Trailer Park Ponies

On a hospital bed, in a hospital room, in a hospital, in an absurd nation populated by shiny horse creatures with mythical appendages and an impressive level of naivety, lay a distressed Bubbles. It was quiet, save for his own breath and the sound of a heart rate monitor from somewhere in the distance. He wasn't sure where he was, why he was there, or why he felt so uncomfortable scratching his head. His face was plastered into an expression of shock and concern, eyes wide and frown firm but worried.

He moved his head for the first time, looking to the right. He immediately looked back at the ceiling, because he really didn't like what he had seen. It looked kind of like a weird blend between a dog, a horse and a box of candy, but it had wings too. It was yellow and pink, was all the detail he could gather from his shocked glance. He slowly looked back toward it, but his breath was more rapid this time. Yes, it was definitely alive. He knew because just before he made eye contact with it, it was looking at him. As soon as he tried to return that gesture, it jolted its eyes away, trying to act like it hadn't been staring. One of its eyes, anyway. The other was obscured by its long, pink hair.

Bubbles looked at it a moment longer, his distressed nose breathing become vocalized for a couple instants, before he returned to staring at the ceiling, and refused to say anything. For a while it remained that way. Bubbles' mind was racing, on matters of being watched in his sleep by a weird monster horse, and of why he was sleeping in a hospital in the first place. Meanwhile, said monster horse was also very anxious. She knew that she had disturbed the patient, and she felt like it was important to apologize, but on the other hand she couldn't bring herself to utter a single phoneme. It remained this way for a very long time, in fact.

Until the doorframe to the hallway was suddenly filled with form, rather than translucent air. Bubbles was shocked, and terrified to see yet another of these beasts appear in the jam, this one an assailing pink, through and through. With hair that had the apparent density of hydrogen gas, in its tangled glory. Then it did something that nearly put Bubbles back into a comatose state.

"Hiyaa Fluttershy! How's that wing doouuiii--" It had spoken, and now it was looking directly at Bubbles with an impossibly large stare. "WHO ARE YOU?!" The creature demanded in a gleeful and ecstatic tone. bolting over to the side of the cart distributor's bed, and bearing down on him.
Bubbles was hyperventilating, and he finally said something. "What in sweet fuck is happening?" He asked the sky.

"Oh dear..." The one addressed as Fluttershy murmured from her adjacent hospital bed.

The pink one gasped in shock, almost as still as Bubbles had been an hour ago. "Holy ravioli, I thought we were TV Y!"

Bubbles was a bit less terrified, and a bit more confused now. "I'm high as fuck. aren't I?"

"Shhhhususshhh!" The pink thing put its hoof over Bubbles' mouth, and he recoiled in caution. "We're not supposed to... Oh, wait!"

"What is it, Pinkie?" Fluttershy asked quietly.

"Medium's different, I guess we can swear now." She shrugged, and then took a deep breath and opened her mouth wide.

"Pinkie, please don't." Fluttershy asked politely.

"But I've never gotten to before!"

Bubbles had shrunken away, and begun to slide off the bed inconspicuously. Soon after he hit the floor, he began crawling toward the door. However, as soon as he placed a frontal limb in front of his face, he shouted in horror.

"Holy frisky fuck! I'm a fucking pirate!" He screamed, brandishing his handless arm.
At that moment a nurse burst into the room, a frantic haze over her eyes and anxiety in her voice. She was carrying several implements of medicine, and then stared Bubbles down menacingly.
"What's going on in here?" She demanded. "I've got 8 CCs of sedative and I'm not afraid to use it!" She pointed the needle at Bubbles, without making any physical contact to the device.

That shut everyone up. They all kind of stared at the nurse with a worrisome expression, save for Bubbles who looked frozen in fear on the floor. He was fucking confused, as one might have presumed. But now he felt threatened so he sat there, motionless, and waited for someone else to do or say something. It took a while, but eventually the nurse spoke up.

"Sorry." Her glare faltered. "I've just been... Going through some stuff, lately." She dropped the needle away from Bubbles. "I apologize for this being so stressful for you, Ponyville Hospital is supposed to be a calm environment to recuperate in. If you'd like to get back in your bed I should check up on you."

Bubbles was still scared, confused, and suspicious. He shook his head violently, and slid backward against the wall from the nurse, while Pinkie pursed her lips in sympathy at him. Then Fluttershy rolled off her bed gently, with a barely audible "Uhm..." and walked over to Bubbles. At first he scurried away from her too, but then she smiled at him softly.

"I... I was there when they brought you in. You were completely catatonic." She explained, while the nurse idly inspected the bandage around her wing and torso. "I was really worried you might not even wake up."

The yellow, winged creature reached out to place a hoof on Bubbles shoulder, her previous anxiety apparently evaporated by sympathy, or duty. As soon as contact was made, Bubbles seemed to calm down notably. When it looked like the nurse might interrupt, Pinkie place a hoof on her shoulder and whispered in her ear. "This is her thing, just let it happen." The nurse stepped down with a nod.

"Please let them take care of you, I'm sure nothing bad will happen." The yellow coated pegasus finished.

Bubbles was now internally conflicted, because he definitely felt compelled to do as this thing asked of him. Now that he saw her up close, she looked kind of cute in an alien way, and Bubbles always had a soft spot for little, fluffy animals. Meanwhile, he still had no idea where he was, his hand was missing, and he had just been threatened by the very nurse who wanted to check up on him. After a second of bartering with himself, he came to a conclusion.
"Well, alright..." He said with a sigh. "But someone's gotta tell me what the fack is goin' on around here, and who's lookin' after my kitties?"

And so, the attempted explanation on the part of the pastel cartoons ensued, taking a long time. This was mostly at the fault of Bubbles, who kept interrupting with obscene exclamations of disbelief.

