Before this mess escalates any further I've decided I need to go on record about the events leading up to and shortly after my arrival here in Equestria.

My name is Valentino Brugato.

I worked previously as a Homicide Detective for the Holdridge City Police Department. On Earth, which may be an important clarification.

Preceding the major events surrounding my arrival I was abducted and brutalized by members of a criminal syndicate that previously operated out of the city of Holdridge.

Which leads us to the events in question. I will do my best to provide a detailed account of these events from my perspective... Provided that Princess Twilight Sparkle stops hovering over my shoulder.

--

I woke up to a blistering pain that was shooting all through my body. I was so disoriented that I could barely think.

"'Ey, the Dick's rousin'. 'Ow's that 'ole comin'?"

My hands felt something smooth. I could even feel it on the back of my neck. The smooth material was lining the box I was in. I could also feel something sticky on the side of my face.

"Just a few more shovelfuls! Then this hole will be good and ready for the big dick to go in! Ha!"

I saw the night sky. I wasn't able to see many stars. There were some skeletal structures all around me, reaching up as high as they could. Buildings barely started. It all vanished when someone quite large leaned over me.

"I'll just knock 'im one. Keep 'im from gettin' too fussy."

"Wait."

I could hear footsteps accompanied by the sound of digging. The Large One stopped leaning over me and made his own footsteps away from me. He was replaced by a shorter and pudgier figure.

"He needs a proper send off. You have my respect Brugato. One of a kind spectacle, right here in Holdridge. An inspiration to law and order. You deserve better than this certainly, but I just can't risk the mess. So you'll just have to disappear. Sorry Detective."

There was pain again, sharp on the side of my head. I heard something slam just before blacking out.

--

For a while I dipped in and out of consciousness.

When I was completely awake again it was dark, cramped and silent. I could still feel that smooth lining with my hands. I was rapidly becoming aware of my situation. My aching head and body wasn't able to distract me anymore. I was taken, beaten, bloodied and then buried.

Fear gripped me hard. Despite the cramped casket I started slamming my knuckles against the roof of the coffin. I was screaming wildly as I did it. Panic was having it's way with me.

Letmeout.

It wasn't helpful, all I was doing was bloodying my knuckles and sucking up all the air so I could scream. I didn't have many other choices though. I would not quietly sit and await death in that box. Fight death to the bitter end, even if fighting just brings death faster.

Iwillnotdie.

My knuckles were raw and bleeding heavily, but I could feel the wood crack and splinter. It gave me desperate hope and allowed me to just keep slamming my fists tirelessly into the ceiling of my coffin. I would not stop, even when the splinters dug into my wounded knuckles. Again and again and again.

LetmeoutletmeoutletmeoutIwillnotdieletmeoutIwillnotdie.

However long I was at it was too long. I couldn't focus on anything else except those cracks in the coffin. My voice was just about gone so I gave up on screaming and just focused on pounding on the ceiling.

Despite my focus I couldn't ignore a great shift in the weight on my coffin. I punched the ceiling a few times and even that sounded different. Then I heard it, faint and muffled but I heard voices. Hope and fear hopped up into my throat with my heart and got all kinds of freaky. I froze, desperately listening to those voices. I couldn't hope to make out any words but that didn't stop me trying.

A few different voices went back and forth for a little while. Five... maybe six. When it ended I suddenly felt a tingle on the back of my neck and just like that the lid of my coffin was ripped off. The fresh air that hit me felt amazing.

The first thing I noticed was the night sky. There were stars glittering and dancing all over the darkness. I couldn't see much else but I could hear movement. A brief moment of clarity reminded me of my lighter, just inside my jacket pocket with my cigarettes. When I ignited the small flame I had another brief moment of clarity. The lighter didn't actually help that much, my vision was hazy I still couldn't see anything.

After I snuffed the flame I decided to do my job and investigate. When I tried to move more than just my arms pain shot all through me. But drawing on the fear induced adrenaline in my system I managed to get to my feet. The hole was shallow, more so than I thought it should be. Surrounding the hole however were several figures. I blinked a few times but all my hazy eyes could see in the darkness were blobs of color.

With no plan of action I did the first thing that came to mind. I faced a few of the colorful blobs, raised one hand in a short wave and said, "Yo."

