He didn't know the meaning of it, but before he could register his thoughts to others...
The cage held up by one final chain, collapsed and soon the cage fell over a hundred-fifty feet down to the ground.
In another part of the jungle, there was another cage identified with numbers similar to what the first group experienced. This time it was 3 - 19. Everyone was alive this time. But the group was far more sinister than the last.
One man didn't know it yet, but he was about to be involved in another crisis that will forever seal the fate of the people/ponies/aliens/robots stuck on this planet. And this would either make or break the lives on this planet.
Author's Note
Wonderland
Red Vs. Blue
Blue Heelers
Bioshock
Trailer Park Boys
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
That 70's Show
and special guest; Nicki Minaj
This story is going to have a plot, yes. But it shall be a plot filled here is going to be random, and funny at times. Really, the direction of the story is similar to how Red. Vs. Blue handles their situations. And that is usually by talking more than working. Expect the story to follow under opinionated people/ponies/aliens/robots.