Meanwhile, Julian had been cantering along the streets of the strange town. It felt odd using his forelimbs for support, and he was certain he looked like a total idiot. However, the populace clearly disagreed, for they paid him little mind. The town itself was a sideshow, everything was wonky and silly looking. The most serious thing Julian had seen was a massive tree, and that had windows and a door cut into it. But it looked more fantastic than silly, at least. Since he had no leads to go on, and the first pony he had asked where he could get a drink from had told him that they’d be happy to introduce him to the town with a cup of tea, he was left to poke at everything in sight. At random.

The tree was curious enough to investigate. At the front door, Julian shifted his weight to stand on three legs, and then thumped the door only half angrily with his off hoof. In seconds, the door opened, and a purple unicorn was standing before him. She was lazily tracing the lines of a hefty book, and only half recognized the stranger’s presence.

“Hey,” Julian started. “What is this place?”

The purple unicorn, likely mare, glanced up for the first time. “O-oh. You’re new here, then?” She seemed embarrassed all of a sudden. “I’m so sorry, I was just expecting Spike back with the cider, not a stranger like yourself!” The way she emphasized stranger, and visually appraised Julian tipped him off quickly. He wasn’t sure exactly what the standards of appearance were to these beasts, but he figured he must have an equivalent physique to his human form.

He made a show of lowering his knocking hoof, aware of the creases in his black shirt shifting around his bulk. “Hang on, did you say cider?”

She was fairly skilled at composure, hiding any subtle impulses she may have had. “Yes, of course. My friend, Applejack, makes and preserves it herself. It would only be fair of me to invite you in for a taste, to welcome you to town. I’m Twilight Sparkle, by the way.” She grinned.

The name felt sickeningly sweet in Julian’s mind as he echoed it mentally. “I’d love to.” He agreed to the proposition. “I’m Julian.”

A lucky stroke. He’d finally located an easy path to at least one drink. To be honest, he had started to theorize alcohol simply didn’t exist in this fucked up world. Cider, of course, was Julian’s sixth favourite drink. He really wanted a rum and coke, but it should do. Especially homebrew, if this Applejack was as skilled as her namesake implied.

As Twilight turned to usher Julian in, still occasionally glancing at the book to read a sentence or two forward, he noticed something peculiar. She had wings. A horn and wings. He’d not noted any others like that.

He was about to ask, but thought better of it. Perhaps it was common knowledge exactly what that meant, and he didn’t want to come off as foreign. Though he suspected his name played a large role in giving that away.

“This is Ponyville Library, and my makeshift abode.” Twilight chuckled. “If you need any reading or research material, this is the place of course. Spike will be back sometime soon, if he doesn't get distracted…” She was rambling, but caught herself. “So, Julian.” She stated the name heavily, like she were weighing it on her tongue. As she sat down on one of the reading chairs on the main floor, she continued. “Where are you from, what brings you to Ponyville?”

“Oh man.” Julian stalled. “Long… Story. I’m just trying to get my bearings for now, at least while I wait to visit my friend in the hospital.”

“Your friend's in the hospital?” Twilight commented in shock.

Julian nodded. “No idea why though. He just went catatonic on the road about 3 minutes out of town.” That sounded suspicious, he needed to follow up. “He was probably just too excited to finally be here. Bubs is easily shocked.” That put her curiosity down.

“Well, I’ve never had to visit myself. But my friend Rainbow Dash spent a good while in there. Recovered quickly, and enjoyed it so much she tried to break back in after!” She laughed, and Julian followed suit. Mostly to keep in good standing with her. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, especially if it's something he’s had and recovered from before.”

“I’m cautiously optimistic, but I trust your doctors are good at what they do.”

The ex-man looked around and was astounded, simply bewildered. The entirety of the tree was hollow, and carved to make rooms, walls, and shelves. Hundreds of shelves, packed with books.

Scanning, he then saw something of use, a globe. Immediately he got up and inspected it, both trying to learn what he could and find a plausible origin for him and his friends.

Griffon lands? He was no griffon. Minotaur kingdom? Also no good. Equestria… That had to be the nation he was in. He scanned over the visible cities hoping to get an answer before he was asked.

“We’re in Ponyville, obviously. Just west of the capital, down the railway.” Twilight chirped happily. Just in time, a name jumped out at him, and she asked. “Find your hometown?”

“Hollow Shades.” It sounded like Sunnyvale, kinda.

Twilight deadpanned, confused. “The… Batpony village?”

Bat… pony? Jesus fuck. He thought.

“Yeah, I-- Adopted. Old bat took care of me like a grandson, you know.”

Twilight’s confusion bubbled into sympathy. “Aww, that’s so nice. The nocturnal barrier is so often a social barrier, its wonderful to hear about things like that.

Your name is a bit strange, no offense, even for Hollow Shades. Do you know where you got it?”

Keep it vague, almost screwed up once already. “No clue. Granny always said she just picked me up off some travelers who couldn’t care for me anymore.”

Twilight was about to sympathize further, when the door was thrust open. On the other side was an exhausted, foot tall wizard carrying two crates of bottles. Immediately it dropped them on the floor inside, and bolted up to the mare.

“Twilight, you gotta come quick! Some maniac’s going crazy at the orchard!”

“Well, what exactly are they doing?” Twilight was shocked, but composed.

“AJ caught him and a raccoon trying to burn a bush down, or something. Now he’s screaming and-- and breaking stuff!”

Julian closed his eyes and groaned. “Ricky you dumb f… Bastard.” Even the backup curse put Twilight off.

“That's my… Brother. Take me there.”

“I can teleport us, if it's an emergency. Get close, both of you.”

And so she prepared to translocate the three of them.