Two voices screamed. In my peripheral I saw a blue blur and then... sharp pain in the side of my head followed by darkness. Again.

--

The concussions were getting old really fast. When I reclaimed consciousness for a third time my vision had improved but I was much more uncomfortable. I was in a well lit room and I could hear voices mumbling to each other. I tried to move and found myself restrained. Looking down I saw that thick rope strapped me to a table that had been propped up so that I was vertical.

My overall physical condition wasn't much better. I was bloody, heavily bruised all over and probably worse off where I couldn't see. Also nude. The situation did not instill me with hope. I could feel the fear from before start to creep into me again as my heart started to pound rapidly in my chest.

"Ah'm just sayin' he's not lookin' too good."

The voices were increasing in volume, I looked around for the source. The room itself was nicely lit and there were a lot of books in a cozy wood interior. I could also hear the soft roar of a fire. It would have been comforting if I wasn't restrained.

"I understand that, but when it comes to any sort of undiscovered creature I just don't want to take any risks."

It didn't take much more searching to find the source of the voices. Disbelief flashed through my head for a moment before I tried to analyze what I was looking at. Three very colorful figures, quadrupeds, much bigger than say a large dog, they were hoofed too. They faced away from me. One was orange, one was purple and the other was... blue.

"Pfft. What risk? He went down in just one shot!"

Well, that answered one question.

"And Ah'm sure it had nothin' to do with him already bein' plenty beat up."

Two of them had feathery wings from what I could tell, that threw me off for a bit. Each of them had markings on their rear ends. I thought it may have been some tribal or cultural thing. They seemed plenty intelligent.

"Girls please, I just want to do a thorough examination before we take any chances."

The Orange One, who had the most sympathy for my battered state backed down and my fear became more pronounced. I was going to be trapped her, strung up, poked and prodded by these things for who knows how long. My body was in agony and I knew the pain wasn't going away any time soon.

Letmego.

"I just don't believe you don't have a book or something that'll just tell you what he is," the Blue One stated while wandering over to a bookshelf seemingly at random.

"I've already studied every bestiary in the library. There's not even the smallest reference to whatever he is. As far as I know there isn't anything quite like him in all of Equestria."

Equestria? As in a–

"Certainly not in Ponyville anyway."

I was starting to get a clue as to what I was dealing with.

Letmego.

Despite all the new information I was not reassured that my situation was going to get any better. They didn't seem cruel at a glance, but they weren't letting me go. I couldn't fly into a full panic this time though, I had options. I could speak with them, surprising as that was. I pushed down the fear, kept my face stiff and solid. Then I loudly cleared my throat.

My throat was still a bit raw after all the screaming and I immediately wished I picked a better way to get their attention. But it worked. Each one of them stiffened up for a moment before turning around to face me and I just about lost my cool.

Now I have my weaknesses, strange as they are, and if I wasn't under that particular set of circumstances my heart would have melted when I saw those adorable faces. From my assumptions I was expecting worse. Those great big sparkling eyes of theirs, those cute little muzzles and large fuzzy ears. I was stumped for words really. The Purple One had a little horn. It was sickeningly adorable.

"Yo."

Not really as elegant as I had planned but given what I was looking at I decided to fall back on my old standby. My face was still a stiff and cold mask that was trying to hide my pounding heart and growing anxiety.

We all remained silent for a good few moments before the Orange One awkwardly spoke, "He, ah... sure doesn't look too happy now does he?" Before I could even think my mouth was open

"I think if you were strung up here you wouldn't be too happy either." There was plenty of irritation in my voice even though I tried to keep my tone as even as possible. I already had doubts about the success of this diplomatic mission.

At hearing me talk in a complete sentence the Purple One let out a little squeal. From what I could tell a thousand thoughts started flying through her head. She started pacing back and forth a little between the other two. Those two were looking between the Purple One and me with a shocked look on their faces.

Whatever they were expecting I don't think they thought it would be conversation. I couldn't blame them, if I hadn't been listening to them converse for a little while I wouldn't have thought we could talk at all. Also, I guess 'Yo' isn't a very good indicator of intelligent speech or thought.

After pacing a little bit the Purple One stopped in front of me. She matched my hard stare with her own. Unfortunately her voice stumbled a bit when she spoke, "Wh-who are you?"

I had expected something along those lines and I was able to answer instantly, "Detective Valentino Brugato." Her shocked expression returned. I gave out my occupation to help fill out the who of her question. I didn't know if it would mean anything to her but by the look on her face I think it did. It looked like a thousand more questions were about to flood her head but before she was too distracted I fired the question back at her, "Who are you?"

She stumbled a bit, probably just caught off guard by this entire interaction. "Tw-... Princess Twilight Sparkle," she managed to throw in her own title at the last second. I was probably more shocked to find out she was a princess than she was to find out I was a detective. But I was already fighting back overwhelming fear and anxiety, it didn't take much else to suppress that shock to just a slight raise of my eyebrow.

I let silence hang there for a moment, just long enough to get a little awkward. I started to speak again just before Twilight Sparkle had time to think of her next question, "Well, Your Highness, I have to admit I'm not doing too well," I softened my expression a bit to punctuate the point. "Being strung up like this really isn't helping. I was hoping maybe, that you would consider letting me down," I said as smoothly and nicely as I could manage.

Twilight Sparkle looked down. "Um... well..." She hesitated.

She hesitated.

LETMEGOLETMEGOLETMEGOLETMEGOLETMEGOLETMEGO

Everything I was holding back was just about to come flying out of my mouth. But before I could even move against my restraints I was distracted by a loud gasp.

It didn't come from any of the three in front of me. I craned my neck and looked towards a door I never heard open. It was a yellow one, yellow with long pink hair and tail. She also had wings. She was staring straight at me with great big blue eyes. Shock and pity was all over her face. She had the handle to a red and white box in her mouth, which she quickly dropped. Her eyes snapped to the other three "What did you do?" she said. Her voice was quiet and breathy but boy did she still sound mad.

Twilight immediately tried to defend herself, "W-we were just making sure that he wouldn't be able to hurt anypony when he woke up!" The Yellow One sighed slightly before picking the box back up and trotting over to me. She sat it down next to me and looked up at me again. I stared back down at her, I tried to keep my expression as stiff as possible. She just smiled.

"Aw, what makes you think that he could hurt anypony?" the Yellow One said with a much happier inflection.

Twilight Sparkle seemed exasperated, "We don't know what he is! He could be very dangerous!"

The Yellow one just frowned, "He's terrified," she said sternly. I wasn't the only one shocked by her perception. "And he's badly injured." All of us were stunned into silence by her observations and the Yellow One just kept making them.

"His leg is broken," her wings started to flap and the Yellow One fluttered in the air in front of me. She prodded my ribs and I winced. "Some of his ribs are broken too. Cuts.. bruises... scrapes... oh my..." she fluttered all around me, with every injury her tone got sadder. Then she was above me, looking at my head. Her front hooves delicately touched my head and she gently started moving my head around. A few times she would use her hoof to lightly push my messy black hair out of the way. I was happy to let her do what she wanted. I was willing to take anything resembling some kind of medical examination. "Three... no, F-four! Four different head injuries! Oh dear..." That sounded about right.

The Yellow One touched back down on the ground next to where I was strung up. "He couldn't hurt anypony even if he wanted to and I'm sure he would never want to even if he could," the Yellow One said. She was smiling up at me again, trying to reassure me. I nodded weakly back down at her. Her smile grew slightly and she looked back at Twilight Sparkle who, after hearing the Yellow One list every visible and not quite so visible injury of mine , was looking quite depressed with he ears splayed back and eyes cast down. "I think you should let him down so we can help him." The Yellow One stated nicely.

"...Right," Twilight Sparkle nodded and her horn started to glow dimly. I felt that tingle again, I also felt my restraints loosening... all at once. Pain shot through my broken leg as I hit the floor. I clenched my teeth and growled through the pain. I was on my hands and knees pain sparking out from my leg and my broken knees as well. But I was free. My fear washed away and I felt so much relief that I could cry.

My forehead was touching the floor, but I still reached over to the Yellow one who was at my side. My fingers lightly brushed through her soft coat and my palm pressed gently into her side.

"You're my new favorite." I said with a small grin.

Author's Note

Hey, thanks for reading.